Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Today will be a pretty simple post.canned

Today will be a quick (well not really) recap on one of my favorite nights, in a while. I want to tell you guys about my night, last night, and share with you why I think God is great and what to expect from me in the next few months, regarding content. It isn’t that my content will be changing, but with the connections that I was able to snag last night, I think we will be adding a few huge! Post to the mix up. Let’s get to the explosion!

I was stupid! That is easy to say if you know what I did two months ago. I was stupid then but I think I know better now. But the choices that you make in life have to be paid for. For my payment, I was set to pay 10 hours to the community, set by the nice judging himself. I was going to use those hours at Goodwill and just get it over quick. Something happened to where Goodwill flaked out, so I was left without a place to work. This is when my wonderful sister-in-law told me to contact her church, which is where I have been attending, well if you call 1 Wednesday, every other month, attending, then yeah its where I have been attending. I gave her mom a call and I got set up with the required 10 hours, which was going to be spent setting up for a concert/canned food drive. This concert was called “The Explosion,” and let me tell you, it was exactly what they said it was; an explosion!

I got to the church (King of Kings Christian Assembly: 520 S. Livingston St. Springfield, Illinois.) at 1:30 and was met by one of the nicest guys I have ever met. His name is Roddrick Lemar. He is a local artist that has so much talent. I fan girled, let me be freaking serious, when he started to play the piano, or was it an organ? Ah, whatever. It was so smooth, almost like when my grandma use to play her piano. It was so soothing. What made it better was that he was just as nice. He was headlining the show, yet he was there cleaning with me? That is a humble servant if you ask me. During the time of us cleaning, he was calling all his buddies, ensuring that they were going to come and get some of the radiation of the blast. I know he was playing that night, but I think his heart was more pulling towards helping the hungry. See, what was awesome about this event was that the admission was just 5 simple cans of canned goods. I feel like anyone in the world can find 5 cans of canned goods, which makes it a cake walk to come to this event. Also, all canned goods get donated to the local breadline, a service that feeds family’s that can’t afford to buy food, that’s awesome!!!

After cleaning, we began to talk about Roddrick’s future projects. I won’t spam in this post because omg we are already at 500 words, but I will let you know that we have some great stuff coming to you! We both are excited to work together and can’t wait to see what God does. Stay tuned my little Randoms! Oh! By the way, you guys have a new nickname; you are now my little Randoms. Love it? Ah, who cares; you will grow to love it.

Fast forward to 7P.M.; it’s the start of the show. I have spent the day meeting new people, enjoying the fellowship and drinking Starbucks. It was time for the freaking show, the encore, THE EXPLOSION. This concert had local and not so local talents. One guy came from Ohio, other came from ST. Loius. Long story short, these artists drove just to play at this certain show, but were they good? Let’s get to the numbers and check it out. I laugh at the fact that you guys thought there were numbers..Geez X3

There were a total of 5 listed artists on the poster, but then an added two once the show started, with the run total being 3 hours; that is a set list time of 25 minutes per artist.

The first artist was Melvin Campbell, which I had little to no time to watch, since I was still collecting the cans! But from what I heard, the guy had a great voice. I went to find him after the show to talk, but I couldn’t find him anywhere, which really sucks. Either way, BOOM LINK to his social media.

Artist dose! This was an in-house (added) musician, I think his name was Ryan, which was also during the time of collecting cans, so I am sorry if you are reading this Ryan (?) but know I was there in spirit. He was more of a gospel singer and man did he get the house to erupt. Everyone was dancing, shouting and just having a good time.

The third artist, PJae was the first artist, which I actually got to watch. He is local, I believe, and man does he have a voice. He only did 2 songs, but between those two songs, he was able to impress me. So much that I got his contact info, after the show, and I’ll be promoting him in the near future.

So the show was already halfway over, I believe it was already 8:30 p.m. and we still had 2 artist to go. Ntegrity was next (name is spelt that way, because he wants to leave himself out.) He is the one that traveled from St. Louis to play at this show. He was great, also funny. There was time to stall (tech issues), so he told 2 very corny jokes that made the house explode (see what I did there?) in laughter. He was smooth in his rap delivery and you could tell that he had God’s gift to do this. I loved his song “Precious,” which I tagged to his Spotify, check it out!

The final act was none other than Roddrick’s band, B.O.C. When I was talking to Roddrick, I thought he was a straight rapper, meaning he only rapped. This was not the case, tonight. His performance was something special. When I was in college, I got the chance to watch Chicago Mass Choir in person. It was such a blessing, because they were so talented, and really made gospel music fun. WELLLLLLLLL B.O.C was nothing short from that experience. If I could describe this band, I would say it was a blended delight of KB (rapper) and the Chicago Mass Choir. He takes the upbeat parts of gospel, and blends it together with rap, leaving us with the tastiest smoothie you could ever have. I saw more people dancing, during his set, than I did at my own high school prom. Also more sweat than a sauna, but who cares. Laugh, guys, laugh!

So all these artist, plus one lively Mc, which was a comedian that goes by the name of Justus Blessed (link to a live comedy sketch) helped to make this night a success. I counted like 74 people, I believe. Which was a great outcome since everyone brought more than 5 canned goods. I think I saw a guy bring in 48 cans of beans, by himself. But even at 5 cans per head, we are looking at 420 cans of food that will be donated on Monday! The breadline is going to be so happy, and think! We were able to feed hungry people in the area.

I am so happy that Goodwill fell through, because I wouldn’t have wanted to miss this night. There was so much talent in the room that even Kevin Durant wanted to join. We, of course, told him to go back to Golden State and make up to Green. With all joking aside, I wanted to thank everyone that helped by donating. I can’t wait to see the managers face on Monday when we drop these canned goods off. It’s going to be so heartwarming.

I wanted to end this by saying; I also got prayer, tonight. It was like the night that I got saved. I could feel God all around me. It was just the refreshment that I needed. I am starting to believe that I made that one wrong decision for a reason. I think I needed the wakeup call, so that God could use me in many ways. WE don’t have any more time to talk about it (as my editor is going to be mad at me for having this post as long as it is, but boom! Link to his page) but I will have a blog talking about that in the near future. Anyway, I love my little Randoms, and have a peachy night!

If you want to donate to the breadline, $20 dollars can feed 10 people! Boom! Link!


It is late and I haven’t written yet.

Is there anyone out there? Are you listening or are you passing by? I need you to stop what you’re doing and help me. I can’t find my inspiration, anywhere and I am losing hope in finding it. I find it here and there, but it isn’t a strong inspiration, it is more like a spark. I am almost a burnt out candle, with no wick begging people to give me a little more fuel.

All you need to start a forest fire is a spark, so why can’t I set fire to this forest? Why are my sparks of inspiration not enough? Why don’t my sparks lead to something bigger? I will have a great idea, I will take advantage of that idea. This is usually when the fire begins to grow, but then the excitement of that certain project simmers down and I am left in the ashes. I don’t know how to keep the fire going. Should I be worried?
    Should I start to fear that I am a seasonal writer, or should I fear that I am not good enough? Being a seasonal writer is like a temp job, you are only needed during certain times. Though that is temp work, being a seasonal writer is when a writer only receives high stats once-in-a-while. Then we have to think “Am I good enough?” Are my post only getting recognized when I post a big project because my other stuff is lame? Are people coming to my blog then never returning because they didn’t enjoy the content, in that case, what can I possibly do?

I’m unsure of the answer, I don’t know what I am going to do.  This is why I come to you. I am a part of this group (Facebook) called “MK WritersBlock,” it is a very nice community of writers that don’t judge. They encourage each other to do amazing things, and they have been encouraging me to continue. This is working now, but I’m slowly getting more and more away from myself. I need a breakthrough.

Sorry this post was more depressing than others, but I’m so confused. I love you guys, thank you for helping me. I need you guys, now more than ever!


Impromtdude @

My fear
    This is about a fear that has slowly been growing, as the time goes on. This fear is one that I can not control, even if I wanted to. I cant control those who read this, I cant force people to be there for me. That is something that I have always had a problem with. I lose so many friends, my heart can’t take it anymore. Over the years, my friendliest has shrunk and shrunk, to the point I have a handful of friends, if even that. Everyone seems to want to leave, which prompts my fear of being alone one day.
    I have always had the fear of being alone, that no one will be there one day,  when I awake. I cant sleep at night, because I keep replaying the fact that I use to have so many friends, and now I sit at tables fully alone. I use to have a lot of people that use to care about me, yet now I am chopped liver to them. Maybe I was always chopped liver, but maybe they were hungry. I might only be good to people that need what I have, or maybe I have changed a lot and they cant accept it. Either way, I have seen that people have turned their back on me, sadly they are the same people that said they never would. They promised to be there for me, no matter the cost, yet when the prices went up they scrammed.
    I use to consider these people my family, I supped with them as they supped with me. I feel dishonored that I opened my house to them, yet they threw me out into the shed. I treated them with fine dinner ware full of the best roast, but they gave me noodles on a paper plate. I picked them out of the tub of water, yet when I was drowning, they poured their last bucket into the waves.
    I know this post isn’t like my other ones, but usually I am not hurt like this. I feel like I broke my back for those people, but they didn’t repay me. No! They left my side when I needed them the most. I haven’t heard from them, not even a post on my wall. I remember waking up, on other days, with over a hundred post on my Facebook wall. Lately, I haven’t heard from anyone, and when someone reached out, it was family friends as others were family members. I post on their walls, so why do I get disrespected like this. Why do I get to feel alone, a fear that is getting confirmed each day.
   I know that it shouldn’t matter, but to me it does. I hate to feel alone, but I still do. I feel that they wouldn’t mind if I were gone, or not. I pray that if you are reading this, we are friends. I wouldn’t want a stranger thinking this is who I am. I ensure you, I am a positive soul, just when you put time and energy into someone and they turn their back on you, you feel like you are worthless. I fear being alone, hopefully its only a fear……..


Impromtdude @


If I am being honest, I would have to say that I fear ever becoming famous. I have watched way to many celebrities lose their minds, and forget what got them to the place there at. They forget to appreciate their fans, as the fans appreciate them. This is my biggest fear, I am scared that I will forget about you guys, or I will get to busy to not respond.

I have responded to every comment that is posted to my blog, not that I am better than anyone, but it shows that I care about every fan. If you took the time to comment, then why can’t I take the time to rely to you? It is my job to make sure you guys are happy, but if I didn’t get a reply (as a reader) I wouldn’t be happy. This is why it is of my importance to ensure every comment gets posted, and replied to. But what if one day the comments are too many to handle?

I fear the day that I have to select certain comments to respond to. I don’t want one person to think they aren’t special, because every fan is special to me. I love all of you, and want to show you guys that. I post for you guys, not for my own. I write because I love to write, but I post so you guys can keep up with me, or so you can have some good material to read on the go. So to ignore one of you, would feel wrong.

This all started over Eminem having a fan message him about his new found cancer. Eminem is a busy guy, so he sent him a quick autograph, which is amazing, but some people on Facebook saw differently. They thought that he could have visited him or done something more amazing. This is when I thought that someday I will be popular, and some fan will want something from me. But what if I am to busy to visit? The thought hurt my heart, a little kid on his death bed wants to see his favorite celebrity, but all he got was a autograph, what would I have done?

This is all to say that I want to be here for you guys until the end. I want you guys to know that I will do anything to show you, I care. If that means that I have to stop a tour of my new novel, then that’s what it will have to be. I wouldn’t want to miss a single memory with you guys, I started out small, and I pray to god that my small mindset never blows up, meaning I hope with the fame to come, I don’t change. I hope that I am always the Blake everyone knows me to be. Money doesn’t matter, like I said, I write for me, post for you. Me writing was never to get money, it was to share my passion with others than myself!

Impromtdude @

There we were standing, watching the maniac coming to us pulling his shovel behind him. He was still smiling and had that sick whistle exiting out of his mouth as he slowly walked towards us. I push myself off of the ground and get ready to fight this sick-son-of-a-bitch. Though fighting has never been my style, I was taught to stand up for my friends that can’t fight for themselves. So with my fingers twitching from the fear in my heart, I stood my ground, pushing out my chest.
He got up to me, and looked in to my eyes. When I look back into his eyes something doesn’t feel right. When I have stared into other peoples eyes in the past, I felt warm and wanted. When I looked through his eyes, I felt a strong darkness coming on to me. This feeling I read from an article is when someone has nothing but hate in their body. Usually this feeling is because of something they lost in the past.
“Move” The man spoke to me like he owned me while breathing into my face with breath that smells as if he hasn’t brushed in almost two years. The rotted teeth were in the front of the mouth, they were bad. I stood there though without budging a inch, he tried to push me out of the way, but I regained the posture and got back in front of him. “You will not hurt my friend!” I told him as I put my finger into his face. He didn’t get mad at me, he stood there with a blank face. But then as I began to calm down and let my body loosening up, he swung on me. He put his fist into my jaw, knocking me to the ground. I wanted to get up but when I tried, my body forced itself down, I was too dizzy to fight back. All I could do for now is watch this lunatic hurt my friend.
“You thought that you could get away from me?” This man laughs as he walks up to Amanda. She tries to push herself away from the crazy old man but she was too tired. “You can’t get away from me!” He laughs again and steps on her ankle. “AHHHHHHHH” She screams loudly, her aching echoed through the woods as it pierced my heart. I try to push myself up, but there’s nothing I could do. I look at them with less hope than before. “Stop screaming” He pushes down harder onto her ankle, breaking the once sprained ankle. Her tears multiplied as she looked up at the man.
“Please don’t do this, I wont tell anyone, we can all walk away tonight. I will tell everyone that I was in an accident.” The man pushes down harder. “Please!!!! STOP!!!” She screams louder than before. He then pulls up his shovel and pushes it to her neck. “You know, I could kill you now.” Amanda crunches her eyes knowing that this was the end of the line for her. “Then do it.” Amanda gives up the struggle and lies there, he pulls up the shovel, getting ready to drop the guillotine. But as he went to slam the shovel into her throat, someone ran through the yard and tackled the old man, slamming him into the ground. His shovel flew across the yard. Amanda opens her eyes and looks for her savior. Her savior was pounding the old mans face in, leaving him a bloody mess on the ground. I could hear each point of contact, each bone breaking, each agonizing moan from the man. I pulled myself up long enough to walk over to Amanda then fell down next to her. She grabs ahold of my hand. I look down at her ankle, which was bleeding, her bones were showing through her skin, but that wasn’t focused on, this mysterious guy was more important to her at the moment, which was now finished with the pounding. He was sitting on his knees shaking his head. He got up from the ground and turned around. Amanda screamed as she noticed who it was. It happens to be Alex, the same guy that she thought was dead earlier from the stomp to the head. He stood there smiling at her with bloody fist, then started to walk over to her. But as he took his first step, he fell to the ground, grabbing his calf muscle, the old man took a knife and pierced it through his muscle and slid it down towards his ankle, shredding every muscle down. I screamed as I got up from the ground, I ran over to help him, but as I got close, the old man climbed on to his body and put the bloody blade deep into his throat. I heard Amanda scream as she saw the blood gush out of the wound.
With the bloody scream from Amanda, the guy looks straight at her, and pushes himself off the ground, with a new destination in mind. He had his mind stuck on the girl that was his main victim, this time he wasn’t letting a distraction get to him. But I wasn’t going to let him get to her, not this time, this time it was time to save her, even if it meant death. He grabs his shovel and begins to walk towards her, I charge him. I got to him quickly, but not quick enough to dodge the shovel handle which smashed into my teeth. I hit the ground in pain, spitting out three of my front teeth into my hand. Blood was draining out of my mouth, but I couldn’t let that get to me. My best friend was in trouble, this wasn’t going to be the end for her. At the time that I got up from the ground, I turned around to see him on top of her. He was telling her all of the things that he was going to do to her body when she was dead. She shouted while trying to do everything to get him off, but nothing was working. I ran over to Alexs’ deceased body and grabbed the knife out of his neck, then turned around and ran to the maniac. He didn’t flinch at  all as I stabbed him in the chest with the knife, so I tried to twist. He threw me off of him and got back on Amanda. This time, he started to move his hand up her skirt. She gave up trying to get him off as he pushed down on her ankle as tears ran down her face and into the ground. He almost got to her underwear, when he heard my scream for him. He turned around to look at me, but as he turned so didn’t my arm, I swing his shovel as hard as I can into his face. The sharp end of the shovel cut his head clean off. which flopped on the side of Amanda, she screams as blood covers her face.
I know at this point that Alex is dead, but I had to make sure that he wasn’t suffering. I walk over to him and grab him by the head. His eyes open slightly as he looks into mine. He tells me to keep her safe and that he loves us. His eyes shut for the last time as a tear rolls off of my cheek onto his nose. I give out a loud cry as I hold my step-brother in my hands. Amanda was crying behind me, I asked her if she was ready to walk back to the house. “Nice pajamas” She jokes as I help her up and we walk back to the house with a lot of stops in between. When we got back to the house, we went inside and called the Emergency number, they were out there in no time. She was loaded into the ambulance and taking to the hospital. I sat in the cops car as they called my parents. Officer Black was hot, he was single and liked girls with teeth missing, so I had a chance.
-Two years later-
We never got over this, the nightmare of that night screams through my dreams every night. Sometimes I walk through a grocery store and still feel those black eyes staring at me. I fear being alone with anyone, but I have been  getting better. I wish I could say the same thing about Amanda, she lost more than me that night. She lost all her feeling in her ankle, she can’t walk without assistance, the doctors tried to fix it but it wasn’t repairible. We are no longer friends. She told me she can’t look at my new teeth without being hurt that she lost everything that night. I have come to accept that to this day, but it does hurt. It hurts that I can’t run to her house when I get into a fight with my boyfriend, Chris Black. Soon I hope we will be able to patch this up. But until then, I will pray for her. 

Can you wait for this to return as much as I am? What if I told you its in black and white? Ha its all in Black and White! But seriously this is making its return in a few short weeks!  I will be finishing season two then coming back with the final season shortly after. Things will be sicker, darker, more twisted, and even terrifying than it has before. So get ready for an up in your face thriller to send chills down your spine. Will Aeron survive in this world of the dead? If you haven’t read this story, here is the beginning!

Night Crawlers Journals

Episode 1: Goodbye September 18th, 2018

It was a cold day in September, there was at least three feet of snow that covered the ground. The wind was blowing hard enough to tear down the road signs outside Aeron’s’ room. Due to the cold, Mayor Thompson of Dummond suggested all bodies needed to stay in their homes until further notice.

KNOCK, KNOCK! Aeron heard two thuds on his door. He quickly got up from his bed and opened the door to see the second-in-command, Rich. Rich stood tall in the hallway with no facial expression; he looked at me as if he wanted me to speak first.

“Do you need something?” Aeron asked.

“That is sir to you; Mayor Thompson needs to see you, its urgent.”

“But he told all of us to stay inside our homes, Sir!” he replied “Well your home is up for grabs, Come with me.”

The walk to the city hall was awkward; no one spoke a single word. Aeron wanted to know what the mayor could possibly need, and why it couldn’t have waited until this storm passed. Why would he go against his own words to see Aeron? Was he in trouble?

“Enter!” The guard muscled Aeron through the door. In the room stood: Mayor Thompson, Second-in-command Rich and the President of Residence, Harry. The all looked angry as Aeron walked in.

“Sit!” The Mayor pointed to the seat in front of the desk as he made his way to his own seat. Aeron quickly grabbed his seat and clinched his hands together, looking up at the mayor.

“As you know, one of our residents got infected last night. She died, and took one of our own today!” Aeron kept quite not knowing quiet what to say.

“We think it was your fault, you were the only one that exited the city”

“You can’t blame me for that!” Aeron slammed his hand on the desk. The mayor looked up smiling.

“Well I guess you’ll have to tell that shit to another group.” His voice got deeper, with more anger as he put his finger in Aerons face. “As of now; you’re out of our city. If you resist we will shoot.” His words range clear, he wasn’t playing around.

Aeron fought for a few minutes calling the mayor every word in the book, but the words didn’t get him anywhere; the decision had already been finalized.

Aeron was escorted back to his room to collect the rest of his few belongings. The city gave him one can of mixed fruit, and a blanket before they shut the gate behind him. Aeron set out in the cold by himself; turning around he said goodbye to his home as a tear fell from his cheek.