Posts Tagged ‘Drugs’

I love a good Christmas song, but I find they are bit too censored. That is why I thought of a few funny titles that could have been the title. Now, understand these aren’t for the faint of heart and shouldn’t be viewed if you are faint at heart. Either way, I hope you enjoy and I will see you, tomorrow!
12 days of Christmas: The screwed up Christmas songs!

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1. All I want for Christmas is you
a. All I want for Christmas is Beer and girl on girl porn.

2. Drummer Boy
a. Masturbating enthusiast practicing in public.

3. Oh, holy night
a. Oh, Holey underwear. Oh, stinky underwear.

4. Rocking around the Christmas Tree.
a. Rocking back and forth with two prostitutes and a bottle of Hennessey.

5. Last Christmas
a. Nothing Changed, I still got cheated on because I trusted the liar, again.

6. Ill be home for Christmas
a. Nog got to me, I’m at your mothers.

7. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
a. She’s starting to look a lot like my ex miss.

8. Santa Baby
a. The tale of Santa’s baby momma.

9. Rudolph the red nose reindeer
a. Rudolph the coke snorting, delusional deer.

10. Frost the snowman
a. Frosty the dope man, all he wants is drugs and children…

11. Santa’s coming to town
a. Oh boy, he’s about to go down. 

12. Mary, did you know?
a. Mary, please lay off the dope. No one gets pregnant without sex!

This is pprobably the last funny post, ever. You should give it a like and I might make another one. I hope you have a good night and try to stay positive.
I love you,
Bart, Ginger, Francis, Impromtdude.
Peace!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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It is back guys, the segment that keeps one mind thinking. It is the best show in the 217, and one that will be around forever. If you don’t know what it is, then you better pay attention! Welcome to Randomwords! A game where you randomly get a word, and must write about it. You get no chance to stop, and must write what you think first. :Lets get started!

Impulse- This is what I think of when I buy something I don’t need. I will be walking around a store, but by the time I get to what I need, I will have a basket full of stuff that isn’t needed. This is because the power of objects is strong. You will tell yourself you don’t need that, but at the end you will have that item. This is why advertisements exist, its to get you to buy something no one needs.

Danger- I put myself in danger a lot, and I find joy in it. I find that being in trouble is better than being bored. I remember one time, my mother told me not to go down this steep hill on my bike, but I didn’t listen. I went down that hill, and I regretted it. My shoelace got tangled in my chain, and I ended up on the hot asphalt. This led to a concussion and days in bed. My skin was ripped from head to toe, I couldn’t take a shower, because it would burn to bad. I find joy in danger.

Chalk- When I was a young kid, chalk was my best friend. I never had artist skills when it came to drawing, but I found that chalk was the only item that made my art look good. I would spend hours drawing on the ground outside. Now if you flash-forward to middle school, you will see a different use for chalk. I would use the teachers chalk to impersonate a man on cocaine. I would crush the chalk and yes, snort the power. I wasn’t the smartest man, but chalk was my friend, still. 

Thank you, thank you. Please do come again! If you like what is going on here, please let us know! We would LOVE to hear from you!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

    

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     There are a few white substances that people love in this world. There is cocaine that leaves you drained and wanting something more. There is powered sugar that leaves you happy at first, but can cause major teeth issues if you eat too much. There is salt that will make your steak taste amazing, yet will leave a bitter taste in your mouth after the steak is gone. But there is one substance that will never fail to bring joy to your heart. The substance might make you want to cuddle with your blanket, or with a love one. This is fine though, because that is what the great thing is about this substance. It can take a broken family, or broken heart and make it whole again. It will take those who hate to be close to others, and make you wish those people would never leave your side. The substance is good to eat also. There is nothing unhealthy about eating this amazing object, actually it is very healthy for you. It might not have the protein like that steak, but can you make a snowman with a steak? The answer (even if you could) is no! You can only make a snowman with Snow. The best white substance that will never leave you dry.
    Snow is my favorite thing about Christmas. There is something about a cold object hitting my eye balls that makes a warm and angry feeling in my heart shoot up to 100%. I can’t tell you how many times I have been walking and have to rub my eyes because of the snow getting into my eyes. But none the less, snow is the ultimate joy found every winter, and guess what? Its coming soon.
In some places, the snow has already found its way to the ground. But for Illinois, we have to wait until at least March. Usually we would have to wait until my birthday to get some snow, but I feel this year (in a few years) we will have our first white Christmas. I would get your snow boots ready, because we aren’t talking about just a little bit of snow either. I am predicting and praying for at least 10 ft. That way we are forced to stay inside with our families instead of going out to shop. This Christmas, I want to see more snow ball fights and less snow in a can.
Snow is cold, and most cant stand that fact. But what fun is it to grab snow in a can and play with that? That is like grabbing a rubber hotdog, putting ketchup on it and taking a bite. In theory its still a hotdog, but in reality its rubber! Snow in a can should be used for only one thing. To fill the trash can. Yes take that fake crap and throw it in that plastic bag, tie that bag up now and throw it in your dumpster. You wont need that this year, but you can go outside and play in the real stuff. Because as I said before the snow is coming. We will have the most beautiful Christmas in Years! Are you ready?

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Rudolph is on drugs!
         Rudolph has freely went to rehab for his cocaine addiction. Rudolph was found on his living room floor next to a line of white snow. The cops investigated the powder, and revealed to the public that it was in fact Cocaine. When asked about it Rudolph told the public that he was rejected for so long that he turned to cocaine. When asked if he had any sales, he admitted that he sold some to the Easter bunny. But no one was able to find his hole, cops reported that they will wait until May 1st 2016 to investigate him.

         Rudolph was chosen from Santa when he saved Christmas, but Santa even admitted that his light-red nose looked drug related, but he came at a good price. Santa takes full responsibility and has been charged with flying under the influence. He is now trying to make a deal with UPS to deliver the rest of the presents this year, since his license have been suspended. Santa will also spend one-seventy days in jail for the possession of cookie crumbs. This drug was found in his lab. He apologizes for all inconveniences.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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Impromts top ten: I am addicted to drugs!

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You should never give me caffeine, or a few bad things might happen! Let me start this post off by saying that I have already had enough caffeine to last me a week, in just four little hours.

I have had 2 java monsters, which is full of all that ginseng and other wonderful stuff, then it is all added to the amazing product called coffee! At first I didn’t like the Java Monsters! I didn’t like the odd taste of the energy substances with the taste of coffee, I barely liked coffee at the time, but I decided that I should try the Java Monster. I quickly threw that crap into the trash, but it began to call for my mouth.

I could hear the poor little voice screaming for me to consume the insides of his body, and to leave him empty, to take everything from him, to get something in return. “He must be very depressed if he wants to be empty” is what I would think, but he would have to wait, because as I said I hated that crap, well until college, that is!

I was once told that in college you live strictly off of coffee, I laughed at the thought. I didn’t like black coffee it was to bitter for my little taste buds. But then college began to get very stressful. I had my computer stolen weeks before I left for college, meaning I didn’t have a computer to type papers on, or anything to save my drafts to. I had to rely on the computer at my “Housing parents” home which was in the living room. I lived with 6 people. Most of them had their own computer, but at times it was easier to use the Desktop for them. I had to take my turn to use the computer, and since I was embarrassed that I didn’t have a laptop, I found myself using the computer when everyone went to bed.

Remember, we are college students that were going to church four times a week, and studying for finals, or working; so I had to use the computer late at night. I am talking like 4 a.m. in the morning, when class was at 9. I found to keep this routine I needed either drugs or a substance. Since I was in seminary I couldn’t use speed, or anything to that nature, so I had to settle for coffee. At first I would load it with enough sugar to kill a normal size horse; each cup got less and less sugar leaving that bitter taste in my mouth.

I formed an addiction, where when I got the chance you would find a coffee in my hand. The taste of coffee sooths my soul, well until the caffeine kicks in that is.

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I am naturally hyper so adding more substances to my system just adds to the craziness! I start to freak out and start talking faster, with little to no breaths in between. If you have seen me at my most hyper, you know what I mean. So beware never give me coffee, unless I am down in the dumps, and then load me up bro! But don’t forget to run shortly after!