Posts Tagged ‘loss’

Merry Christmas, you dirty rascals!

merry christmas gift box close up photo

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I don’t know if you guys have snow, but I know we don’t. It hasn’t felt like the holiday season without, but I will make this a joyful time still. Santa will still come and give me the best presents, and I will share with you as much as I can, even if I don’t want to. Santa will still crawl down my chimney, even if I don’t have one, he will make one and will come down it. He will for some reason not rob me and will leave me some awesome presents, which I will open and enjoy for the whole month that it’s still new.

Tomorrow is actually Christmas, but I don’t want to be on the computer during Christmas, as that would be rude… This is why WordPress allows you to schedule posts, so you don’t miss a beat in your life, while also sharing every memory with those you may never meet in real life. My Randoms, this feature is for you. You get to read this awesome post, all while you open presents and share heart filling memories with your own loved ones. I am making this post to wish you a merry Christmas and happy holidays.

I pray that you take this season to reconnect with those you may only see once a year. I pray that you get what you need and enjoy everything people get you. I pray for safe travels, if you are driving to see family. I pray that you get receipts from Aunt Mary, because who truly needs three blenders, like seriously, Mary, get it together! I clearly sent you my wish list on Amazon. I pray for healing in broken families and restoration with all relationships that can be saved.

If this is your first Christmas since the passing of a loved one, I pray for the peace of the Lord to come and blanket you. I am truly sorry for your loss! I don’t know what it feels like, but I know it isn’t easy. I hope that you still have a good time with those whom love you, also know that that love one is looking from heaven as you open that present. They are happy that you are making it through the pain, so keep kicking pains Arse. It has to be hard, but God gives people to us to help us through things, so if you are in this situation, look for those who can help you, cling to them and never let go.

If you are in a broken family, full of drama and strife, I pray for restoration. I pray restoration flows into those walls and God brings back together those relationships that aren’t toxic, and begins to change those who are toxic. God wants us to be united, so do what you can to bring peace into your family this Christmas. If you have tried and it doesn’t work, forgive them and move in your own destiny. Don’t give power to these people. Every time you get mad at them, you give them power over you, so stop and forgive them. You don’t have to talk to them, you don’t have to do anything with them, but at least forgive them so you can live your best life.

You guys are so strong. You are awesome and are truly presents to me. I am glad to have you guys and I pray that 2019 brings newness to this blog and it brings us all closer. 2019 is going to be a busy year, as I keep telling Ariel, so get on the train and take one hell of a ride. With God in the center, I can only imagine what all we can do!

I hope that you have a great Christmas. I hope you get what you want and more, but also that you find happiness in giving. I challenge you to do one great thing, then come here and tell us what you did. This can range from paying for someone’s coffee, or maybe you talk to a family member that you don’t like to talk to. Anything that shows love, do and tell!!!! I love you, guys!


    Imagine walking down a long, dark tunnel. This tunnel resembles your life and the choices that you have made. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The closer you get to the light, the more colder that the tunnel gets. You are freezing, but it gets worse. You are almost to the end, then it starts to pour water. You want to continue, but doubt gets to you. You don’t think that you can make it, so you stop. The light at the end of the tunnel becomes dim, then fades completely. This is what depression feels like. At first, you are strong, but then the weight of the world falls onto your shoulders. You want to carry on, but the hope is no longer driving you. You begin to feel alone and eventually you give up.


   350 million people are affected by depression worldwide. This is 5% of the whole world. Of the U.S.A we are looking at 16 million civilians that suffer from feeling alone or not good enough. People are likely to be depressed because of Brain chemistry, Hormones, genetics and/or personal risk factors, which include: Low self-esteem, physical or sexual abuse, diabetes or other major health factors, alcohol or drug abuse, medication side-effects, also the history of their family can play a big part in their health. Women are also more likely to suffer from depression than men are.

   Suffering from depression can really hold someone down and make their life unbearable. If the feeling of being alone isn’t enough, there are other effects that depression will cause. These effects consist of becoming angry easily, not being able to control your anger, anxiety issues, loss of interest in something that you love to do, being stuck in the past, and having suicidal thoughts. This becomes hard to live a life when you have no passion to do anything, especially the hobbies that you use to love to participate in.  With no interest in doing anything, one could only imagine what negative effects this will have on the body. There are a huge amount of additional effects that bring harm to your body, and should not be ignored.
   The physical effects are pretty serious and are usually easy to spot. This is why they ask you to keep an eye for these things. Insomnia, fatigue, and random aches and pains might be hard to catch, as the person might not speak up about it. But you might be able to catch these next few things easier. Weight gain/loss in a rapid form. You will be able to catch if someone is losing a lot of weight (or gaining) quickly. Increase or decrease in appetite should also be easy to catch on to. Also, they could have a hard time concentrating. If the person is big into art, but can’t find time to concentrate on art, then youmight want to talk to them. This is a pretty huge deal, because the next sign is more dangerous; cutting/self harm. You will be able to see the marks (sometimes not so easily) but this shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you ever find someone is cutting, you need to talk them into getting help, immediately.

  Being a friend to a person with depression can be hard, but God gives us help in his word. Three scriptures stood out to me today, all of them pointed to this topic. These scriptures can guide you to help those in need, or they can help you as you fight depression, yourself. The first Scripture was

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Psalms 34:17 “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.”

1 Peter 5: 6-7 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

   God will never leave his people. He is always there for you, all you have to do is cry out for him. He knows that you are not strong enough to face the giants, alone, that is why he is there with you. You must first humble yourself, then you and God will be able to escape the feeling of world being on your shoulders. But, remember, as the children of God, it is also our job to go out and help those in need. We have to watch for the signs. Suicide is a huge problem, but with our kind hearts, we could change all of that! It is time for us to help those in need. It is our time to stand with those who feel alone.

Impromtdude @


We all have that one fantasy, or something that we would really like to do. I know in my lifetime I want to see the Chicago Cubs actually win the World Series. This being said, this season looks to be the best chance they have, well until they started this series with the L.A. Dodgers. They have dropped their last two games, making it 2-1 and sadly putting them in the position to lose this series, since the next two games are in L.A. Now, let me clarify; I am not a Chicago Cubs fan, nor will I ever jump off my Royals. I am just excited to see history being made, which is what would happen if they did win the World Series. I went as far as promising something crazy if they do win.

I know I am in no position to negotiate with God, nor was that my intention. I just thought it was a good idea at the time. I recently posted to Facebook after the Cubs got shut out for the second straight game. The status said “I will finish my youth pastor studies if the Cubs win, because then we will know that God does exist.” I am being very serious. If the Cubs win, I will study the bible like never before, I will get some kind of certificate (somewhere in the future,) and I will become the thing most want me to become; a youth pastor.

Now, don’t expect me to do this all at once. Clearly I want to get back into studying and going to church and such. But it will eventually happen. I could be Jenkins (Jinx) it, but I thought this would get the Heavens to help the struggling Cubs, also I might as well finish the education I started.

The Chicago Cubs are on their way to get eliminated, and it’s all because of their batting. Their defense is what kept this team alive, thus far. But now without their batting abilities, we could see the cubs out in the next two games. Their hottest hitters (Rizzo, Russell, Heyward, Fowler and Zobrist) have only hit 12 out of their last 109 appearances (Playoffs). If it weren’t for Montero hitting the late grand slam, off the bench in game one, we could be looking at a 0-3 deficit. The Cubs have the pitching, disregarding Arietta’s horrible outing to win this, but something has to come back alive; their bats. They will need to find some hope in their bats and turn them back on. You can’t expect to not hit well and beat the L.A. Dodgers. The Cubs need to get their five big hitters back on track, or they might as well pack up and go home.

We will have to see what the future brings but I think we could still see history being made, this season. It’s not a big deficit, but they have to get back on their game. This is where we will see if the Cubs are the real deal. They have the talent, they just need to find a way to put it together and go after it. Cleveland will be waiting for the winner, lets hope it’s Chicago.

Impromtdude @

I am the best.


We are all going to go through rough times, that’s life. We are all going to battle things, some things that we might keep deep in our closet, also somethings that we can’t battle alone. You have to be the definer of that, though, no one else can decide for you. If you don’t feel that you can win the battle, then it is time to reach out for someone and try to get help. What battles do you classify as “Unwinnable?” some people may ask you this. For me this would be anything that you haven’t battled in the past, but like I said, you are the only one that can decide that. But at the same time, you should never go into any battle alone.
I have been dealing with a lot lately. This is the post that I will come out and open up. I have never been good at opening up to anyone. I have always been scared of losing people because of my problems, so I would usually keep it to myself, put on a smile and hope that I don’t lose the battle. I usually pushed the people away, distancing myself from everything, then I would go into the war alone. At first I would fire all my guns at the enemy, but what happens when I lost my weapon or I ran out of ammo? This was in the moments of me getting tired. I would lower my arms from holding the gun and would try to rest. But if you know anything about war then you would know, that is when the enemy will strike. They wont wait until you are rest, that would be crazy. If they would do that, then there wouldn’t be an advantage. I could go awhile on my one tank of gas “emotion,” but that would eventually run out. This was the time in my life that the enemy would hit me. The enemy would use my doubts as their ammo. They would hit me hard, breaking every wall had built up down. They knew what my weaknesses were and they would use it against me, all the time. After they beat me down and took my barrier, they would stand over me and kick my lungs in. These are the moments that suicide became my only option, yet something always was there to save me. This could be someone reaching out, a random act of kindness or God giving me hope, whatever the situation, I always found a way out.
These were the past battles. They would come in waves. It would always hit me in the worse times, usually when I was tired or emotionally weak, usually after losing something close to me. But they always ended. It would last for about two weeks, I would get all down, then it would end. But for some reason the pain doesn’t go away anymore. Back in the day the pain would come and go, there were times it would stay a lot longer, but it always went away. These days, not so much, the thoughts and doubts cloud my mind and makes it hard for me function at times. I have tried to reach out and get some help, but its like the pain will cease for a short-bit, but then will come back stronger. Sadly, I have to say that I am going through another wave, right now.
I was talking to my cousin, at work, today. We were talking about what is on our mind. I know that during work isnt the best time to talk about emotions, but I needed to vent. That is when I dug deep inside and told him how my mind works. I realized something about myself today, I stress about everything. The way my brain works is; I will get tired, I will see more bills, I will start to think of everything going bad (Car issues to eyesight), I will think of ways to get that fixed, I will stress about my job, I will hate myself for working at McDonald’s, I wont think I’m a good worker which makes me fear that I am a failure, I will doubt that I’m a good husband, I think of my dreams and doubt my future as a writer, I will get discouraged and lose my passion, then I will get down and will start to push everyone away.
This is a rough description of how I feel. I know that everyone is dealing with their own problems, and I know that I shouldn’t be bringing my hurt to page, but I want everyone to know that you aren’t alone. There has to be someone out there that feels your pain. I want to say all this, just to tell you to not give up. There is a world out there, at times it will be scary, but nothing in life will be clear as day. You will doubt everything in life. You just have to have faith in the things you want. If you feel like you are losing ground, it is best that you get someone that has beat the battle you’re facing. These people are your best chance at survival. My biggest problem is I feel everyone has better things to do, other than help me, but that isn’t always true. God sends us people to help us out, we just have to be smart to know who is who.  

Impromtdude @

Congrats to the Superbowl champions!


It started as a great season for both of the teams. Their defenses were carrying the teams throughout each of their opponents, but one team did something the other couldn’t, keep a healthy Quarterback. Peyton Manning got benched with a foot injury, giving Brock Osweiler the ball and the chance to take his team to the playoffs. Though Brock played spectacular, when Peyton Manning was ready to come back, Brock lost the starting job. Most called this a publicity stunt, but the Denver Broncos want to give the Veteran his one last shot. Will this be Peyton’s last game? The signs point to yes, through the season, one thing is evident, Peyton is worn out. Never have I seen Peyton throw so many short passes, his spiral is gone, and he isn’t reading the defenses the same way. But tonight he ended the game as the grand champion, that is what is important. 
Cam Newton is going to be a great Quarterback, he will perform at the levels of Drew Brees and Tom Brady. He is quick on his feet, but can also drop back and hit the deep bomb. The Panthers have a great squad that will be in the playoff picture for the next couple years. They have great targets on offense, such as: Olsen, Ginn Jr., and Steward, and an amazing defense that is young, which is what they have been building for years.
Though the Panthers lost tonight, their defense still played to win, Cam Newton couldn’t get it going, on the offensive side, though. They gave all they could and left everything on the field. The defenses worked all year for their moments, and they didn’t disappoint. Each defense caused crucial turnovers, that kept both teams in the game.  I knew that the defense that got tired last, would be the team to win. Congrats to the Denver Broncos on winning Superbowl 50! And to Peyton on his 200th game win, and his second ring! Best to your future!


Impromtdude @

There we were standing, watching the maniac coming to us pulling his shovel behind him. He was still smiling and had that sick whistle exiting out of his mouth as he slowly walked towards us. I push myself off of the ground and get ready to fight this sick-son-of-a-bitch. Though fighting has never been my style, I was taught to stand up for my friends that can’t fight for themselves. So with my fingers twitching from the fear in my heart, I stood my ground, pushing out my chest.
He got up to me, and looked in to my eyes. When I look back into his eyes something doesn’t feel right. When I have stared into other peoples eyes in the past, I felt warm and wanted. When I looked through his eyes, I felt a strong darkness coming on to me. This feeling I read from an article is when someone has nothing but hate in their body. Usually this feeling is because of something they lost in the past.
“Move” The man spoke to me like he owned me while breathing into my face with breath that smells as if he hasn’t brushed in almost two years. The rotted teeth were in the front of the mouth, they were bad. I stood there though without budging a inch, he tried to push me out of the way, but I regained the posture and got back in front of him. “You will not hurt my friend!” I told him as I put my finger into his face. He didn’t get mad at me, he stood there with a blank face. But then as I began to calm down and let my body loosening up, he swung on me. He put his fist into my jaw, knocking me to the ground. I wanted to get up but when I tried, my body forced itself down, I was too dizzy to fight back. All I could do for now is watch this lunatic hurt my friend.
“You thought that you could get away from me?” This man laughs as he walks up to Amanda. She tries to push herself away from the crazy old man but she was too tired. “You can’t get away from me!” He laughs again and steps on her ankle. “AHHHHHHHH” She screams loudly, her aching echoed through the woods as it pierced my heart. I try to push myself up, but there’s nothing I could do. I look at them with less hope than before. “Stop screaming” He pushes down harder onto her ankle, breaking the once sprained ankle. Her tears multiplied as she looked up at the man.
“Please don’t do this, I wont tell anyone, we can all walk away tonight. I will tell everyone that I was in an accident.” The man pushes down harder. “Please!!!! STOP!!!” She screams louder than before. He then pulls up his shovel and pushes it to her neck. “You know, I could kill you now.” Amanda crunches her eyes knowing that this was the end of the line for her. “Then do it.” Amanda gives up the struggle and lies there, he pulls up the shovel, getting ready to drop the guillotine. But as he went to slam the shovel into her throat, someone ran through the yard and tackled the old man, slamming him into the ground. His shovel flew across the yard. Amanda opens her eyes and looks for her savior. Her savior was pounding the old mans face in, leaving him a bloody mess on the ground. I could hear each point of contact, each bone breaking, each agonizing moan from the man. I pulled myself up long enough to walk over to Amanda then fell down next to her. She grabs ahold of my hand. I look down at her ankle, which was bleeding, her bones were showing through her skin, but that wasn’t focused on, this mysterious guy was more important to her at the moment, which was now finished with the pounding. He was sitting on his knees shaking his head. He got up from the ground and turned around. Amanda screamed as she noticed who it was. It happens to be Alex, the same guy that she thought was dead earlier from the stomp to the head. He stood there smiling at her with bloody fist, then started to walk over to her. But as he took his first step, he fell to the ground, grabbing his calf muscle, the old man took a knife and pierced it through his muscle and slid it down towards his ankle, shredding every muscle down. I screamed as I got up from the ground, I ran over to help him, but as I got close, the old man climbed on to his body and put the bloody blade deep into his throat. I heard Amanda scream as she saw the blood gush out of the wound.
With the bloody scream from Amanda, the guy looks straight at her, and pushes himself off the ground, with a new destination in mind. He had his mind stuck on the girl that was his main victim, this time he wasn’t letting a distraction get to him. But I wasn’t going to let him get to her, not this time, this time it was time to save her, even if it meant death. He grabs his shovel and begins to walk towards her, I charge him. I got to him quickly, but not quick enough to dodge the shovel handle which smashed into my teeth. I hit the ground in pain, spitting out three of my front teeth into my hand. Blood was draining out of my mouth, but I couldn’t let that get to me. My best friend was in trouble, this wasn’t going to be the end for her. At the time that I got up from the ground, I turned around to see him on top of her. He was telling her all of the things that he was going to do to her body when she was dead. She shouted while trying to do everything to get him off, but nothing was working. I ran over to Alexs’ deceased body and grabbed the knife out of his neck, then turned around and ran to the maniac. He didn’t flinch at  all as I stabbed him in the chest with the knife, so I tried to twist. He threw me off of him and got back on Amanda. This time, he started to move his hand up her skirt. She gave up trying to get him off as he pushed down on her ankle as tears ran down her face and into the ground. He almost got to her underwear, when he heard my scream for him. He turned around to look at me, but as he turned so didn’t my arm, I swing his shovel as hard as I can into his face. The sharp end of the shovel cut his head clean off. which flopped on the side of Amanda, she screams as blood covers her face.
I know at this point that Alex is dead, but I had to make sure that he wasn’t suffering. I walk over to him and grab him by the head. His eyes open slightly as he looks into mine. He tells me to keep her safe and that he loves us. His eyes shut for the last time as a tear rolls off of my cheek onto his nose. I give out a loud cry as I hold my step-brother in my hands. Amanda was crying behind me, I asked her if she was ready to walk back to the house. “Nice pajamas” She jokes as I help her up and we walk back to the house with a lot of stops in between. When we got back to the house, we went inside and called the Emergency number, they were out there in no time. She was loaded into the ambulance and taking to the hospital. I sat in the cops car as they called my parents. Officer Black was hot, he was single and liked girls with teeth missing, so I had a chance.
-Two years later-
We never got over this, the nightmare of that night screams through my dreams every night. Sometimes I walk through a grocery store and still feel those black eyes staring at me. I fear being alone with anyone, but I have been  getting better. I wish I could say the same thing about Amanda, she lost more than me that night. She lost all her feeling in her ankle, she can’t walk without assistance, the doctors tried to fix it but it wasn’t repairible. We are no longer friends. She told me she can’t look at my new teeth without being hurt that she lost everything that night. I have come to accept that to this day, but it does hurt. It hurts that I can’t run to her house when I get into a fight with my boyfriend, Chris Black. Soon I hope we will be able to patch this up. But until then, I will pray for her.