Posts Tagged ‘days’

Santa

Posted: December 17, 2018 in Creative Blogging
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Hello, my name is Santa. I have been watching you for the whole year and I am not impressed. I am not impressed one bit on how you have been acting. Those naughty pictures that I have seen you send, those shots I saw you down, the 50th person that you have laid with. I am not happy with your actions and I will not be sending you anything in the mail. You have crossed my path one too many times and I am done with you. I am a jolly man, but I will not tolerate you being ungrateful of all that I have done. I work year round to make sure you have nice things, and you can’t even give me one day of pureness? That’s sad. I want you to known that you were getting everything that you wanted, and I was going to throw in extra because I felt you deserved it, yet you disgraced my name.

The elves first told me about what you were doing. I gasped because that isn’t you. You would never do those things, but then they showed me proof and I was shocked. I will be sending three things to you that I wish you will cherish and use daily. These three things will bless you if you allow it to, but will not if you ignore their purpose. The three things are:

1. Promise ring I am sending you this to not make a promise with someone else, but instead, so you can make a promise to yourself. You have made yourself and your family look so bad, and I tihnk it is time that you change. Make the promise that you will allow your flower to bloom instead of making the mistake of giving everyone the smell. Stop allowing random gardeners to reap off the hard work that you put into making that flower special. Everyone does that, be different and be special. Promise yourself to a good person, not just the guy that helps you water the flower. When you meet the right gardener you will be blessed with the best seasons ever, but don’t try to force these seasons, for that will lead to an unfulfilling reap.

2. A dictionary You allow trash to come from your mouth, because you only allow trash to come into your body and spirit. A dictionary is just what you need. It will give you the knowledge and wisdom to not only say smart things but to also know when to shut up and walk away. Remember you don’t have to win every fight, some are not worth your time and make you look silly in the process. Every time you over react it makes you look stupid, so read! A book wont hurt you, so pick one up and learn from it. Also, stop using dumb slang words! You are a smart individual, so start acting like one! You don’t have a baby daddy, you have a father to your child, you aren’t lit, you aren’t plug, so shut up and read! It will help you!

3. The bible! Yes, I am Santa and I am putting God down as one of the things that I am sending you. This is because I know how important the faith is. The Bible will help you make good life decisions, it will help you be a better person and will hold you to a high standard. I personally read the bible daily and pray anytime I have a chance. I wasn’t always a jolly ole man, but when I saw the light, I knew that I had to run to it. I went from simply giving kids socks and shoes to giving the love of Christmas! You really need this and I hope you actually take time to check it out.

I love you guys so much. I have watched you all grow into strong young peeps, and I hope to see you grow more as you have kids yourself. Always hold your kids to a high standard and never let them waiver. Remember, you are always in control, it doesn’t matter if they wont stop screaming, you are in control. I pray that you love your gifts, even though you have been very naughty, and I will see you guys again, next time around.

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I don’t know if you heard. I don’t know how you haven’t heard, if you haven’t heard. But if you haven’t heard was has been heard by others, then you wouldn’t know that today is nation women’s day. A day in honor of all the women of this beautiful paradise that we called Earth. This can range from your mom, spouse, bestie, or any other women you might see, today. The main thing is that we show the appreciation that is deserved. Without women we would merely not exist. It takes a man and woman to have a kid and guess what? You were a kid. This entitles you to say thank you, even if you don’t want to!
I personally don’t have a strong relationship with my mother, but I still thank her, everyday for having me. She might have turned out to be a so-so mother, but at least she kept me.  She could have said “screw this” and terminate my process, but she didn’t. For that, I am truly thankful.

This goes further than just our family, though. In history, we have had a few amazing people that deserve a thanks.
Susan Anthony was an advocate for women’s suffrage, women’s property rights and the abolition of slavery. She tried to vote in the presidential election and was denied, but the 19th Amendment, that gave women any rights, was named after her. 
Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell was the first woman to receive a medical degree from an all male medical institution. She opened the New York infirmary for women and children with her Sister, Emily and Dr. Marie Zalrzewska. She used her resources to open a college devoted to train and give necessary experience to women who wanted to be in medicine, while also giving specialized medical care to those whom couldn’t afford it.

Mother Teresa was a Catholic Nun. She devoted much of her time in charities that helped patients in war, gave Earthquake relief and ministered to famine victims in Ethiopia. She founded a way to help sick and the poor. She did this by her charity “Order of the missionaries of charity,” a group of women, with very big hearts!

Though, this doesn’t even touch base with how much women rule, I am going to stop there. I think that we all know how amazing women are, but we all should also do a little research and see how many other amazing women have shaped this world. You will be amazed on how many women a footprint in history. For all of this, I want to say thank you for your hard work. You are amazing people and deserve a day for yourself!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude


Today, I was giving one of the best presents, ever. This was a present from my retired grandma and she didn’t have to spend much money at all! She made the perfect example of putting her heart into the gift instead of a lot of money! The gift is a butterscotch pie!

   I have always loved her pies, especially the butterscotch pudding pie. She made it one year for a dessert and I will tell you that I almost ate all the pie, myself. I remember from that day, I told my grandma that I only wanted that pie for Christmas, nothing more. She was happy about this since she didn’t have a lot of money to spend, and every year she would make me the best pie in the world. 


This changed a few years back when I stopped going to family gatherings because of internal family issues. I know if I would have gone there would have been more fights, so I took myself out of the situation. After all, holidays are made for loving not drama!

 But this year was different. We wanted to see my grandma and she wanted to see Ariel and I. This is when I made the joke, to my dad, that I would if she makes me the famous pie. He sent a quick text back saying that she would. I was joking, but now I can hit two huge birds with one small amount of a day. I was excited, but we couldn’t decide which day to go! This is when we decided on tonight, but since I worked those plans were cancelled. But it’s my dad’s bday, so we told him to come over for dinner. This was the plan; we would have him over and eat then watch movies. That way we got to at least see him on his birthday. 

   When he got to the house, he brought in two pans. I was unsure what they were, but I had a hunch of what it was. He handed me the pies and told me to enjoy. I was so overjoyed that I began to eat them minutes before dinner. I must say; she makes some amazing pies! 
Now, after eating the pie, I can’t wait to see her! She showed that she cared enough to make the pies. So now I will hold my end of the bargain and go to her house on Christmas Eve! I really can’t wait to see her and thank her for the pies. Also, give her this amazing gift Ariel and I got her! But the main thing is; She makes amazing Fing pies!!!! 

Hi there, 

  How are you doing? I am glad to hear that. You must be excited for the holidays, I know I surely am! I can’t wait for the special day when we get to open presents! It’s going to be great this year. Would you like to know why? I really hope you said yes, or this might be awkward for you. 

  Oh crap! I always forget to tell people my name. Hello, my name is Lennon. I am currently one of the top Elves at the N. Pole. This is a great job because we get new jobs every year. This is what I have to talk to you about. Santa says that I need to “reach out” to promote what I do. This is where you’re needed. I am a sex slave and I need you to subscribe. 

  I need the numbers…it’s really freaking important. If I don’t the numbers, Santa says I can’t come inside. Do you know how cold it is here? Of course you don’t, it’s F…… Cold…. So please just take a second and give me a chance. I have a lot to offer! 

  You might want to know what I can do? Well I can bend all the way back, I can fetch, I’m a great singer, I have a sexy dancing body! I can do things with my tongue that even girls can’t do. Overall, I am a full package. Oh did I tell you I can clean, pay bills, and I’m great with children! I am what every single wants, so why not give me a flipping chance? 

   If you give me that one chance, I promise that you won’t want to give me back. It doesn’t even have to be about sex, I am warm blooded, so we can cuddle and you would love it! I think I’m selling it, let’s talk about the application and costs.
  For the applications; we only need your name, number, address, recent std test, and a valid credit card. All information is confidential and we shred it when you return me!!! No problem with saftey here:)
   Now, I know you are paying for Christmas, so I will give you a HUGE discount. Usually, I am $19.99 for 1month. But with it being so close to Christmas, I am going to pay for over 50%. You will only be paying $5.99 for the rest of this month and the entire month of January. That is a huge deal, one that you can’t pass up! What are you waiting for? Oh you need the number. That’s right!!!!  1-800-sex-elf1

Call, I will be waiting 😉


I love the Christmas season, or holiday season. The way that peoples eyes glitter in the presence of all their gifts and their loved ones warms my heart. The part that I love probably the most is the stockings. Who doesn’t want a sock full of wonderful small gifts?!? I love my stockings. This year I got one with the Letter “B” on it. That is because my name is Blake, well no crap right? Anyways I want to let everyone know what I expect in the stocking this year.

Hot sauce- Who couldn’t use hot sauce. I use hot sauce on everything! Even peanut butter and jelly. I use hot sauce in the shower. You name it and I use it there. But it has gotten expensive for the good stuff.

Any card games- I want you guys to know that I am actually a closet Yu-gi-oh player and recently I sold all of my cards, so I need you guys to buy me more. Pokémon is a option, but magic is not welcomed. I don’t get magic -.V

Surge- Only a few of you know about my crazy addiction to Surge. If you don’t know what Surge is, die! But anyways, I am talking kegs of Surge. If it wont fit, then wrap it! I am not that picky.

Money- I want all the money that you can give. I need it to play monopoly. I hide the good stuff up my sleeve during games in order to get the upper hand on my foes. So give me monopoly money!

Candy- If I don’t get kandy this Christmas this year, I will freaking cry. You really don’t want me to cry. Remember that giant flood back in New Orleans, that was because I didn’t get my candy.

Anything else that you can think of is welcomed, except fruit or veggies. I am not that healthy. So this Christmas I will be waiting!

    Today marks two amazing, magical years with my wife. We said “I do” on this day in a local park. The day was pretty amazing, as we said our vows and ran for cover when the rain came down. The rain started moments after our ceremony, which to us meant good luck. But that is in the past, now we are living the high life. I try to stay up on my charm, so days like these let me prove I’m still a hopeless romantic! Trust me after today, I showed that! Lol!

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I originally was scheduled to close (due to a scheduling flaw) but I switched that out with a co-worker (Big shoutout to Luke!) This gave me the day off, the perfect scenario to get everything together. I have been planning this day for a few months, so when I woke up, I was ready to get everything together. I had my money, my hat on backwards, and love in my heart for my princess, as I headed to Wal-Mart.

When I was there, I went shopping to get her flowers and a card. Though this was for her, I found myself also shopping for me. I found a big pack of pens, thirty for $2.50. It was a great deal so I got them. I have enough pens, but why not add more, right? Anyways, I went to the cards and picked out a cute card. That wasn’t the problem, the true problem came with finding the flowers. I was wanting a few dozen roses, but they only had 28 all together. That was fine, a dozen per year we have been married, but still Wal-Mart get a better selection…I was wanting a dozen of white and one of Red so I could mix them, but I had to settle for all red…How annoying.

After picking up the flowers and card, I headed home where I was about to write a sweet love letter. Ariel absolutely loves my notes, she says I don’t write her enough of them, so today I wrote her a pretty heartfelt and cute one. I then placed the note inside the card and sealed it. After the note, I went into the bedroom and took a nap. I was only wanting to take a half hour but ended up taking a full hour. Though I slept extra I was still way ahead of time. I decided to do some house chores including; Dishes, cleaning the bedroom, gathering trash and laundry. I surprisingly did these items pretty fast, leading me up to the departure. It was time to go surprise my wife at work. But first I had to stop at a comic book store. Ariel is huge fan of The Walking Dead and Darryl, this is why I went to a comic book store and bought her an action figure of Darryl and his brother, Merle.

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I surprised her at work and asked her out on a date, she said yes. It was planned, we were going out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse, at 7pm. We did stop and get some small items, but other than that, we went home and laid around until the date.
We had a great night, the food was great and we had the coolest Waiter. This night was magical, too sad that it has to end. I don’t want it to end, but it has to. We have to get up pretty early, but I want to say one more thing.

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Dear Ariel,
Thank you for being amazing. I didn’t think I would ever get married. I figured I was going to be the pastor of the weddings, never feeling the joy of my own. This was all until you came around. You opened my eyes to what real love is, for this I have to say thank you. If you were never to come around, I would still be a miserable, heartbroken teenager crying over everything. We have been through so much, but you never gave up on me, so thank you. I can’t wait to grow more with you. Two years is only the start, we have a big road coming, I’m glad to have you on this ride.
Love you,
Blake!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Happy Father’s day to all the great Father’s out there. You are truly the M.V.P, and we appreciate all the work you do! If you weren’t here, then we wouldn’t have so many amazing people, in this world, that are making a huge difference! Thank you, dad, for showing me what I need to work on, and how to be an amazing person! I love you! Happy Father’s day! To you and all the other greats out there! In honor of my hero, I want to give my dad this post! I love you!

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The other day I was sitting at work, talking to another crew about “Heroes.” She had asked me who my hero was in life, and I was stunned. I never thought about who I looked up to. I never even thought about having a hero. I was always so independent in life, most of the times I pushed everyone away.
         I never wanted to look up to someone, then get close to them and have them leave. It was a fear that I could control. So I made it a mission to keep everyone out of my life. But now with my crew member asking me the question, I had to search inside of myself and ask the hard question. “Who is my Hero?”
       “Who do I look up to?” I look up to my father. I look up to him for everything. I search his personality for answers to questions about life. If me and my wife get into a fight, he is the one that I look to for answers on questions I’m unsure about. Or if my car breaks down, he is the one that I call for the fix. He is truly the smartest person that I know. He seems to know everything that needs to be known.
        My father hasn’t always had the chance to be a part of my life, but he has always been an outline. When my mother took us out of his care, he seemed to always be around, expecially when we were in trouble. He wouldn’t break any laws though, so when my mother got that restraining order, and moved us out of town, he respected the laws that were in place. He worked with a woman that never wanted to work with him. Then when it came down to getting us back, after we were put in the foster care, he did. He flipped every mattress trying to find us.
       Someone that can be on the bottom of the chain, yet will help those who are willing to turn on you. That is my Dads character, and that is what I see as a hero. He has shown me over and over that if someone is in need, help. But what if you are broke? No, you help anyway you can. He showed me how to love my neighbor as myself. It was always like that in my house, you had to respect everyone (to a point) that you came in contact with.
        I have become a strong man with all of his life lessons. I am willing to go to war for anyone that needs help. I am always that man that is looking for doors to hold open, or cars to push out of the snow. This is all because of one guy. The same guy that made me crucify my pride, and help those that don’t deserve the help. My father has been the savior my whole life. He is my hero, and one day, I hope I’m my sons hero, as well. It has been such an honor learning from my father, and there is still much to be taught!

Impromtdude

Ten things I want to do on my day off.
I want to relax on my day off, but that isnt the only thing I want to do. I want to spend my time doing one thing, instead, I want to do as much as I can, so it actually feels like a day off. My day usually starts at 5:30 a.m. so I can get a good start on what I want to do. The list of things that usually happens, on my day off, is here now!

1. Listen to a lot of music. This usually contains NF, Mud diggers, Any country, Beethoven and Eminem. I like to keep a nice mixture, in order to not get burnt out from the same beats, or stories. This usually works, though some days I will stick with NF.

2. Watch Tv- I like to catch up on the world of sports, usually NFL and golf. I watch a lot of golf, in order to get my swing down, and a lot of NFL to get updated for Fantasy football. Sometimes I will watch a horror movie, but usually it’s just sports playing in the background.

3. Read- I have discussed this before. In order to be a good writer, you must read good writing. This is why I try to read something on my days off, though, sometimes it doesn’t work. I like to read “The Walking Dead” By Robert Kirkman, but sometimes I will read a book about grammar, plot placement, or fun facts. It may vary, but most days I will read a chapter in each book.

4. Practice my golf swing- Lately, I have been getting into golf more. I like to go outside and swing, but being downtown, that is impossible to do, so I spend hours practicing my putting. I have foam practice balls that I like to practice hitting, using my new practice mat, but usually it’s just my putting.

5. Play video games- This is one of the last things that I will do, that’s if I am really upset or have nothing else to do. Usually if I play, I will play some Fallout or NBA.

6. Clean- Yeah, I like to pick up things. I wont deep clean though. I am too “Busy” for that.

7. Social media- I spend a lot of my day off, on social media. I like to use this day to see what everyone else is doing, and if they have anything to talk about. It engages my audience, and its nice to catch up with friends.

8. Sleep- I love my sleep.

9. Shower- I like to soak in the shower, relaxing and thinking. This is usually where I get new ideas, and where I practice my vocals!

10. Write- I’m a writer, because I love to write. This is the day that I get to sit back, and do something I love to do. I spend most of my day off writing. It is the best time, since I am usually alone.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Rudolph is on drugs!
         Rudolph has freely went to rehab for his cocaine addiction. Rudolph was found on his living room floor next to a line of white snow. The cops investigated the powder, and revealed to the public that it was in fact Cocaine. When asked about it Rudolph told the public that he was rejected for so long that he turned to cocaine. When asked if he had any sales, he admitted that he sold some to the Easter bunny. But no one was able to find his hole, cops reported that they will wait until May 1st 2016 to investigate him.

         Rudolph was chosen from Santa when he saved Christmas, but Santa even admitted that his light-red nose looked drug related, but he came at a good price. Santa takes full responsibility and has been charged with flying under the influence. He is now trying to make a deal with UPS to deliver the rest of the presents this year, since his license have been suspended. Santa will also spend one-seventy days in jail for the possession of cookie crumbs. This drug was found in his lab. He apologizes for all inconveniences.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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Stocking stuffers
I love the Christmas season, or holiday season. The way that peoples eyes glitter in the presence of all their gifts and their loved ones warms my heart. The part that I love probably the most is the stockings. Who doesn’t want a sock full of wonderful small gifts?!? I love my stockings. This year I got one with the Letter “B” on it. That is because my name is Blake, well no crap right? Anyways I want to let everyone know what I expect in the stocking this year.

Hot sauce- Who couldn’t use hot sauce. I use hot sauce on everything! Even peanut butter and jelly. I use hot sauce in the shower. You name it and I use it there. But it has gotten expensive for the good stuff.

Any card games- I want you guys to know that I am actually a closet Yu-gi-oh player and recently I sold all of my cards, so I need you guys to buy me more. Pokémon is a option, but magic is not welcomed. I don’t get magic -.V

Surge- Only a few of you know about my crazy addiction to Surge. If you don’t know what Surge is, die! But anyways, I am talking kegs of Surge. If it wont fit, then wrap it! I am not that picky.

Money- I want all the money that you can give. I need it to play monopoly. I hide the good stuff up my sleeve during games in order to get the upper hand on my foes. So give me monopoly money!

Candy- If I don’t get kandy this Christmas this year, I will freaking cry. You really don’t want me to cry. Remember that giant flood back in New Orleans, that was because I didn’t get my candy.

Anything else that you can think of is welcomed, except fruit or veggies. I am not that healthy. So this Christmas I will be waiting!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude