Posts Tagged ‘pain’

This is an old story that I was writing. I didn’t like where it was going, so I stopped writing it. I am now showing you guys that story. It is only a short snippet, but it’s what I got done before growing bored of the idea. I hope that is fine!

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Hospital from Hell

Chapter 1: Birthdays of Regret

She is seventy-seven today. Mary spent most of her birthdays looking at the old photos taking from her old pageants, wishing she could go back to the old days and receive that internship with Marilyn Agency once again.

That was the best day of her life. She was sitting in the kitchen chewing on a piece of bland chicken that her mother attempted to cook, when the phone rang throughout the trailer she was forced to be crammed into. Mary ran to the phone and answered, hoping that it was the management of Marilyn, she had dreamed of that phone call since her first pageant, and spent many nights waiting by the phone for this one phone call.

“Hello, my name is Brian, the Main manager at Marilyn.”

Mary was speechless, could this be real? Could her dream really becoming true with this one phone call, or was it coming to an end? Without this internship, Mary could kill modeling goodbye. Her mother already stated that unless  she proved by her senior year that she could become a model, she wouldn’t be allowed to pursue that dream.

“Hello, Mary Vengerro?” Brian ensured that he had not been disconnected

“Yes, I’m here” Marys’ voice cracked, leaving her embarrassed on the line.

“Yes, Mary, I’m calling on the behalf of your most recent application.”

Mary smiled big as she awaited her life to change

“I’m saddened to inform you that you haven’t been selected to participate in this year’s internship program.”

Megan’s heart dropped, tears filled her eyes. She tried to keep her composer while on the phone, but the tears came, and hard.

“Mam, Are you okay?” Brian asked sincerely, but she didn’t answer.

“Mam?” Brian repeated, again no one answered. He disconnects the phone.

Megan slams down the phone then throws it against the wall; her mother heard the sound and rushed in her room.

“What are you doing?” Linda asked as she searched for damage on Megan’s freshly painted wall.

“Nothing, leave!” Megan screams, Her mother steps back and puts her hand up.

“Don’t talk to me like that, little missy!” Megan puts her hand over her face and begins to bawl. Linda sits next to her and grabs her.

“They didn’t want me!” Linda couldn’t tell what she said so she asked what she said.

“They modeling company rejected me!” The room got silent, Megan waited for her mom to grab her, but she didn’t.

“No duh, your too fat!” Linda’s words hit hard. Megan couldn’t hold back what happens next, she blacks out.

Her hand flies through the air and makes contact with her mom’s face. Her head snaps back, not expecting the blow from her daughter.

Megan gets on top on her and began to punch her. Linda’s face began to get swollen with each hit. Blood was seeping through her nose; her eyes were nearly shut from the abuse she was receiving.

“Stop” Linda Screamed, Megan swings hard, and hits her in the mouth. She pulls back her hand to see a tooth came out with the punch and now was in her fist.

Finally Amber pulls away. Realizing what she did, Amber runs out of the room. Linda was left there, gasping for the tiniest lung full of air, but each breath she took was full of her own blood.

Megan comes back in to the room, Linda is still lying there with no movement, her chest isn’t moving. Megan hurries over to her, hoping she isn’t dead.

She jumps on top of her mother. Feels her chest and sees that her mother was still alive. Knowing that her mother would put her in jail, Megan had to do something.

“Mom, dad did this you go that? I will kill you if you say I did!” Linda nodded in agreement.

Megan left the room and called 911.

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“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” C.S. Lewis

If I have learned anything in the last 2 months, it would be that life is rough. I have never had this much trouble. It is just a rough time for Ariel and me. We are struggling, but we know that this won’t last forever. It never does! But even though I know this, I can’t let it get me down, because I know there is a purpose for our trials. I know that something will come out of this and we will look back and smile. We know that we aren’t being buried but we are being planted.

Trials don’t happen in your life without something coming from it. You might think that I am crazy, saying that I don’t know what you are going through, or that not everything has positive things come from it. This is where I have to disagree.  I feel that anytime you go through a rough time, you can take lessons from that time and go on to help other people. It sucks that we have to go through rough times, but we know  that rough times come and go, and we know that we will survive in the end, we just have to hold on to the hand that is reached out to us.

C.S. Lewis said this “Hardships often Prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” We are giving hardships to prepare us for a journey. We need to go through the roughest times to appreciate the good times, even more. What if life was always great? You would find that you appreciate it less than when you have good times after bad times. If you always have good times, then why would you be happy to have more good times? It is the rough times that help build us into the people that we need to be. The best example is working out. When you work out, you slightly tear the muscles. The muscles will then take all the nutrition that it needs and it begins to repair the slight tears in its tissue. After it repairs, the muscle is slightly bigger and stronger. That is what life is, you go through rough times to slightly tear your muscles so you can become stronger.

Life is rough! Life is like a wave that is looking to kill anyone. I have never been more on the edge than I am now, but I know there is something behind how I feel. God is getting me ready for something great, so he is helping me train, as I get stronger in trusting him. I don’t expect it to be easy, but I know that I am not alone. I have family, friends, and Christ. Those three people will never let me fail. I know there is a plan after my trial, and that is what keeps my eyes on God. Don’t give up because you are going through a valley, because soon you will be back up on that mountain. I know I am making my way up that mountain now. Thank you!

How do I get over her?

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How do I get over her?

When I was seventeen, I met the girl that changed my world. She isn’t my wife, now, but she helped me prepare myself for Ariel. I don’t know if this is okay to talk about, but know that my feelings are no longer strong about this girl. She is married now, and I am happy with who I am with. But I think someone needs to hear this and the only way to tell you guys is to bring her back up, so sorry if you guys think its disrespectful to Ariel, but know that I never meant for it to be. Please read this with an open mind, and don’t forget to share it! Someone needs to hear this.

 

I met this girl when I was seventeen. We went to a conference with the same youth group. I didn’t know anything about her, as she didn’t know about me, either. I never went to her church, but my old youth pastor was her youth pastor, at the time. He invited me to go with them, which I was excited to go to find God, but little did I know, I was about to meet someone that would go on to change my life, forever. She said hi first, and I ignored her because I was shy.

 

After the service, I went up to say sorry and she said that she understood, so I introduced myself and we began to talk. This was the start of the best part of my life (up to this point in time, of course not now) we got to know each other better each day, and we never went a day without talking. With every day that went by, I was learning more about life, God, and how to love. I changed my career path and got accepted into the same college that she was going to. We planned to go to the same school so we could be close (in order to help each other get closer to God. As we knew it can be hard to adapt.) We agreed to begin to court once we turned 18, but the more we talked, the feeling began to get stronger. Long story short; she called it off shortly after we got close; saying that her family didn’t think it was a good idea. We went our separate ways. This is what I call the dark days.

 

Losing her took a huge blow to my faith, as I couldn’t focus on anything but the fact that she wasn’t close to me anymore. I could count on my youth pastor, but he was busy with his life, and took a job at the church she attended, so I thought I had to get through this alone. The more that I fought to get over her; the more I felt the waves crashing into me. I drowned in my faith and became depressed. This led me to staring at walls for hours, not praying as much, and questioning if God was real. It got so bad that my pastors pulled me into the side room and questioned if I was okay. Kids in school asked me if I was okay; literally one day I was shining, the next I was dark and emotional. I never thought I could get over her, but I did.

 

You probably have gone through this, or are going through this now, and you may be asking how I did it? How did I get over her? It took a long time, but by doing four things, I was able to get over her, finally; realizing it was for the best, knowing that someone was out there for me, giving space and being happy for her. Let’s see what I mean;

 

  1. Realizing it was for the best.

This meant that I had to agree that I wasn’t the best option for her, and she wasn’t the best option for me. This can be hard when you first break up or break a courtship off, because the feelings are still fresh, but over time you will see that it is for the best. She was what I wanted, but not what I needed. She had different dreams; ones that I didn’t want. She wanted to see the eastern part of the world, where I was more into spreading the word to locals. This being said, our lives were never going to match up, which is good to know that neither of us are held back now, because she married in the east and I married in the local part of Illinois. What I am saying is there was a reason that it didn’t work out, you may not know right now, but one day you will know and you will smile, knowing that you were able to set her/him free and were able to do your own thing, without anything holding you down or back.

 

  1. Knowing someone was out there for me.

I have always wanted to find the perfect girl, fall in love, get married and eventually have kids. When she left, I thought all of that was over, but shortly after her leaving, I talked to someone and they said to have faith someone is out there. I didn’t want to believe it, because I didn’t want to believe that anyone could be better than her. Now that I look back on that conversation, he was right. It was scary to think that I would never meet someone, but the truth is; she was out there! She was waiting patiently for me. Know that when you close one door, another door will be opened for you. IT may hurt to go through, but the pain will be healed once you walk through that door; because your first love never amounts to your true love.

 

  1. Giving her the space she needs, also the space I need!

I had respect for this girl, so I never wanted to step over boundaries. I wanted to give her the space that she needed, wanted.  I knew that I couldn’t get over her if I was seeing her weekly, so I didn’t involve myself in events that I knew she would be at, or at least events that I knew we would have to talk a lot. When I graduated, I gave her the space by going to another college, letting her go to CBC without me. I attended a different seminary, hoping that moving would take away the pain, and it worked. I attended World Revival School of Ministry in Kansas City, Missouri. This school was all about finding a new level to your relationship with God. I never had time to think of her, and I was maturing as a person.

 

When I came back home, I was able to talk to her with no pain, at all. We were able to talk as friends, sharing our passions without thinking about the future together. It was nice, because in the end, she was still a great friend.   It is important to get yourself the room to cope with the heart break. This was the hardest part. I know it’s hard to watch someone you love move on, but you have to know that trying to force yourself into their arms will never work. Give them space, take your space and one day you could be friends (or in a special case, it could have been the wrong time for the relationship, and you could eventually fall in love, again.) I would rather have that person in my life as a friend, than not having that person in my life at all. It worked for me; I bet it can work for you, too!

 

  1. Be happy for the person!

Okay, so now we know that we have to realize better things are out there, that you won’t be alone forever, and that you have to give them space, but what should be the last thing? What will help? BE happy! Be happy for the person, be happy for your own growth; be happy that you can be friends; be happy that you didn’t have to live with the regret, be happy that you were giving the chance in the first place.

 

BE HAPPY!  So it didn’t work out! That doesn’t mean that it has to be all bad. You were able to spend that time with them, you were able to learn from this situation, and you were giving a second chance to find that somebody that will probably be better than the other one, anyway.  I am personally happy that she was able to find someone, get married and was able to change his world. I am happy that I was able to find Ariel, fall in love, get married, and start a small family one day. I am also happy that I was able to learn everything from my first love. But somethings just don’t work out, I am happy that I could live it, though. I know it hurts, but don’t let it get you down, forever.

 

Move on, and find a way to be happy. Surround yourself with friends during the dark days, and never be afraid to ask for help. I was stupid to think I had to do it all alone. You are never alone, so don’t try to do it alone. In all of this, find something to make you happy, because you deserve to be happy, with or without that person. When you do this, I bet you will get over him/her.

 

I think I have talked enough, so I will end it here. I know that you are hurting, which I’m sorry for, but it won’t always be like this. IT will get better, I don’t know when, but it will! Find friends to keep you occupied; let them help you piece yourself back together and get ready for the love of your life to come and sweep you up! You will be so happy that you didn’t stay with the one that got away. So space yourself, realize you won’t be alone forever, know it happens for a reason, and finally, be freaking happy. You will make it! I have faith in you!

Also check out my blog on First love vs true love!

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Don’t jump into the water!

It is hard to stay positive when you know life is rough. It is hard to keep that smile on your face, when you are trying to hold back tears. It’s hard to laugh and hard to love when you are filled with fear and doubt. Others will tell you to keep your head up, to get over it and be happy again, but do they know what you go through? Do they live with you, pay your bills, write your budget for the month, or even know how much you have to pay for rent? The answer is no, most of the time, that is. But they might have a point.

If you are an average American, you might be struggling, right now. I know I am no longer living comfortably. It is rough, and I don’t know how long it may take to get out of the situation. The truth is, I made a huge mistake that I’m pay for, now. It sucks. I fight back anger, every day. I try to stay strong, because that is who I am supposed to be. I am Blake. I am the happy clown that puts a smile on everyone’s face. I can’t be upset, I can’t stress, I have to be strong. But when is it my time to be sad, depressed, angry and broken? If you’re an average American, I probably just hit you hard with that similarity, yes! We are alike. You aren’t the only one that is struggling with these feelings. You aren’t the only one that has trouble breathing when you think about all the things you can’t do. You aren’t alone. So what happens now? Where do we go after we realize that we are broken?

The answer is simple. We go back to the beginning. We get over the small things and make plans on how to fix the bigger issues. This sounds so simple, but it’s not. It will take everything you have, but, it will work out!

The first step is to GET UP! Life isn’t over just because you fell and feel like you can’t get back up. You have a boo-boo but it isn’t critical. Get up! That is the most important thing. Get up from the ground and fight back! Breathe and know that everything will be okay! It isn’t the end of the world, but it is the end of your fear! You will get through this with the love and support of your friends and family. If it wasn’t for the strong encouragement of my wife, Ariel, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am. Yes, you will still be hurting, stressed, and possibly will fall again! But with these people beside you, you will make it. I Promise. They will be your security blanket in the hard times. Never try to do this alone. EVER!

The second step is to make a plan. I would never go into a war without the best outline, ever, neither should you! Take a minute from your crazy life and write down goals, a budget, and solutions. What do you want in the next 5 years? Well, I want to be debt free. Okay! How? I’ll pay the minimums on my credit cards, I’ll sell what I don’t use (you know, that boat that you bought, even though you live in the city and don’t even know where the nearest river is?) , and I’ll stop going to McDonald’s  and I’ll use that dang cook book that my mom bought me! I will then put that money back so I can finally pay more on my credit card! Okay! What solutions will help you get your life back together? If I didn’t have debt, that would be a big relief. I’m not happy with my current job, so I’ll look for a new one, I am not happy with my weight, so I’ll workout 4 days a week. See, it isn’t that hard to make a plan. Most people don’t take time to make a plan, and that is why they usually never see results. They want everything to go back to normal, but they never change their way of living. How do you expect change, when you never put in the work? Getting your life together is 20% materials and 80% your will to be different.

The Third step is simple; Stop stressing the small stuff!

I learned a lesson a year ago, right around this time; this lesson was “Stop stressing the small things.” A guy told me that when I was in the line at a pretzel shop. Ariel and I were waiting in line for a bucket of yummy, Cinnamon pretzel nuggets. We were talking about the fact that Christmas was coming up and that we didn’t want to spend that much money. The guy interrupted and told us to not stress over the little things, because life is too short to lose sleep over things that won’t matter in a year. This hit me when I thought about it. How many times do we over stress about the smallest things. It might seem important, but when it’s over, you realize that the situation wasn’t that serious after all. You were able to solve the issue pretty quick, and shouldn’t have lost sleep over it. In this case, Ariel and I ended up having a great Christmas, even though we didn’t spend that much money. In other cases, we were able to find a hole in our budget and got back in the race, quickly. YES! There are certain cases that you won’t be able to fix it immediately, but with a solid plan, all things will be solved in due time. This is where your faith in your plan has to be strong. You won’t stick to the plan if you think it isn’t bulletproof, so you best believe it’s bulletproof. After you believe in yourself, then you might not be stress less, but you won’t feel like the whole world is on your shoulders, anymore.

The last thing is what I have always done, that is laugh, dangit! Why mope around when you can’t fix things? Why do we get depressed and let the darkness take over our rainbow? Being negative all the time is like jumping into a raging river. You know it will never end well, but yet you still jump, why? Stop jumping into the water, stop letting the pain get you down. When I get upset, I try to find a way to make a joke out of it, and it has worked. I know this isn’t the best advice, as some of you aren’t like me, I know, but just try it. Laughter is the best medicine to a broken heart. In my situation, I will make jokes because I know how stupid I was for doing what I did. Ariel and I make jokes all the time now when it comes to the situation. Laughter will change everything. When you laugh, it is like you are taking the sting and pain away from the antagonist, leaving them defenseless and weak. Learn how to keep a smile on your face, because no situation is big enough to take your smile away. Laugh, my peeps, laugh. It will help.

What I am saying is; stop letting depression win. Get up from the ground and live the best life that you can. Laugh when you are hurt, smile when you are broken, and learn to love. Find people that will pull you from the river and cover you with their safety. Learn to not stress over the small things and to make plans for anything that seems impossible, because God has your back. This isn’t a spiritual post, but these are the simple things I do to keep that beautiful smile on my face, at all times. I have been through the worse times, ever, but somehow, I have been able to find a way to stay positive. I want to give you four simple things you need to do anytime you’re down; Get up, Make a plan, Stop stressing the small things and for gosh sake, LAUGH! When you master those 4 things, you will be so much happier, and the small things will no longer have a hold on your heart! I LOVE YOU, GUYS! Thank you for the support and I hope to see you in the next post: How to get over him/her.

Lets be serious

I want to take a minute and be serious. I know that I have been doing a lot of goofy crap with Bart, but tonight I want to slow everything down and talk about someone I miss a lot. This person has been gone for over two months and I can’t take it anymore. I really miss him and don’t know if my weeks will ever be the same.

It happened on a Sunday night. He was walking his wife to their friends house, when this big bully forced them to their knees. This bully went on to torture their minds by playing a few mind games. I heard he tried to fight this bully off, but the bully had more bully friends that held him down. He told my friend to stay down or he will just hurt both of them. I wish I could have helped, but that wasn’t the case. Nothing I could have done would have helped. This bully had a problem, he already was convinced that he had to do this.

The picture was painted in my head that this guy pulled out his weapon and pointed it at both of them. The bully was still trying to make his mind up, so he kept putting his weapon in each of their faces, taunting that he only needed one, then the other could go. My friend was brave, but this brought him to tears, hell everyone had to be in tears! His tears didn’t stoop the bully, though. The bully lifted his weapon and dropped it quickly, letting out a long, dark laugh! “I’m joking….” He laughed, but suddenly lifted his bat again “NOT!” as he slammed his bat onto his head, popping his eye out of his skull.

My friend died that night after the bully kept hitting him, after the initial blow! His wife told me that she couldn’t even recognize who he was!! She is heart broken, as she was pregnant with his child. She is being strong, but I know she really misses him. Through this, I don’t know how she kept the child safe, but I am glad that she did.

I usually don’t make these types of post, but I really miss this man. He was my favorite character and the show isn’t the same without him. I just got done watching The Walking Dead and I must say, Glenn was the glue that kept me interested in the show, without him the show isn’t the same….I miss him! Will you pray for Glenn and his wife, Maggie? We need all the prayers we can get….R.I.P Glenn!!!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

October is just around the corner. Many are excited about Halloween, The Walking Dead or more football, but I am more excited about something more meaniful. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month (NBCAM), which is a campaign to raise awareness about the early signs of breast cancer for women and men around the world, while also raising money for future research.

NBCAM was founded in 1985 by AstraZeneca, a drug company that produces cancer fighting drugs such as Armidex and Tamoxifen. Though they found NBCAM, the first national race for the cure was held in Dallas, Texas in 1983. 800 people came out and supported the cause. Present day attendance has gotten up to over a million people.

Breast cancer is cancer that forms in the breast of men and women. Breast cancer is formed from a Malignant tumor, started in the cells of a breast. Malignant tumors are a group of cancerous cells that can grow into surrounding tissues or spread to further parts of the body. Breast cancer will usually start forming in the milk ducts or the lobules that supply the milk. Cancer that is formed in the Lobules is called “Lobular Carcinoma,” where as cancer formed in the ducts is labeled “Ductal Carcinoma.”

Some of the known symptoms include; Lumps in the breast, bloody discharge from the nipple, or changes of shape or texture of the nipple or breast. Breast cancer can only be found from medical diagnoses and lab test (imaging). Treatments depend on the stage of cancer. It could consist of chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery.

Sadly, 1-of-8 women will be diagnosed with Breast cancer, the second leading cause of cancer death among women. Each year, on average, 26,660 will be diagnosed with this disease, and 40,00 will lose the battle. Among men, 2,600 will be diagnosed, where as 440 will not survive. Averagely this means every 2 minutes a woman is diagnosed, while every 13 minutes a woman loses her battle. Today, there are over 2 million breast cancer survivors alive!

Breast Cancer resides in men and women usually between the ages of 19-60+. There have been cases where children, under the age of 19, have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, though it is very rare to see.

There is good news, though. There has been a decline in women over 50 being diagnosed. Researchers think this is from the decline in Hormone Replacement Therapy giving after menopause. Also, death rates have declined greatly since 1990, due to better screenings, earlier detections, increased awareness and better treatments. This is why your help is needed!

There are organizations out there, they are teaming up with hospitals and Breast Cancer facilities around the world, in order to try to find new treatments, form better education on Breast Cancer and reveal better preventions, while also forming support groups for men and women who suffer from Breast Cancer. In 2015, National Breast Cancer Foundation helped by donating 82.9% of all donations to the cause. Thanks to the money that was raised (from every donation) 2.8 million people are still alive today, as survivors. We could help make that over 3 million with just a simple donation, this is why I will be helping.

First, I will be helping by sharing awareness by wearing a Breast Cancer Awareness Pin, everyday, for the month of October. Wearing this pin helps raise awareness, shows respect, and a portion of the money I paid (for the pin) goes straight to research. This isn’t all though, also for every “like” my blog gets, I will be donating $1. I hope that you guys take this seriously and help me fight for the cure!
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With my anniversary tomorrow, I wanted to share a quick post about something I just read. I was spending a little time in my “Weird & Wacky Facts,” and I just read something that has my head spinning. It happens to flow with the anniversary season, so here it is:

“If you think mothers-in-law are unpopular today, imagine how a mother-in-law felt who lived among the Lhopa tribe in Tibet years ago.
It use to be the custom there to eat the bride’s mother at the wedding feast! But then, Cannibalism was always a painful custom.”
(Weird and Wacky Facts by Sterling)

This is just freaking weird. Why would you even want to do such a thing? What benefits do you get from eating the mother? Could you imagine getting married and being told that your mother must die, but not only die, you would then have to take a bite out of her?

There’s also another thing I don’t get, how did they decide to do this? Who would sit around and think, well maybe we could eat my mother-in-law for the feast? The guy must have hated her, a lot. I might not find my mother-in-law the nicest person, all the time, but I would never want to roast her and eat her. That just doesn’t sound good…. 

If I were a woman, I would refuse to get married, in order to save my mother from being cooked. But I guess this was a pretty big thing to them, so who knows, maybe the daughters loved it. I just know that I wouldn’t be comfortable eating a piece of my mother-in-law next to her daughter, especially on our wedding day. I would rather kill our dog, grill him up, and feed him to my friends.

I honestly thought this was the funniest (Yet weirdest) thing ever. I have a million questions, which I will do further research, but from what I know I am so glad to live in the present day. I bet my wife is also, since they are super close. Either way, have a good night and don’t forget to wish me a Happy Anniversary. I am just joking…but seriously.. it’s tomorrow….I want gifts! 

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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Have you ever been a part of a divorce? That doesn’t mean that you have had one. This is for those who were children when their parents split, mothers of daughters that got divorced, or even fathers of sons. If you were around someone that got divorced, or you got a divorce, this is for you.
My father and mother got a divorce when I was only seven-years-old. At seven, I had no idea what was going on. I figured that we were just moving to another place, and my father would be meeting up soon enough. That was never the case, though. My sister and me were forced , by my mother, to go to the court hearings. She told us that it was needed for the judge to make the decision. I was lost on what decision the judge had to make, and why I had to tell the judge “mommy not dad.” I didn’t understand then what I know now.
I didn’t know that those simple words were forcing my dad out of my life. I had no idea the weight that the choice had. I felt bad inside for saying “mommy over dad”, which is why I never did. Every time she told me to say it, I would “zip my mouth.” Her anger would spike every time I refused. It seemed that my mother needed me to say those words. Every time that I would refuse, she would tell me something my dad did to her, which later I learned were lies, but at the time I would believe it. I began to hate my dad. This is what she wanted and needed. She needed me to get to the point that I hated hearing “dad” so that I would say “I don’t love dad” or something to show the judge that I wanted to stay with my mom.
I never did say those words, though. No matter what she told me, or what scar she showed me. I never told her that I hated my dad. The most that ever would happen, was I use to hide in a closet when my dad came to pick me up, for his weekend. I hid in the closet out of fear. My mother told me that he was dangerous, and shouldn’t be trust. I believed her, so I would hide as she told him that I was at a friends. She couldn’t get me to say that I hated him, so to have me fear him was her next option. This was right before she kidnapped us.
She didn’t tell anyone where we were going. We disappeared into thin air, and never came back. We ended up in a town an hour and a half from my home town. My dad was lost to where we went, he continued to search, though. As he searched, we were now living a brand new life. She would never mention our dad, unless we brought him up, which she would just bash him. I remember at one time she told us that he was dead, and that was the reason for the move. My heart broke when I heard that he died, because I still loved him. I never formed any hate towards him, how could I? He would always be my dad. I accepted the fact that he was dead, though.
Then one night, he showed back up to our house. I have no idea how he found us, but he did. He stood next to his black car, waiting for my to come out. I saw that it was my dad, and raced for the door. She gave me a quick yank, and threw me to the ground. She then told my sister and me to go to our room. I screamed. I wanted to see my dad, but as I let out the scream, her hand connected to my mouth. At that moment, my sister carried me to the bedroom. I heard shouting outside, as tears flowed from my eyes, I began to pray that one day my dad could get custody of us. He did in the summer of 2005, and that is when the story ended. My mother was  no longer around, she couldn’t face the fact that she relinquished us to foster care, and left. My dad found us again and got us out, though.
It took many years to not fear my dad, which was never a violent man. She brainwashed us so deeply that it took years to get over the false memories, ones that she put in our heads.
     I wanted to write this to show those going through a divorce, what pain can be caused when you tell your family lies. In this certain circumstance, my mom lied about who my dad was. I was deprived from knowing my dad for majority of my life. But the scariest thing is, if I would have listened to her lies in the beginning, I would have been forced to never see my dad. She would have won full custody, then would have gotten a restraining order on him. He would never be able to see us.
     If you are going through a divorce, you don’t have to have everyone hate the other person. You don’t need to tell them stories, especially never brainwash them to hate them all because of what happened in the past. That will cause unneeded pain, that could also cause children to miss out on their parents. 

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

I posted a passage for my dad yesterday. Now there is something in my chest that says I need to ask someone special, a question. I have done a post like this in the past, but it wasn’t tagged with her name in it, so today I will tag her in this blog, and hopefully she will respond. Hopefully I will get answers to the questions that I will ask her, today. If she doesn’t respond then I will move on, but if by chance she answers, I will receive the answers finally. I will be content with what she says, no matter what, because a fake answer is better than nothing at all. This might be hard to write, so please read from my P.O.V.

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Dear Mom,

When did you leave? I was ten years old, it was the end of fourth grade. I was failing everything, but the thing I hated the most was failing you, or thinking that way. I never felt good enough when I was around you. I couldn’t stand seeing you struggle with the pains in life, being a single mom must have been hard. We were always moving, which always kept my heart broken, because I could never call a place “Home.” I use to blame you for this, but now I realize you were sick. You didn’t know how to be alone, your priorities were out of place.

     I remember having over three hundred dollars in a jar, which was for you to go see a man in prison. This was the same time that we had no food in our home. This was the same time that we didn’t have hot water. I would get made fun of in school for how I smelt. I didn’t want to go to school because of the looks that kids would give me. I thought being bullied was a part of life through all of this, because that is all I ever knew. But you only cared about getting money for your boyfriend. What I can’t get over is that you missed my biggest accomplishments. I graduated twice, got my first car, job, and got married. These were the biggest events that I wanted you to come to, it hurts that you didn’t!  I can get over this to say that I miss and love you.
I want to know the answer to these few questions. I need the answers to be sincere and not full of hate. The last time I asked you these questions, your only answer was “Your father.” That isn’t a proper answer, because you were the one to leave, he wasn’t. Please take this seriously, this is me at my most venerable. I searched 10 years for you, I paid a website to find you, but there was no results, well no updated answers anyways. You moved a lot, but one day you came back.

Why did it take you ten years to come back in my life?

Why did you wait a decade to find your kids?

What did you do in that ten years?

Were you scared that we would hate you?

Did you cry yourself to sleep, like I did every night in foster care?

My father was there for me, why did you make me hate my father so much? He isn’t the man that you made him out to be. Mom, why weren’t you a parent to me and my siblings? I don’t see how a woman that gave birth, could just leave like you did! I have some unhealed wounds, and hopefully this wont make more. But It hurts me to not know what happened. If you don’t answer, I will move on, but don’t make me do that please. My heart is open for a relationship. People say I shouldn’t give you a chance, but that is crazy. You were sick and now I know, that is the woman that you will be. But I would rather have a mother that is sick, then to not have someone there. You messed up, but there will be a time that you nor dad will be here, and I don’t want you to be absent from my life for much longer. You are my mother, and I love you. I miss you, please write back!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

The day started with a yawn, pain in my head, and the memories of last nights close in my mind. I chose to take the night off even at work. I didn’t want to be there, my stress level was at 10 1/2 and was left with a store that looked like someone shit on a rag and rubbed everything. There was nothing stocked on the shelves, nor was the trash taking care of. In reality I had to catch up before I could even start my close. I get yelled at if this were me leaving it for my General manager, but he brushed it off as if it was my job, leaving once I got in. He had a lame excuse of I have to drop something off at another store, and he left in the middle of a busy time. I shook my head and went on with my close.
The rushes came and went, but with the slow times that came and went, I changed my work habits. This is a new thing for me, because instead of busting my rump to get everything stocked to the fullness that I like, I sat back and waited for the next rush. This was the first time ever, I am telling you, that I have ever stood still during a close. I usually bust my ass to get everything done hours before we close, but with how he left, I lost all respect for him, he tells me that I need to lead by example, but he then does this. Why is it that I have to follow by example, when my GM leaves me with a trashed store.
I left a few things for him to do as he opens today, and left a little earlier last night, this was more of a statement, that if you leave me with shit, expect me to follow by example and give you that turd back, this time though it is polished. The things I left him with were the easier things to do, such as fill the ice machine, stock chocolate milk, and wipe off three trays. The trays that I found at the end of the night, of course. Everything else, I did to my full extent. So I didn’t see anything wrong with my close. That was until I talked to my wife.
My wife is a cleaner, and feels that whatever needs to be done, should get done. She talks about how she wants to screw over her boss, and leave a lot of things for her to do, but never does it because of her big heart and integrity. She is soft hearted and forgiving, the perfect traits for a Libra. Where I am arrogant and ready to cut someones throat, the traits of The Ram, Aries. So while driving to work today, she asked how last night was, I expected her to be okay with the three things I didn’t do, but she was the complete opposite. She began to call me a bad worker, saying that she wouldn’t leave anything for them to complain about. I see where she was coming from, times are hard and hours are getting cut, and she is afraid that if I don’t prove myself, that I will be at the end of the stick, when it comes to hours.
We got into a big fight, ending the fight with her slamming the car door, and me pilling out of her driveway. I think I ever broke a promise or two, while yelling a choice of words at her through the car window. Now comes the point where we both calm down, I know that we will be okay, but it hurts when she talks down to me, like I don’t know what I am doing in my job. This causes me to shut down and go into a minor depression when I am by myself. So I escape into my zone, which lead to me writing this letter to you guys, as I will breifly describe my escape zone.
When something happens to me, that will hurt me or piss me off. I hhave been taught to get away from the situation, and regather my composer, before I do something stupid. My escape is simply what I am doing right now. There is something about writing that makes me feel like a different person, a person with a perfect, stress free life that is better than any other life. So when I am upset, I will grab a drink, open my tablet w/keyboard and I will right until I feel better. Which usually I can write a few post before I lose the anger and hurt. Today the  anger left me when I wrote the first paragraph, so it worked. Sometimes it wont work though, that’s when I turn to the bottle, haha I’m joking, I turn to Fallout. The reason I turn to fallout is because I can kill people and not get into trouble. This has never failed me.
So if you are pissed off and hurt, or stress to the max, and you need something to get your mind off the situation, find something that is relaxing and do it. The stress will melt away, the anger will cease to exist, and the hurt will feel more like a misquito bite, rather than a knife to the heart. This is how I get over the things that are on my mind, this is something that you should try also!