Posts Tagged ‘my’

What is happening and why is it happening again?

This always happens to me, I find some kind of happiness then it is sucked away. I over examine everything that I do in my life and usually over examine what other people say and do. People have done some things to me in my life, but it has never been as serious as I make it to be. Yeah, we could talk about my mother, but that isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that people leave me behind and move on. They take me into the woods and leave me like an unwanted dog. I then have to find my way back home, praying that someone will eventually keep me in their home. This is just a thought, though. I am not alone, of course, but sometimes it feels like it. I have a wife, she is the best thing in my life, but sometimes I just want to have someone check in on me. I want a friend to check to make sure that I am fine, but that is wishful thinking, I guess. They stay for a few months, but everyone gets tired of ol’ Blake. They find someone better and will leave.

This is when things get worse for me. This is when anxiety gets into my veins and begin to rot my inner peace. I try to hold on.  It is hard to hold on to a sharp knife. The knife begins to cut your hand and eventually you will let go, this is what anxiety feels like. Anxiety for me has been a horrible battle. I am usually a pretty awesome guy, I want to make everyone happy (well most of the time) until the knife begins to cut, again. When the knife is pressed against my hand, I don’t want anyone to talk to me. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to be better, I just want to do what I have always done, slowly sink to the back of the room. It becomes harder to get out of this state, the more that I get into this kind of mood.

Recently, I have found myself in this state. I had to hide behind my crew, because I didn’t want to take any orders, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to be at work, it was the last thing that I wanted to do. I push people away and make them feel like I hate them when I have this knife pressed against my hand. I tell people to leave and to never come back, but then I want to chase them down, but I have pride so I will sit back and watch them leave. The worst part is that I will blame them because they left. I pushed them into a battlefield, yet I will say that they shot the first bullet. I could understand why these people don’t want to be around me.

I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt me then blame me for them hurting me. I do get that, but I don’t understand why so many don’t want to be around me. I understand that I treat others like shit, but I am talking about those who I don’t even know. They walk out of my life, leaving me to wonder what I did wrong and how I can change myself. These people make me hate my life and then I get more depressed and push more people away.

My anxiety is horrible, I just want to be normal. I want to keep people near me and show others that I am not a creep or something in that nature. I think I am a good swing for those who want to be friends. I just want to know what is wrong with me. Anxiety is horrible. This is where I am right now, full of it. I might be trying to keep ahold of this knife, but I know that I am one nudge away from losing it. .

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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What if I told you?
What if I told you that support is a two way street? Would that make you change your mind or would you blame another for your mistake? What if that wasn’t enough for this to be okay? Then, after many years of wondering why you were never supported, you turn around and see that you could have saved the day? You could have saved the day and taken all this away, but you stuck to your tough exterior and pushed your support away. Now, you have to wonder what could have been.

“How could you have saved the day?” you might ask. That is a great question that I might have the answer to. Actually, I know the answer. The answer is very simple and shouldn’t take much to understand. It shouldn’t take a whole blog to tell you what you have to do, but I might just drag it out. Nah, lets get to it. You asked the question “How could you have saved the day?” and the quick/simple answer is; You show the same support!

If someone is giving you the support to go and do things, then you must show them the same respect. People don’t have to help you, they don’t have to be by your side. They decide to help you (out of the love of their heart) and they spend time trying to help you. These people are gems. They don’t even care about your support. All they want is to feel wanted and welcomed. It isn’t much at all. You can show them that by showing them that you care about their feelings. This can be shown by “Reading their blog, listening to their music, a simple hug, listening to their problems.” These are small things you can do to repay them. But you don’t do this, instead you choose to get mad when they stop supporting you.

Supporters stop supporting when you stop caring about them. They can’t take not feeling loved, so instead of getting hurt, they will turn away and go a different direction. Usually, they will go off and support their own dreams, or try to find someone to support them. They will still love you and want the best, but the support wont be there, because they don’t want to support someone that doesn’t return the same.

Lets fast-forward a few years. This is when you start to see the growth of an ex-supporter. You will be drowned in your own hatred, where-as the supporter is living a high life. They found the support through others and used that to grow. Now, they are shining because they are doing something, where you are sitting on the ground half beaten up and reaching out for any support. This is your fault, though. You are the one that didn’t help him, so now you must be jealous of his success. The biggest thing that never changes, though, is the fact that he will never stop loving you. This means that if you begin to support him, then he will begin to support your dreams, again. He isn’t selfish. He never has been. He just wants to know that he isn’t alone. Mister supporter is still reaching out for you, but he wont grasp ahold unless he thinks you will support him, as well. Because, if he is wrong, then he knows that he could fall to his death. This is where you have to show him that you are willing to help him. Show him that you care; he will give back what you give him. He is the supporter, his main mission is to support you. 

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Santa is real
    You see the big man every year at the mall. He is always smiling and fixing his beard. He is ready for the photo. Say cheese! Snap! Next please!. He asks your child what he wants for Christmas, and tells you parents that don’t know what your kid likes. So gentle to those babies, that’s how Santa. Yet when kids get to a certain age we, as parents, have to tell them a lie. The lie that is so famous around this time of the year is that “Santa Claus is fake.” You parents want the full credit on the gifts that are stuffed under the tree. Why would you still the joy from the big mans heart.

    He has been taking out of Christmas, like Jesus was removed from Schools. But no one bats an eye. We act as if it is okay that we banned him. He has to pay the rental on his sleigh, just like we do for our cars. What if you lost your job? Feel bad yet? No? Fine. You know he also has a wife and reindeers? (this isn’t including Rudolph, he is on drugs) He has to feed those Elves also! So do me a favor and stop lying to the future of this generation. You are sick!

p.s. Stop eating Santas’ cookies!

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Dear Children,
Please take the advice above. Your parents are liars, I am actually real. I use to bring amazing gifts. But over the years the treats have disappeared and I cant feed myself anymore. Back in the day, I was able to feed the reindeer and myself, now I come back to Mrs. Claus with an empty stomach! It became such an issue that I had to leave my Santa days behind for a while, only because I was getting too skinny! But now, I am back to my fluffy self! Mrs. Claus is so amazing that she made sure to get me back to full fatness. Now that I am back please do me a favor. Stop EATING MY DAMN COOKIES@!!!!!!!
-Santa, bitches!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

    I have been complaining about my job, all week. For this, I do apologize. I shouldn’t complain about my job like that, without my job I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the things I love to do. It might suck but money is the root of everything we do. If I didn’t have a job, I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent, light bill, gas, or cable bill. Without paying my rent, I wouldn’t be able to shower or enjoy a warm bed at night, or without paying my light bill, I wouldn’t be able to write, read, do effects make-up or even enjoy a hot shower. If I didn’t have money for my gas bill, I would freeze in the winter. I could live without cable, but  as I said last night, I wouldn’t be able to post a blog. My cable and internet are connected. So if I lost one, I would lose both. Since my tablet needs internet to post blogs, I wouldn’t be able to write to you guys. So I guess having a good paying job is pretty important.
    These were some of the basic things that a job is needed the most for. I am not including all my activity expenses that I spend my money on. This includes; new footballs, new paints, new notebooks, new books, effects make-up, materials for effects, fake blood, things for my wife, and many other things. I spend a lot of money, something that isn’t possible without the amazing job that I have. That is why I am saying I’m sorry.
    I don’t need to be pouting about what I have to do. Instead, I should be thanking the person for giving me another week on this pay period. I make great money and have for a while. So, sorry for everything I have said latley. It took me looking at my life to realize I’m in a great position. Life might not be fair at times, but everything will be fine, that is all that matters!
    Though I’m saying sorry, I would like to say “thank God.” Thank him for this day, my day off. It’s my day off which means I get to relax and get ready for another week. Tonight we will be going to a haunted house/graveyard to enjoy another spook. I might also work on a new project. Tell me, are you ready for another SFX? I know I am;)

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Impromtdude

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Happy Valentines day to you and your love, from here at ImpromtStudios. We hope you have a great night, either your single or married, we hope your night is amazing. Enjoy some candy as you begin to read about how I met my beautiful wife!

I met my wife at a bowling alley during a youth hangout session, that a friend put together. We all went to the same church, except for Ariel (wife), and we usually bowled once a week. This week my friend decided to invite Ariel to come along. I heard about this girl, and began to research her on Facebook. I found that she was (is) a very beautiful girl, with a gorgeous smile and silk blonde hair. The night before bowling while looking at her Facebook, I said “She is going to be my wife!” But complications came in before the night of bowling began.

I didn’t want to go bowling. I wanted to stay home and chill on my sisters couch. This was a lie, I wanted to stay home, because I was nervous to meet such a beautiful young lady. I thought if I messed up my chance with her, then it was all over for me in the dating world. I had one chance to get married, and this was it. I was talked into going by other friend, Sam. He was wanting to hangout that night and I had already ditched him enough, so we ended up going. I was fifteen minutes late to the bowling alley, everyone was waiting on us.

We got our shoes, and began talking in a circle, when Ariel walked up to us. She was so mysterious and beautiful, I barely got “Hi” out. She smiled at me and replied “Hey.” My heart melted. I am glad that the alley was so dark that night, because I am sure that I was blushing.

We began to bowl shortly after our meet and greet, this is when I began to shut down. I saw my buddy, Sam, talking to the girl that I wanted to be with, and since the bro code says you can’t interfere with another mans game, I left them alone. I was there to bowl anyways, finding a lover wasn’t even important, so I thought.

The night went on into the second game, this is when she talked to me. She just hit a strike, and wanted some love, but I ignored her. I walked past her and guttered another pair of balls. This was followed by another strike from her, this time she lifted her hand and said “Aren’t you going to give me some love?” I lifted my hand and connected it with hers, I felt a shock of electricity go through both of our hands. This is when we decided to place a wager on the next game, winner gets the other persons number. I got her number that night!

After I won the game, we sat down and talked for a good time, everyone else was focused on the Jukebox. But I was worried about the girl in front of me. This was the first time that I wanted to actually listen to someone’s life story, and I did. I chimed in a few times with my own stories, but mainly I wanted her to talk. I wanted to know everything about that girl, even if it took all night.

This would have happened if the alley didn’t close, but it did, and we had to leave. But she wanted to still hang out, so we went back to my sisters house and sat on the couch. But with the amount of people that were over there, we couldn’t really talk, and that’s when we went on a walk. We spent a few hours walking (9pm-2:30 am) and talking about everything. I smoothly held her hand for the first time, and then to cap it all off we got rained on. The rain was cold, but I quickly took off my hoodie and gave it to her.

That night would have been amazing with that ending, but there is more. As we got close to the house again, I chose to stop her and kiss her in the rain. This was the time that I promised her that this relationship would be different from any other. She agreed and we kissed for the last time that night. My heart was racing the whole night, thinking about the girl that I said was going to be my wife, is now my beautiful girlfriend, time would prevail, and eventually she would become my wife, all thanks to Bowling and a night full of rain!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude