Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

pexels-photo-278312.jpeg

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Don’t jump into the water!

It is hard to stay positive when you know life is rough. It is hard to keep that smile on your face, when you are trying to hold back tears. It’s hard to laugh and hard to love when you are filled with fear and doubt. Others will tell you to keep your head up, to get over it and be happy again, but do they know what you go through? Do they live with you, pay your bills, write your budget for the month, or even know how much you have to pay for rent? The answer is no, most of the time, that is. But they might have a point.

If you are an average American, you might be struggling, right now. I know I am no longer living comfortably. It is rough, and I don’t know how long it may take to get out of the situation. The truth is, I made a huge mistake that I’m pay for, now. It sucks. I fight back anger, every day. I try to stay strong, because that is who I am supposed to be. I am Blake. I am the happy clown that puts a smile on everyone’s face. I can’t be upset, I can’t stress, I have to be strong. But when is it my time to be sad, depressed, angry and broken? If you’re an average American, I probably just hit you hard with that similarity, yes! We are alike. You aren’t the only one that is struggling with these feelings. You aren’t the only one that has trouble breathing when you think about all the things you can’t do. You aren’t alone. So what happens now? Where do we go after we realize that we are broken?

The answer is simple. We go back to the beginning. We get over the small things and make plans on how to fix the bigger issues. This sounds so simple, but it’s not. It will take everything you have, but, it will work out!

The first step is to GET UP! Life isn’t over just because you fell and feel like you can’t get back up. You have a boo-boo but it isn’t critical. Get up! That is the most important thing. Get up from the ground and fight back! Breathe and know that everything will be okay! It isn’t the end of the world, but it is the end of your fear! You will get through this with the love and support of your friends and family. If it wasn’t for the strong encouragement of my wife, Ariel, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am. Yes, you will still be hurting, stressed, and possibly will fall again! But with these people beside you, you will make it. I Promise. They will be your security blanket in the hard times. Never try to do this alone. EVER!

The second step is to make a plan. I would never go into a war without the best outline, ever, neither should you! Take a minute from your crazy life and write down goals, a budget, and solutions. What do you want in the next 5 years? Well, I want to be debt free. Okay! How? I’ll pay the minimums on my credit cards, I’ll sell what I don’t use (you know, that boat that you bought, even though you live in the city and don’t even know where the nearest river is?) , and I’ll stop going to McDonald’s  and I’ll use that dang cook book that my mom bought me! I will then put that money back so I can finally pay more on my credit card! Okay! What solutions will help you get your life back together? If I didn’t have debt, that would be a big relief. I’m not happy with my current job, so I’ll look for a new one, I am not happy with my weight, so I’ll workout 4 days a week. See, it isn’t that hard to make a plan. Most people don’t take time to make a plan, and that is why they usually never see results. They want everything to go back to normal, but they never change their way of living. How do you expect change, when you never put in the work? Getting your life together is 20% materials and 80% your will to be different.

The Third step is simple; Stop stressing the small stuff!

I learned a lesson a year ago, right around this time; this lesson was “Stop stressing the small things.” A guy told me that when I was in the line at a pretzel shop. Ariel and I were waiting in line for a bucket of yummy, Cinnamon pretzel nuggets. We were talking about the fact that Christmas was coming up and that we didn’t want to spend that much money. The guy interrupted and told us to not stress over the little things, because life is too short to lose sleep over things that won’t matter in a year. This hit me when I thought about it. How many times do we over stress about the smallest things. It might seem important, but when it’s over, you realize that the situation wasn’t that serious after all. You were able to solve the issue pretty quick, and shouldn’t have lost sleep over it. In this case, Ariel and I ended up having a great Christmas, even though we didn’t spend that much money. In other cases, we were able to find a hole in our budget and got back in the race, quickly. YES! There are certain cases that you won’t be able to fix it immediately, but with a solid plan, all things will be solved in due time. This is where your faith in your plan has to be strong. You won’t stick to the plan if you think it isn’t bulletproof, so you best believe it’s bulletproof. After you believe in yourself, then you might not be stress less, but you won’t feel like the whole world is on your shoulders, anymore.

The last thing is what I have always done, that is laugh, dangit! Why mope around when you can’t fix things? Why do we get depressed and let the darkness take over our rainbow? Being negative all the time is like jumping into a raging river. You know it will never end well, but yet you still jump, why? Stop jumping into the water, stop letting the pain get you down. When I get upset, I try to find a way to make a joke out of it, and it has worked. I know this isn’t the best advice, as some of you aren’t like me, I know, but just try it. Laughter is the best medicine to a broken heart. In my situation, I will make jokes because I know how stupid I was for doing what I did. Ariel and I make jokes all the time now when it comes to the situation. Laughter will change everything. When you laugh, it is like you are taking the sting and pain away from the antagonist, leaving them defenseless and weak. Learn how to keep a smile on your face, because no situation is big enough to take your smile away. Laugh, my peeps, laugh. It will help.

What I am saying is; stop letting depression win. Get up from the ground and live the best life that you can. Laugh when you are hurt, smile when you are broken, and learn to love. Find people that will pull you from the river and cover you with their safety. Learn to not stress over the small things and to make plans for anything that seems impossible, because God has your back. This isn’t a spiritual post, but these are the simple things I do to keep that beautiful smile on my face, at all times. I have been through the worse times, ever, but somehow, I have been able to find a way to stay positive. I want to give you four simple things you need to do anytime you’re down; Get up, Make a plan, Stop stressing the small things and for gosh sake, LAUGH! When you master those 4 things, you will be so much happier, and the small things will no longer have a hold on your heart! I LOVE YOU, GUYS! Thank you for the support and I hope to see you in the next post: How to get over him/her.

Advertisements

    Imagine walking down a long, dark tunnel. This tunnel resembles your life and the choices that you have made. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The closer you get to the light, the more colder that the tunnel gets. You are freezing, but it gets worse. You are almost to the end, then it starts to pour water. You want to continue, but doubt gets to you. You don’t think that you can make it, so you stop. The light at the end of the tunnel becomes dim, then fades completely. This is what depression feels like. At first, you are strong, but then the weight of the world falls onto your shoulders. You want to carry on, but the hope is no longer driving you. You begin to feel alone and eventually you give up.

image

   350 million people are affected by depression worldwide. This is 5% of the whole world. Of the U.S.A we are looking at 16 million civilians that suffer from feeling alone or not good enough. People are likely to be depressed because of Brain chemistry, Hormones, genetics and/or personal risk factors, which include: Low self-esteem, physical or sexual abuse, diabetes or other major health factors, alcohol or drug abuse, medication side-effects, also the history of their family can play a big part in their health. Women are also more likely to suffer from depression than men are.

   Suffering from depression can really hold someone down and make their life unbearable. If the feeling of being alone isn’t enough, there are other effects that depression will cause. These effects consist of becoming angry easily, not being able to control your anger, anxiety issues, loss of interest in something that you love to do, being stuck in the past, and having suicidal thoughts. This becomes hard to live a life when you have no passion to do anything, especially the hobbies that you use to love to participate in.  With no interest in doing anything, one could only imagine what negative effects this will have on the body. There are a huge amount of additional effects that bring harm to your body, and should not be ignored.
   
   The physical effects are pretty serious and are usually easy to spot. This is why they ask you to keep an eye for these things. Insomnia, fatigue, and random aches and pains might be hard to catch, as the person might not speak up about it. But you might be able to catch these next few things easier. Weight gain/loss in a rapid form. You will be able to catch if someone is losing a lot of weight (or gaining) quickly. Increase or decrease in appetite should also be easy to catch on to. Also, they could have a hard time concentrating. If the person is big into art, but can’t find time to concentrate on art, then youmight want to talk to them. This is a pretty huge deal, because the next sign is more dangerous; cutting/self harm. You will be able to see the marks (sometimes not so easily) but this shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you ever find someone is cutting, you need to talk them into getting help, immediately.

  Being a friend to a person with depression can be hard, but God gives us help in his word. Three scriptures stood out to me today, all of them pointed to this topic. These scriptures can guide you to help those in need, or they can help you as you fight depression, yourself. The first Scripture was

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Psalms 34:17 “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.”

1 Peter 5: 6-7 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

   God will never leave his people. He is always there for you, all you have to do is cry out for him. He knows that you are not strong enough to face the giants, alone, that is why he is there with you. You must first humble yourself, then you and God will be able to escape the feeling of world being on your shoulders. But, remember, as the children of God, it is also our job to go out and help those in need. We have to watch for the signs. Suicide is a huge problem, but with our kind hearts, we could change all of that! It is time for us to help those in need. It is our time to stand with those who feel alone.

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

What is really hurting me is that people are hurting. This is the season for everyone to come together and feel loved. Christmas is about getting together with your loved ones and enjoying each others company as you celebrate. It doesn’t matter your beliefs, it doesn’t matter about money, all that matters is that you are together. Christmas is suppose to be about love, so why is everyone having such a rough time? Why do I see more depression and broken hearts, more death and a lot more negativity? Is it my set of friends or is everyone having a horrible season of holidays? Either way, what can we do?

I am a huge Facebook user, and each day I sign in and spend hours looking through post. I like to keep up with old friends, that I don’t usually talk to. I also like to share in special memories of others, such as babies, new cars, and much more. One of the biggest things I love to read are praises or small things that make peoples lives awesome. Recently, I found out that a close friend went on a prayer walk, one to get himself closer to God. He had a great time and got a lot from it. These little things make me so happy, then we also have those post about a girl that can’t take life anymore, these post are what get me upset.

Where, in life, do we find ourselves in so much pain that we have nothing to live for? I remember laughing and having a great time, as a child. Yet, somewhere we were giving a curse of depression? When did life get so hard? I’m not sure, but it is a huge problem.

We are talking about MILLIONS of people that suffer from depression. These are people that feel unwanted, abused, torn, worn, and alone. At one time, these people were happy, but something happened to where they fell and hit rock bottom. One of the main reasons is death. Everyone has lost someone due to death, it is the cycle of life, but that doesn’t mean it is easy. A death in the family can tear apart the most perfect relationships. A death as a mother can leave children broken for life, making it hard for them to even get through the day. Other reasons for depression can be; Failed classes, failed dreams, breakups, being ignored, loss of friends, money problems, and bullying. The list can go on for hours, but that isn’t the point. The point is; we have the chance to change this, by simply being there for them during the hard times!

I don’t want to see anyone hurting, especially during the holiday seasons. We are meant to be happy individuals, so what can we do? The answer is simple; we need to show them that they are loved. This doesn’t have to be a big gesture, it can as simple as texting them and telling them you love them, or inviting them over to your house for dinner. The smallest gestures can help tremendously. People just want to be wanted. They want to know that you are thinking about them. This is why Bart and I are sending out love!

I want to call this “Love for Christmas; A Better Gift.” This is where I will try to find those who are hurting and I will let them know that I am thinking about them! Bart (My Christmas Stuffed Animal) will write everyone (in pain) a small note, informing that person that they aren’t alone. I don’t know if this will help, but I have to do something. I think everyone of you guys should do the same. Write a small note to those you love, telling them that you are thinking of them, praying for them, or that you love them. It doesn’t have to be a long message, but I promise it will mean the world to those in pain. This Christmas, we need to let everyone know that we are together, as one, to celebrate. Will you do it?

image

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

      There is a man. He is standing in the shadows, patiently waiting for his chance to step into the light. The Lord has given him a gift, the gift that he will use to share God’s love across the world. He is a man after God’s heart and is showing it through his talents. Though he hasn’t blown up in the media, he is on his way to making a huge dent in the music industry. Being a local artist, you have to work harder than ever to get noticed, and this guy is doing just that. He is a man that puts his family first, yet has time to get on his hands and knees for the lord, also gives his all in his rapping career. He is on the rise, just be glad you now have the chance to know about him.
    
      Casey Bounds, A.k.a Kastle Li, was born on July 17th, 1985 on the South side of Chicago. Casey was a big baby, as the doctors said “He is going to be a smart boy, because he has a huge head.” Casey grew up in a home that wasn’t as close as he wanted it to be. They didn’t bond like other families, which led to him not feeling loved, as a child. This pain from feeling alone poured over into school, where Casey spent 8-hours a day isolated from the masses of students. The main reason for the isolation, was from the lack of interest that he had for what others liked. On top of not finding same interest, He also was moving a lot, causing him to feel as if someone was pressing a restart button, on his life. Casey was bullied regularly and had a very serious case of depression, on top of all of that, he was told by the principle that his lack of respect, for Authority, which would cause him to never go anywhere. Casey believed him, as he saw his grades slipping and that he had no friends. He saw he wasn’t going anywhere in life. Though he wasn’t a big fan of school, History was his least favorite subject. The lies that are lined out in text books prompts Casey to tell us “ To Do your own research.”
     
      Out of School, Casey seemed to have a great life. He especially loved to go to “Sal’s Pizzeria” where he spent hours playing Street fighter Turbo, this was also the place he was greeted to an amazing Greek special; A Gyro. Every Saturday, Casey was raising money, through chores, in order to beat E. Hunda. Though Street Fighter was amazing, Casey loved Summertime the most, where he spent the days outside, playing Red light, Green light, and two-hand touch football while eating a lot of delicious ice cream.

       In his late teens, he would get a job at McDonald’s. While he worked at McDonalds, He would also go on to get his first car. The 1986 Ford LTD Crown Victoria was a great car, also being his first. He was able to get it for free, as it had been in the family for quite some time. The car was a gas guzzler, which was the only thing Casey didn’t like about it. Shortly after his first car, Casey would be introduced to something that would change his life, Rap. Casey spent a majority of his time writing poetry. One day, he lost one of his papers, this paper had original work on it. The paper got it into a rappers hand. The rapper happened to read over his work and returned it. When he gave it back to Casey, he told him that it would be dope if he added music to it. From the moment on, Casey wanted to be rapper. He graduated in ’04, wanting to be the best rapper with all the girls and money, that the career brought. He would soon grow up, and see that it wasn’t about that, at all.

       In 2006, Casey was using his talent to release an album “Still Searching” (an album that was not released) which led him to an old friend. This friend was a Christian and wanted to help Casey find the Lord. Casey didn’t believe in God and labeled himself as an atheist. Casey was amongst those who couldn’t understand why the lord would allow such evil into the world. This would lead Casey to rage war against the Lord. But his friend didn’t give up, he spent time talking to Casey about his savior and invited Casey to go to church. Even though he didn’t want to, Casey decided to go to church with his buddy. He didn’t talk to anyone that day, staying completely to himself. His plan was to go in and get out, nothing more, but that plan was soiled fast. A youth pastor approached him during a worship session and asked to pray for him. Casey Reluctantly said yes and allowed this man to pray. During the prayer a peace came over his body, almost as a reassurance that everything would be okay. The pastor went on to tell him what Casey was dealing with, which astonished him as he didn’t talk to anyone before this prayer. Even the message was directed towards him, as they talked about hopelessness, something Casey knew much about. After the message, there was an alter call. Casey was wanting to refuse to go up and almost backed out. He feared what people would say, but something told him to go anyways, saying it was all going to be okay. The alter call led Casey to his knees as he cried like a new born baby. Minsters prayed over him, and in that moment, for the first time in years, he felt loved. The transformation led him to believe that he finally fit in and led him to feel as he was now someone. He says that the more that he searches and finds the lord, the better that he knows himself. He would use this love for Christ, in his career, as a rapper.

      He was a Junior in high school when he began to rap. He took a huge step into a place he knew nothing about, and over the years he has changed. He isn’t the same guy that he was before. Before he was a secular rapper, one that would rap about the same topics as every other rapper. But in ’06, he was giving a wake up call, as he gave his life to Christ. After giving his life to Christ, He found himself in a worship night, praising the Lord with all his heart. During the praises, the Lord gave him a picture of a castle, the Lord said “This is where the King dwells, inside of you!” He took the “C” and replaced it with a “K,” to be reminded of the King. He is now a part of the CHH (Christian Hip Hop) genre and uses his wonderfully written songs to talk about the Salvation of the cross and how to grow from the inside.

      In 2009, Casey lost it all, when he found himself jobless, borderline homeless, and fighting thoughts of suicide. The only thing that kept him going was God, a pen and pad and recording equipment, this would become his therapy, as he released his first mix tape. Since his first mix tape, Kastle has played 6 shows. He remembers his first show being the hardest, as he couldn’t stop stuttering on stage, he stated “I was so glad to finish that set.” With every show, though, he has learned something new each time. He has learned that rocking the stage is very important, and that you can put out hottest music, all day, but if your live performances suck, then that’s all that matters.

      Casey works mainly out of his home studio, using a MXL 770 Condenser mic, subwoofer speakers, and adobe audition for recording software. He also works on making beats with Jruso and Choo Valentine. This might be changing soon, though, as Kastle Li was signed to “DownUnder Label Group,” recently and is working on his first album, “The wait was worth it” which is named after the fact, that this album was suppose to come out years ago, but was put off with a lot of set backs in life. He reassures that this album will be worth the wait, though. Kastle has grown so much in his rapping, becoming better at rhyming, timing and writing. Anyone that knew him previously will be able to tell the difference, in the upcoming album!
  
      Over the years, he has had a lot of mentors, but Casey allows underdogs to motivate him to do better. They are always told they can’t do something, reminding him of his past, and then they are able to prove the person wrong. As he allows underdogs to motivate him, he also hopes to do some motivating himself. His plan is to reach out to the teens, of this generation, and tell them that they aren’t alone, that Jesus is there, and that he loves them. He continues by saying “Nothing you have ever done is too big for him to handle.” Though he looks to be motivated by underdogs, Kastle pulls a lot of inspiration from his father. His father was uneducated but you couldn’t tell by talking to him. He taught Casey that just because someone lacks something, doesn’t defect their worth, at all. His dad inspired him to work hard as he did, as his dad held down jobs on top of jobs, teaching Casey that work is out there, you just have to find it. His Dad sadly has passed on to Christ, but still inspires him, everyday! 
  
    “Rapper” is defined as someone who raps, in order to get the definition, we must first look up rap. Rap means to strike quickly and sharply; tap. This means that you must be able to spit lyrics quickly and sharply while also holding your composure, in order to be a good rapper. Rapping takes a lot of talent, something that most don’t have. Then there are those who make it look easy, that is Kastle Li. He will be one of the best, soon, make sure you don’t miss out on the start of his reign. With this guy having such a heart for God, there is only one way his career will go, God blesses those who bless him.

image

        Casey wants to give a couple shout outs!
AY! I want to give a shout out to Stephen Samaroo, of 10:9 promotions for looking out for me. A shout out Eric P. Williams for being an open ear. To my wife Nicole for always having my back, and Mike verse mills of Anamorphic, that’s my dude. Sherman Mason, that’s my homie, since day one, and Ebon knox for giving me the opportunity to display my talents. Finally, a huge shout out to Impromtdude for the hook up foreal!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

    I have sadly taken another step into depression. I find myself in this boat, it feels like the boat is sinking. With that being said, I would like to take tonight off. I was going to do some amazing post, but I just don’t feel like myself, right now. I want to bring you guys to my old post from July 2015, that also happens to be another battle I had with depression. I hope you aren’t mad.:(

Have you ever felt alone? Not the type of alone that you feel when you are in a house by yourself, no I am talking about the alone that hurts. The alone that I am speaking of is the kind that even in a crowded room you feel your the only living human. You can fight this as much as you possibly can, but at the end of the day the feeling is still as strong as the beginning. You can’t shake this feeling for the life of you, it’s a feeling that is impossible to get rid of, it is a part of depression, its been the death of really great people, and I am no different!
If i’m being fully honest, I have been struggling a lot lately with feeling alone and worthless, its like I take fifteen steps forward to the point of feeling good about myself, to end up taking thirty steps back to find myself hurting from something I thought I had under control. Well the same thing that I conquered in the past, happens to be the same thing that is holding my head under water. I have been losing the battle lately with all my depression, a battle that I thought I had in the bag.
See when you get comfortable with who you are, something has to happen to try to break your spirit. It will be something that you never thought that would make you hurt, but it is the problem, it always is. My problem happens to be my job, and my boss. They both make me want to jump off a bridge to escape how they make me feel. One stresses me to do everything in my power to get everything done as fast as possible to look good, even if the price is my well being. The other is the one that makes me feel like I’m not doing a good enough job, with his smart remarks about what I do, and the way that he treats other employees.
I have worked at my job for two years, and one year with the man that puts a lot of stress on me. He is my general manager and I can just say that he can be a prick. He will go behind me and try to correct everything that I do, even with me doing everything in my power to get it done. Then there are those times where he will yell at me for not getting one thing out of a hundred done. But then again when one of my coworkers do only one of the hundred things, he praises them with candy and love. Now I don’t want that , I just want him to stop favoring the laziest people and show his hardest workers the appreciation, they deserve it more.
I don’t even like going into work anymore, where I use to strive to get called in on my day off, and it’s all because of the amount of stress that is put on me. This stress that I can’t let go of, is literally killing me more and more each day. I have become a depressed little wreck, someone that use to love their life, has become someone that doesn’t care what happens next. With this becoming a problem, I started to think of the things that I could do to become happy.
one- talking to my wife- She is such a good listener and is very positive and supportive. She supports all of my decisions even if she questions my motives. I love her for that she is amazing.
two- Installing TalkLife again- Talklife is a free application that is available on everything except window phones. The point of this application is to help those who are depressed. I have been a part of the community for almost four years, but I deleted it to get a few games on my phone. But as I saw all of my hard work to keep myself happy disappear, I decided that it was time to cry out for help once again. I originally downloaded this application to help people, but I noticed quickly, that I needed the help I was giving out. Now I am back, and it is easier to conquer the heart-wrenching feelings that this amount of stress brings onto me.
If you feel like you are hopeless in your situation, know that you aren’t. If you feel alone in your life, know that you aren’t. There are people there in your life that are feeling the same, so don’t let your pride get in the way of getting help. Someone will help you if you ask, you just have to ask!!!! I am here to help you!

image

Impromtdude

   Where do we go from here?
I’m not close to where I want to be, when it comes to my blog. I still want to break some big milestones, including 1,000 followers! It is a realistic goal, since everyday I get better at this. I have faith that soon, I will be at 1,000 followers, then it will be time to update that goal. We have a far ways to go, though.
Along with the views, I want to also get my novel written and published. This is a big goal for me and hopefully I will get it done, very soon. This is on my list, but I want to gain a bit more support, on my other stories (Night Crawler Journals and Letters to the chapel,) before I share my novel with you.
Also, as promised before, I do plan on bringing that clothing line out. There was a little hiccup in the processing, one that caused me to postpone the making of the t-shirts. But I do promise, they are coming. I hope by the next 2-months. More information to come.
My friend and I are working on a new page, not for this blog, but for something g close to my heart. The information is strictly confidential, at this point, but once I can share, I will.

   I have been doing this seriously, for only a couple months. I have stopped in the past, and then came back. But if you want to add all the time, then I am a true veteran at this. But since we aren’t, then I am still a rookie at getting the stats. I just recently found out how to tag things, and that you are more likely to gain views if your post has a photo.
   It’s the simple stuff that will get you and will cause you to fail. As a writer, you have to be very detailed, or you will become another number, another stat. I am glad that I found this out before it was too late, luckily I found out, at the beginning of my career, so now I can use my knowledge, and do amazing things, while still growing with that knowledge!
Currently, we are only 27 post away from 300 post, and a handful of views away from 2,000. I can’t believe the numbers, it was like yesterday we started this wonderful blog, now we are almost to 300 post! Holy cow!
   I am excited to grow, and to connect with you, my fans. I have been majorly depressed, but know this, I am doing a lot better! And soon, I will be back to normal!

image

Impromtdude

Help?

Posted: April 30, 2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

   What has been with me, lately? I haven’t been myself, it’s like something else has taken over, and I can’t control it. Depression has been a strong killer in my life, it’s something that I fight with all the time, and I’m tired of it!
   I want to live my life without being sad, or feeling that I am always drowning. I feel horrible, all the time, and I can’t stop it. I have been fighting a phase, of depression, for a few weeks now. It has been a bad one, it’s been pulling me away from my happiness, but also my passions.
    I haven’t had the passion to write. I have pushed away everything, causing me to lose my happiness. I have been sleeping, alot. I have also started to play ps3, alot more. I see it as a great distraction, away from writing. I need help. I need a good group of friends to help me, a group that will help me conquer this demon.
    I wanted to talk to you guys, in hope that someone will answer my cries, and help me. I hope you don’t judge me, I really do.

image

Impromtdude

Today I was going to post the usual flashback post, that airs every Sunday, and takes you back in time to see who I use to be, and see how much I have changed. But as I was scrolling through my Talklife (application for depressed people) news feed, I thought about a few things. This started the carnival wheels in my head, causing me to think deeply about a few things, leading me to this post. I thought about a few items that I touch everyday and replaced them with these three things: Future, Life, and Happiness. The reason I chose these three things, is because they are the items that most choose to throw away the most. Which I used Honey packets, ketchup packets, and a half full monster can.
The future item was the half full monster can, because most people that I talk to treat their life like a half empty can. It wasn’t as good as the beginning, they are tired of the taste, but will still continue to drink away because they don’t have anything else to drink. But when something happens, such as the can gets hot, or their future looks hard to achieve, they will throw it away without a second thought. Then they will pick up something easier, such as  working for $8.25/hour, and travel down the road, going through the same routine, just with nastier taste as before, they will trade their expensive drink, for a dollar generic drink (dream). This will take away from their life, and they won’t be able to enjoy their life to the full extent. 
I close my eyes and force myself to think about the word life. I picture a sweet picture, but as I look deeper into the textures that artist made, there is something missing, in every picture, there is something missing. There is something that holds us down and doesn’t let us get to the point that we want to be at. This could be caused by the choices that you have made, maybe a bad break-up that you tied yourself to it when you should have let it go, or the fact that your life has been rough since your parents divorced. Anything can cause your life to feel horrible and not worth living, honestly this is why I chose the honey packet. Because the inside is most certainly sweet, but as you get the taste of the amazing events that happen, the sweetness stops, but even when the inside is gone, the outside still looks the same. The persons happiness can be fully gone and they could feel empty, but we will never be able to tell, because they have sealed their contents up and won’t let us see. 
The last one is the most important but also the one that we take advantage of the most, wasting it the most. This is the happiness in your life. Happiness is the most important thing in our lives, but yet like ketchup, we throw most of it away. Mostly because we see that we have a little more next to it, and we think that we won’t need it.  We decide that we have to much happiness, but then when life gets salty such as those fries, we will wish for that happiness or ketchup back, but we can’t because it has been corrupted by the negative people or habits, we brought into our lives, or the trash we filled ourselves with that has contaminated it, causing it to be unable to be used or felt. So we will try to find more, but by the time we do, the fries are cold or you have already become depressed to the point you give up on being happy, or trying to eat those salty and soggy fries. 
This is important to think of as you begin to change for the better, don’t take the little things for granted. Instead take all that you can, and enjoy the little things in life. Don’t let the salty people that make you hurt, run your life, instead make sure that you cover your whole life with the happiness, as you cover all the fries with ketchup. And for your future, never worry about what the future looks like, instead enjoy every sip that you take on your way to the end. Sometimes you won’t like the taste, but at the end, remember that you need whats in the can to survive. You might feel empty, but never believe that you are alone. There is a whole world trying to survive and find their way, and they are here for you. Don’t throw away your future because of something that can be cured by a little bit of comfort. It is worth taking a few bad sips if it means your future will be amazing. Right? Don’t give up!

image

Will You Change?

Posted: May 2, 2015 in Uncategorized
Tags:

When someone is growing up, they will decide to do some things that others might not agree with. Lately I have been doing a lot of that. The same passions that I use to have no longer bring the same exciting feeling. With my life turning out like this, I have noticed that two things have happened; I have more of a hard time letting people in, and depression is hurting more than ever.
My life took a great leap away from normal two years ago, when I got with my wife. I thought that everyone would just adjust to my new interest, but soon I noticed that my friends started to disapprove of how I was living. They wanted me to change, but if you know anything about me you should know that; I HATE following people. So I chose to let the people that wanted to leave, well leave and they did. At first I told myself that it was for the best, but then everyone I looked up to started to fade also. It was hard to imagine that I would have no one to turn to for guidance anymore, an though I wanted to keep them in my life, I knew that would mean I would have to leave my wife, and that wasn’t something I was whiling to do.
Now two years away from that day, I still struggle to keep people in my life, with the more people that leave my side, I get more depressed. As if work isn’t stressful enough, adding the fact I cant talk to a friend about my thoughts really hurts me more. Though my wife is here, Chris Clark said it best “You need your best friend, and your wife. Having one over the other wont work.” A wife is suppose to tell you that you are doing great, so when she says that I just feel she is being a good wife.
I will be fully honest, I have become so use to throwing up walls and barriers to keep people happy, and though I have put up a tough exterior for so long, I want to spend this post to tell you that I might seem okay, but I’M NOT OKAY!
I hate the feeling that anywhere that I go, I have to fight for their love and their attention. I hate the fact that I almost gave up on making four new friends at this class I was forced to go to. I hate the fact that they were so caring, but in the moments of our laughs. I fear they were going to leave me at the end. I hate the fact that I have to admit that I need someone to save me, and I’m not talking about God.
I use to be a christian, when I say christian, I mean the type that would turn a conversation about food into a conversation about God. I have laid on the alter for hours bawling my eyes out to God, to go home and still feel the same way. Now I do believe there is a God, but as of right now, I just cant accept him again. I need time to figure things out. When I say that I need to get saved, I am talking about one person actually putting up with my crap, and accepting me. Someone to be my best friend. Someone that I can relate to.
I told you guys that this post would be heart-felt and like no other post. I hope that you guys will take this post into consideration. I am in no way trying to guilt you into being my friend. I am more trying to open your eyes to how you treat the people around you. If you treat one person the way I have described then the chances of you doing it multiple times is very likely.

I want to spend a very few seconds to thank a few people:
My dad- Thank you for being my biggest fan, without you I don’t think I would be here!
Ariel- I love you so much. I know that recently we may have hit some walls but I promise that I will get better and that this depression will end. I don’t want to think about a day without you!
Chad chad Chad- My best buddies, I want to tell you guys that the time that we spend together was to short. I was at work today wishing that I was back in that classroom. I thank you guys for taking the needed time to get to know me, and always remember that I’m here. I will see you guys at the reunion!