Posts Tagged ‘parents’

In the last ten years, I have held a lot of resentment and anger towards one person. She is no longer in my life, but somehow I still allow her to cause me pain and also allow her to ruin good days. I tried to take back the control by hiding behind humor, but I found out in order to get back that control, I must first forgive her, that is the only way to move on with my life and get away from the past, also the only way to be truly forgiven by God.

This time of the year has always been a little difficult for me, as this was the month that my mother walked away from her kids. She did this in 2004. She gave us our Christmas presents, at the courthouse, and then simply walked away. I haven’t physically seen my mom since, though I have talked to her on the internet, about a year ago. I don’t want to discredit her as a mom, but she has also never been a good parent. She left my sister and me in foster care and went on with her life. She says she tried to fight for us, but I question how hard she fought. Since that day, I have always blamed her for the pain that I feel inside. I try to keep off this subject as some might see it as me trying to get attention, and when I bottle it inside, I feel so much worse. Children are meant to have both parent parts, a job that my dad did amazing at fulfilling, but it still isn’t the same without having that figure in your life. But today marks the end of this. Being upset and hurt won’t do anything; she isn’t coming back, so I must move on. I must forgive her and stop tearing her down any chance I get.

The bible tells us that we must forgive to be forgiven. I really don’t want to be the reason that God isn’t blessing me, all because I can’t forgive a woman. She made a huge mistake, but I can’t judge her. Just like I can’t go into a courtroom and tell the judge how to handle a case. I simply can only forgive her for the wrong she has done and pray that she has gotten the help that she needs. With the strength from God, I want to forgive her publicly, through this blog.

“Dear, mom

Thank you for raising the strongest man that you could have. I am doing great, now. I have a lot going for me, including a job that pays decent, a wife that loves me unconditionally, and faith that could move mountains. I am strong in my faith, so I must now forgive you for the pain that you inflicted on my life. I know that you don’t want to admit that you messed up, as blaming father is much easier to do, but know that I no longer hold that over your head. We all make mistakes, some are worse than others, but they are all mistakes. I have made my fair share of mistakes, so I can’t judge you for yours. I just hope that you are getting the help that you need. I find my security in Jesus. Being in Church helped you care more, so I pray that you find your way back into the chapel. Mom, I sincerely love you. I pray nothing but the best in your life and I hope that you are building a life for yourself. You started life young, being pregnant in high school must have been scary, but you somehow found ground to build on, something most couldn’t do. You met dad, made a family with him. Without you and dad, I wouldn’t be here, so I thank you for that. I thank you for showing me the basic skills for life, as much as you did in the few years we had together, without those teachings, I don’t know how strong I would be. Dad is doing a great job, and has for years; he gave me wisdom and a heart of gold. You need to forgive him and move on, as I must do the same. I want to be a youth pastor, but I don’t want God to stop my blessing because of the anger I have towards you, so I simply must forgive you. God said “If you don’t forgive others for their sins, your heavenly father won’t forgive you.” Mom, I want to see you in heaven, so please get right with God. I have found a way to last without you in this life, but I would be crushed if I got to heaven and didn’t see you there. A lot has happened, but I still love you. I always will. Just do as Romans 10:9-10 says and get right with God. If you need anything, message me, I can walk you through it. Know that I can’t hold on to the pain, anymore. But forever, I will be praying for you!! I love you, and I forgive you.

Blake!”

person holding fountain pen

Photo by John-Mark Smith on Pexels.com

Advertisements

   Hey guys, I hope you are having an amazing day. It has been a slow dragging day, but I’m work now and ready to relax. I have a Friday off, tomorrow. A first in a long time, so I hope to relax and catch up on writing and other various things.

   Today, I want to say “I love my family!” This includes any aunt’s, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, and parents. I love all of my family. They are super supportive (especially my dad,) and they would do anything to help me, which is why I love them! But I have to give a huge shoutout to someone that isn’t even blood!

    My cousin, Matt, is truly amazing. The other day, I wrote a post about my new Flash figure. In the post I was talking about how I wanted to get a Jason Vorhees figure and a Hulk figure. I had all the intentions on buying them, I just wanted to get bills paid first, then I would buy the figures. Well, I got into the car yesterday for work. Ariel and I were giving him a ride (since they work together.) He got into the car and handed me a big box! I had forgotten that I even posted a post about those figures, so imagine the surprise when I opened the box. I opened the box to see the two figures, laying right beside each other.

   My once tired body was now awake as I was filled with joy. The figures looked amazing in person, better than they looked online! My collection is satisfyingly complete. I would be okay with never getting another figure!

   I want to say thanks to this amazing dude! You are truly a great friend, family, and brother! I could never ask for a better family member! Thank you for caring and for thinking of me, I’m in awe of the selfless act. It might seem like a small gesture, but it means a lot that someone would go out of their way to make someone happy.

   Now, I want to introduce the new members to the clan. Jason Vorhees (my favorite serial killer) and The Hulk (my favorite Marvel superhero) are now on the desk of fame, and are now considered family!

image

Impromtdude

Back in my day, I walked up hill, and looked both ways before crossing the road. I didn’t need food, I had dirt. I didn’t need a bike, I had a scooter. I didn’t need air, I had my own breath. I you were only you knew what I went through, I bet you wouldn’t be such a brat. I grew up in a time, where you had a computer that saved things onto a floppy disc. I bet you don’t even know what a floppy disc is, no put that away, that’s not a floppy disc! A floppy disc was the old way to save things. Now you guys have “Flash Drives.” But they don’t flash? What a stupid name. And what is up with these cellular devices. Back in my day, we didn’t have touch-screens. We had big R.V. size phones with antennas. The service was great.

   Today, we all have something that we find “old.” We all have been through something, that the later generation will never be able to experience. I survived the end of the world, I have seen our country fall to her knees. I have seen stores that were famous, close. There is a new iPhone due out in a few months. Sony is working on the next PlayStation. Music is no longer on Cassettes, not like that’s a bummer. MTV is now a home for soap operas. Everything is changing, causing us 90s babies to feel old.

   I will be like the older generation and tell you guys what it was like to be young. So that one day, when I have kids, I can have them read this. The look on their face will be priceless, when they have no idea what a CD is.

   When I was a kid, we didn’t have phones. I remember getting my first phone when I was thirteen. But before phones were all that great, we did something called “play outside.” This is where you go outside and find something to play with. This could mean, playing basketball with friends, playing in mud, or finding your imagination. It meant that you stayed off the video games for a long time, and enjoyed what nature gave you. But you better not go far, because when the sun began to set, dad would be outside. He would give you two chances to come home. Trust me, dads voice is loud enough, so you cant make the excuse, you didn’t hear him. You had to race home, and get cleaned up for dinner. But here is the kick, it isnt fast food. Mom and Dad cooked you a homemade meal, which isnt negotiable, if you don’t like it, you would got to bed hungry. You didn’t want to go to bed, so you throw a tantrum; trust me, that never worked; instead of getting your way, you get your little ass whipped. Then they would shut the door, and let you cry until finally you fell asleep.

   These were the best days of my life. They were so simple and creative. I cant tell you guys how many alien invasions I saved the world from, but I did it all with a stick shaped like a gun. I called the gun “Alien zapper 3000.” This is what I did mainly everyday. I didn’t need Call of Duty to have fun, actually video games were boring compared to the outdoors.

     One day, in the far future, we will realize that we need to go back to the old ways. Those will be the day that kids actually respect adults, again. There will be so much peace! But until that day comes, we will have to deal with rumbustious children screaming throughout Walmart, over a damn candy bar. 

image

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude