Posts Tagged ‘killing’

I have a few reasons to love the Christmas times. Most of them are because of the food, but I have made a lit to show you the main top 10 reasons that I absolutely love this time of year. Take a seat, find your hot cocoa and enjoy my creative list. You will be mad if you miss out on knowing these! Enjoy!

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10. The amazing last minute gift shoppers. There’s nothing more heart melting than seeing people rush through Wal-Mart doors on Christmas eve, in search for the perfect gift for someone they love! I want to applaud when I see this, it truly shows that they love that person so much. Something that warms my heart more is when they are talking crap about the person they are shopping for. I’m glad that they are thoughtful and willing to give up their hard earned cash for a loved one, such spirit!

9. Snow. I couldn’t imagine Christmas without Snow! Oh wait, I live in Illinois. In the last few years we have had a ugly green Christmas. It always seems to snow in January, leaving Christmas without its beautiful white blanket! I demand that we get snow on Christmas eve, or I will kill Santa…Well, I will make Bart do it! But you still get the idea, right?

8.Christmas songs. This isn’t a joke. I really find Christmas music to be tasteful and in all ways…OVERPLAYED!!!!!! We love Christmas music, but please stop playing it at the end of November ‘til the end of February….I HAVE HAD ENOUGH….I hate going to the bathroom and while taking a healthy dump hearing “Joy to the world.” Aint nothing joyful about this…..

7. Holiday Pies from Mcdonalds……I don’t have to say anything else!!! I love those little bastards…..

6. Blogging for 12 days about Christmas/ Bart, The Reindeer on the desk. I love the 12 days I devote to this one topic. It’s fun to come up with ideas on what to write about, and every year I set off Christmas with this amazing idea. This year we brought a new friend in to help, his name is Bart. You will find him on Facebook as ‘Bart, The Reindeer On The Desk.’

5. Possible Tiger Penis. We have a present under the tree that looks like a Tiger Penis. I think Santa finally came through for me, this is amazing…..All I have ever wanted is under that tree….I’ll be so disappointed if I’m wrong…..

4. Giving is Key. Hey! I know it isn’t all about gifts, but I need everyone to know that giving isn’t as bad as you think. It is so nice to receive nice things, so you guys should take this advice and give me something really nice…Remember, Giving is key!!!

3. Family…Well, my doggy, wife and a few others….I don’t want to go outside on Christmas, so I will stay inside with my doggy and wife…anyone else that comes over is welcomed, but not really wanted….Call me a Grinch, screw you…XD

2. House Decorations. I really love to look at beautiful lights and yard decorations, especially at someone else’s expense, it is beautiful!! I think they are the real MVP. They waste all their money putting on a show, but they willingly do it,….I’m crying….one second.

1. Drivers….Oh how I love to drive in this weather, it’s such a dang joy. This isnt because of my driving, but more due to the other idiots on the road..It snowed less than an inch and three cars went off into the ditch…Like, HOW? I don’t want to deal with these people. Can I just stay inside forever?

Bonus: 11. That there are so many reasons that I have to make a bonus reason….That is the bonus…enjoy it.

I hope you enjoyed all my delightful reasons to love Christmas. I really love the holiday season, but I find it to also be stressful and hectic. These are two things that I don’t like together, and to add more chaos with dumb drivers makes it even more hard to love. But that is life….

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How would I survive the apocalypse?
Eventually, one day, there will be zombie apocalypse. I have a hunch that it will involve drugs, but that’s only a hunch. Maybe, just maybe the zombie apocalypse will have nothing to do with drugs, and I am being a douche, but the signs are pointing towards drugs. There is a big group of people that want the cure for aids and Cancer. There is a group of people that want a pain-solving Mary Jane, and then there are the drugies that experiment. That mostly covers the whole world, some of left out, but a apocalypse only needs a handful of carriers to carry the infection. One infected person can contaminate up to three hundred people just in one day, think if a group or a town got infected, and had no idea! So drugs is the most reasonable answer, most likely a meth lab explodes and the infection becomes airborne. What would you do, though?
I watch the walking dead, I am writing my own zombie book, I have read the books, watched a handful of crappy movies; I think I am ready for this. I am ready to kill every last bastard that stands, and not even feel bad for it. I am scared of the dark, but we all have to have a fear. Anyways, I am ready. I will be the born leader that my dad made me. I will do anything and everything to keep my group safe. That is what separates me with the rest of “survivors,” I am a heartless jerk.
I stand here before you to say, I will beat this apocalypse because I am an ass. I don’t think  I would have a problem blowing off someone’s head, let us be very honest. I am like Rick, from the walking dead, I don’t care who you are, if it means I live, cya later ass wipe. Now, I do think I will have a bit more sanity than him, since my best friend didn’t bang my wife, leaving me fully uncertain if I am the father, or not. This gives me even more leverage over him. I am not a crazy nut, I am just a white-boy trying to survive, until the lazy ass government saves us.
The only problem I will have is, I like to be alone. This means that when other groups come along, you will see a new side of Blake. I don’t like to welcome in guest with open arms, no, I like to take their stuff and push them back out into the dark world. This will be a big downfall, since the apocalypse is more of a multiplayer game, and not as easy as fallout. Maybe, I can change before the end of the time, but most likely I will be camped out, with two people, waiting until they get annoying and I kill them. Then as I kill them, I forget that they reanimate, and limb by limb they rip me apart. Either way, I got this.
I will be some nearby town at the start of the apocalypse. I will be in the small town grocery store, probably fighting some women for the last gallon of chocolate milk, because that is what I am there for. I know there is more important things to get, but those things can make you smile, but chocolate milk can make you laugh! 

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