Posts Tagged ‘until’


Today, I was giving one of the best presents, ever. This was a present from my retired grandma and she didn’t have to spend much money at all! She made the perfect example of putting her heart into the gift instead of a lot of money! The gift is a butterscotch pie!

   I have always loved her pies, especially the butterscotch pudding pie. She made it one year for a dessert and I will tell you that I almost ate all the pie, myself. I remember from that day, I told my grandma that I only wanted that pie for Christmas, nothing more. She was happy about this since she didn’t have a lot of money to spend, and every year she would make me the best pie in the world. 


This changed a few years back when I stopped going to family gatherings because of internal family issues. I know if I would have gone there would have been more fights, so I took myself out of the situation. After all, holidays are made for loving not drama!

 But this year was different. We wanted to see my grandma and she wanted to see Ariel and I. This is when I made the joke, to my dad, that I would if she makes me the famous pie. He sent a quick text back saying that she would. I was joking, but now I can hit two huge birds with one small amount of a day. I was excited, but we couldn’t decide which day to go! This is when we decided on tonight, but since I worked those plans were cancelled. But it’s my dad’s bday, so we told him to come over for dinner. This was the plan; we would have him over and eat then watch movies. That way we got to at least see him on his birthday. 

   When he got to the house, he brought in two pans. I was unsure what they were, but I had a hunch of what it was. He handed me the pies and told me to enjoy. I was so overjoyed that I began to eat them minutes before dinner. I must say; she makes some amazing pies! 
Now, after eating the pie, I can’t wait to see her! She showed that she cared enough to make the pies. So now I will hold my end of the bargain and go to her house on Christmas Eve! I really can’t wait to see her and thank her for the pies. Also, give her this amazing gift Ariel and I got her! But the main thing is; She makes amazing Fing pies!!!! 

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Hi there, 

  How are you doing? I am glad to hear that. You must be excited for the holidays, I know I surely am! I can’t wait for the special day when we get to open presents! It’s going to be great this year. Would you like to know why? I really hope you said yes, or this might be awkward for you. 

  Oh crap! I always forget to tell people my name. Hello, my name is Lennon. I am currently one of the top Elves at the N. Pole. This is a great job because we get new jobs every year. This is what I have to talk to you about. Santa says that I need to “reach out” to promote what I do. This is where you’re needed. I am a sex slave and I need you to subscribe. 

  I need the numbers…it’s really freaking important. If I don’t the numbers, Santa says I can’t come inside. Do you know how cold it is here? Of course you don’t, it’s F…… Cold…. So please just take a second and give me a chance. I have a lot to offer! 

  You might want to know what I can do? Well I can bend all the way back, I can fetch, I’m a great singer, I have a sexy dancing body! I can do things with my tongue that even girls can’t do. Overall, I am a full package. Oh did I tell you I can clean, pay bills, and I’m great with children! I am what every single wants, so why not give me a flipping chance? 

   If you give me that one chance, I promise that you won’t want to give me back. It doesn’t even have to be about sex, I am warm blooded, so we can cuddle and you would love it! I think I’m selling it, let’s talk about the application and costs.
  For the applications; we only need your name, number, address, recent std test, and a valid credit card. All information is confidential and we shred it when you return me!!! No problem with saftey here:)
   Now, I know you are paying for Christmas, so I will give you a HUGE discount. Usually, I am $19.99 for 1month. But with it being so close to Christmas, I am going to pay for over 50%. You will only be paying $5.99 for the rest of this month and the entire month of January. That is a huge deal, one that you can’t pass up! What are you waiting for? Oh you need the number. That’s right!!!!  1-800-sex-elf1

Call, I will be waiting 😉


I love the Christmas season, or holiday season. The way that peoples eyes glitter in the presence of all their gifts and their loved ones warms my heart. The part that I love probably the most is the stockings. Who doesn’t want a sock full of wonderful small gifts?!? I love my stockings. This year I got one with the Letter “B” on it. That is because my name is Blake, well no crap right? Anyways I want to let everyone know what I expect in the stocking this year.

Hot sauce- Who couldn’t use hot sauce. I use hot sauce on everything! Even peanut butter and jelly. I use hot sauce in the shower. You name it and I use it there. But it has gotten expensive for the good stuff.

Any card games- I want you guys to know that I am actually a closet Yu-gi-oh player and recently I sold all of my cards, so I need you guys to buy me more. Pokémon is a option, but magic is not welcomed. I don’t get magic -.V

Surge- Only a few of you know about my crazy addiction to Surge. If you don’t know what Surge is, die! But anyways, I am talking kegs of Surge. If it wont fit, then wrap it! I am not that picky.

Money- I want all the money that you can give. I need it to play monopoly. I hide the good stuff up my sleeve during games in order to get the upper hand on my foes. So give me monopoly money!

Candy- If I don’t get kandy this Christmas this year, I will freaking cry. You really don’t want me to cry. Remember that giant flood back in New Orleans, that was because I didn’t get my candy.

Anything else that you can think of is welcomed, except fruit or veggies. I am not that healthy. So this Christmas I will be waiting!

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Stocking stuffers
I love the Christmas season, or holiday season. The way that peoples eyes glitter in the presence of all their gifts and their loved ones warms my heart. The part that I love probably the most is the stockings. Who doesn’t want a sock full of wonderful small gifts?!? I love my stockings. This year I got one with the Letter “B” on it. That is because my name is Blake, well no crap right? Anyways I want to let everyone know what I expect in the stocking this year.

Hot sauce- Who couldn’t use hot sauce. I use hot sauce on everything! Even peanut butter and jelly. I use hot sauce in the shower. You name it and I use it there. But it has gotten expensive for the good stuff.

Any card games- I want you guys to know that I am actually a closet Yu-gi-oh player and recently I sold all of my cards, so I need you guys to buy me more. Pokémon is a option, but magic is not welcomed. I don’t get magic -.V

Surge- Only a few of you know about my crazy addiction to Surge. If you don’t know what Surge is, die! But anyways, I am talking kegs of Surge. If it wont fit, then wrap it! I am not that picky.

Money- I want all the money that you can give. I need it to play monopoly. I hide the good stuff up my sleeve during games in order to get the upper hand on my foes. So give me monopoly money!

Candy- If I don’t get kandy this Christmas this year, I will freaking cry. You really don’t want me to cry. Remember that giant flood back in New Orleans, that was because I didn’t get my candy.

Anything else that you can think of is welcomed, except fruit or veggies. I am not that healthy. So this Christmas I will be waiting!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude