Posts Tagged ‘mother’

Before we start tonight, I want to spend a few minutes and say thank you. John, thank you for caring about me. You texted me last night and told me how awesome I was. Thank you for sharing about your day, sorry that your day wasn’t that great. You deserve the best. You deserve to be happy and have amazing days. I am glad to hear that you wait for my posts, you have helped me decide that I want to continue writing. Thank you! You rock, I love you!

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She is gone.
When my mother left, it hurt me more than I knew. She walked out the door and walked out into the night air. She was gone and I was without a mother. I was without someone that I trusted my life with, she was gone. She didn’t care that I was hurting, she had things to do and I wasn’t a part of her plans. It took many years for me to find a way to cope with her absence, but this type of coping may have led me through more walls than doors. The way that I have coped with her being gone is being a comical jerk, someone that has to make jokes to hide that he is actually hurt.
In high school, I use to make fun of my mother, and I would laugh along with all of my friends. They didn’t know that I was actually broken, but I never wanted them to know that. It was a sign of weakness to show that I was vulnerable, so I put up all of these walls to make sure no one saw that I was hurt. I hid behind my humor and everyone fell for it. This was great! I was able to convince myself that I was okay with not having my mother. This was great until it began to be a bigger part of me. I began to joke about everything, until nothing was serious to me. This did change when I started to go to church. Church was the only time that I would actually let my emotions flow. Talking to God was the best feeling. Even if he didn’t say anything to me, I knew (in my heart) that he was listening to me. I was able to finally cry without being afraid of someone laughing at me.
I use to cry a lot at church. I would lay on my face and just bawl. Sometimes, I didn’t even know why I was crying, but it felt so good, so I never questioned it. There was a service about mothers, and I remember sinking into my seat and bawling. I cried the whole sermon and more. I was called to the front to talk to the pastors after the sermon and they hugged me. I don’t know why, but it actually felt like my mother was hugging me. Great, things are good now, right? I was able to get back to feeling, I was able to cry again, I was no longer scared to let my emotions out, correct? Yeah, NO! It lasted for a while, but nothing stayed that good for long.
I did say that it lasted for a while, right? I was able to let my emotions out for a good amount of time, but then something happened. I was no longer able to feel. My emotions were shut off and I couldn’t feel inside my heart. I was becoming cold and angry, again. Church just wasn’t the same, anymore. I was drifting away from God and I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I thought going to church more would help. The more that I went, though, the more that I felt the pain grow. Even if the sermon was the most touching, I was unable to go to that place, the place where my emotions could be freed. I needed serious help, my walls were being built again, the same walls my mother forced me to build years before. This is when I began to push people away.
I was able to find my emotions, again. They were found in a girl. This girl was standing twenty feet from me, my heart felt alive again. The next couple months were the best in my life. She taught me what it felt like to care. She taught me why it’s okay to let my emotions out. I was told that emotions were never meant to stay within, because they are meant to be carried by two, not by one. This shook me as I opened up, something that I should have never done. She broke my heart a month later. She allowed her sister to dictate who she was allowed to talk to. Again, the wall went up. This time, it stayed.
I moved away the next summer. I was chasing something, a feeling that I once felt. There was a Church that I thought would help me, but it came to pass. When I got there, it wasn’t the same. This is when I realized that my walk with Christ was no longer the same. I tried to get back to the way that I use to feel, but nothing would work. I only stayed a semester, then moved back home.
Nothing was the same when I got back, though. People moved on and plans changed. It was like I was in a whole new place, with people that I didn’t know. I guess I was hurt that no one seemed to care that I was back. They were okay without me. I told myself that it was a lie, but I never could seem to convince myself. This is when I met my wife, Ariel. She gave me happiness, but something was still missing. The piece that will always be missing. When my mother left, she took something from me that I didn’t know. She took my emotions. I haven’t felt truly sad about something in over 5 years. I stopped caring when I got back from college, when I saw that everyone moved on, When I realized that everyone moved on like my mother. I try to find a way to break down this wall, but the tools are not strong enough. They are broke under the pressure of all my DAMN baggage, I feel like I will never be okay. I miss her! I wish that I could have a heart to heart conversation with my mother. I want to ask her what she was thinking, why she left us, why couldn’t she just be a GODDAMN GOOD PARENT!! But I will never know. She will always have an excuse, I just wish I meant more to her, meant enough for her to drop her act and tell me why she left me. She left too soon.

Dear Mom,
I sit here, waiting for you to walk in those doors. I waited for you to come back for years, but you never came back. You had better things to do, but we weren’t it, were we? Why did you leave me, why did you leave me with these questions? I deserve these answers, dammit! I have giving you the power for so many years, hoping that you would just tell me why I wasn’t good enough!!!!! I want the power back, but you forced these walls up and I cant break them down. I want to take the wall down, but I cant without knowing how you could leave me as a child. How could you leave me at Ten and never even check up on me. I spent years trying to find you, but when I found you, you were full of excuses. You hurt me more than anything. But my biggest question is; why is it that you hurt me so much, but I still want you to hug me and tell me that you love me. Mom, I wish you were better. I wish you weren’t gone. 
Sincerely yours,
A BROKEN CHILD.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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I don’t know if you heard. I don’t know how you haven’t heard, if you haven’t heard. But if you haven’t heard was has been heard by others, then you wouldn’t know that today is nation women’s day. A day in honor of all the women of this beautiful paradise that we called Earth. This can range from your mom, spouse, bestie, or any other women you might see, today. The main thing is that we show the appreciation that is deserved. Without women we would merely not exist. It takes a man and woman to have a kid and guess what? You were a kid. This entitles you to say thank you, even if you don’t want to!
I personally don’t have a strong relationship with my mother, but I still thank her, everyday for having me. She might have turned out to be a so-so mother, but at least she kept me.  She could have said “screw this” and terminate my process, but she didn’t. For that, I am truly thankful.

This goes further than just our family, though. In history, we have had a few amazing people that deserve a thanks.
Susan Anthony was an advocate for women’s suffrage, women’s property rights and the abolition of slavery. She tried to vote in the presidential election and was denied, but the 19th Amendment, that gave women any rights, was named after her. 
Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell was the first woman to receive a medical degree from an all male medical institution. She opened the New York infirmary for women and children with her Sister, Emily and Dr. Marie Zalrzewska. She used her resources to open a college devoted to train and give necessary experience to women who wanted to be in medicine, while also giving specialized medical care to those whom couldn’t afford it.

Mother Teresa was a Catholic Nun. She devoted much of her time in charities that helped patients in war, gave Earthquake relief and ministered to famine victims in Ethiopia. She founded a way to help sick and the poor. She did this by her charity “Order of the missionaries of charity,” a group of women, with very big hearts!

Though, this doesn’t even touch base with how much women rule, I am going to stop there. I think that we all know how amazing women are, but we all should also do a little research and see how many other amazing women have shaped this world. You will be amazed on how many women a footprint in history. For all of this, I want to say thank you for your hard work. You are amazing people and deserve a day for yourself!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

I have a melody in mind, but it’s about my sister?

I use to be in a two-person band (with my friend) back in the day. I was the guitar player, but I suck at singing. This is why it was important that I signed, Herry, my singing friend. He was a huge singer and he was wanting to start a band. This was great, we were always hanging out, which was going to open doors so we could get things recorded and move it forward. As you know, I am a big writer. Before my blogging days, I use to write a lot of songs. I was wanting to become a famous songwriter, but there was a time I took a step back!

Herry was pretty inactive in the band. He was always working, usually leading to him sleeping when he was home. This put a pretty big damper on our plan. We still hadn’t wrote a song together, and I was tired of being the only one to do anything, so I told him to get a song written. He said he would work on that, that weekend. I said okay  and set him out to do so. But when I came back to him, a weekend later, he still had a pretty blank slate. He got the idea, though. He knew what the song needed to say, but he couldn’t get the words out, fully. I really liked the song idea, so I asked him to explain what he wanted it to say. He said;

“I really like this girl. She is a beautiful girl and I really want her to notice me. I compare her to a melody that I cant get out of my head. She is always there! That is the biggest point; she is a melody that I can’t get over, or out of my head!”

Let me be honest; I loved the song idea. He had something great on his mind, so I told him I would write it. He was beyond excited to hear that, and he gave me the song. I went home that day, sat at my desk and started to write. I wasn’t in a relationship or anything, so I decided to make it a love/worship song. I did have a crush, so part of the song was partially about her, but also Christ was a big part of any of my songs. I finished the song in a few days (including how to play it) and was excited to show him what I had. I brought the song to him and played it for him. I felt something amazing happen when I played it, it felt so natural to play it. He loved it! I wanted to know what he really thought, so I started to ask him more questions. I finished my interrogation after asking him “So, who is this about?”

There was a long pause between two band members. He looked at me and I looked at him. I could see that he was having a hard time getting it out, that is when I started to realize something wasn’t right. He finally told me, and let me tell you; it wasn’t pretty! He told me to sit down, I did. He then went on to tell me that he has had a crush on someone close to me, and that he didn’t want me to be mad. I didn’t understand, so I told him to spit it out. Kerry told me that he was in love with my sister, and that this song was towards her!! I shoved the song in his lap and walked out of the room. He followed me into the kitchen and asked if I were okay. I looked at him with anger and told him to leave me alone. He didn’t, instead he kept talking to me about it. I slowly began to calm down, but something still wasn’t right. I felt dirty.

Though he felt bad and wanted to tell me, it still doesn’t change the fact that I wrote a love song for my sister, technically! He had her in mind, the idea was contaminated with my sister and I got poisoned. He dropped out of the band later that month and never played my sister the song. She still doesn’t know she was the original reason for that song. Instead, she thinks the song is a worship song. The song was rewritten and recorded, but this time I wrote it with my own emotions and lyrics. It has become my favorite original song. I still find it funny that I technically wrote a love song for my sister..

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Here is the song “Melody.”

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

With my anniversary tomorrow, I wanted to share a quick post about something I just read. I was spending a little time in my “Weird & Wacky Facts,” and I just read something that has my head spinning. It happens to flow with the anniversary season, so here it is:

“If you think mothers-in-law are unpopular today, imagine how a mother-in-law felt who lived among the Lhopa tribe in Tibet years ago.
It use to be the custom there to eat the bride’s mother at the wedding feast! But then, Cannibalism was always a painful custom.”
(Weird and Wacky Facts by Sterling)

This is just freaking weird. Why would you even want to do such a thing? What benefits do you get from eating the mother? Could you imagine getting married and being told that your mother must die, but not only die, you would then have to take a bite out of her?

There’s also another thing I don’t get, how did they decide to do this? Who would sit around and think, well maybe we could eat my mother-in-law for the feast? The guy must have hated her, a lot. I might not find my mother-in-law the nicest person, all the time, but I would never want to roast her and eat her. That just doesn’t sound good…. 

If I were a woman, I would refuse to get married, in order to save my mother from being cooked. But I guess this was a pretty big thing to them, so who knows, maybe the daughters loved it. I just know that I wouldn’t be comfortable eating a piece of my mother-in-law next to her daughter, especially on our wedding day. I would rather kill our dog, grill him up, and feed him to my friends.

I honestly thought this was the funniest (Yet weirdest) thing ever. I have a million questions, which I will do further research, but from what I know I am so glad to live in the present day. I bet my wife is also, since they are super close. Either way, have a good night and don’t forget to wish me a Happy Anniversary. I am just joking…but seriously.. it’s tomorrow….I want gifts! 

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Stop calling me, you’re a creep. I told you I don’t want to talk, clearly, from not answering your 20th call. You could spend some time fixing things, yet you just want to talk from a distance. I don’t see why I need to do your work, nor will I! You will screw this up, again, and we will have to wait for it to be fixed, well until I ask him to do it again! You’re a failure, and I hope you get what is coming to you, one day, then you might see what you had. You’re worse than the woman, I saw as a hero.

She was the one I loved, but she didn’t love me. She wanted to take everything from me, starting with my trust and ending with my happiness. I was forced to go through a few systems to find my way, and she wasn’t here when I got out, she was gone in the wind, never to be seen again, but that was the best part. She tore me down and convinced me of things that weren’t true. She was a monster. The drugs, she took, took her over and forced her to be someone that she wasn’t, before. I am so glad that I am away from here. If I were still under her, I wouldn’t be anywhere. It is sad that I had to compare you to this lady, but you are a spitting image of her. You lie, you cheat, and can’t make a right decision for the sake of your life!

She couldn’t make a decision either, that’s why she let her family decide. She told me that I wasn’t good enough. I died inside that night, followed by hours of empty stares. I became a family member to that wall, during our departure. He would listen to my sobs, though I wish it were you, it wasn’t. You moved on, deleting me from your life, like what we had was nothing. I hate you for that. I hate you for the fact that I loved you, but you could walk away, like that! Now, I can’t get you off my mind. I might say “I am fine” or “I don’t care” but that is such a lie! You are still on my mind, but now it’s anger that fills my heart. My hatred hasn’t been stronger since she didn’t show up, though.

She was told to be there, but she didn’t show up. I had to do all of the work, while she got to have fun. What a liar! She said she was good, but she sucked, I aint even talking about that….Her work style sucked. I stuck my head out for her, but she took me for granted. That is why I shut down….I would murder her, if it wasn’t punishable, and would hide her body at the bottom of the ocean, so that she would be ate by her family, but even they would spit her out. That voice is what I hated the most.

She wanted everyone to hear her, but she had nothing to say! Ha! That’s what I hear from you! I don’t hear anything from you guys! I didn’t fit it, so you cut me out of the picture, and force me to watch you, from the outside. I won’t though! I don’t miss you guys, because you were never close, anyways. You never supported my decision, the one to change my life. Nah! You didn’t like how it made me, and you wanted the old me back, yet you didn’t even like that guy, either. I wont be a puppet!

Someone else tried to make me a puppet after you, also. They said they were my family, that they would never leave. But one decision changed their minds, as they kicked me out and told me to go away. I didn’t hesitate, as I didn’t want to be there anyway. They were crazy, as they only want to control people, using text. I didn’t fall for the trap, and I prospered because of that. I found something I was looking for, though now I hate it!

I can’t stand the double-standards that go along with the game, and that I cant do what others do! WE were told not to do something, then he was able to do that same thing. I couldn’t believe it, so I asked “Why?” I was told that he asked before, so he was granted the opportunity. Now, after he’s gone, I have to pick up the weight and carry it. I want to give up that part, and move on to better things, but then what would I do?

I would miss his hair, for one. He never combs his hair, yet wonders why he doesn’t have a girl. You need to take care of yourself, before you can expect a girl to like you! But you don’t care, because secretly you’re gay! We know it, just admit it! I don’t know why you hide it! I would just come out and say it, that way you can move on and be happy. Maybe that’s it! Maybe you want to stay “Unpresentable” in order to save yourself, for the man that has your heart. I just solved the puzzle, I just found Atlantis! Bro, not cool.

What’s not cool is the lack of faith, though. Yes, I am talking to you. You think that I will continue to do this, without some push? I am done swinging! I wouldn’t want to waste your damn time, with another page. I will stop, I will walk away. Then as I am walking away, you will ask me to come back, but it will be too late. I would already be gone, and you would be the blame. So please continue, continue to say that you don’t have the time. You will see what you had, but it will be too late. Every artist is remembered after their death, I just didn’t want it to come to this. I didn’t want to have to force myself, but if it works, then I will take that door! I won’t ask, anymore! This is over, this is done, I am not immortal, and my bat has been swung. I don’t put myself in the least of those, anyways. You wouldn’t understand my thoughts, anyways! You think you would, but you can’t even go a day without being fooled by a door that says pull. You are tools, and I’m no longer your damn workbench!

I drop the mic, walk out the door, find a street, and ask for God. I wait for an answer, but nothing is there. I want to find someone to do it, but no one is there. The street is dark, lights are out, no one is walking and I need someone. I walk down the street, that is when I found you! I found happiness in you. I had to run after you, but I lost you. My hope was lost, and I didn’t know what to do. This is when I reached back out to you, but you IGNORED me! Luckily, I have someone! You….were….so…..Fake…….

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The End!    

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Started off low, now we here….
We all start out on the bottom, we should all at least have an idea what the struggle is. If you don’t know what that means, then I am not talking to you. This is for the kids that had to fight to live, had to find their own way. Mainly, this is for the people that didn’t have everything handed to them! There is nothing wrong with being “set,” but tonight I want to talk to my “brothers and sisters,” the same that had to grow up to early and never had nice things, unless they had their own money.
I grew up with a family that had some problems, but I always had food on my table. They might of not had stacks of money, but I always had nice clothes, and a roof over my head. The other things didn’t matter to me, because life wasn’t about that. I found happiness in what I had, but soon all of that would be taken away from me. This was the time that my mother and father split up, after years of marriage, and I was left with my mother. She got out of the house, ran to the car, and drove off. I followed, running for the entrance to our old car. I got to the car, I hear someone behind me. It was my father, he was pleading that we stayed, that we lived with him. I fell, my knee slaps the pavement, I hear my dads voice echo. He was afraid, he saw the car drag me. But as he got close to the car, my mother jumped out, throwing me back into the car, and launching a projectile towards my father. I looked back, to see him crying, as we drove away.
This was the night that changed my life, forever. This was the first night of being homeless. This was the night that left me hopeless, not knowing what was going to happen. This was the night that led to years of pain, that led to many nights crying myself to sleep. This was the night that the brainwashing started. My mother had one plan, to keep up, even if that meant destroying the image of my father. She did a very good job at it. I went many years being afraid of my father, being scared to be alone with him. I didn’t know what to believe, but I knew what to fear. My mother wanted her way, so it led me down a road of being homeless. We spent years living in Vans, campers, abandoned houses, friends cars, and a couple houses. The years of living in the apartments and houses always led to being evicted or worse. There was a time that our apartment burnt down, all of our possessions were in that house, we had nothing left, we didn’t have anything. I lost all of my clothes, toys, $40,000 of baseball cards, and more. My mother fell asleep while a candle burnt down the house. She woke up to the smell of smoke. She got out, but there was nothing left. We had to start from scratch. This wouldn’t be the first time.
We went on to live in a van, next. This is when we would go nights without eating. I was starving everyday. My mother started to write bounced checks in order to feed us, but the checks only went so far. She would get caught, and even that plan was a no go. We then moved to a camper, one that only lasted for a short while. The camper was taking back from the owners, leaving us homeless, again. My mother devised a plan to get us somewhere in life. This was to move across the state, well only a few hours, and have us start our lives again. This time the plan was solid, well until the plan started to work. The plan was great on paper, but when we started to move forward, we forgot to calculate the expenses, which came in fast. With the bills not being paid, we were forced to sleep in a dark, cold, and shower-less house. This is where I found my little kitten frozen. I never knew how hard this life could get, not until I saw a life taken from me. Over the next year, I was starved, beaten, and in academic troubles. I was released from my mothers grasp, and thrown into a messed up DCFS system.
This blog isn’t to get the harps going, nor do I want attention for my past life. I was making this to say that we might have rough walks, in life, but we can’t let those walks effect our purpose. If I would let the past keep me down, I wouldn’t be able to sit here, and talk to you guys. I started from the bottom, but now, now I am living a great life. I have great things going for me, and it was because of what my past put me through. Your past is to strengthen your future, you just have to know how to use it effectively.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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Have you ever been a part of a divorce? That doesn’t mean that you have had one. This is for those who were children when their parents split, mothers of daughters that got divorced, or even fathers of sons. If you were around someone that got divorced, or you got a divorce, this is for you.
My father and mother got a divorce when I was only seven-years-old. At seven, I had no idea what was going on. I figured that we were just moving to another place, and my father would be meeting up soon enough. That was never the case, though. My sister and me were forced , by my mother, to go to the court hearings. She told us that it was needed for the judge to make the decision. I was lost on what decision the judge had to make, and why I had to tell the judge “mommy not dad.” I didn’t understand then what I know now.
I didn’t know that those simple words were forcing my dad out of my life. I had no idea the weight that the choice had. I felt bad inside for saying “mommy over dad”, which is why I never did. Every time she told me to say it, I would “zip my mouth.” Her anger would spike every time I refused. It seemed that my mother needed me to say those words. Every time that I would refuse, she would tell me something my dad did to her, which later I learned were lies, but at the time I would believe it. I began to hate my dad. This is what she wanted and needed. She needed me to get to the point that I hated hearing “dad” so that I would say “I don’t love dad” or something to show the judge that I wanted to stay with my mom.
I never did say those words, though. No matter what she told me, or what scar she showed me. I never told her that I hated my dad. The most that ever would happen, was I use to hide in a closet when my dad came to pick me up, for his weekend. I hid in the closet out of fear. My mother told me that he was dangerous, and shouldn’t be trust. I believed her, so I would hide as she told him that I was at a friends. She couldn’t get me to say that I hated him, so to have me fear him was her next option. This was right before she kidnapped us.
She didn’t tell anyone where we were going. We disappeared into thin air, and never came back. We ended up in a town an hour and a half from my home town. My dad was lost to where we went, he continued to search, though. As he searched, we were now living a brand new life. She would never mention our dad, unless we brought him up, which she would just bash him. I remember at one time she told us that he was dead, and that was the reason for the move. My heart broke when I heard that he died, because I still loved him. I never formed any hate towards him, how could I? He would always be my dad. I accepted the fact that he was dead, though.
Then one night, he showed back up to our house. I have no idea how he found us, but he did. He stood next to his black car, waiting for my to come out. I saw that it was my dad, and raced for the door. She gave me a quick yank, and threw me to the ground. She then told my sister and me to go to our room. I screamed. I wanted to see my dad, but as I let out the scream, her hand connected to my mouth. At that moment, my sister carried me to the bedroom. I heard shouting outside, as tears flowed from my eyes, I began to pray that one day my dad could get custody of us. He did in the summer of 2005, and that is when the story ended. My mother was  no longer around, she couldn’t face the fact that she relinquished us to foster care, and left. My dad found us again and got us out, though.
It took many years to not fear my dad, which was never a violent man. She brainwashed us so deeply that it took years to get over the false memories, ones that she put in our heads.
     I wanted to write this to show those going through a divorce, what pain can be caused when you tell your family lies. In this certain circumstance, my mom lied about who my dad was. I was deprived from knowing my dad for majority of my life. But the scariest thing is, if I would have listened to her lies in the beginning, I would have been forced to never see my dad. She would have won full custody, then would have gotten a restraining order on him. He would never be able to see us.
     If you are going through a divorce, you don’t have to have everyone hate the other person. You don’t need to tell them stories, especially never brainwash them to hate them all because of what happened in the past. That will cause unneeded pain, that could also cause children to miss out on their parents. 

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Who do I want to write about.
        The other day I was sitting at work, talking to another crew about “Heroes.” She had asked me who my hero was in life, and I was stunned. I never thought about who I looked up to. I never even thought about having a hero. I was always so independent in life, most of the times I pushed everyone away.
         I never wanted to look up to someone, then get close to them and have them leave. It was a fear that I could control. So I made it a mission to keep everyone out of my life. But now with my crew member asking me the question, I had to search inside of myself and ask the hard question. “Who is my Hero?”
       “Who do I look up to?” I look up to my father. I look up to him for everything. I search his personality for answers to questions about life. If me and my wife get into a fight, he is the one that I look to for answers on questions I’m unsure about. Or if my car breaks down, he is the one that I call for the fix. He is truly the smartest person that I know. He seems to know everything that needs to be known.
        My father hasn’t always had the chance to be a part of my life, but he has always been an outline. When my mother took us out of his care, he seemed to always be around, expecially when we were in trouble. He wouldn’t break any laws though, so when my mother got that restraining order, and moved us out of town, he respected the laws that were in place. He worked with a woman that never wanted to work with him. Then when it came down to getting us back, after we were put in the foster care, he did. He flipped every mattress trying to find us.
       Someone that can be on the bottom of the chain, yet will help those who are willing to turn on you. That is my Dads character, and that is what I see as a hero. He has shown me over and over that if someone is in need, help. But what if you are broke? No, you help anyway you can. He showed me how to love my neighbor as myself. It was always like that in my house, you had to respect everyone (to a point) that you came in contact with.
        I have become a strong man with all of his life lessons. I am willing to go to war for anyone that needs help. I am always that man that is looking for doors to hold open, or cars to push out of the snow. This is all because of one guy. The same guy that made me crucify my pride, and help those that don’t deserve the help. My father has been the savior my whole life. He is my hero, and one day, I hope I’m my sons hero, as well. It has been such an honor learning from my father, and there is still much to be taught!

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         My dad came down this last weekend, which put my wife into the mood for the holidays. This always includes putting up the dang Christmas tree. Last year, it took almost three hours to decorate the tree. I couldn’t get the lights to stay on the tree, I even watched videos on YouTube. I found out that I was putting the lights on wrong. I figured that I wasn’t suppose to tie the lights to the inner part of the tree, which is what I was doing. I wondered why the lights didn’t look like those on lifetime, Now I know.

        This year, my dad was excited to put up the tree with us. We decorated the whole living room with lights and  bulbs. Of course I had to gripe about my dad not fluffing the tree enough! It felt nice to decorate the house this year. With the house decorated, I can say that it feels like Christmas at the Jenkins house now. And my favorite part is that my dad put the lights on the tree this year, which means YouTube wasn’t needed. Sorry to those guys that specialize in those kind of videos.
The tree looks like this:

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I use to watch a podcast, directed by Ray William Johnson and his ex-girlfriend, Anna. It was called Runaway Thoughts, an hour long podcast that would cover anything from cats to penis Burka’s. I got inspired by this podcast and want to try this out. So today this will be a one-post segment to see if you guys would like something like this in the future. If not, then we will act as if this was never written, and I will put it in the cellar for no one to see ever again.
First, Today I was on an application that I have written a few post about in the past, and I made this post about the dark side of the moon: Do you think that the dark-side of the moon has cookies? What do you think they taste like? I would think that the cookies would be powdered, and probably are like carrots, where you need to pull them from the ground. But then I thought, what if the moon has something that we never have thought off, a white chocolate-chocolate filled Oreo. Two rich cookies made from white chocolate, and then with the sweet center made out of Fudge. What if people made this? You think obesity is bad now? You can’t tell me that you could stop after one of these babies, no one could.
Secondly, Now that I have gorged myself in the thought of the worlds best cookie ever, let me workout the fat that I will gain due to the luscious treats, I am talking about doing one workout in the second month of insanity. Insanity is a, well, insane workout coached by Shaun T, a coach for the company Beach body. I started the workout a little more than five weeks ago, but nothing could ready me for the pain that I was in yesterday. Month 2 of Insanity (A cardio focused program) can be compared to Russian torture. I was dripping sweat in the first round of three intervals of the warm-up, this was followed by a 45-minute intense fat-burning workout. By the time we did the final cool-down I wasn’t able to stand. But I wasn’t the only one, there were people on the DVD, that are fitness instructors that couldn’t handle the heat either. It was hell, my knees were on fire, my back was aching, I was gasping for air. When we finished the workout, my wife looked at me with a look and said this “So that’s what we have to look forward to.” She is right, we are on day one of twenty-eight in the second month. So this is the beginning with three new core workout routines coming into play later this week. So if you are ready to get into shape, try Shaun T’s Insanity. It is worth the pain.
Continued, My journey on Fallout almost was cut short in the last couple days when my device failed to load. I was in the casino at Primm, and I was racking up the winnings, playing blackjack. Every time that I would win a good sum of money, I would save, in order to fix any bad luck runs. I got one of those runs and wanted to load my previous save in order to get back to my old amount. I was in deep regret when it said that my game couldn’t be loaded because it needed the downloadable content to continue. I freaked out, I have spent 40 hours on this game so far, ignoring the main story a lot of that time, in order to complete all of the other side-quest first. So when it was unable to load, I thought of all the time that I had lost due to this piece of crap device. But as the light was being dimmed, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. This light was the chance to load my old save that was only minutes before I had this glitch. So it wasn’t hard to get back to where I was, which I was thankful of! If I wasted 40-hours because of some stupid glitch, I would be beyond pissed. Let me tell you that!
lastly, This week has been stressful with looking for a new job. I have started a soft search for new employment to better myself from where I am now. I applied to a few places, and with each place I apply, I get more hope. Even if they are not calling me back, that’s fine. I just need to get myself back on free agency to prove to myself that I can do this. But this isn’t the stressful part of my week. My mother came back into my life this week after a year of silence, trying to get me to visit her. But this time she masked herself as someone I have never met. A woman that i guess is her sister. I am not fully sure, but this woman is crazy. She told me that my mother was dead, and that I should feel ashamed of what I have done to her. When in reality she is the one that messed up my life. I miss my mother and wished that she wasn’t so crazy. But I know she will never change, and that’s what hurts. I can’t understand how someone that was suppose to love me, could do what she did, but then have the nuts to sit there, and blame it on someone that has been there my whole life. But life will go on and be better. I just have to stay focused.
Final thoughts, Blogging is becoming easy again, even with a previous writers block happening that I thought would ruin my future. But I overcame the giant that stood there in the mirror looking back at me. Anyways, I have a lot of good things coming to you guys in the next few weeks, this blog is about to aim for the moon, possibly through the moon. I am tired of aiming for two views a day, its time to make this blog popular. So help me, if you are the fans that I know that you guys are. Help by sharing every post that I put up. I have the great content, but I am only person, I need others to share this content! I am asking you for your dedication! Let me know also how you feel about ImpromtThoughts!  

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