Posts Tagged ‘pastor’

 

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I won’t even attempt to tell you the history behind this day, I just know there were pilgrims, a bird and some yummy pie; all the things that still matter, even now. I bet they were sitting around a table, passing the feast that they worked so hard on, while telling their loved ones what they loved about them. I don’t think this holiday has changed all that much. I think the only thing that has changed is the fact that their families were really tight and they were actually grateful for things. Also, they probably didn’t have Christmas decorations up, yet. Gosh, what I would do to live back in their time. P.s. If you are the type of person to put up Christmas decorations before thanksgiving, know there is a special place in hell for you!

I know you are with family, so I’ll make this quick. I just wanted to say what I was thankful for this year. There’s so many things I am thankful for, and I plan to tell you guys every one of them. Sit back and enjoy, then tell me what you are grateful for!

Family- Of course, this has to be on the list. I am not only talking about my blood, but also you guys. Thank you for the support and keeping this blog alive. You guys are awesome, so keep doing what you are doing, but also my blood family. I know we don’t talk a lot but know that I do love you. I wouldn’t be me without you guys. I love you Grandma, Dad, Jakki, Jammi, Rikki, and Kenna. All the others that aren’t included know that you rock, also.

Job- I have to be thankful for the multiple jobs that I have. Between maintenance, Subway and construction, I don’t know how I have time. Either way, I am so thankful that I don’t have to sell drugs to buy groceries. I feel for those people. But that doesn’t stop me from being thankful.

Hobbies- We all know that I have a lot of hobbies, also that I like to quit hobbies quickly. But the one hobby that has never gotten old to me is writing. Yeah, I sometimes get burnt out, but I could never fully stop writing. It’s great to talk to myself in Word, but then be able to share those thoughts to you guys. It’s freaking cool!

My church- The situation is finally solved. I have done my time. Something really awesome came from this experience, though. During the lowest of my lowest time, I was able to find my passion for God, again. I was also able to find a home church. I love the people there, I love the atmosphere, and I love that it accepted me in my dirtiest, as one of their own! I am glad to be in this church.

Josh- Thank you for being awesome, josh. You don’t know how much you have changed my life. You have always known what to say in the hardest times. You were there when I needed you the most, and I’m thankful to have you in my life!

Ariel- my wifey! I know I make you mad, and I know that you have planned my murder a hundred times, but I know you could never kill me. I am thankful that I met you years ago. I love you more now than I ever have. Thank you for going to church with me and supporting me through everything. I can wait to grow old with you and finally have little Bentley.

Life- I am so thankful for another day of life. So many people have been taken from us! I am sorry for any one of those families. It has to be hard to lose someone that you are so close to, I couldn’t imagine the feeling. I am thankful that I am still living.

Everything- I don’t take for granted anything in life. If you have a part in my life, know that I cherish you.

I hope you guys have a good day. I know I am ready to tear into some good ole fashion turkey. I pray God’s hand over all of you, especially if you’re traveling. Take a minute and comment what you are thankful for. I would love to hear it!

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How do I get over her?

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How do I get over her?

When I was seventeen, I met the girl that changed my world. She isn’t my wife, now, but she helped me prepare myself for Ariel. I don’t know if this is okay to talk about, but know that my feelings are no longer strong about this girl. She is married now, and I am happy with who I am with. But I think someone needs to hear this and the only way to tell you guys is to bring her back up, so sorry if you guys think its disrespectful to Ariel, but know that I never meant for it to be. Please read this with an open mind, and don’t forget to share it! Someone needs to hear this.

 

I met this girl when I was seventeen. We went to a conference with the same youth group. I didn’t know anything about her, as she didn’t know about me, either. I never went to her church, but my old youth pastor was her youth pastor, at the time. He invited me to go with them, which I was excited to go to find God, but little did I know, I was about to meet someone that would go on to change my life, forever. She said hi first, and I ignored her because I was shy.

 

After the service, I went up to say sorry and she said that she understood, so I introduced myself and we began to talk. This was the start of the best part of my life (up to this point in time, of course not now) we got to know each other better each day, and we never went a day without talking. With every day that went by, I was learning more about life, God, and how to love. I changed my career path and got accepted into the same college that she was going to. We planned to go to the same school so we could be close (in order to help each other get closer to God. As we knew it can be hard to adapt.) We agreed to begin to court once we turned 18, but the more we talked, the feeling began to get stronger. Long story short; she called it off shortly after we got close; saying that her family didn’t think it was a good idea. We went our separate ways. This is what I call the dark days.

 

Losing her took a huge blow to my faith, as I couldn’t focus on anything but the fact that she wasn’t close to me anymore. I could count on my youth pastor, but he was busy with his life, and took a job at the church she attended, so I thought I had to get through this alone. The more that I fought to get over her; the more I felt the waves crashing into me. I drowned in my faith and became depressed. This led me to staring at walls for hours, not praying as much, and questioning if God was real. It got so bad that my pastors pulled me into the side room and questioned if I was okay. Kids in school asked me if I was okay; literally one day I was shining, the next I was dark and emotional. I never thought I could get over her, but I did.

 

You probably have gone through this, or are going through this now, and you may be asking how I did it? How did I get over her? It took a long time, but by doing four things, I was able to get over her, finally; realizing it was for the best, knowing that someone was out there for me, giving space and being happy for her. Let’s see what I mean;

 

  1. Realizing it was for the best.

This meant that I had to agree that I wasn’t the best option for her, and she wasn’t the best option for me. This can be hard when you first break up or break a courtship off, because the feelings are still fresh, but over time you will see that it is for the best. She was what I wanted, but not what I needed. She had different dreams; ones that I didn’t want. She wanted to see the eastern part of the world, where I was more into spreading the word to locals. This being said, our lives were never going to match up, which is good to know that neither of us are held back now, because she married in the east and I married in the local part of Illinois. What I am saying is there was a reason that it didn’t work out, you may not know right now, but one day you will know and you will smile, knowing that you were able to set her/him free and were able to do your own thing, without anything holding you down or back.

 

  1. Knowing someone was out there for me.

I have always wanted to find the perfect girl, fall in love, get married and eventually have kids. When she left, I thought all of that was over, but shortly after her leaving, I talked to someone and they said to have faith someone is out there. I didn’t want to believe it, because I didn’t want to believe that anyone could be better than her. Now that I look back on that conversation, he was right. It was scary to think that I would never meet someone, but the truth is; she was out there! She was waiting patiently for me. Know that when you close one door, another door will be opened for you. IT may hurt to go through, but the pain will be healed once you walk through that door; because your first love never amounts to your true love.

 

  1. Giving her the space she needs, also the space I need!

I had respect for this girl, so I never wanted to step over boundaries. I wanted to give her the space that she needed, wanted.  I knew that I couldn’t get over her if I was seeing her weekly, so I didn’t involve myself in events that I knew she would be at, or at least events that I knew we would have to talk a lot. When I graduated, I gave her the space by going to another college, letting her go to CBC without me. I attended a different seminary, hoping that moving would take away the pain, and it worked. I attended World Revival School of Ministry in Kansas City, Missouri. This school was all about finding a new level to your relationship with God. I never had time to think of her, and I was maturing as a person.

 

When I came back home, I was able to talk to her with no pain, at all. We were able to talk as friends, sharing our passions without thinking about the future together. It was nice, because in the end, she was still a great friend.   It is important to get yourself the room to cope with the heart break. This was the hardest part. I know it’s hard to watch someone you love move on, but you have to know that trying to force yourself into their arms will never work. Give them space, take your space and one day you could be friends (or in a special case, it could have been the wrong time for the relationship, and you could eventually fall in love, again.) I would rather have that person in my life as a friend, than not having that person in my life at all. It worked for me; I bet it can work for you, too!

 

  1. Be happy for the person!

Okay, so now we know that we have to realize better things are out there, that you won’t be alone forever, and that you have to give them space, but what should be the last thing? What will help? BE happy! Be happy for the person, be happy for your own growth; be happy that you can be friends; be happy that you didn’t have to live with the regret, be happy that you were giving the chance in the first place.

 

BE HAPPY!  So it didn’t work out! That doesn’t mean that it has to be all bad. You were able to spend that time with them, you were able to learn from this situation, and you were giving a second chance to find that somebody that will probably be better than the other one, anyway.  I am personally happy that she was able to find someone, get married and was able to change his world. I am happy that I was able to find Ariel, fall in love, get married, and start a small family one day. I am also happy that I was able to learn everything from my first love. But somethings just don’t work out, I am happy that I could live it, though. I know it hurts, but don’t let it get you down, forever.

 

Move on, and find a way to be happy. Surround yourself with friends during the dark days, and never be afraid to ask for help. I was stupid to think I had to do it all alone. You are never alone, so don’t try to do it alone. In all of this, find something to make you happy, because you deserve to be happy, with or without that person. When you do this, I bet you will get over him/her.

 

I think I have talked enough, so I will end it here. I know that you are hurting, which I’m sorry for, but it won’t always be like this. IT will get better, I don’t know when, but it will! Find friends to keep you occupied; let them help you piece yourself back together and get ready for the love of your life to come and sweep you up! You will be so happy that you didn’t stay with the one that got away. So space yourself, realize you won’t be alone forever, know it happens for a reason, and finally, be freaking happy. You will make it! I have faith in you!

Also check out my blog on First love vs true love!

​There was an old story that was going to be something. I wrote 5 chapters before scrapping the project. Now, after years, I am going to show you guys the first chapter. Sorry about the spacing.. 

The pastor stands there holding his bible. He is dressed in a nice black suit with a red tie, that has a little button on the tip that says “Forgiven.” Indicating that anything that passes this world into paradise must first be forgiven by something bigger than ourselves.

“We are gathered here today to remember the life of Theordore Ramsey. Though he lived a short life, the length of time he had here affected many.” I could hear the agonizing cries from all of my friends and family, it is breaking my heart to hear the sound, but I cant do anything, which has to be the worse part!

“And though we don’t know why God took our young man, we have to believe that he has a purpose.” Ah that’s not right pastor, don’t tell them that, don’t make them question what purpose God has for my death. Telling them that will make them hate God even more! Be Sensitive to them!

I cant hear the pastor anymore? I guess that means he is done talking? I sure hope so, his speech was okay, but overall he needs help! There is no reason that I should be crying at my funeral, well besides the fact that I am dead. Other than that, I should not be crying, but with this pastor, I was bawling the whole time that he was speaking.

I thought they were about to put the roses on my coffin and seal me in the ground, but then I heard her voice, her sweet soft voice. The voice I fell in love with, the voice I would wake up to every morning. The voice I would hear screaming at me when I would make her made, even then it was beautiful. Her voice is voice that I will miss the most once I am six feet under. I hope I don’t forget that sound. I hope that every second I am in this coffin, I hear her voice.

She begins to talk about how we spent our life together, the best parts and she even talked about some of the rough parts. But there was one part of her speech that really touched me, it was the night before we split, it was a week before our wedding. Emotions were high, stress even higher, so I decided that I wanted to go watch the sunset, and get her home before ten like the old days. It went like this:   

It is 8 o’clock P.M. Central timing, if you were trying to imagine how dark it is at this point, it isn’t that dark, the sun is just pearing over the horizon. Usually the sun goes down by now, but for some reason it has decided that it wasn’t ready to leave its resting place for the night.

 I wish at this point that we could pause time and cherish the time that we have together, I never once took it for granted, but I never truly was appreciative for it. So maybe I did take it for granted.

We were lying on a blanket, luckly it was a nice night in Illinois, since the rest of the week after that was a complete mess, I believe that there was even snow in July? I hate weather inIllinois, it was more bipolar than my in-laws. I liked my in-laws, as much as I like kittens. They are nice from a distance, but when they get close, all they do is bite.

Anyways, we were lying on the blanket, I supported a pair of kaki shorts, where she wore her jean mini-skirt, I couldn’t keep my mind off her legs, making it harder for me to wait that week for our wedding, I just had to tell her that I wanted to wait. I believed waiting was the best option for our marriage. If something would have happened to us, and she wouldn’t of been whole for her husband, as she wanted to be, I would of felt horrible. So waiting it was. She just didn’t make it easy on me!

“I am getting a little chilly.” I wrapped her in my arms to help her body warm up, she enjoyed the feeling, as did I. We talked about the wedding the whole night, talking about the objects we still needed to buy and what we still needed to do for the special day. Which wasn’t much, we only had a few things left to do being: Paying the pastor and booking a hotel for our honeymoon. Overall we have all this wedding paid for, even though we didn’t decide to plan until six months before, because we are smart!

We are getting to the point in this memory where I cant remember all the details, even if I did it would be hard to explain, but I will try my hardest to give you all the correct descriptions!

We decided that at 9:30 we were going home, well it got to that time and we packed up the car with the blankets from her mother’s room. I wanted to drive 20 mph the whole way there, because after tonight the only time we were going to talk is if we had a question about the wedding. We wanted to build tension between each other to make it more exciting on our big day.

I dropped her off at her house, she gave me a long passionate kiss that I embraced happily knowing it was going to be my last one for a week. I went in for another one before she exited the car, but she smirked, and told me I had to wait. The torture was enforced, as she wanted me to cry on the inside, she wanted me to feel pain, for telling her she had to wait to have kids. She wanted me to regret my decision, and I was for sure.

I watched her as she walked into her house, it was late so she asked me to not go up to the door, as I said before in-laws are jerks, so I had to watch her from a distance. She turned around and gave me a blow-kiss. I returned the favor and drove off. 

 It was 1 A.m. when she got the call, telling her to get to the hospital. The doctor told her that I was in extreme condition and that I will not make it through the night. I then heard a loud scream, and crying, before blacking out.


    Today marks two amazing, magical years with my wife. We said “I do” on this day in a local park. The day was pretty amazing, as we said our vows and ran for cover when the rain came down. The rain started moments after our ceremony, which to us meant good luck. But that is in the past, now we are living the high life. I try to stay up on my charm, so days like these let me prove I’m still a hopeless romantic! Trust me after today, I showed that! Lol!

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I originally was scheduled to close (due to a scheduling flaw) but I switched that out with a co-worker (Big shoutout to Luke!) This gave me the day off, the perfect scenario to get everything together. I have been planning this day for a few months, so when I woke up, I was ready to get everything together. I had my money, my hat on backwards, and love in my heart for my princess, as I headed to Wal-Mart.

When I was there, I went shopping to get her flowers and a card. Though this was for her, I found myself also shopping for me. I found a big pack of pens, thirty for $2.50. It was a great deal so I got them. I have enough pens, but why not add more, right? Anyways, I went to the cards and picked out a cute card. That wasn’t the problem, the true problem came with finding the flowers. I was wanting a few dozen roses, but they only had 28 all together. That was fine, a dozen per year we have been married, but still Wal-Mart get a better selection…I was wanting a dozen of white and one of Red so I could mix them, but I had to settle for all red…How annoying.

After picking up the flowers and card, I headed home where I was about to write a sweet love letter. Ariel absolutely loves my notes, she says I don’t write her enough of them, so today I wrote her a pretty heartfelt and cute one. I then placed the note inside the card and sealed it. After the note, I went into the bedroom and took a nap. I was only wanting to take a half hour but ended up taking a full hour. Though I slept extra I was still way ahead of time. I decided to do some house chores including; Dishes, cleaning the bedroom, gathering trash and laundry. I surprisingly did these items pretty fast, leading me up to the departure. It was time to go surprise my wife at work. But first I had to stop at a comic book store. Ariel is huge fan of The Walking Dead and Darryl, this is why I went to a comic book store and bought her an action figure of Darryl and his brother, Merle.

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I surprised her at work and asked her out on a date, she said yes. It was planned, we were going out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse, at 7pm. We did stop and get some small items, but other than that, we went home and laid around until the date.
We had a great night, the food was great and we had the coolest Waiter. This night was magical, too sad that it has to end. I don’t want it to end, but it has to. We have to get up pretty early, but I want to say one more thing.

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Dear Ariel,
Thank you for being amazing. I didn’t think I would ever get married. I figured I was going to be the pastor of the weddings, never feeling the joy of my own. This was all until you came around. You opened my eyes to what real love is, for this I have to say thank you. If you were never to come around, I would still be a miserable, heartbroken teenager crying over everything. We have been through so much, but you never gave up on me, so thank you. I can’t wait to grow more with you. Two years is only the start, we have a big road coming, I’m glad to have you on this ride.
Love you,
Blake!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

    Does anyone know where my Honda went? Someone must have stolen it…
    This will be a quick story about my old church. This story came in my third year of being a Christian. I was talking to a pastor about speaking in tongues. I always wanted to do the impossible, and for me speaking in tongues was impossible. I didn’t understand it and always felt it was a trick to get people more hyped in church, but for some reason, I was never able to achieve the goal of doing so.

    Being very frustrated, I wanted to get my pastors advice. What he told me was un-releastic and made me question everything. I don’t know if he was joking, but  if he wasn’t then there are so many people walking around, thinking they are giving a gift of God, when in reality they are fools of a man’s tricks.

    The trick is very simple. You just have to say a few simple phrases, quickly, and you did it! The phrases are; “Who stole my Honda?” and “Untie my bow tie.” Now of course, one must say them quickly and in a low volume, mainly to ensure no one hears you, but that is the trick. You will be able to speak in tongues without problems, but only of you follow the rules.

    Let me remind you:
1. Get pumped at Church.
2. Lift your hands
3. Start praying
4. Say one of the two phrases.
5. Keep it low volumed and continue.
6. Sell it!
   
   

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Obviously, this isn’t the way to do this, but I found it funny. The Lord is something to not joke about. But also playing tricks on people isn’t acceptable either. So if you want to do this, so be it, but make sure to keep it to yourself. Don’t share my secrets …fool!

Impromtdude

The reason I left college

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School is almost over for most seniors, which leaves them with one big decision, what would they like to do for the rest of their lives? After they figure out that question, they will then search for some colleges, either near or far from their hometown. After the decide where they want to go, they will send in an application to see if they are compatible with that certain school. After the college accepts them into their school, they will possibly move across the world to study their desired trait.
I decided on what I wanted to do when I was at church, one night. The pastor was talking about callings. At this point, I was lost on what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a writer, computer engineer, and pastor, but I didn’t know what was worth the money. I wasn’t good at math, so I knew computer engineering was at the bottom, of the list. I was comfortable with being a writer, but I didn’t know if that was my calling, but then I heard, what I thought was god, and he told me that I should be a pastor. My excitement overtook my body, and I jumped on that plan. At this time, I was also beginning a courtship with a girl, one that was going to this little Christian college, in August. She convinced me to apply at CBC (Central Bible College) and I did. A week later, I got a call while eating out with a few friends. CBC called to inform me that I had been accepted into their school. But a month later, they conjoined with another school, which raised the tuition. They also lost my entry fee. With all this going on, I decided to leave this option on the curb, and go a different way. That is when I found WRSM (World revival school of ministry.)
I didn’t want to go to a seminar, yet I applied. I don’t remember applying, honestly, but I did. I was accepted, and was on my way to Kansas City, Mo in August. The day I left home, I remember getting a mile out of town, then I heard a voice inside saying “NO!” I wasn’t sure what it was, but I marked it down as fear, and kept driving. That voice was warning me about what was about to occur.
I was happy when I got to the new home, my heart was racing, but something didn’t feel right. I figured this was from the change of location, so I fought it. But as the time went on, the feeling got worse. I wasn’t doing well at the time, I couldn’t sleep at nights, I couldn’t find a job, I wasn’t feeling the same about church, I was a mess. Then I met this guy, Craig, and we talked. I told him that I wasn’t feeling the same about this dream, and that I was thinking about leaving, after the semester was over. He wanted me to stay, saying this was a great place to be, especially if I was wanting to pursue Gods will. I felt bad for even questioning if I were suppose to be her not, I didn’t want to question Gods plan, so I decided to stay, still with no job or money.
A month before I left:
The pains of not fitting in are heavy, I haven’t met any close friends, even after being here for six months. When the church service starts, I feel empty inside, its an emptiness that I can’t fill with anything. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel God anymore. I have prayed and prayed, but nothing is working. I am lost in self-doubt and frustration. I even started to doubt Gods existence at this point. Then there he stood, my youth pastor, at my front door step. He came down to give me a care package, but I needed more. I needed to talk to him, quickly. I needed to open up to someone, so we went out to dinner. I opened up in the middle of a empty Ihop, crying my eyes out from the heartache I had from this school. I was going to church five days a week, yet wasn’t feeling God? I knew there was something not clicking. My youth pastor told me that these were the choices: I come home, or I fight through. He told me that I had to pick the choice, that he couldn’t pick for me. He ensured that he was here for me with whatever I choose.
The answer came to me, about two weeks later. There was a big conference in town for the weekend. I was a part of the chair crew, which is a group that puts up chairs and tears them down, but this was for a church of 1000 and had to be done 2 times a day. With the conference in town, that added to the amount of work we had. During that week, I only got three hours of sleep. I remember someone coming up to me, and asking if I were okay. I smiled and told them I was doing just fine, but they saw through my lie, and asked how much I have been sleeping. With knowing, they knew, I told them the truth. They told me to go home, and get some sleep. But as they walked away, I laughed and went back to work. I would have felt guilty if I would have slacked off, since the school did give me a quarter free. I spent that semester working my butt off, just to pay them back. At the end, I wasn’t happy, though. That is when I decided to come home.
I still didn’t have any solid income. The house parents told me that I needed to get a job, quickly, or they would have to kick me out. So while they were at church, one Sunday, I decided to pack up my car and come back home. I felt a huge burden being lifted off my shoulders as I crossed back over to Illinois, I knew at this point, this was suppose to be my calling. I was called to stay in Illinois, and figure my life out. I wasn’t needed in a new land, but I needed to be somewhere I knew. My calling was to be a writer, something I could do right here in Illinois, for now.  

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

10 careers I wanted and why they didn’t last
Oh my God; two list post in two days? What was I thinking? I was thinking that you mothers wanted something similar, for once! But here we go again! I wanted to be a thousand things, but couldn’t pick what I wanted truly do. This led to a lot of confusion, but then I found a career that would allow me to do everything I wanted. This was to be a writer. But tonight, I want to travel back in time and show you guys what I went through, also to show you guys what careers I wanted and why they failed.
10. Fire Fighter– I have nothing but excuses, but I’m too weak
9. Astronaut– I loved space as a kid, but as I grew up, I fell out of love with the outer space masses.
8. Stripper– My dad is a pastor, so that wouldn’t of lasted, my name would have been “Captain bubblebutt”
7. Cop– I don’t know why I never tried to be one, just never happened.
6. Gamer– I am horrible at playing video games, so blah…
5. Computer engineer– I suck at math, which is highly needed in this field.
4. Youtuber (Film editor)- I didn’t have the money for the equipment.
3. Musician– I wanted to be the front man, but didn’t have the vocal talents.
2. Basketball player– 1 and 100000000 get into the NBA.
1. President– Still a dream, but I still have 13 years to plan!  

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

   It was time for me to stop fearing, because it wasn’t something to fear about, this was going to shake my life for the good, nothing bad was going to come from this. I felt something pull on my heart telling me everything was going to be fine. Even though at first, I didn’t believe that, as I stood in the middle of the empty highway, I began to feel safe again.

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   I am sleepy, but I know I need to get up from the mattress, get dressed, and head down to my ride. They will be leaving in 15-minutes, and today is one day that I can’t miss. My dad has yelled at me three times, to get up, but something doesn’t want me to go.
   My head is heavy, even though I went to bed early the night before. I think it might be a nervous feeling, I mean today is the day that my life changes. I have been waiting for this day, my whole life, well since I gave up on pleasing myself, to please someone else. It has been two weeks since that night at the loft, and I still feel the energy that I did that night. The night that changed, how I felt about religious beliefs and church. Today is the day that I go down a sinner and come up saved by grace. I got out of the sheets that tangled my legs and went to the bathroom. My hair was a mess, my eyes were puffy, and my armpits were on fire. I didn’t have the time to mess with that though, I should have woke up and took a shower, but that wasn’t the plan, the plan was that everything would have worked itself out, but it didn’t. I quickly wet my hair, brushed my teeth, and threw on a nice shirt, that was acceptable for church. I walked into my room and grabbed the bag, full of more clothes, for after the service.
   I walked out of the house with a little less than 5-minutes before departure, all to remember that I forgot deodorant. I sniffed my armpits, that were still ripe from late night basketball, and almost died. This is one thing that I needed to take care of, so I told my dad to go down and tell them I will be there, and not to leave. He told me to hurry up, which I did. I ran inside grabbed, what I could find, and left. I made great timing, everyone was boarding the two cars when I arrived. When I got there, the teens greeted me, like I was finally one of them, something I never felt like before. I got in the truck, after throwing my bag in the bed, and put my headphones in.
The whole ride there, I was thinking about the decision I was making today. This means that I could no longer do what everyone else does, I replayed in my head as I looked out of the window. I knew that It was the right decision, but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to do it. I didn’t want to be different from everyone else, but at the same time, I still wasn’t. I was never one of the guys, or a popular guy, so what did I have to lose? I was about to gain a new level of happiness that was promised to me. I knew it was worth the looks I would get, to live for something with purpose for once, to do something for me for once. I thought I believed that, but the closer we got, the more I wanted to jump out of the car. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to take the step, it was the questions on what would I do after? Do I go back to the old Blake, what was the new Blake even-like?
    I feared that I was jumping the gun, and I was about to fall flat on my face! But even if I wanted to back out, it was too late to. I was already at the church, well before time, which is great, now I have even more time to fear the worse. Everyone got out of the truck, and went into the building, except for me. I decided to stay outside for a while, and talk to God.
The morning due was still on the grass. The wet grass caused my shoes to get wet, and then my socks got soaked. Of course, I figured this was a sign from God, telling me not to go through with the plan. I was okay with not going through with the plan, but when I was about to pull the plug, something inside stopped me. It was time for me to stop fearing, because it wasn’t something to fear about, this was going to shake my life for the good, nothing bad was going to come from this. I felt something pull on my heart telling me everything was going to be fine. Even though at first, I didn’t believe that, as I stood in the middle of the empty highway, I began to feel safe again.
    I started to get the feeling that I had the first night, the night that I said “yes” to follow something bigger than me. So as I stood in the middle of that empty highway, with damp socks and a freeing body, I chose to stop worrying about what would be said at school. The people would either expect it, or they wouldn’t. Their opinions never meant much to me anyways. This choice is my choice, and I chose to do it, and that was final. I sat back down on the church steps, and prayed, one-last-time before the service began.
   The wind began to pick up, sending a unsettle chill through  my feet. I finished the prayer, and walked inside to find a pew in the middle of the sanctuary. I usually would sit with the rest of the teens, but today I wanted to focus on getting ready for the service, so I forced myself to sit away from them.
   The pastor finished his sermon, which rocked my mindset. I can’t remember what it was about, I just remember that I was bawling my eyes out, knowing that I needed the message. I got up from the pew, and got some prayer. But that wasn’t the end of that service, oh no, the best was about to happen. I got up off my knees, and went back to the front row pew, to hear the pastor introduce six young people to the stage, myself included.
    I wiped my tears from my eye socket, and walked to the front. I stared out into the crowd, their faces were shining as bright as the sun. The were happy with our commitment that we were about to make, some were even crying. I was guessing the ones that were crying, were family members of the other five, up here. I simply gave a half-grin and turned towards the pastor as he spoke; “We are gathered in unity to bless these young men, as they chose to give their old-self up to follow, our Lord. We now get to witness them being reborn, in the ceremony of baptisms. We are overjoyed that we get to share with you guys.”
   We were then instructed to go get dressed in the clothes we brought, which included my black shirt with gym shorts. I was last in line, I got to witness 5 go before me, and come up a new man. There was one man that raised through the water, like a cannon, he shot through the water, screaming “Hallelujah.” I began to get nervous, thinking about what I should say. I quickly rejected that thought, and gave it up to God.
   It was my turn. I walked up to the giant tub of water, looked into it. I had one last time to turn around, and walk away. But I said no, and got into the water. The pastor had me repeat the words that he said, which I did. Then he pushed my head back into the water. The water was warm, but that wasn’t what I felt. When I was submerged into the water, my heart dropped. The water was electric, it sent shocks through my body, ones that I only felt during the youth rally. I knew at this moment, there was something in the water, with me, it was God. The submerging only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like years to me. I went down, felt the shock, also I felt the chains of my past break, my abuse story was light on my mind, my past sins and lies seemed to be erased.
   I felt that I was sent through a master reset, like one of a computer. My hard drive was cleared, and new software was installed, software that led me to believe, it was time to change the world. I didn’t realize that the pastor brought me up out of the water, I stood there for a second, before my arms shot up in the air. I felt overjoyed, almost to where I leaped out of the water, but I contained myself enough to scream “Amen.” I don’t remember shouting though, someone told me months later, while I was talking to them about it. I was happy to hear that, since I didn’t want to think I copied anyone. That moment in the water, changed my life, forever.
   Even if I don’t follow the rules as close as I should, that day has always been an outline for me. I feel that day wasn’t about religion. Yes, of course, it was a church event, and I did it for God, but that day not only freed me for God, but it also gave me the power to free myself. If that day wouldn’t of happened, I would still be fighting the pain of my past, and probably would have lost, by now.  I thank God, that I didn’t lose my cool, and left that day. If I would have, I don’t know where I would be today!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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I was watching a show one night, and an infomercial came on. The guy said that he had something for me, and that I should call right away. Since the object was free, I gave the man a call. The operator told me that my package would arrive, in 3-7 days. I waited patiently for the package, as if I was receiving the cure for cancer, but the question was, is it?
Leroy Jenkins, a famed pastor and leader of a T.V. broadcast, was sending out free vails of ‘holy water.’ I was skeptical of the water, but it was too cool to pass up on, and since it was free, why not get a sample? So as said before, I called the operator. I gave the pretty lady my address, phone number, age, and a sample of blood. She replied that she didn’t need that information, but I continued. Finally, I hung up the phone, after she told me that the water was on its way.

I sat at the door, of my sisters apartment, between 10-11 a.m. waiting for the mail man. The feeling I had while waiting was one of a dog, waiting on its owner to return from work. I honestly was excited about the water, mainly due to how stupid the man made it sound. But if it worked, then I would be able to give it to those who are sick. I would be able to do miracles, like Jesus. This was all in Jesus’ name, of course.

The water was delivered three days later than it was to come. I almost forgot what I was waiting on, but when the package came, I quickly regained my memory. I ripped open the envelope, and pulled out a small piece of plastic. The plastic had one drop of water in it, not even enough to clinch my thirst, so I hung it up and counted it as a win. I didn’t want to use the water, since there wasn’t much left, so I didn’t tell anyone about it.

After a few weeks, a letter came to my mailbox, from Leroy. The letter was telling me that he was praying for me, this was a nice gesture, but that wasn’t it. He went on to tell me that he received a prophecy from God. According to the note, God told him that I was suppose to give him an offering, one equaling up to $250. I laughed at the attempt, and threw the piece of paper away, but kept the pretty prayer cloth, he sent.

One week later, Leroy reached out again, attempting to get a offering again. This time, he told me that God wants me to test my faith. He was told by God that I need to give $400 to the ministry. I got angry at the fact that he reached out again, because how was I to offer something I didn’t have? At this time I was jobless, which meant I had no cash. Why would God tell him to have me tithe, when he knew my situation, then it clicked.

There are people out there, that are falling apart and want God to love them. They hear these fancy words from a Servant of God, and they feel compelled to give. This usually leads to the people falling behind on bills, leading to a hatred formed due to their faith being misled. Jesus didn’t want them to tithe that much, he wanted them to tithe their best, but since this one man wanted to grow his bank account, they gave something they didn’t have. All God wants from us, is our heart. He could care less about your money, what does he need that for? Should you tithe (if you believe in that)? Yes, in order for the church to operate. Should you give what you don’t have? No, you give what you can, not what someone says God wants. If you didn’t get a certain message from God, then you should pray more.

Now this story is to those who believe in religion. If you don’t believe in God, then take this as a lesson, to never listen to those on T.V. offering unrealistic things. I see infomercials all the time, offering things that seem to good, that’s because it is. They are in it for the money. It sucks that this man was lying though, because if the water was as amazing, as he said, big things could have happened!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Could you move across the world to achieve your dream?

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I have been thinking back to my college days a lot lately, which is when I decided to come back home to move in a different direction. I was studying pastoral studies in Kansas City, and I couldn’t have been happier, well for the first few months. It didn’t last though, I felt that I was wasting much needed time doing something, I no longer wanted to do. I ran out of the ministry juice, and no longer wanted to study religion. This was after a dream, that woke me up in the middle of the night, and kept me up the whole night. The dream was more a path that I knew I wanted to take, but my fear of failure was outweighing my courage of succeeding.

I wanted to come back home to study locally. This was forced also by not finding a solid job, that wouldn’t keep me from college for a semester. In the dream, I saw myself finishing my first novel, and becoming a world-known writer. I was excited instantly about becoming a professional writer, that the dean-of-students offer wasn’t enough to keep me around. Even though they gave me a semester free, and helped with my rent, I no longer wanted to be there. I left during a Sunday service, and packed up my things. I came back home to Illinois, without telling anyone there. I know it was wrong to do so, with everything they did for me but it was now-or-never, or so I thought.

When I got back to Illinois, I got lazy. I didn’t try to get a job, I didn’t care about the same things as before. I didn’t want to write anymore. I felt like I was wasting my time doing nothing, so I planned to attend another seminary, in order to show those around me, that I didn’t come back to lay around. I never got into the seminary, due to the money issues I was experiencing. But this would change shortly, when I met my wife.

My wife wanted me to follow my true dream, which was to become a writer. She pushed me to go back to college, and get my degree in journalism. But when I showed interest, my job began to want me to pull more hours. With the more hours that I was getting, the less the chance became, that I was able to go to college. This is when I decided that I was going to try becoming published without a degree. This is nearly an impossible task, but where there is a will there is a way. Now that I have started my portfolio, I know the things that need to be done in order to get my name out there. This could lead me to a new location on the map, yes I am talking about moving.

I have started to promote through some amazing items, which I blogged slightly about, last night. But the reality is, sometimes you need to move to become someone in this industry. Springfield might not be the best place for me to try and grow, but at the same time it might be the best place. The question is though; Could I move if it came to it?

The answer is “Yes.” As a writer, I see that my future could cause me to go to another city, state, or country. This is any job, you have to be ready to relocate, and I am. It would be hard, but how could I say that I want to grow but not take the steps that it takes to do so? I can’t, that’s why it is important to ready your heart to do the hardest things in life, no matter the cost.

If you hold back, because of fear, you could miss an opportunity of a lifetime, I will not though.
I have been taking the steps that I need to, and I have seen that it has helped. But time will tell if the steps I have taken will be enough. I pray they are, but no one knows what God has in store, so I give him control, and can only pray that I don’t get in the way!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude