Posts Tagged ‘chase’

Before we start tonight, I want to spend a few minutes and say thank you. John, thank you for caring about me. You texted me last night and told me how awesome I was. Thank you for sharing about your day, sorry that your day wasn’t that great. You deserve the best. You deserve to be happy and have amazing days. I am glad to hear that you wait for my posts, you have helped me decide that I want to continue writing. Thank you! You rock, I love you!

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She is gone.
When my mother left, it hurt me more than I knew. She walked out the door and walked out into the night air. She was gone and I was without a mother. I was without someone that I trusted my life with, she was gone. She didn’t care that I was hurting, she had things to do and I wasn’t a part of her plans. It took many years for me to find a way to cope with her absence, but this type of coping may have led me through more walls than doors. The way that I have coped with her being gone is being a comical jerk, someone that has to make jokes to hide that he is actually hurt.
In high school, I use to make fun of my mother, and I would laugh along with all of my friends. They didn’t know that I was actually broken, but I never wanted them to know that. It was a sign of weakness to show that I was vulnerable, so I put up all of these walls to make sure no one saw that I was hurt. I hid behind my humor and everyone fell for it. This was great! I was able to convince myself that I was okay with not having my mother. This was great until it began to be a bigger part of me. I began to joke about everything, until nothing was serious to me. This did change when I started to go to church. Church was the only time that I would actually let my emotions flow. Talking to God was the best feeling. Even if he didn’t say anything to me, I knew (in my heart) that he was listening to me. I was able to finally cry without being afraid of someone laughing at me.
I use to cry a lot at church. I would lay on my face and just bawl. Sometimes, I didn’t even know why I was crying, but it felt so good, so I never questioned it. There was a service about mothers, and I remember sinking into my seat and bawling. I cried the whole sermon and more. I was called to the front to talk to the pastors after the sermon and they hugged me. I don’t know why, but it actually felt like my mother was hugging me. Great, things are good now, right? I was able to get back to feeling, I was able to cry again, I was no longer scared to let my emotions out, correct? Yeah, NO! It lasted for a while, but nothing stayed that good for long.
I did say that it lasted for a while, right? I was able to let my emotions out for a good amount of time, but then something happened. I was no longer able to feel. My emotions were shut off and I couldn’t feel inside my heart. I was becoming cold and angry, again. Church just wasn’t the same, anymore. I was drifting away from God and I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I thought going to church more would help. The more that I went, though, the more that I felt the pain grow. Even if the sermon was the most touching, I was unable to go to that place, the place where my emotions could be freed. I needed serious help, my walls were being built again, the same walls my mother forced me to build years before. This is when I began to push people away.
I was able to find my emotions, again. They were found in a girl. This girl was standing twenty feet from me, my heart felt alive again. The next couple months were the best in my life. She taught me what it felt like to care. She taught me why it’s okay to let my emotions out. I was told that emotions were never meant to stay within, because they are meant to be carried by two, not by one. This shook me as I opened up, something that I should have never done. She broke my heart a month later. She allowed her sister to dictate who she was allowed to talk to. Again, the wall went up. This time, it stayed.
I moved away the next summer. I was chasing something, a feeling that I once felt. There was a Church that I thought would help me, but it came to pass. When I got there, it wasn’t the same. This is when I realized that my walk with Christ was no longer the same. I tried to get back to the way that I use to feel, but nothing would work. I only stayed a semester, then moved back home.
Nothing was the same when I got back, though. People moved on and plans changed. It was like I was in a whole new place, with people that I didn’t know. I guess I was hurt that no one seemed to care that I was back. They were okay without me. I told myself that it was a lie, but I never could seem to convince myself. This is when I met my wife, Ariel. She gave me happiness, but something was still missing. The piece that will always be missing. When my mother left, she took something from me that I didn’t know. She took my emotions. I haven’t felt truly sad about something in over 5 years. I stopped caring when I got back from college, when I saw that everyone moved on, When I realized that everyone moved on like my mother. I try to find a way to break down this wall, but the tools are not strong enough. They are broke under the pressure of all my DAMN baggage, I feel like I will never be okay. I miss her! I wish that I could have a heart to heart conversation with my mother. I want to ask her what she was thinking, why she left us, why couldn’t she just be a GODDAMN GOOD PARENT!! But I will never know. She will always have an excuse, I just wish I meant more to her, meant enough for her to drop her act and tell me why she left me. She left too soon.

Dear Mom,
I sit here, waiting for you to walk in those doors. I waited for you to come back for years, but you never came back. You had better things to do, but we weren’t it, were we? Why did you leave me, why did you leave me with these questions? I deserve these answers, dammit! I have giving you the power for so many years, hoping that you would just tell me why I wasn’t good enough!!!!! I want the power back, but you forced these walls up and I cant break them down. I want to take the wall down, but I cant without knowing how you could leave me as a child. How could you leave me at Ten and never even check up on me. I spent years trying to find you, but when I found you, you were full of excuses. You hurt me more than anything. But my biggest question is; why is it that you hurt me so much, but I still want you to hug me and tell me that you love me. Mom, I wish you were better. I wish you weren’t gone. 
Sincerely yours,
A BROKEN CHILD.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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We ran to the other side of the room, missing the attackers grasp by inches. He stared at us with a dirty grin and picked up his shovel. As he walks towards us, he throws the head of the shovel into a stack of plates, shattering all of them, and throwing broken glass on to the kitchen floor. I let out a really loud scream as the glass hits the ground. But Amanda was staying calm, she stood in the middle of the old man and myself. She began to reason with the man.

“Sir, this isn’t what it seems. You think that we were trying to cross into your territory but that isn’t the case. We were out of alcohol, and we didn’t want to stop the party. That was the fastest way to the convince store, so we thought taking that would help. We didn’t even know you were still back there in that trailer. We weren’t trying to make you angry. If you leave now, everything that happened tonight will be forgotten.”

Amanda took a step towards the man, trying to show that she was serious, but she over stepped her boundaries. He grabs her by her throat and starts to choke her. She broke lose the first time by slamming her arm down into his elbow. But he quickly recovered and got her back into the choke hold. I was frozen to the wall as I watched my best friends’ face turning color. I knew that I needed to do something or she would be dead in no time. So I run over to the kitchen and grab one of the pieces of glass off the ground and walk over to the man that was on his knees and this point. I jab him in the back with the glass. This caused him to grab me and throw me on the ground.

He walks over to me, saliva running down his chin, his tongue sticking out fully, as if he were trying to bite the organ off. He took his foot and pushed me back fully on the ground, and lifted his leg as he was about to stomp on my head. I had my whole life flash in front of my eyes as I close my eyes and started praying to God. There was a loud manly scream, then I felt someone grab me, I started to push the person off as I open my eyes. It was Amanda telling me that we needed to run.

We got outside and tried to get into her car, but the Maniac was parked behind all the cars. She looks at me and then tells me that we could run into the woods and run to the old prison. We decide that is the best option at this point, and started to run to the woods. At that moment the door to the house flew wide open, releasing a man with a missing eye. Amanda had jabbed him in his eye to save my life making this man very angry. He started to run towards us. We got to the edge of the woods and look back, he is running full speed at us. We take off again as we try to outrun him.

He got into the woods and took at different path, we lost our site of him, but we could hear his shovel bouncing off each of his passing trees, then when we were expecting it, he appears out of the shadows and slams his shovel into Amandas’ ankle, breaking the bone. Amanda lets out a big scream, and tries to run away, he tried to hit her again, but this time I ran up to him and put my finger deeply into his missing eye, he screamed as Amanda got up. When I saw her limping away, I threw my leg into his balls and ran away, catching up to my friend and helped her. 

It was five minutes later when we finally saw a house up the way, we need to get her ankle elevated, not thinking that he was going to catch up to us, we decide to take a break in the house. We hurried into the house, Amanda immediatly took a seat as I looked around the house. This house was filthy, there were cans of beans laying around, clothes on the ground, and cocroaches climbing the walls. This was a horrible place to be, but it was going to do until we could go back outside. With the premises checked, I want to see how bad her ankle is, so I walk over to her and ask her to take off her shoe. As she took off her shoe, I could see that she had broken the bone. It was swollen with a sharp piece of bone pushing out her skin. He had shattered the bone in complete, but it was something that a doctor could easily fix when we get her to the emergency room. She was being so tough, she is trying to get me to laugh, but my only worry is her and her health.

“Oh shit” Amanda whispered to me as she ducked down, I followed her and asked her what it was. She explained to me that she heard a whistle, the same sound that the guy made as he walked up on her and Alex early that night. I wanted to see if there was any sign of him, but Amanda told me to not check.

I sat there holding on to her scared to death. She was just sitting there though, it was as if she didn’t care what happened next. We heard the whistle getting louder, so I took the leadership and told her that I was going to check out the window for the man. As I glanced out the window, I saw the man. He was standing a hundred yards away, patting his shovel against his arm. As I was about to get back down, he looked over at me, he noticed that we were in the house, so he started to walk this way.

I got sat back down and told Amanda that we need to get down and hide. She pulled the cover over her head with a hammer, that she found in a toolbox, and lied there. I lied next to the couch, in a position that the window was a blind spot for anyone.

We have been sitting in our position for almost ten minutes, so I figure that it was clear to get back up and make sure that he had left. I got up and looked out the window, I can’t see anything, but then as I was about to get Amanda, the man put his head through one of the holes in the boarded windows and tried to grab me, I scream, immediatly Amanda got up and smashed his hand with the hammer. I helped Amanda get up and helped her limp out of the house. But as we got out of the house, the man came around the corner, forcing us to take another route.

We didn’t get far until Amanda couldn’t go any farther. Her ankle was finally hurting more than she could bare. She fell to the ground, with the guy only a few yards away, I tried to get her back up but she couldn’t. She tries to tell me to leave her, but that wasn’t an option. “I will die with you before I leave you.” I got ready for the battle of my lifetime!

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Impromtdude

We ran to the other side of the room, missing the attackers grasp by inches. He stared at us with a dirty grin and picked up his shovel. As he walks towards us, he throws the head of the shovel into a stack of plates, shattering all of them, and throwing broken glass on to the kitchen floor. I let out a really loud scream as the glass hits the ground. But Amanda was staying calm, she stood in the middle of the old man and myself. She began to reason with the man.
“Sir, this isn’t what it seems. You think that we were trying to cross into your territory but that isn’t the case. We were out of alcohol, and we didn’t want to stop the party. That was the fastest way to the convince store, so we thought taking that would help. We didn’t even know you were still back there in that trailer. We weren’t trying to make you angry. If you leave now, everything that happened tonight will be forgotten.”
Amanda took a step towards the man, trying to show that she was serious, but she over stepped her boundaries. He grabs her by her throat and starts to choke her. She broke lose the first time by slamming her arm down into his elbow. But he quickly recovered and got her back into the choke hold. I was frozen to the wall as I watched my best friends’ face turning color. I knew that I needed to do something or she would be dead in no time. So I run over to the kitchen and grab one of the pieces of glass off the ground and walk over to the man that was on his knees and this point. I jab him in the back with the glass. This caused him to grab me and throw me on the ground. He walks over to me, saliva running down his chin, his tongue sticking out fully, as if he were trying to bite the organ off. He took his foot and pushed me back fully on the ground, and lifted his leg as he was about to stomp on my head. I had my whole life flash in front of my eyes as I close my eyes and started praying to God. There was a loud manly scream, then I felt someone grab me, I started to push the person off as I open my eyes. It was Amanda telling me that we needed to run.
We got outside and tried to get into her car, but the Maniac was parked behind all the cars. She looks at me and then tells me that we could run into the woods and run to the old prison. We decide that is the best option at this point, and started to run to the woods. At that moment the door to the house flew wide open, releasing a man with a missing eye. Amanda had jabbed him in his eye to save my life making this man very angry. He started to run towards us. We got to the edge of the woods and look back, he is running full speed at us. We take off again as we try to outrun him. He got into the woods and took at different path, we lost our site of him, but we could hear his shovel bouncing off each of his passing trees, then when we were expecting it, he appears out of the shadows and slams his shovel into Amandas’ ankle, breaking the bone. Amanda lets out a big scream, and tries to run away, he tried to hit her again, but this time I ran up to him and put my finger deeply into his missing eye, he screamed as Amanda got up. When I saw her limping away, I threw my leg into his balls and ran away, catching up to my friend and helped her. 
It was five minutes later when we finally saw a house up the way, we need to get her ankle elevated, not thinking that he was going to catch up to us, we decide to take a break in the house. We hurried into the house, Amanda immediatly took a seat as I looked around the house. This house was filthy, there were cans of beans laying around, clothes on the ground, and cocroaches climbing the walls. This was a horrible place to be, but it was going to do until we could go back outside. With the premises checked, I want to see how bad her ankle is, so I walk over to her and ask her to take off her shoe. As she took off her shoe, I could see that she had broken the bone. It was swollen with a sharp piece of bone pushing out her skin. He had shattered the bone in complete, but it was something that a doctor could easily fix when we get her to the emergency room. She was being so tough, she is trying to get me to laugh, but my only worry is her and her health.
“Oh shit” Amanda whispered to me as she ducked down, I followed her and asked her what it was. She explained to me that she heard a whistle, the same sound that the guy made as he walked up on her and Alex early that night. I wanted to see if there was any sign of him, but Amanda told me to not check. So I sat there holding on to her scared to death. She was just sitting there though, it was as if she didn’t care what happened next. We heard the whistle getting louder, so I took the leadership and told her that I was going to check out the window for the man. As I glanced out the window, I saw the man. He was standing a hundred yards away, patting his shovel against his arm. As I was about to get back down, he looked over at me, he noticed that we were in the house, so he started to walk this way. I got sat back down and told Amanda that we need to get down and hide. She pulled the cover over her head with a hammer, that she found in a toolbox, and lied there. I lied next to the couch, in a position that the window was a blind spot for anyone.
We have been sitting in our position for almost ten minutes, so I figure that it was clear to get back up and make sure that he had left. I got up and looked out the window, I can’t see anything, but then as I was about to get Amanda, the man put his head through one of the holes in the boarded windows and tried to grab me, I scream, immediatly Amanda got up and smashed his hand with the hammer. I helped Amanda get up and helped her limp out of the house. But as we got out of the house, the man came around the corner, forcing us to take another route. We didn’t get far until Amanda couldn’t go any farther. Her ankle was finally hurting more than she could bare. She fell to the ground, with the guy only a few yards away, I tried to get her back up but she couldn’t. She tries to tell me to leave her, but that wasn’t an option. “I will die with you before I leave you.” I got ready for the battle of my lifetime! 

I was scared to death as Amanda grabbed my hand through the window. My heart was racing faster than it ever has. I would never imagine someone reaching through a window and grabbing me. At first I thought she was trying to scare me, but the whole time that I stared at her through the window she refused to stop screaming, with tears rolling down her cheeks. She was completely shattered with what ever happened out there, tonight. That’s when I figured that this was probably serious.
I hurried to the door and opened it to comfort her as much as I could, asking her if she was okay, in which she said no as she cried harder. I walked her over to the couch that and asked her to talk to me about what happened. We sat there for a few minutes, before finally she snorted the snot back into her nose and began to tell the story:  They were running low on their only bottle of UV Blue that she had bought for quarters. She didn’t want to give up the game because of the loss of alcohol, so she told everyone that her and Alex (Her boyfriend) would be back in a few. They left in Alex’s small crap Ford Taurus. They forgot that it was a ten minute drive there and ten back, so they tried to speed their way through the time. They got their within five minutes, got the booze, and started to head back to the country home. But as they came around the old prison site, A man started to follow them. Amanda said that at first they were worried about it being a cop since Alex was smashed while driving, they feared they were swerving too much. That wasn’t the case though, the guy behind them started to go really fast, and got on the side of their car, he began to turn into the lane forcing the car off the road. Amanda was screaming at the truck to quit being a prick, but he did it again. This time Alex lost control of the car and ended up in a ditch. The truck, the old man was driving, stopped instantly and he got out. No one was injured in the wreck, Alex jumped out of the car acting big and bad, an attitude that he has most of the time, but as Alex got closer he realized the old man had a shovel in his hand. This pumped Alex up even more, to the point that Alex swung on the old man. He missed and went straight pass the man and on to the ground. The old man showed no remorse and he walked over to the drunk teen and stomped on his head.
Amanda is now hyperventilating as she is telling me the fully story. She left him in the middle of the road with that man standing over him, she though that he had been dead from the big steel-toed-boots landing against his temple. “He would have wanted me to run back to safety anyways.” She mumbled through the saliva that she was producing through the sobbing. I am holding on tightly to her, trying to convince her that it isn’t her fault, agreeing that she did the right thing. As she was crying violently on my shoulder, I asked her what this creep looked like.
She stops sobbing for a few seconds with a concentrated look on her face, I figured she must have not been able to see him very well, but as I started to doubt, she begins to pour out details so clear, it felt as if I was there in front of him. He was an old man that had really scruffy facial hair, if she would say so, he hadn’t showered in days. He looked homeless with his dirty shirt and ripped overalls. She tells me that he was injured. He had cuts on his face, cuts that seemed to be made by a knife, and that he was bleeding from the arms, to the extent that he was dripping blood on the ground as he walked towards them.
She stops for a few seconds to stop herself from crying for a few more seconds, then continues to tell me that he was missing all of his teeth, that he might have had one or two, but they were rotted and that as he stomped on his head he let a sick laugh that you would only hear in a home for crazy people, leaving chills down her spines as she was frozen watching her man quit moving and as she ran away.
I have no idea on how to comfort her at this point, what she saw tonight was more than anyone could handle. I know if it was me, I wouldn’t be able to find my way back to this home, let alone run away from this man.
“Lets just thank God that he didn’t follow you back.” I attempt to make her feel better, but this didn’t work, she digs her head deeper into my shoulder and cries louder than ever before.
“Yes, Let’s be glad the man didn’t follow you home, to the only other house in this territory.” The head of a shovel clanks against the wood floor. I turn around to see this man, a man that looks exactly as she described him. He was holding a bloody shovel smiling big at me. Amanda turns around as she heard the man, and jumps back screaming “That is the man, the man that killed Alex!” He let a dark laugh out and squinted. “Now it’s your turn!”  I jump off the couch. As we got off the couch though, the man begins to charge at us.