Posts Tagged ‘Things’

What is happening and why is it happening again?

This always happens to me, I find some kind of happiness then it is sucked away. I over examine everything that I do in my life and usually over examine what other people say and do. People have done some things to me in my life, but it has never been as serious as I make it to be. Yeah, we could talk about my mother, but that isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that people leave me behind and move on. They take me into the woods and leave me like an unwanted dog. I then have to find my way back home, praying that someone will eventually keep me in their home. This is just a thought, though. I am not alone, of course, but sometimes it feels like it. I have a wife, she is the best thing in my life, but sometimes I just want to have someone check in on me. I want a friend to check to make sure that I am fine, but that is wishful thinking, I guess. They stay for a few months, but everyone gets tired of ol’ Blake. They find someone better and will leave.

This is when things get worse for me. This is when anxiety gets into my veins and begin to rot my inner peace. I try to hold on.  It is hard to hold on to a sharp knife. The knife begins to cut your hand and eventually you will let go, this is what anxiety feels like. Anxiety for me has been a horrible battle. I am usually a pretty awesome guy, I want to make everyone happy (well most of the time) until the knife begins to cut, again. When the knife is pressed against my hand, I don’t want anyone to talk to me. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to be better, I just want to do what I have always done, slowly sink to the back of the room. It becomes harder to get out of this state, the more that I get into this kind of mood.

Recently, I have found myself in this state. I had to hide behind my crew, because I didn’t want to take any orders, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to be at work, it was the last thing that I wanted to do. I push people away and make them feel like I hate them when I have this knife pressed against my hand. I tell people to leave and to never come back, but then I want to chase them down, but I have pride so I will sit back and watch them leave. The worst part is that I will blame them because they left. I pushed them into a battlefield, yet I will say that they shot the first bullet. I could understand why these people don’t want to be around me.

I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt me then blame me for them hurting me. I do get that, but I don’t understand why so many don’t want to be around me. I understand that I treat others like shit, but I am talking about those who I don’t even know. They walk out of my life, leaving me to wonder what I did wrong and how I can change myself. These people make me hate my life and then I get more depressed and push more people away.

My anxiety is horrible, I just want to be normal. I want to keep people near me and show others that I am not a creep or something in that nature. I think I am a good swing for those who want to be friends. I just want to know what is wrong with me. Anxiety is horrible. This is where I am right now, full of it. I might be trying to keep ahold of this knife, but I know that I am one nudge away from losing it. .

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

I have started something new. I hope to make something out of it, but I will have to be patient if I want it to work. I haven’t been practicing, but I plan on getting back into this hobby, tomorrow. I will be using my talent to bring you a lot more sights to see, also hopefully encourage others to do what they feel they are being called to do.

I have talked to you guys about this hobby before. The hobby is special effects. I brought this to the surface around Halloween, but now I want to work more with it. I was going to bring you guys a new picture tonight, but I have little to no energy, which means that I would be rushing the project. That is something that I don’t want to do. This is when I decided to put it off until tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will come home from work and will get the materials ready.

If you don’t know what I am talking about. I used liquid latex to create a burn before, I have used scar wax to create a slit wrist. Now, after months of being M.I.A, I want to come back and give you guys my all. That is why I have decided to use liquid latex to create something really awesome. It will take a hour or two, but if it comes out like I thought it would, then this will be the best effect that I have made!

Also, I want to finish up the Bart series. I know that Bart is a reindeer, but that doesn’t mean that he needs to be kept in Christmas. He will be making a huge return, but it might not be for the best. He might have rips, tears, blood or more. I think you guys will love how I end that series, as well as I hope that you guys like the next chapter. This wont be the end, I can tell you that, but it will be worth the watch.

So get ready, get set, lets roll! Tomorrow, I get to come back to this full time. I know that I have been gone for a long time, but I want you to know that I wont be leaving, again. We have a lot of ground to cover. Lets do this!!! 

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

I wanted to do a remembrance post, tonight. Something told me to share something that has already been talked about, yet might have been passed up. I went back and tried to find the best post, which led me to this one. This was the day that I almost quit my job, but I ultimately decided to stay strong. This is a great thing, because since I was strong, now I get to step into the next big role; becoming a GM. I want to share this to tell you that you might hate where you are but to not give up. If you feel like you can’t do it anymore then that’s your choice, but don’t let someone else define your happiness!!! 


Remembering; 

I feel bad to announce that I am behind in my schedule today and since I haven’t had the time to write-up in my schedule, I will need to step back tonight and post something short. This blog will be about my day and why I didn’t have a good day!
My day started a little after 5 a.m. as any other day in the life of Blake. I had to open my store, which use to be so fun for me. Recently I have begun to hate each aspect of my job, opening being the second thing on that list with running the store being the first. Closing which use to be my least favorite, has become my most bearable thing to do at my job, though I still hate the job.
But something happened today that usually doesn’t, I enjoyed opening the store. I got to the store on time for the first time in a while, and got all of my work done twenty minutes later. But when my General Manager soon ruined that.
He got to work two hours after me, and instantly got on my nerves. See he has this personality that nothing is ever wrong in the world. This is not a problem though, the problem is that he has to be up in your face about it. If any of you know the true me, you know I hate people getting up in my face which he seems to do every time we work together. Today was no different.
He started off the day in my face about truck being early, which should of been a good thing but to him it wasn’t at all. He complained about it for a few minutes then griped as I put the truck away. Then came the fun part. His favorite employee came in. He tells this employee how amazing he is for doing nothing, where I do everything and don’t even get a pat-on-the-back. Today (as previously said) was no different.
He gloated about this man for two hours, until I sent the man back to do some dishes. He then got back into my face about something stupid, trying to get me to talk to him. I talked a little, but wanted to focus on my job. At this point you probably wonder why my day was actually bad. It doesn’t seem like anything that should have effected me that much, that’s because that something hadn’t happened until I was off.
My boss wanted to give me my bi-yearly review on my performance. He sat me down and in moments set my anger off. He ranked me a 2 out of a 4, which is not good. I have to disagree! I feel I work my ass off to get my job done, and still get no respect. At the beginning of this year, I worked 120 hours every two weeks for two months. Working so much nearly killed me. Then came the part of the review that nearly made me punch him. He told me that I sucked at customer service, which is funny because in the 2 1/2 years I have worked there, I have had some of the best reviews and never have had a complaint. So if that is suckish, then I would be pleased to be good one day. Today was a bad day for me. But it wont get me down, I will be tough and get over it. I will take each giant down at a time, proving to only my wife and myself that I am truly amazing!

Santa is real
    You see the big man every year at the mall. He is always smiling and fixing his beard. He is ready for the photo. Say cheese! Snap! Next please!. He asks your child what he wants for Christmas, and tells you parents that don’t know what your kid likes. So gentle to those babies, that’s how Santa. Yet when kids get to a certain age we, as parents, have to tell them a lie. The lie that is so famous around this time of the year is that “Santa Claus is fake.” You parents want the full credit on the gifts that are stuffed under the tree. Why would you still the joy from the big mans heart.

    He has been taking out of Christmas, like Jesus was removed from Schools. But no one bats an eye. We act as if it is okay that we banned him. He has to pay the rental on his sleigh, just like we do for our cars. What if you lost your job? Feel bad yet? No? Fine. You know he also has a wife and reindeers? (this isn’t including Rudolph, he is on drugs) He has to feed those Elves also! So do me a favor and stop lying to the future of this generation. You are sick!

p.s. Stop eating Santas’ cookies!

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Dear Children,
Please take the advice above. Your parents are liars, I am actually real. I use to bring amazing gifts. But over the years the treats have disappeared and I cant feed myself anymore. Back in the day, I was able to feed the reindeer and myself, now I come back to Mrs. Claus with an empty stomach! It became such an issue that I had to leave my Santa days behind for a while, only because I was getting too skinny! But now, I am back to my fluffy self! Mrs. Claus is so amazing that she made sure to get me back to full fatness. Now that I am back please do me a favor. Stop EATING MY DAMN COOKIES@!!!!!!!
-Santa, bitches!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Let us be thankful for today is another day, but also because this day is Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for as I hope you guys do, also! Some of the many things I am thanking God for are; my job, my family, healthy bodies (wife and mine,) the freedom to do as I want, and you guys. 

I am thankful for this blog. I am thankful that you guys still read my material. My heart is warmed by your kind words and your heart filled messages. You guys are awesome. You guys are more of my family than anyone else, so thank you guys! 

Also, I am thankful for the chance to still be here. I have been in the right place to be severally hurt, yet I always end up being safe. The Lord has looked out for me, especially with this last accident. I could have been majorly injured, yet I walked away without a scratch. Not only that, but I also was able to get a new car quickly. Even in the bad, I am still found thankful for the things that I have been through. 

That is what this is about, a day to stop worrying about everything, take a step back, and thank the Lord for everything you have. You might feel like you don’t have anything, but even if you are breathing, that is something to praise God for. He gave you another day, so be thankful!!!

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours, I hope you have a great day. Don’t forget to stuff the bird before you stuff yourself! Also, what is your favorite dish? Mine is cornbread casserole.

There is too much to explain in this post to where I have been. Let me just ensure you that it’s been hectic. I won’t go too far into it, but know I haven’t forgotten about you. I have been dealing with some things, and I would like to share with you guys, tomorrow. 

I am back, though. Ler us get this going again, and this time we will make history. Life is starting to slow down, again. This means that everything will be going back to normal, then I will be able to write daily.

We will talk more about this tomorrow, so don’t miss it. I have missed you guys, so show this little, tiny post a huge warm hug! Love you and see you tomorrow! 

I have stood by and watched two people attack each other for about a year. They are trying to win everyone’s vote, no matter the cost. I am not political, so I usually stay out of any political conversations. I find that talking about politics only brings the hate out in people. It’s the fact that everyone has their own opinion (wrong or right) about each candidate. Some just want their designated party in the office, where others don’t like certain things about one, but want to do what’s best for the country. Whatever the situation, everyone is set on their candidate and nothing will change their mind. That is why I don’t talk about politics, because nothing I will say can change someone’s mind, so why try? All you will do is make more people mad at what you say, so I keep quite. 

   Now that the election is over, I will share a few thoughts and will end with greeting the new leader in. 

    I don’t like either candidate. I didn’t even like Sanders. Trump is to inexperienced for the job. He doesn’t have any political background which scares me. I wouldn’t want a cart pusher to rewire my home, so why would I? That is how fires start. He doesn’t know the first thing about running a country. I don’t know the job, but I am sure it’s harder than just saying you are going to change things. In my opinion, we could be going into a war due to his inexperienced approach to everything. He is a hateful person, a horrible trait for president. Even with all his flaws, he does stand for a tighter border, something I sorta agree with. No, I don’t want to build a wall, nor do I want to force people out of the country. Instead, I would want to tighten our borders, making it hard (like Canada) to get in. This would allow us to conduct more background checks, though this could be too expensive, leading to a downfall of the system. 

   Next, Hillary. Another Clinton. I think I could hate her less if she didn’t lie. She lied saying that she didn’t send any emails, then she got caught and changed her story. When she got caught, she went from “I didn’t send any emails” to a woman that was sorry for sending the e-mails. Why couldn’t she just own up to the e-mails and take the punishment? I would have respect her more, if she would just been clean in the beginning. We don’t know what those emails said, nor do we know if that could lead us into a huge war, we will never know. though she was dumb for the emails, Hillary seems to be more intelligent than Trump, but I also see that she is someone that just wants to win, so she will say anything for a vote. This leads me to think that she will give that same attitude after elected. I don’t like a lot of her stands, but one pisses me off more than anything, this being her stand on abortion. I understand that she wants to give women more rights and that’s awesome, but late term abortions are not okay in my eyes. I think a baby shouldn’t be killed the moment it grows any form of life, meaning any form of brain activity or a heart beat. If it’s okay to kill a baby with a heartbeat or brain activity, then why is it considered double homicide to kill a pregnant woman? Either way, Hillary seems to know what she is doing, even if she is a possible liar. 

Real quick. Bernie had great ideas, but free school wouldn’t have worked. We would have to find some way to pay for it, Which would probably be a result in higher taxes. But we will never know, now.

   Tonight will be an intense battle. Both candidates are ready to be president, bit only one can win. If Hillary wins, we will have the first woman president. If Trump wins, we will have the first president to have had a TV show (I didn’t know what to say.) Either way, we will have a new leader by the end of the night. Let us pray that they know what to do to keep America great or Make America Great Again. 
Congrats, 

Donald Trump
We pray you know what to do to keep us great. We might not have voted for you, but we will respect your leadership. We welcome you. 

Disclaimer: I didn’t vote. 

    I have been complaining about my job, all week. For this, I do apologize. I shouldn’t complain about my job like that, without my job I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the things I love to do. It might suck but money is the root of everything we do. If I didn’t have a job, I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent, light bill, gas, or cable bill. Without paying my rent, I wouldn’t be able to shower or enjoy a warm bed at night, or without paying my light bill, I wouldn’t be able to write, read, do effects make-up or even enjoy a hot shower. If I didn’t have money for my gas bill, I would freeze in the winter. I could live without cable, but  as I said last night, I wouldn’t be able to post a blog. My cable and internet are connected. So if I lost one, I would lose both. Since my tablet needs internet to post blogs, I wouldn’t be able to write to you guys. So I guess having a good paying job is pretty important.
    These were some of the basic things that a job is needed the most for. I am not including all my activity expenses that I spend my money on. This includes; new footballs, new paints, new notebooks, new books, effects make-up, materials for effects, fake blood, things for my wife, and many other things. I spend a lot of money, something that isn’t possible without the amazing job that I have. That is why I am saying I’m sorry.
    I don’t need to be pouting about what I have to do. Instead, I should be thanking the person for giving me another week on this pay period. I make great money and have for a while. So, sorry for everything I have said latley. It took me looking at my life to realize I’m in a great position. Life might not be fair at times, but everything will be fine, that is all that matters!
    Though I’m saying sorry, I would like to say “thank God.” Thank him for this day, my day off. It’s my day off which means I get to relax and get ready for another week. Tonight we will be going to a haunted house/graveyard to enjoy another spook. I might also work on a new project. Tell me, are you ready for another SFX? I know I am;)

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Impromtdude

Getting home from work.

I’m never tired when I get home from closing. There is something about working late that keeps my blood pumping. This is a big problem, especially when I want to get up early and work on my blog and other things. That is why I use these moments to get ahead. I get off at 11:40 p.m. and get home at midnight. Once I get home, I like to slip out of my work clothes, sit at my desk and watch what is new on YouTube. Some nights, I might take a shower, but most times I will go to bed shortly after getting home. Then there are nights like this one.

Tonight was a bad night for me at work. I was put into a rough position that I shouldn’t be in and it caused me to have a sour attitude. Later in the night, I was able to get out of the position, but there was a lot to still do. I used a lot of my energy to get ahead, but I still fell short due to my energy level. I needed some kind of pick me up, so I got a coffee. This was very dumb of me, because now the coffee has kicked in, now that I am at home.

The coffee is keeping me up, I’m not tired at all. Luckily, I don’t have to get up early, but I also fear for tomorrow, this is because I wanted to get a lot done. Some of the things that I wanted to do are; Write a few blogs, work on a special NFL picks for the blog, catch up on some reading and finally, I wanted to work on some special effects. I fear that with this late night energy, I will find no energy tomorrow.

I did get sleep that night. Now, it wasn’t the amount of sleep that I wanted, but it was okay. I just have to get use to this new schedule, as it is hard to go from opening daily to closing nightly. I still get up at 5 A.M. and I operate most of the day with no problem. But like today, I found that at 4 P.M. I was dead tired. I got up and cleaned parts of the house just to stay awake, but as soon as I sat at my desk, I slowly began to fall asleep. I’m trying to fight the sleep, so that I can get back on a schedule, it’s just harder than I expected. What can I do? I’m dead tired…..

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

It is happening
   I have made a lot of pages in the past, most of them being pages for my blog. This time I will be making a Facebook page for something a lot cooler! I think, other than my Impromtdude page, this will be my most favorite page. This page will be dedicated to my new found hobby.

I’m going to make a new page for my special effects hobby, called Impromtdude Effects. I am still deciding if I want this name to stick, but it will work for now. For now, I will take the time to make material for the new page, while also trying to grow it as fast as possible. It is going to be fun to make the material and find ways to get the page out there. This is something I need to care more about with Impromtdude, but they both will be connected.

This page is for an art called “Special effects” and it will feature my work. This work has covered Burns, cuts, slit wrist, ripped fingers and bruises. This wont be the only thing it touches on, though. This page will also touch on how to get better if you are wanting to be an effects artist, yourself, by teaching a few techniques that I use and so on and how to make certain materials so you don’t have to spend a fortune on something you don’t know you truly want to do. Now, I do know I am new, but I know enough to teach others.

      My biggest goal is to do effects for haunted houses as I progress towards bigger jobs. I have done a few effects so far and they will be featured on this new page, so will you go check it out? Join this journey with me as I attempt to do something I honestly love. I will still be a full time blogger, but I will also be doing effects. It is pretty easy to keep both going, so that is what I will be doing. Click below to help me out!

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Faebook.com/ImpromtEffects

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