Posts Tagged ‘three’

​There was an old story that was going to be something. I wrote 5 chapters before scrapping the project. Now, after years, I am going to show you guys the first chapter. Sorry about the spacing.. 

The pastor stands there holding his bible. He is dressed in a nice black suit with a red tie, that has a little button on the tip that says “Forgiven.” Indicating that anything that passes this world into paradise must first be forgiven by something bigger than ourselves.

“We are gathered here today to remember the life of Theordore Ramsey. Though he lived a short life, the length of time he had here affected many.” I could hear the agonizing cries from all of my friends and family, it is breaking my heart to hear the sound, but I cant do anything, which has to be the worse part!

“And though we don’t know why God took our young man, we have to believe that he has a purpose.” Ah that’s not right pastor, don’t tell them that, don’t make them question what purpose God has for my death. Telling them that will make them hate God even more! Be Sensitive to them!

I cant hear the pastor anymore? I guess that means he is done talking? I sure hope so, his speech was okay, but overall he needs help! There is no reason that I should be crying at my funeral, well besides the fact that I am dead. Other than that, I should not be crying, but with this pastor, I was bawling the whole time that he was speaking.

I thought they were about to put the roses on my coffin and seal me in the ground, but then I heard her voice, her sweet soft voice. The voice I fell in love with, the voice I would wake up to every morning. The voice I would hear screaming at me when I would make her made, even then it was beautiful. Her voice is voice that I will miss the most once I am six feet under. I hope I don’t forget that sound. I hope that every second I am in this coffin, I hear her voice.

She begins to talk about how we spent our life together, the best parts and she even talked about some of the rough parts. But there was one part of her speech that really touched me, it was the night before we split, it was a week before our wedding. Emotions were high, stress even higher, so I decided that I wanted to go watch the sunset, and get her home before ten like the old days. It went like this:   

It is 8 o’clock P.M. Central timing, if you were trying to imagine how dark it is at this point, it isn’t that dark, the sun is just pearing over the horizon. Usually the sun goes down by now, but for some reason it has decided that it wasn’t ready to leave its resting place for the night.

 I wish at this point that we could pause time and cherish the time that we have together, I never once took it for granted, but I never truly was appreciative for it. So maybe I did take it for granted.

We were lying on a blanket, luckly it was a nice night in Illinois, since the rest of the week after that was a complete mess, I believe that there was even snow in July? I hate weather inIllinois, it was more bipolar than my in-laws. I liked my in-laws, as much as I like kittens. They are nice from a distance, but when they get close, all they do is bite.

Anyways, we were lying on the blanket, I supported a pair of kaki shorts, where she wore her jean mini-skirt, I couldn’t keep my mind off her legs, making it harder for me to wait that week for our wedding, I just had to tell her that I wanted to wait. I believed waiting was the best option for our marriage. If something would have happened to us, and she wouldn’t of been whole for her husband, as she wanted to be, I would of felt horrible. So waiting it was. She just didn’t make it easy on me!

“I am getting a little chilly.” I wrapped her in my arms to help her body warm up, she enjoyed the feeling, as did I. We talked about the wedding the whole night, talking about the objects we still needed to buy and what we still needed to do for the special day. Which wasn’t much, we only had a few things left to do being: Paying the pastor and booking a hotel for our honeymoon. Overall we have all this wedding paid for, even though we didn’t decide to plan until six months before, because we are smart!

We are getting to the point in this memory where I cant remember all the details, even if I did it would be hard to explain, but I will try my hardest to give you all the correct descriptions!

We decided that at 9:30 we were going home, well it got to that time and we packed up the car with the blankets from her mother’s room. I wanted to drive 20 mph the whole way there, because after tonight the only time we were going to talk is if we had a question about the wedding. We wanted to build tension between each other to make it more exciting on our big day.

I dropped her off at her house, she gave me a long passionate kiss that I embraced happily knowing it was going to be my last one for a week. I went in for another one before she exited the car, but she smirked, and told me I had to wait. The torture was enforced, as she wanted me to cry on the inside, she wanted me to feel pain, for telling her she had to wait to have kids. She wanted me to regret my decision, and I was for sure.

I watched her as she walked into her house, it was late so she asked me to not go up to the door, as I said before in-laws are jerks, so I had to watch her from a distance. She turned around and gave me a blow-kiss. I returned the favor and drove off. 

 It was 1 A.m. when she got the call, telling her to get to the hospital. The doctor told her that I was in extreme condition and that I will not make it through the night. I then heard a loud scream, and crying, before blacking out.


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What would be a great gift to get me? I want everyone to know that I am not a picky guy, but I do want you to buy me something nice. I can always spot a dollar tree gift over a nice expensive Wal-Mart gift. I have an eye for this kind of thing, so don’t screw around! But seriously I don’t want much for Christmas, I just want everyone to be happy and love their family. With this being said; I know some of you are dying to get me a gift, which means I cant leave you out of the circle on what I want. Here is a very short/long Christmas list of things you can buy me. Know you can buy me whatever you want, but I wont like it as much…so why not just buy what’s on the list? Don’t be cheap.

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10. A Donald Trump hairpiece! They range from $3 to $29. Now, you could go cheap and get me the low end wig, but we all know what that brings. The stitches are cheap and probably will make my head itch. But I will let you decide. (Seriously, go with an expensive one….)

9. A tiger– You can go to Exoticanimalsforsale.net and find nothing, because they suck….But Havocscope.com will have what you’re looking for. Now, do know that Tigers usually go for $50,000. This is more than most of you will make in three lifetimes. Don’t fool yourself, you cant afford that….Hell you couldn’t even afford a dead one (they are $5,000,) so just continue down the line……
BTW a Tiger Penis cost $1,300.

8. Tim Tebow Jersey (signed)– Sportsmemorabilia.com has this listed for $926.99. I think everyone deserves to be treated like a king, so go ahead and treat yourself to buying me this piece of history, you deserve it!

7. Taylor Swift hoodie– a “Real men love Taylor Swift” shirt would go great with any other gift you get me. You can afford $20, I know you can! Please, I will love you forever!!!!

6. A Tiger Penis– The more I think about it, I think I want the penis of a Tiger; you know…for science of course. Just buy me a Tiger penis for the love of God.

5. God, himself! So I don’t think I can find this on the internet. You might need to get to a black market, but this would be an awesome gift for me. Could you imagine having God in your pocket?

4. All 7!!!! Dragon Balls– Daddy has a car payment, and I need the authentic dragon balls so I can wish for my car to be paid off. Or you can pay my car off…..which ever one works.

3. Friends– I think this item goes for $15 on Ebay but don’t feel pressured, you can buy the cheapo at the bottom of the list. Also, don’t express ship, I’m use to not having friends, I wont know what to do with them when I get them.

2. Bart’s wife– I think Bart is getting lonely. He is about the right age to get some Reindeer tail and I am tired of him humping his brothers leg, so please buy him a wife…It must be a girl reindeer. He likes them to have a white tail but black dots…booom, not racist!!!

1. A Browns/Bears win– You must buy both. I have faith that the Browns will win the Superbowl 51, but lately they have slipped back. I need this to change. They must win all the remaining games to be in the Superbowl, so can you buy me those wins? They might cost a lot, but you know how much that would mean to me? More than a Tiger penis! Okay, maybe not but it would come close!!!! Also a Bears win or a new Qb…..Mainly a new QB!

There you go, I gave you my list. I need all these items (especially #6!!!) by the end of the Christmas period. If you fail to do so, I will send Bart to hump your dirty leg!! He has a strong grip, so you better hurry!!! My address is 1010 E. Tiger Penis St. Bartville, Illinois. 69069. Thanks!.
Love you guys,
Impromtdude, Bart, Ginger, Francis, and Tiger (the tiger penis).

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

A quick hello.

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Could I talk about nothing for three paragraphs? I think that is pretty easy, but we will see. If you enjoy this then don’t expect more…because this is me killing time, I wouldn’t want to waste your time more than I already have. I bet half of you already have clicked off, so now I am talking to the realist! I am talking to the real fans that I have, which is awesome. You might be the real fans, but I still will waste your time. Lets go:

Technically this is the second paragraph but we wont count it. We will say this is the first paragraph. This first paragraph is going to be talking about how I am stupid. I am stupid because I still do things that keep hurting me. I have been kicking (practicing punting) and actually hurt myself, again. Last year I was kicking and landed on a pretty big rock, spraining my ankle. I wasn’t smart about the injury, and I went on to get tendonitis. This put me out for the rest of the fall. Now that its getting cold again, I chose to start training again but then I hurt myself again. I was kicking the other night and tried to go harder than before and ended up bruising my heel. This wouldn’t be a problem but it’s actually my kicking foot. Now, I have to wait for it to get better before I start training again. This is annoying, I just want to stop getting hurt when I start getting better….

The other thing is; I got my desk back! I spent a few hours getting my desk clean, today. I had a lot of things out of place and I wanted to get it situated. My wife had to go help her family, so I took the time and got productive! I realized something; I have a lot of pens. I have enough pens to fill a small Christmas gift box! That’s a lot of pens. The worse part is that I don’t want to stop buying pens. I love the various types of pens and colors. I guess this is better than buying drugs, but it still worries me. What if I become a hoarder of pens? I actually got mad about one of my pens missing, is that healthy? No! I don’t think so! At least my desk is more organized, though.  

More top tens coming. I like to post Top 10s when I have to work night shifts. They are fun to do and easy to finish. What is hard about throwing ten things together? Well that is why I do it when I have to work. This is being made super easy with a new purchase! I found a book at Barnes & Noble that I had to pick up. This book is to bring you closer to yourself. In the book you have to complete Top 10s about various topics. Though this book is an easy way to bring forth blogs, I wont be using it for blogs. I have a whole page of Top 10s that I can do, but I find this could help me venture out and find new things to like or realize what I use to love. It is going to be amazing, something that I will share with you in further days. I just think it’s an amazing purchase.

Well that wasn’t hard.
I thought writing three paragraphs was hard, but I was wrong. I was totally wrong, it was easy. Night guys!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude