Posts Tagged ‘crazy’

Today marks a year after we hit our first deer. The night was cold. I just picked up Ariel from work as she just got off a closing shift. I was excited to see her but I wanted to get home. We usually stopped at the gas station, but for some reason, we didn’t stop this night. It was probably because of the dropping temperature, but we have to think; what would have happened if we stopped? 

 We made it about five miles out of Chatham. Our conversation must have distracted me for a split second. When I came back to reality, all I could see were deers. There were four deers, each standing in front of each other, as they crossed the street. I was unable to swerve or stop, so I took the hit. I smashed into the first one, the second one hit my drive side (not hard) and the last two both hit the back of the car, ripping off the bumper. We both were startled, but Ariel began to cry hysterically. 

It was her first car. Her first car was just wrecked, but we didn’t want to stop. I told her that I wanted to get out of the area. She agreed. I was just ready to get home, so I kept driving. The whole ride home Ariel couldn’t stop crying. I tried to comfort her, but I also felt guilty for wrecking the car for some reason. I know I couldn’t have changed what happened. There wasn’t a way out of the situation; I did what I could have. 

When we got home, I ran to the front of the car. The damage was bad. The car was most definitely totaled. The right headlight was gone, along with the hood being pushed up. The hood was one inch away feom the radiator cap. That deer really screwed that car up, but luckily we were okay. 

The car ran okay for us for the remainder part of the year, but it finally died. We think it was connected to the deer, but we aren’t so sure. Either way, that happened a year ago. That night was a damn disaster and I hope we never have to go through that, again. 

Deers suck, stay safe!

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I love a good Christmas song, but I find they are bit too censored. That is why I thought of a few funny titles that could have been the title. Now, understand these aren’t for the faint of heart and shouldn’t be viewed if you are faint at heart. Either way, I hope you enjoy and I will see you, tomorrow!
12 days of Christmas: The screwed up Christmas songs!

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1. All I want for Christmas is you
a. All I want for Christmas is Beer and girl on girl porn.

2. Drummer Boy
a. Masturbating enthusiast practicing in public.

3. Oh, holy night
a. Oh, Holey underwear. Oh, stinky underwear.

4. Rocking around the Christmas Tree.
a. Rocking back and forth with two prostitutes and a bottle of Hennessey.

5. Last Christmas
a. Nothing Changed, I still got cheated on because I trusted the liar, again.

6. Ill be home for Christmas
a. Nog got to me, I’m at your mothers.

7. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
a. She’s starting to look a lot like my ex miss.

8. Santa Baby
a. The tale of Santa’s baby momma.

9. Rudolph the red nose reindeer
a. Rudolph the coke snorting, delusional deer.

10. Frost the snowman
a. Frosty the dope man, all he wants is drugs and children…

11. Santa’s coming to town
a. Oh boy, he’s about to go down. 

12. Mary, did you know?
a. Mary, please lay off the dope. No one gets pregnant without sex!

This is pprobably the last funny post, ever. You should give it a like and I might make another one. I hope you have a good night and try to stay positive.
I love you,
Bart, Ginger, Francis, Impromtdude.
Peace!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Well, I tried something new and failed. I actually went with the Browns and the Bears and they failed me, not like it was a shock though. We are looking at two doomed teams, I should have never trusted them. Other than that, I was able to watch the Chiefs game against Denver. The game came down to the final seconds in Overtime (after a td and a 2 point conversion to end regulation) in which the Chiefs kicker, Santos made the game winning td. This plus a few weak picks, I was able to save my great 93-64-2. Let us not look to the past, now we must look to the future. The future is bright, so lets get started.
Cowboys @ Vikings
Winner: Cowboys

Lions @ Saints
Winner: Lions

Rams @ Patriots
Winner: Patriots

Broncos @ Jags
Winner: Broncos

4th and 9ers @ Bears
Winner: Do I really have to pick? I guess the Bears…

Texans @ Packers
Winner: Packers

Chiefs @ Falcons
Winner: Falcons

Dolphins @ Ravens
Winner: Dolphins, with Tannehill having 3 tds and 340 yards.

Eagles @ Bengals
Winner: Eagles

Bills @ Raiders
Winner: Raiders, but Bills will keep it close!

Buccaneers @ Chargers
Winner: Bucs

Giants @ Steelers
Winner: Steelers

Redskins @ Cards
Winner: Redskins

Panthers @ Seahawks
Winner: Seahawks by 1

Colts @ Jets
Winner: Jets

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

I have a melody in mind, but it’s about my sister?

I use to be in a two-person band (with my friend) back in the day. I was the guitar player, but I suck at singing. This is why it was important that I signed, Herry, my singing friend. He was a huge singer and he was wanting to start a band. This was great, we were always hanging out, which was going to open doors so we could get things recorded and move it forward. As you know, I am a big writer. Before my blogging days, I use to write a lot of songs. I was wanting to become a famous songwriter, but there was a time I took a step back!

Herry was pretty inactive in the band. He was always working, usually leading to him sleeping when he was home. This put a pretty big damper on our plan. We still hadn’t wrote a song together, and I was tired of being the only one to do anything, so I told him to get a song written. He said he would work on that, that weekend. I said okay  and set him out to do so. But when I came back to him, a weekend later, he still had a pretty blank slate. He got the idea, though. He knew what the song needed to say, but he couldn’t get the words out, fully. I really liked the song idea, so I asked him to explain what he wanted it to say. He said;

“I really like this girl. She is a beautiful girl and I really want her to notice me. I compare her to a melody that I cant get out of my head. She is always there! That is the biggest point; she is a melody that I can’t get over, or out of my head!”

Let me be honest; I loved the song idea. He had something great on his mind, so I told him I would write it. He was beyond excited to hear that, and he gave me the song. I went home that day, sat at my desk and started to write. I wasn’t in a relationship or anything, so I decided to make it a love/worship song. I did have a crush, so part of the song was partially about her, but also Christ was a big part of any of my songs. I finished the song in a few days (including how to play it) and was excited to show him what I had. I brought the song to him and played it for him. I felt something amazing happen when I played it, it felt so natural to play it. He loved it! I wanted to know what he really thought, so I started to ask him more questions. I finished my interrogation after asking him “So, who is this about?”

There was a long pause between two band members. He looked at me and I looked at him. I could see that he was having a hard time getting it out, that is when I started to realize something wasn’t right. He finally told me, and let me tell you; it wasn’t pretty! He told me to sit down, I did. He then went on to tell me that he has had a crush on someone close to me, and that he didn’t want me to be mad. I didn’t understand, so I told him to spit it out. Kerry told me that he was in love with my sister, and that this song was towards her!! I shoved the song in his lap and walked out of the room. He followed me into the kitchen and asked if I were okay. I looked at him with anger and told him to leave me alone. He didn’t, instead he kept talking to me about it. I slowly began to calm down, but something still wasn’t right. I felt dirty.

Though he felt bad and wanted to tell me, it still doesn’t change the fact that I wrote a love song for my sister, technically! He had her in mind, the idea was contaminated with my sister and I got poisoned. He dropped out of the band later that month and never played my sister the song. She still doesn’t know she was the original reason for that song. Instead, she thinks the song is a worship song. The song was rewritten and recorded, but this time I wrote it with my own emotions and lyrics. It has become my favorite original song. I still find it funny that I technically wrote a love song for my sister..

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Here is the song “Melody.”

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

    We have people here today, they are giving us new windows. This is great and all, but also very annoying. I hate house repairs and this is why:
     1. My dog- The most annoying thing is my dog wants to join in. He has to know what’s going on, all the time. This is especially annoying when new people are around. Also, they are removing windows and going outside constantly, so he has to be tied up. He hasn’t stopped crying since they started…

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     2. Somehow I always get hurt- I cut myself on one of the windows, but this isn’t new. I always find a way to hurt myself. This could be from a stubbed toe to a slit wrist. But it always happens!

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     3. The clutter/mess- Construction is messy, and some don’t know how to clean up. I had a set of construction workers leave my house looking like Christmas after a door installation! Luckily these guys are smart, but this house is still cluttered!

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      4. The noise- I hate the loud bangs and constant pounding. You can’t concentrate on anything, you can’t talk on the phone and you can’t sleep. Your life is put on hold for a few long hours.

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      5. The people! Today, I had three men come into my house, didn’t say hi and went straight to work. I love that they aren’t wasting any time, but damn! Atleast say hi! I mean, you are a stranger in my house and you can’t even have enough respect to say anything? Instead, you look at me like I’m crazy, like I’m the one inside your house uninvited.

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      I am glad this is almost over, so I can finally go back to my normal life. I hate clutter, so today isn’t the day for me. I thought I would share for you guys. Please tell me, how do you deal with repairmen? Comment below?

Impromtdude

   I didn’t want to post a flashback, but this is a great one. Why stress over stuff that can’t be fixed right away? This is hope for you, so take my advice and stop worrying! All will be okay, soon!
Est reading time: 4:10

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    Take a few seconds out of your day, and tell yourself that you will make it. Even if life doesn’t seem like it, you will. You will become anything  that you want to become, you will climb up through the ranks and be on the top. you are awesome, you are amazing. So stop worrying about the smallest details of your life. If you want to do something in your life, do it! Stop waiting around for someone to say its okay.

    Make a freaking impact, bigger than the sun in this world. If you want to become a professional athlete, give it your all. If you want to pursue a job in singing, do that. What I am trying to say is do what makes you happy. Most people will give up on their dreams due to money, or due to stress. But that’s unacceptable.

    I have always wanted to be a writer, (I bet your tired of hearing that) and nothing will ever stop that dream. It is like a second time job that I absolutely love to do. If someone told me that I wasn’t able to become one, I would have to laugh at them, because the only person that can stop me from doing anything, is myself. That goes for you too, yes you, the one reading this post. Stop worrying about the balance of your checking account, already. Don’t let fear rule your life. You are stronger than that.

    So many people have let their life go to hell over their current money position, but the truth is, you need to stop looking at that number. Now I’m not saying that you should go out and spend all of your money. I am saying that you should never let the stress of money stop you from being happy.

    I know right now someone is stressing over their balance, because they are behind. Those are the people that I want to reach today; I want them to know that they are still in control. They are the dominant ones in their situation. Yes you might be behind, but you can do it. Most people suffer from debt, as do;I. But all you need to remember is that the more you budget, the better it will get. If you budget every cent and get the right type of help, you will see the debt disappear.

    I have started a few budgets for myself and even a few or two for others.  The results that I got were amazing. I went from being behind three months to being ahead, in only three months. My secret is “Pay less, more often,” meaning that you need to pay what you can, when you can. As long as you don’t give up and stop paying. Your balance will get smaller.
 
   I am saying that stress and worrying will never get you anywhere in life; if anything it will cause you to cower under a blanket, ultimately leaving you unproductive with the resources that are given to you. Stress doesn’t need to control you. It’s your life, so control it!

Impromtdude

With my anniversary tomorrow, I wanted to share a quick post about something I just read. I was spending a little time in my “Weird & Wacky Facts,” and I just read something that has my head spinning. It happens to flow with the anniversary season, so here it is:

“If you think mothers-in-law are unpopular today, imagine how a mother-in-law felt who lived among the Lhopa tribe in Tibet years ago.
It use to be the custom there to eat the bride’s mother at the wedding feast! But then, Cannibalism was always a painful custom.”
(Weird and Wacky Facts by Sterling)

This is just freaking weird. Why would you even want to do such a thing? What benefits do you get from eating the mother? Could you imagine getting married and being told that your mother must die, but not only die, you would then have to take a bite out of her?

There’s also another thing I don’t get, how did they decide to do this? Who would sit around and think, well maybe we could eat my mother-in-law for the feast? The guy must have hated her, a lot. I might not find my mother-in-law the nicest person, all the time, but I would never want to roast her and eat her. That just doesn’t sound good…. 

If I were a woman, I would refuse to get married, in order to save my mother from being cooked. But I guess this was a pretty big thing to them, so who knows, maybe the daughters loved it. I just know that I wouldn’t be comfortable eating a piece of my mother-in-law next to her daughter, especially on our wedding day. I would rather kill our dog, grill him up, and feed him to my friends.

I honestly thought this was the funniest (Yet weirdest) thing ever. I have a million questions, which I will do further research, but from what I know I am so glad to live in the present day. I bet my wife is also, since they are super close. Either way, have a good night and don’t forget to wish me a Happy Anniversary. I am just joking…but seriously.. it’s tomorrow….I want gifts! 

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Week 2 is on its way. We are here to bring you the predictions for this weeks matchups. I totally biffed and forgot about Thursday….But we all knew Jets had it. Either way, we are here to see who will win the other games. I also include what game I thought would be the closest. I want you to tell me who you think will win, so go ahead and express your love!
      Note: Something went wrong when bringing over the text that caused everything to be capalized…I will fix this by next week….promise!!!

                                                                             My prediction record: 0-0
49ERS AT PANTHERS
Winner: Panthers

COWBOYS AT REDSKINS
      WINNER: COWBOYS

BENGALS AT STEELERS
Winner: Steelers

SAINTS AT GIANTS
Winner: Saints

DOLPHINS AT PATRIOTS
Winner: Patriots

CHIEFS AT TEXANS
Winner: Texans

TITANS AT LIONS
WINNER: TITANS———-CLOSE GAME 17-14

RAVENS AT BROWNS
WINNER: RAVENS

SEAHAWKS AT RAMS
WINNER: SEAHAWKS

BUCCANEERS AT CARDINALS
WINNER: CARDINALS

JAGUARS AT CHARGERS
Winner: Jaguars

FALCONS AT RAIDERS
Winner: Raiders

COLTS AT BRONCOS
Winner: Broncos

PACKERS AT VIKINGS
Winner: Packers

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19TH

EAGLES AT BEARS
Winner: Bears

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

*Sits down at my desk* Welcome guys, I wanted to start by saying thank you for stopping in. Today, I will be talking about a video I saw the other day. This was a pretty sad commercial, and I wanted to do a reaction video to it. *Turns on the T.V.* What is this? *Stares at T.V. as saliva forms* “Try Burger Kings Cheetos Chicken Fries, Today!” Oh hell yeah. *Gets up and runs out of the house.*

I drove for a whole two minutes, so that I could bring something to you guys. Freedom is a big topic right now, but I can promise I have found it. I have the Cheetos Chicken Fries! They were a pretty dollar for 8-pieces, but I was willing to pay $2.99 if that means I can taste freedom. Now, in front of you guys, I will try this amazing product. I was a huge fan of the Mac N’ Cheetos. Burger King nailed it with those, but they didn’t last. Now, they have made my night, again. They brought out a new product!

The smell alone made me happy, as I could smell the cheesiness from the chicken. The smell was good, but it started to fade as the product got colder. I felt my heart break as the scent was fully gone. Now what do I have? I have to try these! I need the deliciousness in my belly! *Honks Horn!* “Get out of the way, daddy has a special date” *speeds around car.*

*Runs through the front door and sits at my desk* Finally, I am home. The fries were still hot, as the crust was flaking off. All I could think about were real Cheetos! I love eating Cheetos Puffs, and the best part (to me) is when the cheese gets on my fingers. Though, the fries didn’t leave residue on my fingers, they did flake off the cheese onto my desk. I think I drooled a bit when the cheese hit the desk, I quickly took a big bite. The fry was tough on my teeth, even with being fresh, which I didn’t expect. Though the outing was hard, the warm chicken inside was freakily moist and delicious.

The chicken wasn’t the problem. The real problem was the crust taste! It tasted burnt. The FREAKING OUTING WAS BURNT!!! I can’t stand the taste of burnt things. The other thing that was upsetting was that they didn’t have a strong cheese taste. You could tell that they tried, but the cheese didn’t explode, instead it tasted like the regular chicken fries! This is great if you like Chicken fries, but I wanted CHEETOS!!!!! Don’t you dare play with my emotions, Burger King! Get your crap together!

Overall, I wouldn’t buy them, again. It’s not like I don’t like them, I just don’t like them $2.99 much. Their disappointment was equivalent to the Burritowhopper (Or whatever it was called) which after Mac N’ Cheetos, I thought that they would have excelled more…..But no! Instead they give us another crap in a box! Even if the box is sweet as hell!!!! But still *Frowny face* 

Rate 6/10. Try at your own risk!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Uh oh, I’m back 😉
There was a post a few week ago called “Two donkeys, one midget.” Welcome to the second part. Enjoy mother feckeurs….
There’s a lot to cover, so don’t interrupt me. I would hate to slay you while I spit against haters and fools, but I’m not worried to do it. Anyways, sit back and shut up. Don’t talk, don’t stand, simply hope that you aren’t in this. Because if you are then you are going to need a paramedic!
First off, Brother don’t screw with me. You think you’re cool, but you don’t even own your own business. You are a hopeful peasant that feeds off someone else’s fame. You wouldn’t be where you are if you didn’t talk to famous people. The worse part is that the people aren’t even famous. You can ask anyone and they wouldn’t know who the heck you’re talking about. I even asked about him and people looked at me dumb. But keep thinking that you are cool as you talk to people that don’t matter. You say you’re further in your career, but you are actually three steps behind. You’re blog is weak and full of mistakes. Where is your content, though? You post three post in the last three months and want to say you’re still relevant? Keep getting the traffic from famous people, because that is your only chance at going anywhere. Keep your mouth shut, don’t make me go off again. You need to worry about paying your bills and worrying less about me.
I wake up every morning at the same time, but sometimes I get behind. I don’t know where the time goes, so get off my back, loser. You keep opening the doors and waiting to attack me. You follow me to the door and call me out once it’s open. Most of the time you say “Look who’s late!” Watch me as I tear you open and leave you to the dogs. That is where you belong, to the dogs. Don’t start crap early in the morning, and you wouldn’t have to worry about being on this track. You’re my brother, but don’t screw with me, since you don’t know what goes on. I try to get there on time and some days I do. Try to do yourself a favor and keep my name out of your mouth, beotch.
I put those near me down, there was just a guy outside. He was looking for something, but I didn’t care. I should have sick my dog on him. I should have released the beast, but he isn’t a beast. The taste of the dumbass would have killed Nims, that’s something that I wouldn’t want. Anyways, this sleezeball wanted to walk by and stare. Fool, you are nothing better. Yeah, I might be in my shorts and a cut-off shirt, but that doesn’t mean anything. I am not trying to be thuggish, so don’t judge a book by its cover. I could judge you but it would be too easy. First, you’re fat. You couldn’t get out of my front door with your overlapping rolls. You must have just got back from an all you can eat buffet, but where the buffet at? Oh yeah, you went crazy and ate the whole building. Your eyes are crossed, stupid. That is why I had to look at you. You fooled me with your constant stare. I thought you were staring when you were actually looking forward the whole time!!!!! You should get that checked out, before you get hurt looking at someone wrong.
We stand in remembrance of those who fell, but you sit on your knees. You should disrespect to those who fought for you. You might think that we hate you, but we never did. Sir, you weren’t alive for anything that you are griping about, so just shut up. But I do understand why you are sitting on your knees. You are just doing what you are good at, and that is getting ready to suck. You’re a washed up piece of shit. This isn’t even about the protesting, because I understand that, this is about you being a washed up dumbass. You lost to a crap player and now you sit on the bench. Sadly, you only got one minute in the blowout. The practice squad only had to worry about you for a minute, yet you still think someone is watching you? No one cares! The only reason anyone cares, is because of the money that big newsstands make from the story! Colin, no one cares about you. WE care about those who are unfairly treated, this isnt about them. No! We love them, but Colin, WE HATE YOU. Have fun being cut from the team….loser.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude