Posts Tagged ‘church’

pen and notebook

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Bro! Do you want to hear about my weekend? Do you? I know you do! Oh, yeah, you really do. I know you can’t wait to hear about what I did. You can’t lie to me. Everyone knows you want to read the rest of this. Your life won’t be the same unless you read this. There’s only one thing left to do in life, and that is to read this blog. Let’s do it!

Do I still have your attention? Of course I do. Anyway, let’s talk about my weekend. I want to start by saying, it didn’t go fully as planned, but there was some awesome stuff that happened. I was supposed to take Ariel to a marriage conference, but because someone got fired at our job, we weren’t able to do that. But we spent Saturday on the couch. We ended up watching Fireproof. We both enjoyed it very much, even if the movie is 100000 years old. Saturday was our last day off together for a while, probably until Christmas, no joke! So it was nice to be able to be snuggled up with her, all night. We also had Chinese! Yummy!!

Saturday was great, but nothing compared to Sunday. My old youth pastor, Josh was in Troy to preach. It has been 6 years since we have seen each other, so I was super excited that he invited me to come. I was initially going to miss it because of the employee being fired, but luckily I was able to get a closing shift, allowing me to go and worship with such a great guy. The sermon was equally as amazing. He talked about letting circumstances in life blind you from the work that God is doing in your life. This is exactly what I needed to hear, because life has kind of sucked! I lost view on what God is doing because I have been so stressed! But after he prayed over me, I feel that my eyes are opened and I am no longer stressed. I believe that God does all things to benefit the kingdom, which is why things aligned to allow me to go, when I shouldn’t have had the day off. Either way, God is doing something in my life that I don’t want to miss, nor do I want you to miss. Take a minute today and ask if you are living your best life. IF you feel that life can be better then get on your knees and pray to God to reveal what you need to do. Either way, Let God light your path, because he is all knowing. Don’t live your life alone, but turn to the one that has went before you.

By the way! The Bears are killing it, this season. I am just saying that we could get to the Superbowl. Also, The Browns could actually make the playoffs! Let that sink in! Go Bears and Browns!

 

For your ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all your paths.
Proverbs 5:21

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two yellow plushtoy on brown bench

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As a writer, I have experienced the lowest of the lows when it comes to motivation. I have tried to fight these feelings, and most of the time, I win but I also lose my share of the fights. It is hard to write when you have clouds in your brain that have formed because of the lack of creative juices.

I have stopped blogging twice because of the lack of ideas, but that isn’t where I am now. I have a lot of ideas, which will be written and posted as the schedule calls for it, but today I will be writing from a prompt, mainly to advertise this awesome book, and also to encourage anyone that is struggling to create to get this awesome book. The book is called “712 more things to write about.” This is a sequel to “642 things to write about” I have done a lot of the first book, so to advertise, I will use the one that I have had but haven’t used. This book is written by The San Francisco Writers Grotto. I will post the link so you can pick up this book. If you don’t use amazon, then try to find it at Target or Barnes and Noble. I found it at target.

I have searched the book and found a good place to start. Today, we will be talking about feeling alive. The prompt was “You feel most alive when you…” I feel this is a good one, since I want to encourage you guys to find happiness. Let’s keep it under 500 words today, that’s the challenge.

I feel most alive when I am in Church. I know that I haven’t always showed that I am a Christian that is because I fell away about 5 years ago. I had a fight with the church, and in result, I left. Church is where I spent most of my life, since my dad is a retired pastor and all, but I didn’t get serious about it until I was 13. This is when I gave my life to Christ, the first time, and where I started to train to be a minister. I went to a seminary and all, too!

I fell away, but the other night, I decided to stop running and run back to the start. I need God more than anything else, so that’s where I want to be. I feel most alive when I’m in church, because that is where life began for me. When I am trying to make it on my own, I feel more depressed and less motivated, but when I know I have God, I feel like I can do anything. I know not everyone is Christians, which doesn’t bother me, but know that you can be as happy as I am, right now. I won’t push you into the church, but I’ll always invite you.

I am happy, and not all of it is because I’m a Christian. I have a good job, awesome friends, a beautiful wife, and a great hobby. I love that I can reach out to you guys, and maybe even encourage one of you. This brings me to this point. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. If it is safe and makes you happy, then you do it! Don’t let someone tell you to stop painting, or tell you that you aren’t good enough. IF it makes you happy, then do it. This world is dark, so if you find light in a certain hobby, then make sure you do that!

How do I get over her?

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How do I get over her?

When I was seventeen, I met the girl that changed my world. She isn’t my wife, now, but she helped me prepare myself for Ariel. I don’t know if this is okay to talk about, but know that my feelings are no longer strong about this girl. She is married now, and I am happy with who I am with. But I think someone needs to hear this and the only way to tell you guys is to bring her back up, so sorry if you guys think its disrespectful to Ariel, but know that I never meant for it to be. Please read this with an open mind, and don’t forget to share it! Someone needs to hear this.

 

I met this girl when I was seventeen. We went to a conference with the same youth group. I didn’t know anything about her, as she didn’t know about me, either. I never went to her church, but my old youth pastor was her youth pastor, at the time. He invited me to go with them, which I was excited to go to find God, but little did I know, I was about to meet someone that would go on to change my life, forever. She said hi first, and I ignored her because I was shy.

 

After the service, I went up to say sorry and she said that she understood, so I introduced myself and we began to talk. This was the start of the best part of my life (up to this point in time, of course not now) we got to know each other better each day, and we never went a day without talking. With every day that went by, I was learning more about life, God, and how to love. I changed my career path and got accepted into the same college that she was going to. We planned to go to the same school so we could be close (in order to help each other get closer to God. As we knew it can be hard to adapt.) We agreed to begin to court once we turned 18, but the more we talked, the feeling began to get stronger. Long story short; she called it off shortly after we got close; saying that her family didn’t think it was a good idea. We went our separate ways. This is what I call the dark days.

 

Losing her took a huge blow to my faith, as I couldn’t focus on anything but the fact that she wasn’t close to me anymore. I could count on my youth pastor, but he was busy with his life, and took a job at the church she attended, so I thought I had to get through this alone. The more that I fought to get over her; the more I felt the waves crashing into me. I drowned in my faith and became depressed. This led me to staring at walls for hours, not praying as much, and questioning if God was real. It got so bad that my pastors pulled me into the side room and questioned if I was okay. Kids in school asked me if I was okay; literally one day I was shining, the next I was dark and emotional. I never thought I could get over her, but I did.

 

You probably have gone through this, or are going through this now, and you may be asking how I did it? How did I get over her? It took a long time, but by doing four things, I was able to get over her, finally; realizing it was for the best, knowing that someone was out there for me, giving space and being happy for her. Let’s see what I mean;

 

  1. Realizing it was for the best.

This meant that I had to agree that I wasn’t the best option for her, and she wasn’t the best option for me. This can be hard when you first break up or break a courtship off, because the feelings are still fresh, but over time you will see that it is for the best. She was what I wanted, but not what I needed. She had different dreams; ones that I didn’t want. She wanted to see the eastern part of the world, where I was more into spreading the word to locals. This being said, our lives were never going to match up, which is good to know that neither of us are held back now, because she married in the east and I married in the local part of Illinois. What I am saying is there was a reason that it didn’t work out, you may not know right now, but one day you will know and you will smile, knowing that you were able to set her/him free and were able to do your own thing, without anything holding you down or back.

 

  1. Knowing someone was out there for me.

I have always wanted to find the perfect girl, fall in love, get married and eventually have kids. When she left, I thought all of that was over, but shortly after her leaving, I talked to someone and they said to have faith someone is out there. I didn’t want to believe it, because I didn’t want to believe that anyone could be better than her. Now that I look back on that conversation, he was right. It was scary to think that I would never meet someone, but the truth is; she was out there! She was waiting patiently for me. Know that when you close one door, another door will be opened for you. IT may hurt to go through, but the pain will be healed once you walk through that door; because your first love never amounts to your true love.

 

  1. Giving her the space she needs, also the space I need!

I had respect for this girl, so I never wanted to step over boundaries. I wanted to give her the space that she needed, wanted.  I knew that I couldn’t get over her if I was seeing her weekly, so I didn’t involve myself in events that I knew she would be at, or at least events that I knew we would have to talk a lot. When I graduated, I gave her the space by going to another college, letting her go to CBC without me. I attended a different seminary, hoping that moving would take away the pain, and it worked. I attended World Revival School of Ministry in Kansas City, Missouri. This school was all about finding a new level to your relationship with God. I never had time to think of her, and I was maturing as a person.

 

When I came back home, I was able to talk to her with no pain, at all. We were able to talk as friends, sharing our passions without thinking about the future together. It was nice, because in the end, she was still a great friend.   It is important to get yourself the room to cope with the heart break. This was the hardest part. I know it’s hard to watch someone you love move on, but you have to know that trying to force yourself into their arms will never work. Give them space, take your space and one day you could be friends (or in a special case, it could have been the wrong time for the relationship, and you could eventually fall in love, again.) I would rather have that person in my life as a friend, than not having that person in my life at all. It worked for me; I bet it can work for you, too!

 

  1. Be happy for the person!

Okay, so now we know that we have to realize better things are out there, that you won’t be alone forever, and that you have to give them space, but what should be the last thing? What will help? BE happy! Be happy for the person, be happy for your own growth; be happy that you can be friends; be happy that you didn’t have to live with the regret, be happy that you were giving the chance in the first place.

 

BE HAPPY!  So it didn’t work out! That doesn’t mean that it has to be all bad. You were able to spend that time with them, you were able to learn from this situation, and you were giving a second chance to find that somebody that will probably be better than the other one, anyway.  I am personally happy that she was able to find someone, get married and was able to change his world. I am happy that I was able to find Ariel, fall in love, get married, and start a small family one day. I am also happy that I was able to learn everything from my first love. But somethings just don’t work out, I am happy that I could live it, though. I know it hurts, but don’t let it get you down, forever.

 

Move on, and find a way to be happy. Surround yourself with friends during the dark days, and never be afraid to ask for help. I was stupid to think I had to do it all alone. You are never alone, so don’t try to do it alone. In all of this, find something to make you happy, because you deserve to be happy, with or without that person. When you do this, I bet you will get over him/her.

 

I think I have talked enough, so I will end it here. I know that you are hurting, which I’m sorry for, but it won’t always be like this. IT will get better, I don’t know when, but it will! Find friends to keep you occupied; let them help you piece yourself back together and get ready for the love of your life to come and sweep you up! You will be so happy that you didn’t stay with the one that got away. So space yourself, realize you won’t be alone forever, know it happens for a reason, and finally, be freaking happy. You will make it! I have faith in you!

Also check out my blog on First love vs true love!

I love a good Christmas song, but I find they are bit too censored. That is why I thought of a few funny titles that could have been the title. Now, understand these aren’t for the faint of heart and shouldn’t be viewed if you are faint at heart. Either way, I hope you enjoy and I will see you, tomorrow!
12 days of Christmas: The screwed up Christmas songs!

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1. All I want for Christmas is you
a. All I want for Christmas is Beer and girl on girl porn.

2. Drummer Boy
a. Masturbating enthusiast practicing in public.

3. Oh, holy night
a. Oh, Holey underwear. Oh, stinky underwear.

4. Rocking around the Christmas Tree.
a. Rocking back and forth with two prostitutes and a bottle of Hennessey.

5. Last Christmas
a. Nothing Changed, I still got cheated on because I trusted the liar, again.

6. Ill be home for Christmas
a. Nog got to me, I’m at your mothers.

7. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
a. She’s starting to look a lot like my ex miss.

8. Santa Baby
a. The tale of Santa’s baby momma.

9. Rudolph the red nose reindeer
a. Rudolph the coke snorting, delusional deer.

10. Frost the snowman
a. Frosty the dope man, all he wants is drugs and children…

11. Santa’s coming to town
a. Oh boy, he’s about to go down. 

12. Mary, did you know?
a. Mary, please lay off the dope. No one gets pregnant without sex!

This is pprobably the last funny post, ever. You should give it a like and I might make another one. I hope you have a good night and try to stay positive.
I love you,
Bart, Ginger, Francis, Impromtdude.
Peace!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

    Does anyone know where my Honda went? Someone must have stolen it…
    This will be a quick story about my old church. This story came in my third year of being a Christian. I was talking to a pastor about speaking in tongues. I always wanted to do the impossible, and for me speaking in tongues was impossible. I didn’t understand it and always felt it was a trick to get people more hyped in church, but for some reason, I was never able to achieve the goal of doing so.

    Being very frustrated, I wanted to get my pastors advice. What he told me was un-releastic and made me question everything. I don’t know if he was joking, but  if he wasn’t then there are so many people walking around, thinking they are giving a gift of God, when in reality they are fools of a man’s tricks.

    The trick is very simple. You just have to say a few simple phrases, quickly, and you did it! The phrases are; “Who stole my Honda?” and “Untie my bow tie.” Now of course, one must say them quickly and in a low volume, mainly to ensure no one hears you, but that is the trick. You will be able to speak in tongues without problems, but only of you follow the rules.

    Let me remind you:
1. Get pumped at Church.
2. Lift your hands
3. Start praying
4. Say one of the two phrases.
5. Keep it low volumed and continue.
6. Sell it!
   
   

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Obviously, this isn’t the way to do this, but I found it funny. The Lord is something to not joke about. But also playing tricks on people isn’t acceptable either. So if you want to do this, so be it, but make sure to keep it to yourself. Don’t share my secrets …fool!

Impromtdude

Stop calling me, you’re a creep. I told you I don’t want to talk, clearly, from not answering your 20th call. You could spend some time fixing things, yet you just want to talk from a distance. I don’t see why I need to do your work, nor will I! You will screw this up, again, and we will have to wait for it to be fixed, well until I ask him to do it again! You’re a failure, and I hope you get what is coming to you, one day, then you might see what you had. You’re worse than the woman, I saw as a hero.

She was the one I loved, but she didn’t love me. She wanted to take everything from me, starting with my trust and ending with my happiness. I was forced to go through a few systems to find my way, and she wasn’t here when I got out, she was gone in the wind, never to be seen again, but that was the best part. She tore me down and convinced me of things that weren’t true. She was a monster. The drugs, she took, took her over and forced her to be someone that she wasn’t, before. I am so glad that I am away from here. If I were still under her, I wouldn’t be anywhere. It is sad that I had to compare you to this lady, but you are a spitting image of her. You lie, you cheat, and can’t make a right decision for the sake of your life!

She couldn’t make a decision either, that’s why she let her family decide. She told me that I wasn’t good enough. I died inside that night, followed by hours of empty stares. I became a family member to that wall, during our departure. He would listen to my sobs, though I wish it were you, it wasn’t. You moved on, deleting me from your life, like what we had was nothing. I hate you for that. I hate you for the fact that I loved you, but you could walk away, like that! Now, I can’t get you off my mind. I might say “I am fine” or “I don’t care” but that is such a lie! You are still on my mind, but now it’s anger that fills my heart. My hatred hasn’t been stronger since she didn’t show up, though.

She was told to be there, but she didn’t show up. I had to do all of the work, while she got to have fun. What a liar! She said she was good, but she sucked, I aint even talking about that….Her work style sucked. I stuck my head out for her, but she took me for granted. That is why I shut down….I would murder her, if it wasn’t punishable, and would hide her body at the bottom of the ocean, so that she would be ate by her family, but even they would spit her out. That voice is what I hated the most.

She wanted everyone to hear her, but she had nothing to say! Ha! That’s what I hear from you! I don’t hear anything from you guys! I didn’t fit it, so you cut me out of the picture, and force me to watch you, from the outside. I won’t though! I don’t miss you guys, because you were never close, anyways. You never supported my decision, the one to change my life. Nah! You didn’t like how it made me, and you wanted the old me back, yet you didn’t even like that guy, either. I wont be a puppet!

Someone else tried to make me a puppet after you, also. They said they were my family, that they would never leave. But one decision changed their minds, as they kicked me out and told me to go away. I didn’t hesitate, as I didn’t want to be there anyway. They were crazy, as they only want to control people, using text. I didn’t fall for the trap, and I prospered because of that. I found something I was looking for, though now I hate it!

I can’t stand the double-standards that go along with the game, and that I cant do what others do! WE were told not to do something, then he was able to do that same thing. I couldn’t believe it, so I asked “Why?” I was told that he asked before, so he was granted the opportunity. Now, after he’s gone, I have to pick up the weight and carry it. I want to give up that part, and move on to better things, but then what would I do?

I would miss his hair, for one. He never combs his hair, yet wonders why he doesn’t have a girl. You need to take care of yourself, before you can expect a girl to like you! But you don’t care, because secretly you’re gay! We know it, just admit it! I don’t know why you hide it! I would just come out and say it, that way you can move on and be happy. Maybe that’s it! Maybe you want to stay “Unpresentable” in order to save yourself, for the man that has your heart. I just solved the puzzle, I just found Atlantis! Bro, not cool.

What’s not cool is the lack of faith, though. Yes, I am talking to you. You think that I will continue to do this, without some push? I am done swinging! I wouldn’t want to waste your damn time, with another page. I will stop, I will walk away. Then as I am walking away, you will ask me to come back, but it will be too late. I would already be gone, and you would be the blame. So please continue, continue to say that you don’t have the time. You will see what you had, but it will be too late. Every artist is remembered after their death, I just didn’t want it to come to this. I didn’t want to have to force myself, but if it works, then I will take that door! I won’t ask, anymore! This is over, this is done, I am not immortal, and my bat has been swung. I don’t put myself in the least of those, anyways. You wouldn’t understand my thoughts, anyways! You think you would, but you can’t even go a day without being fooled by a door that says pull. You are tools, and I’m no longer your damn workbench!

I drop the mic, walk out the door, find a street, and ask for God. I wait for an answer, but nothing is there. I want to find someone to do it, but no one is there. The street is dark, lights are out, no one is walking and I need someone. I walk down the street, that is when I found you! I found happiness in you. I had to run after you, but I lost you. My hope was lost, and I didn’t know what to do. This is when I reached back out to you, but you IGNORED me! Luckily, I have someone! You….were….so…..Fake…….

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The End!    

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

  I have talked about the end recently, and finally I am ready to sum this story up. This story will end next Sunday, and it will talk about everything that happened, and where I am now. I will tell you, this story is very graphic, and should only be read with an open mind. I have decided that this story is no longer relevant, and I want to end it the right way. I’m no longer in the angry stage, but you will have to read the finale to understand anymore 😉

But as of now, enjoy what started this segment!

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   I fell from the ban wagon years ago. With each term of my contract being fried, because I forgot to attend the practice. I was busy working on myself, but I guess that is a wrong reason to miss something so important. I should have let myself fall apart from the stress that was overwhelming my mind. I should have spent my last few bucks to travel the miles on miles, in order to sit on a bench for two hours. I must have lost all my marbles when thinking about this, and which priorities were higher. I should be ashamed of myself. Actually I am not.

I wish that I could scribble out the previous paragraph and erase the past that prompted the previous written words. I wish that the contract that I broke would have never been made.

Now thinking about the fine print that I didn’t study, I should have took more time to fight the terms. Because with signing the contract, I signed my life away. I am just blessed that I got out it when I could of. If I were still there, then I would still be fighting for the air in my lungs that is keeping me alive to this day. I almost forgot what the feeling of breathing felt like, since I wasn’t able to breathe around those who held my strings to my arms. They weren’t letting me catch my breath, they thought that I was fine. But when it came to the honesty, I failed to tell the truth. This is because, I was being controlled.

I wasn’t able to speak for myself without being punished to the full extent. They wouldn’t listen to the words that I would be screaming in their ears. I was trying to tell them that I was dying. My skin felt as it was being ripped off of my body, with salt following the painful loss. I would lose my conciseness, fall into a ditch and still was told to perk up. I was told that I had to be happy when I was feeling worthless, because that was how they wanted people to think that I was. I needed to be the happiest guy in the world, or I was a problem that they were over. I should have listened to their words, NO! I should have flipped that desk and flattened their face. But either way, I fell into their trap and pushed my happiness under the skin, hoping that one day I would have the strength to find it again.

That day finally came.

Being called into the main office was always a pleasant trap. There was never a meeting that contained two people. It happened that every meeting that I was in, I was on one side facing four leaders, ready to stone me with one wrong statement. That day was the day that the stones were going to fly around the glass house. I was about to bust every window that I could. My attentions were to filet their face, and grill their feelings on my George Forman. I was breaking the chains that I locked myself, and was about to free myself from their grasp.

I walked into the front office, hoping to see the counsel but it was different this time, There was only two that were seated, but they seemed to be consumed with anger and darkness. This was a sign that this meeting was about to end with the equevent of Nuclear Warfare. This office was about to look like Germany in 1942. Blood was about to spill faster than a Jason Vorhees killing spree. I was fearing that I was about to turn into Eminem and pop a cap in their ass. But this was not the case.

As we began to talk, they were offended about a list of things that I said and did through the few months that led to this point. I stood my ground and told them to end the contract, but they weren’t listening. This wasn’t what they wanted at all. They wanted me to bow before their feet but that wasn’t what I was about. No, I wouldn’t bow to these fools. They would have to break my ankles in order for me to bow, and even then I would stand through the pain in order to show them that they were controlling to many followers. They were not going to end this without knowing how I was feeling.

As the meeting began to come to the climax, they told me that I wasn’t fit for their plan and that I needed to find something else to do. I told them that they were fools for the way that they were thinking. If anyone was ready for that step-up, it was me for sure. I had all of the qualifications where they didn’t have anyone else with the same. I was the only one for the job, and they were about to pass me up. Since I came into this meeting with guns ready, I was about to take a few warning shots.
When I say that I had my arsenal ready, you should know that I had a list of things that I didn’t say in previous months that I was about to say. Then again, I still have some things that I wish I said that day. I took it easy on them as I took a few of those warning shots and had my dad in my mind. He was telling me that this wasn’t me. I was reminded that I can’t let a grudge hold me from happiness. What would have happened if they would have changed the few things that I brought up to them? They would have fixed those things but then would have still had the strings attached.

That day was the beginning of the end in that chapter of my life, one that I can’t erase nor forget. Part of me wants to keep the memories for the happiness that I found for a short time. But then again when certain events happened, those moments of happiness were corrupted. But there is more to come in the future of this story that ended in my death. Welcome to Letters to the Chapel.

Impromtdude

When I started this segment, I wanted to bash the church. I wanted to rip apart every believer, I was out for blood. This wasn’t going to stop until every church was on its knees, begging me to stop what I was doing, but something was changing throughout each post, the anger was weakening and I began to forget what I was so mad about. I still remember what led me out of the church, but now I shake my head at them, instead of dwelling on it. The reason being, I am better than they will ever be. I am living a good life. I have a great job, A beautiful wife, a decent head on my shoulder and this amazing blog! They might have tore me down and spit on me, but they don’t answer to me, they will answer to the same “God” as everyone else. I can’t worry about what they did, I have to get back up and find my own faith, or my own beliefs. This may take a while, and it may be a crazy idea, but its something I need to do. With this being said, I want to painfully announce….This will be one of the last post on Letters to the chapel, it had a great run, but all good things need to come to an end.

I wrote a personal worship song once, it was named “Road to Damascus.” If you have read the new testament, you should know what this story involves, but if you haven’t, allow me to explain it horribly. Saul (later Paul) was breathing threats onto Gods Disciples. He went onto the high priest and asked for the letters to the synagogues, of Damascus, so that if he did find any believers, he could take them prisoners to Jerusalem. Saul was traveling on his way to Damascus. God came to him in a light from heaven. He asked “Saul, yo Saul, why do you persecute meith?” Saul asked “Who you be, Lord?” The thunder of heaven echoed “I am Jesus, whom youi  are persecuting, now goeth into the city, and then I will let you know my plan.” All of Saul’s friends were speechless, as they heard the words. Saul, which was on the ground, got up but he couldn’t see. His friends played “Follow the leader, Saul.” And led him into the city. His blindness was only temporary, though, and he received it back in three days. In those three days,  he didn’t eat or drink anything. So, the Lord had other plans, he called upon this man, Ananias, telling him to go lay hands on the guy that harmed many saints. Ananias told him that he was coming to arrest anyone that was calling upon Gods’ name. But Jesus didn’t care, he told this stubborn man to go and do what he was told, that he had amazing plans for this man. He was a chosen instrument to go onto the gentiles and kings of Israel.

Ananias enters into the house Saul was staying, and told him “Yo you Saul? Yeah you the man, anyways I was suppose to fill you with the holy spirit.” When this happened, Saul was giving his sight back, as scales fell off his eyes. He got up and was baptized, after the baptism, he filled his body with food and regained his strength. After several days with his disciples in Damascus, he was found preaching in the synagogues that Jesus is the son of God.

I wrote the song “Road to Damascus” that was telling God to change me, while I was losing my way, and to bring me back to him. This was during a rough time in my life, where I was questioning everything about Christ. I lost my way, and I knew the only way back to Christ was to get back on the road that started it all.

The beginning of my walk was powerful. Before my walk, I didn’t want anything to do with Christ, I was wanting to cause all the Christians to stumble by making fun of them for believing. I would call them names, poke fun at their religion, I would do anything to get them to stop believing. But then I was transformed by Gods grace, during the hours of my persecuting. God wanted to use me to get into the schools, and for me to touch the young peoples lives. This was the plan, but as I talked to them about Jesus, they began to push me away, the same way the Jews pushed them away and threatened to kill him. This is when I decided to try and join with the fellow Christians, but they still thought that I was trying to make fun of them. It took awhile for them to get use to the new me, but as they got use to me, I began to use our friendship to make a difference.

     After the Church asked me to leave, I found that I was back to making fun of the church, and causing problems, hoping they would say something to show that they were fake. I didn’t get anywhere though, so I thought of writing a series called “Letters to the Chapel,” that would be my public bash fest of the church. This was the original plan, until I started to change, again. The more I wrote for this segment, the more I saw that my heart was softening. I didn’t know it, but I was back on the road of Damascus, this time the transformation was a bit slower, but it was still doing something inside. I felt bad for my previous actions, so I ended up apologizing to all the people I attacked. This doesn’t mean that I will ever go back to church, but for now it’s the best start I have. Who knows what life will bring, or what the future holds, with my religious beliefs, I just know I’m on the road to Damascus, and I don’t plan on getting off. 

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Am I a christian?
I have been doing a series called, Letters to the Chapel, which is a series that walks you guys through my time with Christ. This raises a question; am I a Christian? This is a very serious question, if you know my past. I spent a good part of my life in a pew. Growing up with a pastor for a dad, you were sort of forced into going, even if you were tired from staying up all night. I remember at 10 years old, I was in a rough time in my life, my mom was no longer in the picture, I recently had gotten out of foster care, putting me into the care of my father. When we moved in with my father, he had one rule, that was that we went back to church. I hated the idea of going to church. I didn’t believe that God would allow something, such as abuse, happen to his creation. I had a grudge with God, and I wasn’t about to go to church to solve it!
Even with much fighting, I lost the battle in not going to church. My dad wanted me to go, and that was the end of that argument. Now with much hate, in my heart, I sat in a pew with glazed-over eyes, as I tried to stay awake through the pastors boring speech about loving one and another. The pastor had no sense of humor and a mono voice. I found it very hard to stay awake through the sermon. But with time,  I began to get over that. I actually started enjoying the church, but then my dad wanted to change pace and go to another church.
The transition was very rough on me. I made some great friends at the last church, but that was all over. It was back to fighting my dad, about going to church. I remember purposely taking forever to get ready, hoping that he would say it was okay, and that we wouldn’t go. But that never worked, he always was up my butt about getting ready, and if he saw that I was taking longer than I should, he would call me out about it! The fight was over, I had lost. I had nothing else to do, than go with it. I was going to sit through the sermons, even if I didn’t want to. But as I went to the Sunday meetings, I realized this church was amazing.
It took me over 3-years to get used to getting up early, on Sundays. Once I got use to getting up early, I started to pay more attention in the church, and then I went to a youth ralley, on night. This was the night that I gave my life to Christ! This was an amazing night for me. I was sitting in the back of the building, and all of a sudden, two pastors came after me, and asked me to get prayed over. As they prayed over me, I felt something change on the inside, that night was the beginning of a wild 6 year-ride.
Fast forward six years later. After I got back from seminar, I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted, or what god wanted. I couldn’t find a job in Missouri, forcing me back home to start over from scratch. With nothing going in my way, I started to search out for an answer. That is when my youth pastor introduced me to a college, in Lincoln. This was a pastoral college that lasted one-year, and would give you a degree in pastoral studies. This would give me a great opportunity to grow, as a person and a Christian. But with no money to pay for it, I decided to go against it, and I started to focus on church, alone. But then my life shifted.
Long-story-short, I met my wife. She was the light of my world, but there was a problem. She was having problems with her mom, and got kicked out of her home. She was forced into going to her aunts. She was scared of this house, she felt that someone was always watching her, and one night she felt her covers being removed from her. I told her that I would stay with her, until it all blew over, to give her a sense of security. But word got back to my church, and they weren’t happy. They told me that I couldn’t live this life, and teach their children. Then the pastor asked me if I would allow them to pray. But instead of praying for a good life, they prayed that my girlfriend and I broke up. When they prayed that, I decided to stop going to that church.
Now, I would like to say that I am a Christian, which I am, but I feel like I am a different type of Christian. The church is very corrupt in this day of age, most only want control, when they should focus on the love of Christ. That is why I decided to stop going to church, and focusing on a private relationship, with Christ. This eliminated a lot of my problems, and has allowed me to be more real with God. I wasn’t able to ask the Church certain questions, but now I can ask God those questions! So yes, I am a Christian, but I don’t believe in the church.

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The lights were dim, the people were ready for the show to begin, but I wasn’t. I rehearsed this song almost a dozen times, but now, in front of people, I felt sick to my stomach. The fear of puking on stage was unbearable to think of, but I was already on the stage, there was no time for me to back out. It’s not like I had the choice to do so, anyways. I promised my friend that we would go through with this, he was excited to be the lead guitarist, and the backup to me. I think he wanted to play this show, even more than I did. He was strapped up and tuned in hours before I even had my pants on. He was ready, I wasn’t. The show started with a few acts that were mediocre, which could have been from their lack of musical talent, or it could have been the songs they chose, either way, I knew we would at least do better than they did. With each person going up to the stage, I saw that my name was getting closer to the top. Soon enough, I saw that I was on deck.
   I can’t explain how I felt while reading my name. I was so nervous of messing up, I almost left, but as I walked to the side door, to go down stairs, my back-up ran over to me. He grabbed me by the shoulder, and told me that we needed to practice, one more time, before the show started. I glimpsed into his pride-filled eyes and shook my head. As a child in a toy store, he shimmered into the “practice room”, a small room on the side of the stage, no bigger than 15 feet each way. It was a very small room, which made it even worse as I couldn’t breath as it was, now we get to suffocate in this room. This night was going to end in a distaste; I just knew it! He shut the door softly behind us, the music in the background started to slow down, indicating the last act was about to end. There wouldn’t be enough time for us to practice, no, we only had time to tune and get out on stage. But for some reason the guy still wanted to practice, so I humored him.
    I started to strum my guitar quickly, ending the song minutes before the original, he shook his head, but then laughed. With a sweaty lip, I chuckled and gave him a high-five. The last act came rushing through the door, they were excited, way too excited. They were slapping each others hand, as a sign of “amazing job, I love you.” Ignoring them, I listened for the que to go on the stage, and seconds later, the pastor called us out. She sounded very excited to see what we had in hold. I might have talked us up a bit, as a note, but she seemed really happy to say my name. I sent the lead out first, then I made a dramatic entrance.
   The crowd was nerve wracking, they all stared blankly onto the stage, as if I wasn’t on the stage, already. With blood rushing through my head and down my arms, causing sweat pits to form, I began to play happy birthday. I happened to learn it at the same time as the song, so I wanted to honor the pastors B-day. The crowd stood in awe, as I finished the recognition, as did the pastor. She had a small tear in her eye as she said thanks. I smiled and told her that we loved her, she responded the same way. Now, I had no tricks up my sleeve, it was solely time for me to play the song, I had been practicing, all week. It was “How he loves us by David Crowder Band.” I happened to hear it on a radio station, and loved it. When the church announced a open-mic night, I rushed to my friend, and told him we had to do it. With one week left, I had to, not only learn the song, I also had to teach the song in the way I wanted to play it. It took hours, each day, but finally, on the night before, after hours of practicing, we finally hit every note. We were ready, until we got to the church. But now we were here, in front of the crowd, it was now time to prove that the week wasn’t a waste.
    I put my mouth against the microphone and spoke to the crowd. I remember the crowd telling me to push against the mic, since they couldn’t hear me. But the closer I got, to the crowd, the more nervous I got. After getting the mic to cooperate with me, I began to strum softly. I told the crowd what we were about to sing, but in the middle of my speech, I hear the soft hum of an electric guitar. My side-kick made it easy for me to start, as he began to play; though I am not a good singer, that night my heart was in it, causing my voice to soar. The comparison could be made to a white dove. But as I finished the first verse, I lost track, and my lead began to go to fast, losing his rhythm. With his rhythm gone, the song was likely going to fail. I turned around, after the first verse, and let out a moan. I was mad, angry, pissed. I am glad that the string were new, because they took a mighty beating that night. I looked at my lead, he looked at me knowing I was pissed. But I couldn’t stop the song, I had one option, to play through it. I turned back around, and started the song from the first verse, again. The crowd seem to like this rendition, but I hated it.
   The rest of the performance, even after nailing the tricky bridge, I had the beginning stuck in my head. I tried to shake it, but I couldn’t. After a week of practicing, we still messed up. I was in outer shock, but as I wrapped the song up, the crowd went wild. I tipped my guitar at the crowd, showing my appreciation, and told everyone to have a good night. As I left the stage, a crowd of young adults met me, they were all congratulating me on my performance, I said thanks, still in annoyance of my performance. I went to the back of the church and took a seat. Before I knew it, the night was over. The talent was gone, and the show was over. It was now the time for the supper. The best part, other than this being my first show, of this night. There was chili; nothing in this world is better than chili.
   As I walked down stairs, I lost the anger behind the verse, I messed up on, and found happiness in my accomplishment. Maybe I did mess up, but that’s okay. The best part is that I never gave up! Even if I failed, I can still say that I finished the song, where most would have ran away, crying their eyes out. 

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude