Posts Tagged ‘red’

Merry Christmas, you dirty rascals!

merry christmas gift box close up photo

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I don’t know if you guys have snow, but I know we don’t. It hasn’t felt like the holiday season without, but I will make this a joyful time still. Santa will still come and give me the best presents, and I will share with you as much as I can, even if I don’t want to. Santa will still crawl down my chimney, even if I don’t have one, he will make one and will come down it. He will for some reason not rob me and will leave me some awesome presents, which I will open and enjoy for the whole month that it’s still new.

Tomorrow is actually Christmas, but I don’t want to be on the computer during Christmas, as that would be rude… This is why WordPress allows you to schedule posts, so you don’t miss a beat in your life, while also sharing every memory with those you may never meet in real life. My Randoms, this feature is for you. You get to read this awesome post, all while you open presents and share heart filling memories with your own loved ones. I am making this post to wish you a merry Christmas and happy holidays.

I pray that you take this season to reconnect with those you may only see once a year. I pray that you get what you need and enjoy everything people get you. I pray for safe travels, if you are driving to see family. I pray that you get receipts from Aunt Mary, because who truly needs three blenders, like seriously, Mary, get it together! I clearly sent you my wish list on Amazon. I pray for healing in broken families and restoration with all relationships that can be saved.

If this is your first Christmas since the passing of a loved one, I pray for the peace of the Lord to come and blanket you. I am truly sorry for your loss! I don’t know what it feels like, but I know it isn’t easy. I hope that you still have a good time with those whom love you, also know that that love one is looking from heaven as you open that present. They are happy that you are making it through the pain, so keep kicking pains Arse. It has to be hard, but God gives people to us to help us through things, so if you are in this situation, look for those who can help you, cling to them and never let go.

If you are in a broken family, full of drama and strife, I pray for restoration. I pray restoration flows into those walls and God brings back together those relationships that aren’t toxic, and begins to change those who are toxic. God wants us to be united, so do what you can to bring peace into your family this Christmas. If you have tried and it doesn’t work, forgive them and move in your own destiny. Don’t give power to these people. Every time you get mad at them, you give them power over you, so stop and forgive them. You don’t have to talk to them, you don’t have to do anything with them, but at least forgive them so you can live your best life.

You guys are so strong. You are awesome and are truly presents to me. I am glad to have you guys and I pray that 2019 brings newness to this blog and it brings us all closer. 2019 is going to be a busy year, as I keep telling Ariel, so get on the train and take one hell of a ride. With God in the center, I can only imagine what all we can do!

I hope that you have a great Christmas. I hope you get what you want and more, but also that you find happiness in giving. I challenge you to do one great thing, then come here and tell us what you did. This can range from paying for someone’s coffee, or maybe you talk to a family member that you don’t like to talk to. Anything that shows love, do and tell!!!! I love you, guys!

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I love a good Christmas song, but I find they are bit too censored. That is why I thought of a few funny titles that could have been the title. Now, understand these aren’t for the faint of heart and shouldn’t be viewed if you are faint at heart. Either way, I hope you enjoy and I will see you, tomorrow!
12 days of Christmas: The screwed up Christmas songs!

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1. All I want for Christmas is you
a. All I want for Christmas is Beer and girl on girl porn.

2. Drummer Boy
a. Masturbating enthusiast practicing in public.

3. Oh, holy night
a. Oh, Holey underwear. Oh, stinky underwear.

4. Rocking around the Christmas Tree.
a. Rocking back and forth with two prostitutes and a bottle of Hennessey.

5. Last Christmas
a. Nothing Changed, I still got cheated on because I trusted the liar, again.

6. Ill be home for Christmas
a. Nog got to me, I’m at your mothers.

7. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
a. She’s starting to look a lot like my ex miss.

8. Santa Baby
a. The tale of Santa’s baby momma.

9. Rudolph the red nose reindeer
a. Rudolph the coke snorting, delusional deer.

10. Frost the snowman
a. Frosty the dope man, all he wants is drugs and children…

11. Santa’s coming to town
a. Oh boy, he’s about to go down. 

12. Mary, did you know?
a. Mary, please lay off the dope. No one gets pregnant without sex!

This is pprobably the last funny post, ever. You should give it a like and I might make another one. I hope you have a good night and try to stay positive.
I love you,
Bart, Ginger, Francis, Impromtdude.
Peace!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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In all honesty, I am waiting for people to say “You didn’t actually do it,” because of my video. The chip was hot, but it wasn’t the hottest chip, ever. I was actually disappointed in the heat of the chip. I never had a gaggy feeling, never shed a tear nor did I have a torturous feeling in my mouth. It just wasn’t that hot. I will say that my lips were on complete fire, but after 10 minutes that went away also. The milk and other items don’t help with the burn, so if you are going to do this challenge, it is best to just grab bread.

The taste of the chip was amazing! It tasted like a chipotle chip, which is good since I love chipotle! Also, the seasoning was coated on! Overall this was an amazing idea, since it did make me sweat a little, but I would compare the heat to Ghost Pepper sauce. About a hour after the challenge, I must say that my stomach hurts. I have lost my appetite and any burps hurt like hell.

Disclaimer: I broke the chip up so it was easier to chew (I have crappy teeth), but I did eat every piece of the chip. Also, look at the after photo of my lips!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Dear readers,

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   This is Ariel, Blake’s wife, I am very upset to announce this. But Blake would want you guys to know, so here we go; Today, I was very selfish. I told Blake that he needed to come with me to a party. Knowing that it was 96 degrees outside, Blake pleaded with me to not make him go, but I didn’t listen.

We don’t get to see each other a lot, so I really wanted him to come. After hours of fighting, he told me that he would come. That is the kind of man Blake is, he wants to make sure everyone is happy. He got up from his comfortable couch and came with me to this party. It was hot out, and I saw instantly that Blake wasn’t okay. But I wasn’t ready to go home, so I told him to toughen up. The longer that I was out there, I noticed a change in his personality.

The heat increased as we sat out in the pavilion. As we ate, I looked over to see a puddle of water. I looked everywhere for Blake, but he was gone. I got up from the table and walked around the park, but I couldn’t find him! With the fear in my heart, I came back to the puddle. It was confirmed that Blake was gone. He had melted from the extreme heat. I tried to freeze the water, but it didn’t work, he was gone.

I write to you guys, with a heavy heart. I must confirm that Blake is deceased. He cherished you guys, and would want me to let you guys know. This blog will stay up in memorial of him, feel free to send all condolences to the comment section.

I am very sorry for being selfish, I wish I knew what I know now, 5 hours ago, atleast then we would still have Blake. I am truly Heartbroken, and hope you guys will forgive me!

Best blessings!

Ariel Jenkins

(more…)

Rudolph is on drugs!
         Rudolph has freely went to rehab for his cocaine addiction. Rudolph was found on his living room floor next to a line of white snow. The cops investigated the powder, and revealed to the public that it was in fact Cocaine. When asked about it Rudolph told the public that he was rejected for so long that he turned to cocaine. When asked if he had any sales, he admitted that he sold some to the Easter bunny. But no one was able to find his hole, cops reported that they will wait until May 1st 2016 to investigate him.

         Rudolph was chosen from Santa when he saved Christmas, but Santa even admitted that his light-red nose looked drug related, but he came at a good price. Santa takes full responsibility and has been charged with flying under the influence. He is now trying to make a deal with UPS to deliver the rest of the presents this year, since his license have been suspended. Santa will also spend one-seventy days in jail for the possession of cookie crumbs. This drug was found in his lab. He apologizes for all inconveniences.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

This week has been rough for me. I have been sick with some kind of virus that has been wanting to attack my throat, along with my knee hurting from a pulled muscle, you could only imagine how hard it is for me to fall asleep at night. My wife has been telling me that I need to take some Nyquil, but I am too prideful to take medicine. So I have been fighting it for almost a week, well until last night. My throat hurt so bad that I was barely able to drink my highly sugared strawberry milk, and since I had to be up at 6 a.m. I decided it was time to stop being stubborn.
This was my first time (I can remember) taking a sleeping aid. At first I didn’t think that it was helping, but shortly my throat started to feel better, but as my throat got better, my eyes got heavier. The sleeping aid in the Nyquil started to hit my brain stem, I found myself asleep in the first ten minutes. I had a messed up dream last night when I was sleeping.
The dream started around 4 a.m. when I got up to shut off my alarm (Forgot to disable it). The dream started with my old friend from World Revival School of Ministry, he was being interviewed for a segment for a newspaper about me. They asked him how I affected his life in the ministry. He replied that I was an outshining star for the Lord in my school, that I was teaching something new that most wont anymore, and that what I say is different. He told them that I would teach the topic “Acceptance.”They asked him if he follows the words I preach, with no hesitation he told them that he is on the other side of me. The interview ended.
This was the first part of the dream, that was interupted with my alarm going off again. I clicked the button, saw that my wife was watching an interview with Nick Jonas, and went back to bed. This part of the dream was of me walking down the street. On one of the street there was a brick building surrounded with an electric fence. I was walking with what seemed to be no destination in mind. But that wasn’t the case a few seconds later when I pulled out my equipment. This equipment was 100 pounds of Army material that I started to run with. While running I looked to my right and saw that my wife was running next to me. I smiled and screamed something about fighting for God. But as we got close to the destination a bomb went off. I screamed but not because of the bomb, but because I was late for my job. This wasn’t my job, I still was employed with Mcdonalds and I was five minutes late to my shift.
This was my wildest dream in almost a year. I don’t know what it means, nor do I need to. Sometimes the dreams that we have are to open your mind about something, sometimes it’s to warn you. I believe this dream was to show me that I am paranoid, but also that I want to do more. I am paranoid that I will be late to work again, but at the same time I want to do more for the Army and for God. This also could simply mean that I am ready for war and will do anything to save whatever destination that was in my dream.