Posts Tagged ‘Christ’

In the last ten years, I have held a lot of resentment and anger towards one person. She is no longer in my life, but somehow I still allow her to cause me pain and also allow her to ruin good days. I tried to take back the control by hiding behind humor, but I found out in order to get back that control, I must first forgive her, that is the only way to move on with my life and get away from the past, also the only way to be truly forgiven by God.

This time of the year has always been a little difficult for me, as this was the month that my mother walked away from her kids. She did this in 2004. She gave us our Christmas presents, at the courthouse, and then simply walked away. I haven’t physically seen my mom since, though I have talked to her on the internet, about a year ago. I don’t want to discredit her as a mom, but she has also never been a good parent. She left my sister and me in foster care and went on with her life. She says she tried to fight for us, but I question how hard she fought. Since that day, I have always blamed her for the pain that I feel inside. I try to keep off this subject as some might see it as me trying to get attention, and when I bottle it inside, I feel so much worse. Children are meant to have both parent parts, a job that my dad did amazing at fulfilling, but it still isn’t the same without having that figure in your life. But today marks the end of this. Being upset and hurt won’t do anything; she isn’t coming back, so I must move on. I must forgive her and stop tearing her down any chance I get.

The bible tells us that we must forgive to be forgiven. I really don’t want to be the reason that God isn’t blessing me, all because I can’t forgive a woman. She made a huge mistake, but I can’t judge her. Just like I can’t go into a courtroom and tell the judge how to handle a case. I simply can only forgive her for the wrong she has done and pray that she has gotten the help that she needs. With the strength from God, I want to forgive her publicly, through this blog.

“Dear, mom

Thank you for raising the strongest man that you could have. I am doing great, now. I have a lot going for me, including a job that pays decent, a wife that loves me unconditionally, and faith that could move mountains. I am strong in my faith, so I must now forgive you for the pain that you inflicted on my life. I know that you don’t want to admit that you messed up, as blaming father is much easier to do, but know that I no longer hold that over your head. We all make mistakes, some are worse than others, but they are all mistakes. I have made my fair share of mistakes, so I can’t judge you for yours. I just hope that you are getting the help that you need. I find my security in Jesus. Being in Church helped you care more, so I pray that you find your way back into the chapel. Mom, I sincerely love you. I pray nothing but the best in your life and I hope that you are building a life for yourself. You started life young, being pregnant in high school must have been scary, but you somehow found ground to build on, something most couldn’t do. You met dad, made a family with him. Without you and dad, I wouldn’t be here, so I thank you for that. I thank you for showing me the basic skills for life, as much as you did in the few years we had together, without those teachings, I don’t know how strong I would be. Dad is doing a great job, and has for years; he gave me wisdom and a heart of gold. You need to forgive him and move on, as I must do the same. I want to be a youth pastor, but I don’t want God to stop my blessing because of the anger I have towards you, so I simply must forgive you. God said “If you don’t forgive others for their sins, your heavenly father won’t forgive you.” Mom, I want to see you in heaven, so please get right with God. I have found a way to last without you in this life, but I would be crushed if I got to heaven and didn’t see you there. A lot has happened, but I still love you. I always will. Just do as Romans 10:9-10 says and get right with God. If you need anything, message me, I can walk you through it. Know that I can’t hold on to the pain, anymore. But forever, I will be praying for you!! I love you, and I forgive you.

Blake!”

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As a writer, I have experienced the lowest of the lows when it comes to motivation. I have tried to fight these feelings, and most of the time, I win but I also lose my share of the fights. It is hard to write when you have clouds in your brain that have formed because of the lack of creative juices.

I have stopped blogging twice because of the lack of ideas, but that isn’t where I am now. I have a lot of ideas, which will be written and posted as the schedule calls for it, but today I will be writing from a prompt, mainly to advertise this awesome book, and also to encourage anyone that is struggling to create to get this awesome book. The book is called “712 more things to write about.” This is a sequel to “642 things to write about” I have done a lot of the first book, so to advertise, I will use the one that I have had but haven’t used. This book is written by The San Francisco Writers Grotto. I will post the link so you can pick up this book. If you don’t use amazon, then try to find it at Target or Barnes and Noble. I found it at target.

I have searched the book and found a good place to start. Today, we will be talking about feeling alive. The prompt was “You feel most alive when you…” I feel this is a good one, since I want to encourage you guys to find happiness. Let’s keep it under 500 words today, that’s the challenge.

I feel most alive when I am in Church. I know that I haven’t always showed that I am a Christian that is because I fell away about 5 years ago. I had a fight with the church, and in result, I left. Church is where I spent most of my life, since my dad is a retired pastor and all, but I didn’t get serious about it until I was 13. This is when I gave my life to Christ, the first time, and where I started to train to be a minister. I went to a seminary and all, too!

I fell away, but the other night, I decided to stop running and run back to the start. I need God more than anything else, so that’s where I want to be. I feel most alive when I’m in church, because that is where life began for me. When I am trying to make it on my own, I feel more depressed and less motivated, but when I know I have God, I feel like I can do anything. I know not everyone is Christians, which doesn’t bother me, but know that you can be as happy as I am, right now. I won’t push you into the church, but I’ll always invite you.

I am happy, and not all of it is because I’m a Christian. I have a good job, awesome friends, a beautiful wife, and a great hobby. I love that I can reach out to you guys, and maybe even encourage one of you. This brings me to this point. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. If it is safe and makes you happy, then you do it! Don’t let someone tell you to stop painting, or tell you that you aren’t good enough. IF it makes you happy, then do it. This world is dark, so if you find light in a certain hobby, then make sure you do that!

Welcome back! It has been so dang long and I do apologize for that. It has been the roughest year of my young life, and that has caused me to not want to write. But nonetheless, we are back in action. I won’t be posting nearly as much as I use to, but know that you will be getting a blog 4 out of 7 days. This is solely because posting 7 days a week is just too draining and I don’t want to find myself hating this again. Not that I could ever hate you, guys. Wink, wink! Also, with the change of the schedule, I will also be giving this blog some direction. This will help you guys know what is going on at all times and will finally give this blog a name. For most of this blogs existence, I have posted whatever comes to mind, which can be hard to pull in outsiders, since people only read what they think will affect them. In this “Revival” of “Impromtdude” We will be leaning more towards encouragement. Meaning 2 of the 4 post will be uplifting messages to help you guys get through the day, then the other 2 days will be reviews, promotions, writing prompts, thoughts, lessons, or anything else I can think of. I really feel that will bring life back into this keyboard, and will give you guys encouragement to face your demons. I have to say that I am glad to be back and I hope you enjoy the upcoming projects, as I am excited to share my thoughts and talents with you guys. Thank you for reading!

Don’t let toxic people ruin your shine.

When I was going up, I lived with my mom. At 7 years old, you are looking to your parents for the right and wrongs. You are over being that toddler that is running around the house, and you aren’t quite the man that is taking girls out. You are right in the middle. These are the times that you really need a strong backbone to know what is wrong and right and you need that person to push you in the right direction. She wasn’t this, though. She taught me, at such a young age, that hate is good and that you must judge everyone on their actions. Most of her lessons were, of course, about hating my dad, as she taught me that he wasn’t around because he was a bad father, not because she had a restraining order on him. She also taught me that it was okay to steal, lie and cheat. This led me to lying to people, cheating in class, and stealing (to the point of being banned from a gas station at 8 years old!) This went on for many years. When I grew up, I ended up being like her in many ways. I would blame others when I didn’t get my way, I lied to girls to get what I wanted, and I got in trouble for stealing; all things that she taught me because she was a toxic person.

This was all said to tell you that you don’t need or want toxic people in your life. They will tear you down and only will use you for their pleasure. They don’t care about you or how you feel; they only want what they can get. If you stop giving it to them, then they will leave you and treat you like they treat everyone else. You will become nobody in their eyes, because they won’t be able to use you as a puppet.

Toxic people come in many forms; boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bosses, coworkers, and most importantly family. Anyone in your life can be toxic. Toxic people just want everyone to be as miserable as they are. Boyfriends will use words to cut down their girlfriends (and vice versa,) usually telling the girl that she is ugly, fat or stupid. This is usually in attempt to make her feel so low about her own self that she would never think about leaving him. Your coworkers can be toxic by the way they talk to you or about others. Getting that promotion is their only goal, and they will do anything to get it, even putting you through the ringer. They also take time and gossip about your other workers, mainly to make themselves look better, which can make the workplace dangerous and full or drama, which was their goal all along. Drama is soul food for these people. But one type of toxic person, one that we didn’t think should be on this list, is your family. Family is supposed to be there in thick and thin. They are supposed to support your feelings, your dreams and also should see your side of the story. They should understand that you aren’t always going to like someone or agree with everyone. They should show you the love that you always gave them. This isn’t always the case, though. Some families are full of drama seeking  hateful judgers that want everyone to hear them, but never want to listen. Such as my mom, they want everyone to see their side and only their side. They will do everything in their power to convince others that you are wrong and that they are right. Most families will break apart because of the toxicity feelings.

What should we do about toxic people? CUT THEM OFF. Don’t let your boyfriend talk to you like he does, remove yourself from conversations will negative people, and if you need to, cut your family off. You have a life to live, so don’t let others bring you down. Life is too stressful to allow others to fill you will negative thoughts and feelings, so cut them off. You will never change their mind; you will never do them justice. Every word that you speak will go in one ear and out the other, so stop wasting your breath. Get a knife and cut the ties, because you will be happier that way! I saw a big change when I cut my mom off. She wanted to blame my dad for my bad childhood and wanted to tell me that it was his fault, but I knew the truth. The truth was that she was just hateful and wanted to avoid being the blame, so she pushed it on someone else. I thought that I could pull her up and show her that no one was to blame fully, but I saw quickly that she was pulling me into negativity, and if I didn’t release her hand then I would become the same type of person. It won’t work! You put yourself at risk anytime you try to pull these people out of their toxicity! But it is so easy to pull you down.

I have seen so many toxic people in my life, but that is also why I don’t talk to that many people. I don’t dance with snakes and I don’t drink with fools. Being around toxic people is as dangerous as dancing in the middle of a freeway, you will eventually be flattened! Don’t let that happen, though! Get up, cut those people off, and live your most positive life. It will be hard to cut these people off, especially at the family level, but you need to do it.  Stop letting them ruin your most happy days, take them back already!

Thank you for all your support. This is my first time writing a blog in almost a year and dang did it feel so good. I miss this feeling. I will have something up soon to tell you guys what will be posted and when. I have a few big projects coming in the next few weeks that I will need your help on, ill post more details soon. Thank you for the support and I love you.

purple liquid poison on brown wooden surface

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Last year I gave my meaning of Christmas. Take a glance at what I felt was the meaning. I will post this same thing tomorrow, but more of an updated version!

Christmas is here!
Christmas is here, the snow has almost laid its cold and soft blanket across the yards of Illinois and most of the world. The alarms are about to be changed to ten minutes sooner, so we can get up and remove the ice of our cars. The choirs are warming up their beautiful vocals, as they prepare to sing to the elderly. The bells are beginning to ring as you walk into Walmart, the bells are for charity, but we think of different things when we hear them (CHRISTMAS MUSIC.)
Yes the Christmas music hasn’t been cancelled. Rudolph is about to tell the world about his great adventure, Santa is reminding us to be nice. Jack frost is about to receive his hat again. The old ones are about to rock their hips around the Christmas tree. And how could we forget about dashing through the snow. Though we will get annoyed with the same songs that play in synch 24/7 until January, we will have our hearts warmed with the fire that is so delightful. But we will still have a place in our heart for sledding.
Am I too old now to sled? Of course not! You can never be too old to sled. Sledding brings a warmth to my heart that can’t be ignited by any normal flame. It is a delightful feeling to know that I’m still a kid on the inside. That is what Christmas is about, feeling like you haven’t all year. Christmas has been corrupted by the idea of gifts, when in my day it was about feeling warm with your family. Christmas was about being with family, and showing love to those around you.
I am excited about this Christmas. It is the first time in a couple years that I have felt this way. The feeling left when people started to fight about the phrase “Happy holidays” So many people got mad because there wasn’t Christ in that phrase. But we have to look past a silly phrase (That was put into place to suit everyone’s beliefs) and look at why we should be happy during Christmas.
Christmas to me was the one time that all of my family was in one place at the same time. People work hard for their money, meaning that sometimes they can’t attend family events. But with very few expectations, Christmas shuts down most stores. This fact gives everyone the same day off! We all would pile into my grandmas house and laugh with each other, talking about the past year and what has changed. There was never a fight on Christmas, never a disagreement, never resentment, never tears (unless of joy). It was like for the one day of the year, the world was fully at peace. I miss that.
I miss seeing families through their windows as you drove by. Like seeing a dad pick up a son or daughter, and throwing them up in the air. Or seeing the notorious snowball fight, where the dad would bring mom down to the snow. She was never mad though, she knew this was a part of Christmas. I miss hearing about family stories that were told on Christmas, now it is about how much was under their tree, it has become unbearable to hear about!
This Christmas do me a favor, and focus more on reconnecting with family, and less on buying that Xbox one. Materialistic things will break and fade away, but the family moments that we lock away in our hearts may become dim, but they will never be forgotten. As long as you hold on to those memories, nothing will be able to make you upset on Christmas.
Christmas, to me, is about family. Let us get it back to that!

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We all have that one fantasy, or something that we would really like to do. I know in my lifetime I want to see the Chicago Cubs actually win the World Series. This being said, this season looks to be the best chance they have, well until they started this series with the L.A. Dodgers. They have dropped their last two games, making it 2-1 and sadly putting them in the position to lose this series, since the next two games are in L.A. Now, let me clarify; I am not a Chicago Cubs fan, nor will I ever jump off my Royals. I am just excited to see history being made, which is what would happen if they did win the World Series. I went as far as promising something crazy if they do win.

I know I am in no position to negotiate with God, nor was that my intention. I just thought it was a good idea at the time. I recently posted to Facebook after the Cubs got shut out for the second straight game. The status said “I will finish my youth pastor studies if the Cubs win, because then we will know that God does exist.” I am being very serious. If the Cubs win, I will study the bible like never before, I will get some kind of certificate (somewhere in the future,) and I will become the thing most want me to become; a youth pastor.

Now, don’t expect me to do this all at once. Clearly I want to get back into studying and going to church and such. But it will eventually happen. I could be Jenkins (Jinx) it, but I thought this would get the Heavens to help the struggling Cubs, also I might as well finish the education I started.

The Chicago Cubs are on their way to get eliminated, and it’s all because of their batting. Their defense is what kept this team alive, thus far. But now without their batting abilities, we could see the cubs out in the next two games. Their hottest hitters (Rizzo, Russell, Heyward, Fowler and Zobrist) have only hit 12 out of their last 109 appearances (Playoffs). If it weren’t for Montero hitting the late grand slam, off the bench in game one, we could be looking at a 0-3 deficit. The Cubs have the pitching, disregarding Arietta’s horrible outing to win this, but something has to come back alive; their bats. They will need to find some hope in their bats and turn them back on. You can’t expect to not hit well and beat the L.A. Dodgers. The Cubs need to get their five big hitters back on track, or they might as well pack up and go home.

We will have to see what the future brings but I think we could still see history being made, this season. It’s not a big deficit, but they have to get back on their game. This is where we will see if the Cubs are the real deal. They have the talent, they just need to find a way to put it together and go after it. Cleveland will be waiting for the winner, lets hope it’s Chicago.

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

I have a melody in mind, but it’s about my sister?

I use to be in a two-person band (with my friend) back in the day. I was the guitar player, but I suck at singing. This is why it was important that I signed, Herry, my singing friend. He was a huge singer and he was wanting to start a band. This was great, we were always hanging out, which was going to open doors so we could get things recorded and move it forward. As you know, I am a big writer. Before my blogging days, I use to write a lot of songs. I was wanting to become a famous songwriter, but there was a time I took a step back!

Herry was pretty inactive in the band. He was always working, usually leading to him sleeping when he was home. This put a pretty big damper on our plan. We still hadn’t wrote a song together, and I was tired of being the only one to do anything, so I told him to get a song written. He said he would work on that, that weekend. I said okay  and set him out to do so. But when I came back to him, a weekend later, he still had a pretty blank slate. He got the idea, though. He knew what the song needed to say, but he couldn’t get the words out, fully. I really liked the song idea, so I asked him to explain what he wanted it to say. He said;

“I really like this girl. She is a beautiful girl and I really want her to notice me. I compare her to a melody that I cant get out of my head. She is always there! That is the biggest point; she is a melody that I can’t get over, or out of my head!”

Let me be honest; I loved the song idea. He had something great on his mind, so I told him I would write it. He was beyond excited to hear that, and he gave me the song. I went home that day, sat at my desk and started to write. I wasn’t in a relationship or anything, so I decided to make it a love/worship song. I did have a crush, so part of the song was partially about her, but also Christ was a big part of any of my songs. I finished the song in a few days (including how to play it) and was excited to show him what I had. I brought the song to him and played it for him. I felt something amazing happen when I played it, it felt so natural to play it. He loved it! I wanted to know what he really thought, so I started to ask him more questions. I finished my interrogation after asking him “So, who is this about?”

There was a long pause between two band members. He looked at me and I looked at him. I could see that he was having a hard time getting it out, that is when I started to realize something wasn’t right. He finally told me, and let me tell you; it wasn’t pretty! He told me to sit down, I did. He then went on to tell me that he has had a crush on someone close to me, and that he didn’t want me to be mad. I didn’t understand, so I told him to spit it out. Kerry told me that he was in love with my sister, and that this song was towards her!! I shoved the song in his lap and walked out of the room. He followed me into the kitchen and asked if I were okay. I looked at him with anger and told him to leave me alone. He didn’t, instead he kept talking to me about it. I slowly began to calm down, but something still wasn’t right. I felt dirty.

Though he felt bad and wanted to tell me, it still doesn’t change the fact that I wrote a love song for my sister, technically! He had her in mind, the idea was contaminated with my sister and I got poisoned. He dropped out of the band later that month and never played my sister the song. She still doesn’t know she was the original reason for that song. Instead, she thinks the song is a worship song. The song was rewritten and recorded, but this time I wrote it with my own emotions and lyrics. It has become my favorite original song. I still find it funny that I technically wrote a love song for my sister..

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Here is the song “Melody.”

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude