Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

Before we start tonight, I want to spend a few minutes and say thank you. John, thank you for caring about me. You texted me last night and told me how awesome I was. Thank you for sharing about your day, sorry that your day wasn’t that great. You deserve the best. You deserve to be happy and have amazing days. I am glad to hear that you wait for my posts, you have helped me decide that I want to continue writing. Thank you! You rock, I love you!

image

She is gone.
When my mother left, it hurt me more than I knew. She walked out the door and walked out into the night air. She was gone and I was without a mother. I was without someone that I trusted my life with, she was gone. She didn’t care that I was hurting, she had things to do and I wasn’t a part of her plans. It took many years for me to find a way to cope with her absence, but this type of coping may have led me through more walls than doors. The way that I have coped with her being gone is being a comical jerk, someone that has to make jokes to hide that he is actually hurt.
In high school, I use to make fun of my mother, and I would laugh along with all of my friends. They didn’t know that I was actually broken, but I never wanted them to know that. It was a sign of weakness to show that I was vulnerable, so I put up all of these walls to make sure no one saw that I was hurt. I hid behind my humor and everyone fell for it. This was great! I was able to convince myself that I was okay with not having my mother. This was great until it began to be a bigger part of me. I began to joke about everything, until nothing was serious to me. This did change when I started to go to church. Church was the only time that I would actually let my emotions flow. Talking to God was the best feeling. Even if he didn’t say anything to me, I knew (in my heart) that he was listening to me. I was able to finally cry without being afraid of someone laughing at me.
I use to cry a lot at church. I would lay on my face and just bawl. Sometimes, I didn’t even know why I was crying, but it felt so good, so I never questioned it. There was a service about mothers, and I remember sinking into my seat and bawling. I cried the whole sermon and more. I was called to the front to talk to the pastors after the sermon and they hugged me. I don’t know why, but it actually felt like my mother was hugging me. Great, things are good now, right? I was able to get back to feeling, I was able to cry again, I was no longer scared to let my emotions out, correct? Yeah, NO! It lasted for a while, but nothing stayed that good for long.
I did say that it lasted for a while, right? I was able to let my emotions out for a good amount of time, but then something happened. I was no longer able to feel. My emotions were shut off and I couldn’t feel inside my heart. I was becoming cold and angry, again. Church just wasn’t the same, anymore. I was drifting away from God and I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I thought going to church more would help. The more that I went, though, the more that I felt the pain grow. Even if the sermon was the most touching, I was unable to go to that place, the place where my emotions could be freed. I needed serious help, my walls were being built again, the same walls my mother forced me to build years before. This is when I began to push people away.
I was able to find my emotions, again. They were found in a girl. This girl was standing twenty feet from me, my heart felt alive again. The next couple months were the best in my life. She taught me what it felt like to care. She taught me why it’s okay to let my emotions out. I was told that emotions were never meant to stay within, because they are meant to be carried by two, not by one. This shook me as I opened up, something that I should have never done. She broke my heart a month later. She allowed her sister to dictate who she was allowed to talk to. Again, the wall went up. This time, it stayed.
I moved away the next summer. I was chasing something, a feeling that I once felt. There was a Church that I thought would help me, but it came to pass. When I got there, it wasn’t the same. This is when I realized that my walk with Christ was no longer the same. I tried to get back to the way that I use to feel, but nothing would work. I only stayed a semester, then moved back home.
Nothing was the same when I got back, though. People moved on and plans changed. It was like I was in a whole new place, with people that I didn’t know. I guess I was hurt that no one seemed to care that I was back. They were okay without me. I told myself that it was a lie, but I never could seem to convince myself. This is when I met my wife, Ariel. She gave me happiness, but something was still missing. The piece that will always be missing. When my mother left, she took something from me that I didn’t know. She took my emotions. I haven’t felt truly sad about something in over 5 years. I stopped caring when I got back from college, when I saw that everyone moved on, When I realized that everyone moved on like my mother. I try to find a way to break down this wall, but the tools are not strong enough. They are broke under the pressure of all my DAMN baggage, I feel like I will never be okay. I miss her! I wish that I could have a heart to heart conversation with my mother. I want to ask her what she was thinking, why she left us, why couldn’t she just be a GODDAMN GOOD PARENT!! But I will never know. She will always have an excuse, I just wish I meant more to her, meant enough for her to drop her act and tell me why she left me. She left too soon.

Dear Mom,
I sit here, waiting for you to walk in those doors. I waited for you to come back for years, but you never came back. You had better things to do, but we weren’t it, were we? Why did you leave me, why did you leave me with these questions? I deserve these answers, dammit! I have giving you the power for so many years, hoping that you would just tell me why I wasn’t good enough!!!!! I want the power back, but you forced these walls up and I cant break them down. I want to take the wall down, but I cant without knowing how you could leave me as a child. How could you leave me at Ten and never even check up on me. I spent years trying to find you, but when I found you, you were full of excuses. You hurt me more than anything. But my biggest question is; why is it that you hurt me so much, but I still want you to hug me and tell me that you love me. Mom, I wish you were better. I wish you weren’t gone. 
Sincerely yours,
A BROKEN CHILD.

.

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

What is happening and why is it happening again?

This always happens to me, I find some kind of happiness then it is sucked away. I over examine everything that I do in my life and usually over examine what other people say and do. People have done some things to me in my life, but it has never been as serious as I make it to be. Yeah, we could talk about my mother, but that isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that people leave me behind and move on. They take me into the woods and leave me like an unwanted dog. I then have to find my way back home, praying that someone will eventually keep me in their home. This is just a thought, though. I am not alone, of course, but sometimes it feels like it. I have a wife, she is the best thing in my life, but sometimes I just want to have someone check in on me. I want a friend to check to make sure that I am fine, but that is wishful thinking, I guess. They stay for a few months, but everyone gets tired of ol’ Blake. They find someone better and will leave.

This is when things get worse for me. This is when anxiety gets into my veins and begin to rot my inner peace. I try to hold on.  It is hard to hold on to a sharp knife. The knife begins to cut your hand and eventually you will let go, this is what anxiety feels like. Anxiety for me has been a horrible battle. I am usually a pretty awesome guy, I want to make everyone happy (well most of the time) until the knife begins to cut, again. When the knife is pressed against my hand, I don’t want anyone to talk to me. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to be better, I just want to do what I have always done, slowly sink to the back of the room. It becomes harder to get out of this state, the more that I get into this kind of mood.

Recently, I have found myself in this state. I had to hide behind my crew, because I didn’t want to take any orders, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to be at work, it was the last thing that I wanted to do. I push people away and make them feel like I hate them when I have this knife pressed against my hand. I tell people to leave and to never come back, but then I want to chase them down, but I have pride so I will sit back and watch them leave. The worst part is that I will blame them because they left. I pushed them into a battlefield, yet I will say that they shot the first bullet. I could understand why these people don’t want to be around me.

I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt me then blame me for them hurting me. I do get that, but I don’t understand why so many don’t want to be around me. I understand that I treat others like shit, but I am talking about those who I don’t even know. They walk out of my life, leaving me to wonder what I did wrong and how I can change myself. These people make me hate my life and then I get more depressed and push more people away.

My anxiety is horrible, I just want to be normal. I want to keep people near me and show others that I am not a creep or something in that nature. I think I am a good swing for those who want to be friends. I just want to know what is wrong with me. Anxiety is horrible. This is where I am right now, full of it. I might be trying to keep ahold of this knife, but I know that I am one nudge away from losing it. .

image

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

One of my favorite sports is basketball. I love playing, I love pulling up from there and hearing the net smack against the rim. There is something about the sound that just makes my heart pound. I use to spend hours and hours playing basketball outside. It wouldn’t matter what the weather was, I would be outside. 

If it was windy, I would adjust my shot to the breeze or work on layups.

 If it was raining, I would be working on corner jumpers and layups

If it was snowing, I would work on fade aways and floaters.

Then on normal days, I would spend hours on three pointers and driving. While also working on all the other things. This would also include game situations!

“Blake has the ball. They haven’t played well, tonight but somehow they are still in the game. They have 3 seconds left, down by 2; Will they shoot a three or go for overtime?”

3.. Blake inbounds the ball and jukes a defender. He goes to his left. 2, He goes behind the back and steps back, forcing a defender to reposition. 1, Blake steps behind the line and pulls up. Could he get it off? Blake releases the ball as the time runs out. He watches the ball spin into the hoop; he won the game!!!!! They won!!!!

You can call me a loser for doing such a thing, but that’s what I would do. It brought me a passion, something that helped me stay in shape and kept my mind clear. There were days that I didn’t want to shoot, of course, but I was out there the next day. I must say that all of the training really helped. I became a good shooter. I could pull up from half-court and pretty much ice it. My three-point shot was sexy. Then we moved.

It all came down to us having to move. The landlord sold our house to someone else. He didn’t tell us that he was looking to sell, but it meant that we had to move. We moved into a smaller house, with less of a yard. The houses were closer together, so I couldn’t really shoot. I lost my passion for the game and my automatic shot. I soon stopped shooting all together. I would get spurts of passion, but it would never stay. 

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to play on a team. I just wanted to be better, but I never did. I quit my high school team, because I didn’t have good handles. This is something I could have learned, but I didn’t want to admit that I had a problem, this led to me failing at that dream. Sometimes I wonder what could have happened if I had someone coach me, but I don’t know. 

You should never give up on your dreams. I gave up because I moved, but I still had the tools at my disposal, but I quit. This is my fault. I gave up on myself. Now, years later, I regret ever pulling the trigger. I would have never went pro, but I could have had a lot more fun than I did. My whole life has been a “what if” and it pisses me off. I hate how I give up before it even starts. It sucks. So, stay on that team, keep playing the guitar, ask that girl out, go after that job. You’re the only one to say that you can’t do something! Stop giving up on yourself. Don’t be like me!!! 


🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀

image

    Driving a lot means that you need something to do while looking out the window. I find that listening to music makes that stare much easier. The one problem that I have been facing is that I have limited Cds and I have listened to all of them at least two bazillion times. Still needing my joyful noise, I decided to turn on the radio. I am a country fan, but those stations only play the same five songs per 45 minutes, which means that I got bored really quickly. I scanned through the channels, hoping to find something new. I quickly stumbled upon this song. This song had a great beat, but that isnt what drew me to it. The message behind the great beat held my heart for the whole three minutes. If you have heard “Scars to your beautiful by: Alessia Cara” Then you know what I am talking about. The song is perfect for those fighting within to stay about their appearance.

“She just wants to be beautiful, she goes unnoticed, she knows no limits, she craves attention, she praises an image she prays to be.”

These are the first lyrics to the song. How could you start off a song any better? But then she goes on.

“Oh, she don’t see the light that’s shining, deeper than the eyes can find it, Maybe we have made her blind, so she tries to cover up her pain and cut her woes away, Cause cover girls don’t cry after their face is made.”

We live in a world full of girls and guys that are told they’re ugly. They are told that they will never amount to anything. They will be told that they must be certain way if they ever want to achieve their goals. Because of the world telling these amazing people that they are nothing, they forget that they are bright as the stars and will no longer shine. The grow dim, shutting off to the world and will let the world began to mold them into something that they are not. Broken inside they will cover up behind a smile, because deep inside they believe they are nothing without all the make-up.

Alessia goes into the chorus to say:

This world is a dark place. The people will never accept you, because they will always find something that is wrong, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t shine. You are the person that you are suppose to be and that shouldn’t change because of someone’s words. Instead, you should stand up against them, say screw changing yourself and change their hearts.

There are girls and guys out there starving themselves because of models. These people say that its okay to starve, that they can handle the pain. They want to do everything in their power to be accepted, so they will starve themselves until they begin to fade away. What these people don’t understand is that they are perfect. These people that are hurting were worth our attention before they began to starve themselves.

What can we do though?

We can be the ones that help them. She was told by another girl that she isnt pretty, so tell her that she is pretty. He was told, by another boy that he is too girl, so tell him he is great the way he is. She is being made fun of because she is 400 pounds, so step in and tell them to lay off. Grab her bags and help her. He is being made fun of because he smells, so buy him some deodorant. Simple things can help people overcome a lot. You don’t have to have superpowers to be someone’s hero, just be you.
If you are someone that is fighting with your self-image, remember that you are beautiful. No one can take the place of you, because only you are the perfect you. No one else can smile like you, laugh like you or love like you. Your life is beautiful even with scars. You are bright as the stars when you smile, so keep your head up. You’re not alone, we are in this together. Stop chasing after something that you’re not, because you are perfect just the way you are. 

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

The flipping glow of success.

What is Success?

Success is the favorable result in a situation. Success is something that many want and will spend their whole life trying to achieve. Though many will try to be successful, many will find it very challenging. It might be hard to find success in the path that they take, but it isn’t impossible. Hard work comes before success, this is where many will fail. These people don’t want to work hard to get what they want, so this leads them to quit on what they are attempting to finish, leading to a big failure. If they would have worked harder or even taking a different path, they might have succeeded. Either way, they should have kept working hard, because great things happen to those who work hard.

This brings me to the point of this post. Over a year ago, I posted about making a giant splash in the writing world. I thought that it was going to be easy, but I found that it wasn’t even close to that. Finding the right crowd, the correct formulas and even finding the passion to write can be very hard at times. I know this from my failed attempt to make it big on Facebook. My page has yet to hit 100 likes, where as my friends writing pages have gathered over 1,000 in the last year. This is an upsetting fact, to know that what I thought was going to be the easiest part is now the hardest. It doesn’t seem hard to grow a page, I mean all you have to do is share, right? That is wrong! I find that to be the most annoying ways to grow. I don’t want to get big off of spamming people for their likes, but how am I suppose to get this page going? That is what is hard, because you need a formula.

I don’t have that formula, I don’t know how to get that formula. I wish someone would come along with a free trial, just so I can take what the formula taste like. There is a science behind getting people to want what you have. In order to find that out, you mainly have to be a peoples person, that is something I am not. I love people, but I don’t understand people. That is what screws me. How can I get someone I don’t understand to like something that I made?
In addition to all of this, once you begin to find the formula, you can be hit with writers block. This is what happened to me. Somewhere in the last year I found the formula, I was growing like nothing else, then it all halted. I forgot what to do, I lost the passion, and I began to spew out a bunch of half-hearted crap. These were post that I didn’t even like myself,  but for some reason I posted them. By the time I got my passion back, the crowd was gone. I miss my shot and now I can’t seem to find the formula again.

So I missed my chance to grow big, should I give up though? No! I find that trying to find the right formula is the greatest part of trying to get big. What appreciation would I have if everything was giving to me? If I was giving the chance to be famous (not something I want) I would turn it down. Being giving something like that would lead to me hating the position I’m in. This is because you love what you work hard for. I love our car because we had crap cars before, but also because we have to pay for it. Likewise, I love being a writer because I have to work hard to get better. When you put work into something, you want something to come out of it. You don’t want to waste time, so you will make sure that you do anything to allow your investment to grow. So just because I lost my chance, this doesn’t mean that I will give up. This is just another reason to bust my ass to get back to where I was. I must put in the work to gain the reward.

I am wanting to succeed as a writer. It is my goal to be known, so if I have to fail a thousand times to do so, you better know that I am going to do so. I don’t care if it takes forever to do so, just know that I will look failure in the face and laugh! Because I know I have something special. Failure has no place for me!!!

image

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

What would be a great gift to get me? I want everyone to know that I am not a picky guy, but I do want you to buy me something nice. I can always spot a dollar tree gift over a nice expensive Wal-Mart gift. I have an eye for this kind of thing, so don’t screw around! But seriously I don’t want much for Christmas, I just want everyone to be happy and love their family. With this being said; I know some of you are dying to get me a gift, which means I cant leave you out of the circle on what I want. Here is a very short/long Christmas list of things you can buy me. Know you can buy me whatever you want, but I wont like it as much…so why not just buy what’s on the list? Don’t be cheap.

image

10. A Donald Trump hairpiece! They range from $3 to $29. Now, you could go cheap and get me the low end wig, but we all know what that brings. The stitches are cheap and probably will make my head itch. But I will let you decide. (Seriously, go with an expensive one….)

9. A tiger– You can go to Exoticanimalsforsale.net and find nothing, because they suck….But Havocscope.com will have what you’re looking for. Now, do know that Tigers usually go for $50,000. This is more than most of you will make in three lifetimes. Don’t fool yourself, you cant afford that….Hell you couldn’t even afford a dead one (they are $5,000,) so just continue down the line……
BTW a Tiger Penis cost $1,300.

8. Tim Tebow Jersey (signed)– Sportsmemorabilia.com has this listed for $926.99. I think everyone deserves to be treated like a king, so go ahead and treat yourself to buying me this piece of history, you deserve it!

7. Taylor Swift hoodie– a “Real men love Taylor Swift” shirt would go great with any other gift you get me. You can afford $20, I know you can! Please, I will love you forever!!!!

6. A Tiger Penis– The more I think about it, I think I want the penis of a Tiger; you know…for science of course. Just buy me a Tiger penis for the love of God.

5. God, himself! So I don’t think I can find this on the internet. You might need to get to a black market, but this would be an awesome gift for me. Could you imagine having God in your pocket?

4. All 7!!!! Dragon Balls– Daddy has a car payment, and I need the authentic dragon balls so I can wish for my car to be paid off. Or you can pay my car off…..which ever one works.

3. Friends– I think this item goes for $15 on Ebay but don’t feel pressured, you can buy the cheapo at the bottom of the list. Also, don’t express ship, I’m use to not having friends, I wont know what to do with them when I get them.

2. Bart’s wife– I think Bart is getting lonely. He is about the right age to get some Reindeer tail and I am tired of him humping his brothers leg, so please buy him a wife…It must be a girl reindeer. He likes them to have a white tail but black dots…booom, not racist!!!

1. A Browns/Bears win– You must buy both. I have faith that the Browns will win the Superbowl 51, but lately they have slipped back. I need this to change. They must win all the remaining games to be in the Superbowl, so can you buy me those wins? They might cost a lot, but you know how much that would mean to me? More than a Tiger penis! Okay, maybe not but it would come close!!!! Also a Bears win or a new Qb…..Mainly a new QB!

There you go, I gave you my list. I need all these items (especially #6!!!) by the end of the Christmas period. If you fail to do so, I will send Bart to hump your dirty leg!! He has a strong grip, so you better hurry!!! My address is 1010 E. Tiger Penis St. Bartville, Illinois. 69069. Thanks!.
Love you guys,
Impromtdude, Bart, Ginger, Francis, and Tiger (the tiger penis).

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

This is an old post, but I haven’t been able to do any effects this week, so this will be perfect to announce an effects giveaway! Usually, Sundays are effectsSundays so let me give you something cool to kick off the new Facebook page. I love to use homemade Scar putty and I would love for one of you to experience what I love. This being said, I will be giving away a small bag of scar wax/putty. All you have to do is go like my special effects page. Next Sunday, I will be announcing the winner of the drawing! When you get to my page, comment who you think should win the custody of the dog, Jack or Brandie?

image

Today we’re gathered together to determine the custody of Jack and Brandies dog. Jack spent many years taking care of little Toto, but left him behind with his ex-wife Brandy when they were in the middle of a fight. Brandy wants to keep the little man saying that he never cared for the dog like she did. I happen to be one of the lawyers in the case and get to defend Jacks story, I believe he will win.
It was two years ago when the couple split up after finding that Jack was having an affair with her friend, Melissa. She told him to get out of the house, to take all of his stuff and to leave before she put a shotgun slug through his skull. He agreed to leave if she would sign over the custody of the dog, she refused. But as he was about to tie himself to her porch and wait for the day she separated from her choice, she pulled a shotgun on him. She was hostile and was about to pull the trigger, but he left leaving Toto behind.
The court hearing started with the man telling the jury that he got Toto from a church-ran adopting agency that he volunteered his Saturdays to. The whole courtroom awed to. But he went further to tell them that the dog was abused before, he suffered a broken hip but with his help, he was able to walk again shortly after the incident
Jack told me that the dog was barking and growling at Brandy as she pulled him back into the house. Brandy was quick to disagree that fact. She is saying that the dog was barking, but not at her. She told the court that he was barking at him because he was about to hit her. This won the vote in the court room, there is something about a woman being hit that doesn’t sit well with the old jury members of the court. Seeing that this was working, she then told everyone that he was abusing the dog and that’s why she didn’t feel it was fit for him to be the caretaker of the dog.
I tried my hardest to fight the accusations, but they were to powerful. I tried to tell them that he couldn’t of beat the little Weiner dog because he was too small for the 6’4 gentleman, but her attorney fired back with the fact that he could have kicked the poor pup. That got more attention from the jury as they were about to jump over the railing and kick this man. Lets say that what happened next was not in my will.
I lost the battle for this man, and as the woman was taking the dog outside of the court room, the man asking for the dog ran up to her. He started to scream at her, screaming nasty words in her face. He had called her a thousand names, none that could be repeated in church. But as he was being pulled away by the guards, he broke the grasp, and kicked the little dog. I wanted to scream field goal as the dog was lifted from the ground and hit the wall, right above the broken clock. The jury went nuts.
They got over the railing as if they were in hockey or in a burning movie theatre. Funny thing that I say that, because I am sure that is where this man wants to be right now. He was beating by nearly fifteen canes and twenty purses, even the judge got his hands on him, slapping him in the face with the bible. I snuck out the back of the courthouse but as I went out the door, the man yelled as someone released the dog that he just kicked back on him, the dog bit down pretty hard on his crotch and would let go. He screamed loud as I ran to my car, even to this day, I can hear that bloody scream. I feel bad, but the man kicked a dog, the bastard deserved it!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

This is an old post from my other blog, and it talks about my love for poetry. You should read it for fun, and I will be back tomorrow for week 9 picks! 

“Can you solve for me a mystery 
Of why things have to change 
Why is life so complicated 
Why can’t things stay the same”- Angela B.

This piece of work would have to be one of my favorite lines, in this poem titled “Change” Angela is dealing with the pain of having to change for a man. This line reached out to me as I read the poem one because it was the first lines, but also because it’s a personal request for someone to explain why we go through so much pain.

I honestly don’t remember any of the poems that we have studied in school, but I am sure that in Shakespeare we ventured into some kind of poetry.

When I think of the word poetry, the first word that comes to mind is “music.” Since I am a musician I use the same techniques as poets do. I form line by line to match the emotions that I have recently felt, or feeling. 

I do write poetry, I would say that my type of poetry is usually more of a love based. When I get into trouble with girls, such as crushes, breakups or “the friend zone” I turn to Poetry, this is mainly because in poetry you can hide so much emotion, while still getting the main feelings out.

When I write poems, I do let people read them; they have to be close to me. I do this because for one; it could be a good song idea! Second, I do it so that the person can take up on my mistakes of dating and maybe fix their own. The last reason why I let people read my poems is simply so someone knows how I feel. I do this a lot instead of just coming out and saying I am in pain ill keep quite. To break the silence I will write a poem or a song to express myself!

   This guy just walked by Subway. I am sitting here, thinking about my day and what I should do, when this guy walks by the store. He was about 5’10 and really skinny. He had a small beard and wrinkles filled the corner of his eyes. This guy looked old enough to be someones dad, but not quite someones grandpa. Either way, He looked straight ahead as he walked, not giving any attention from his foward step.
    I heard a loud noise in the distance, almost as if a car engine was being turned over, after being started. I pulled my head to the direction and looked for the problem. I saw that an airplane was falling to the ground. The plane must have lost power or something, because it was falling pretty quickly. It was heading towards the Subway. My eyes grew huge as I looked at the falling plane, not knowing what to do. I put my head down as the plane kept getting closer, praying for a hero to save me. The gentleman that I saw moments earlier appears. I told him to run and get away as quickly as possible. He stood there almost dumb to the situation. I shook my head and pushed him to leave. This was when he put his hand out and jumped. He leaped into the air and met up with the plane.
    His strong hands stopped the plane, as he threw it back into the air. At first, I was relieved to know I was alive, but then I thought “what about the plane.” The plane didn’t have any power to fly, so he probably killed all those passengers. My heart dropped as I ran up to him. I shove him and ask what he was thinking. He only said one thing “I am not a hero, I am for the blood.” He then turned around and vanished.

image

Impromtdude

Getting home from work.

I’m never tired when I get home from closing. There is something about working late that keeps my blood pumping. This is a big problem, especially when I want to get up early and work on my blog and other things. That is why I use these moments to get ahead. I get off at 11:40 p.m. and get home at midnight. Once I get home, I like to slip out of my work clothes, sit at my desk and watch what is new on YouTube. Some nights, I might take a shower, but most times I will go to bed shortly after getting home. Then there are nights like this one.

Tonight was a bad night for me at work. I was put into a rough position that I shouldn’t be in and it caused me to have a sour attitude. Later in the night, I was able to get out of the position, but there was a lot to still do. I used a lot of my energy to get ahead, but I still fell short due to my energy level. I needed some kind of pick me up, so I got a coffee. This was very dumb of me, because now the coffee has kicked in, now that I am at home.

The coffee is keeping me up, I’m not tired at all. Luckily, I don’t have to get up early, but I also fear for tomorrow, this is because I wanted to get a lot done. Some of the things that I wanted to do are; Write a few blogs, work on a special NFL picks for the blog, catch up on some reading and finally, I wanted to work on some special effects. I fear that with this late night energy, I will find no energy tomorrow.

I did get sleep that night. Now, it wasn’t the amount of sleep that I wanted, but it was okay. I just have to get use to this new schedule, as it is hard to go from opening daily to closing nightly. I still get up at 5 A.M. and I operate most of the day with no problem. But like today, I found that at 4 P.M. I was dead tired. I got up and cleaned parts of the house just to stay awake, but as soon as I sat at my desk, I slowly began to fall asleep. I’m trying to fight the sleep, so that I can get back on a schedule, it’s just harder than I expected. What can I do? I’m dead tired…..

image

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude