Posts Tagged ‘broken’

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“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” C.S. Lewis

If I have learned anything in the last 2 months, it would be that life is rough. I have never had this much trouble. It is just a rough time for Ariel and me. We are struggling, but we know that this won’t last forever. It never does! But even though I know this, I can’t let it get me down, because I know there is a purpose for our trials. I know that something will come out of this and we will look back and smile. We know that we aren’t being buried but we are being planted.

Trials don’t happen in your life without something coming from it. You might think that I am crazy, saying that I don’t know what you are going through, or that not everything has positive things come from it. This is where I have to disagree.  I feel that anytime you go through a rough time, you can take lessons from that time and go on to help other people. It sucks that we have to go through rough times, but we know  that rough times come and go, and we know that we will survive in the end, we just have to hold on to the hand that is reached out to us.

C.S. Lewis said this “Hardships often Prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” We are giving hardships to prepare us for a journey. We need to go through the roughest times to appreciate the good times, even more. What if life was always great? You would find that you appreciate it less than when you have good times after bad times. If you always have good times, then why would you be happy to have more good times? It is the rough times that help build us into the people that we need to be. The best example is working out. When you work out, you slightly tear the muscles. The muscles will then take all the nutrition that it needs and it begins to repair the slight tears in its tissue. After it repairs, the muscle is slightly bigger and stronger. That is what life is, you go through rough times to slightly tear your muscles so you can become stronger.

Life is rough! Life is like a wave that is looking to kill anyone. I have never been more on the edge than I am now, but I know there is something behind how I feel. God is getting me ready for something great, so he is helping me train, as I get stronger in trusting him. I don’t expect it to be easy, but I know that I am not alone. I have family, friends, and Christ. Those three people will never let me fail. I know there is a plan after my trial, and that is what keeps my eyes on God. Don’t give up because you are going through a valley, because soon you will be back up on that mountain. I know I am making my way up that mountain now. Thank you!

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How do I get over her?

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How do I get over her?

When I was seventeen, I met the girl that changed my world. She isn’t my wife, now, but she helped me prepare myself for Ariel. I don’t know if this is okay to talk about, but know that my feelings are no longer strong about this girl. She is married now, and I am happy with who I am with. But I think someone needs to hear this and the only way to tell you guys is to bring her back up, so sorry if you guys think its disrespectful to Ariel, but know that I never meant for it to be. Please read this with an open mind, and don’t forget to share it! Someone needs to hear this.

 

I met this girl when I was seventeen. We went to a conference with the same youth group. I didn’t know anything about her, as she didn’t know about me, either. I never went to her church, but my old youth pastor was her youth pastor, at the time. He invited me to go with them, which I was excited to go to find God, but little did I know, I was about to meet someone that would go on to change my life, forever. She said hi first, and I ignored her because I was shy.

 

After the service, I went up to say sorry and she said that she understood, so I introduced myself and we began to talk. This was the start of the best part of my life (up to this point in time, of course not now) we got to know each other better each day, and we never went a day without talking. With every day that went by, I was learning more about life, God, and how to love. I changed my career path and got accepted into the same college that she was going to. We planned to go to the same school so we could be close (in order to help each other get closer to God. As we knew it can be hard to adapt.) We agreed to begin to court once we turned 18, but the more we talked, the feeling began to get stronger. Long story short; she called it off shortly after we got close; saying that her family didn’t think it was a good idea. We went our separate ways. This is what I call the dark days.

 

Losing her took a huge blow to my faith, as I couldn’t focus on anything but the fact that she wasn’t close to me anymore. I could count on my youth pastor, but he was busy with his life, and took a job at the church she attended, so I thought I had to get through this alone. The more that I fought to get over her; the more I felt the waves crashing into me. I drowned in my faith and became depressed. This led me to staring at walls for hours, not praying as much, and questioning if God was real. It got so bad that my pastors pulled me into the side room and questioned if I was okay. Kids in school asked me if I was okay; literally one day I was shining, the next I was dark and emotional. I never thought I could get over her, but I did.

 

You probably have gone through this, or are going through this now, and you may be asking how I did it? How did I get over her? It took a long time, but by doing four things, I was able to get over her, finally; realizing it was for the best, knowing that someone was out there for me, giving space and being happy for her. Let’s see what I mean;

 

  1. Realizing it was for the best.

This meant that I had to agree that I wasn’t the best option for her, and she wasn’t the best option for me. This can be hard when you first break up or break a courtship off, because the feelings are still fresh, but over time you will see that it is for the best. She was what I wanted, but not what I needed. She had different dreams; ones that I didn’t want. She wanted to see the eastern part of the world, where I was more into spreading the word to locals. This being said, our lives were never going to match up, which is good to know that neither of us are held back now, because she married in the east and I married in the local part of Illinois. What I am saying is there was a reason that it didn’t work out, you may not know right now, but one day you will know and you will smile, knowing that you were able to set her/him free and were able to do your own thing, without anything holding you down or back.

 

  1. Knowing someone was out there for me.

I have always wanted to find the perfect girl, fall in love, get married and eventually have kids. When she left, I thought all of that was over, but shortly after her leaving, I talked to someone and they said to have faith someone is out there. I didn’t want to believe it, because I didn’t want to believe that anyone could be better than her. Now that I look back on that conversation, he was right. It was scary to think that I would never meet someone, but the truth is; she was out there! She was waiting patiently for me. Know that when you close one door, another door will be opened for you. IT may hurt to go through, but the pain will be healed once you walk through that door; because your first love never amounts to your true love.

 

  1. Giving her the space she needs, also the space I need!

I had respect for this girl, so I never wanted to step over boundaries. I wanted to give her the space that she needed, wanted.  I knew that I couldn’t get over her if I was seeing her weekly, so I didn’t involve myself in events that I knew she would be at, or at least events that I knew we would have to talk a lot. When I graduated, I gave her the space by going to another college, letting her go to CBC without me. I attended a different seminary, hoping that moving would take away the pain, and it worked. I attended World Revival School of Ministry in Kansas City, Missouri. This school was all about finding a new level to your relationship with God. I never had time to think of her, and I was maturing as a person.

 

When I came back home, I was able to talk to her with no pain, at all. We were able to talk as friends, sharing our passions without thinking about the future together. It was nice, because in the end, she was still a great friend.   It is important to get yourself the room to cope with the heart break. This was the hardest part. I know it’s hard to watch someone you love move on, but you have to know that trying to force yourself into their arms will never work. Give them space, take your space and one day you could be friends (or in a special case, it could have been the wrong time for the relationship, and you could eventually fall in love, again.) I would rather have that person in my life as a friend, than not having that person in my life at all. It worked for me; I bet it can work for you, too!

 

  1. Be happy for the person!

Okay, so now we know that we have to realize better things are out there, that you won’t be alone forever, and that you have to give them space, but what should be the last thing? What will help? BE happy! Be happy for the person, be happy for your own growth; be happy that you can be friends; be happy that you didn’t have to live with the regret, be happy that you were giving the chance in the first place.

 

BE HAPPY!  So it didn’t work out! That doesn’t mean that it has to be all bad. You were able to spend that time with them, you were able to learn from this situation, and you were giving a second chance to find that somebody that will probably be better than the other one, anyway.  I am personally happy that she was able to find someone, get married and was able to change his world. I am happy that I was able to find Ariel, fall in love, get married, and start a small family one day. I am also happy that I was able to learn everything from my first love. But somethings just don’t work out, I am happy that I could live it, though. I know it hurts, but don’t let it get you down, forever.

 

Move on, and find a way to be happy. Surround yourself with friends during the dark days, and never be afraid to ask for help. I was stupid to think I had to do it all alone. You are never alone, so don’t try to do it alone. In all of this, find something to make you happy, because you deserve to be happy, with or without that person. When you do this, I bet you will get over him/her.

 

I think I have talked enough, so I will end it here. I know that you are hurting, which I’m sorry for, but it won’t always be like this. IT will get better, I don’t know when, but it will! Find friends to keep you occupied; let them help you piece yourself back together and get ready for the love of your life to come and sweep you up! You will be so happy that you didn’t stay with the one that got away. So space yourself, realize you won’t be alone forever, know it happens for a reason, and finally, be freaking happy. You will make it! I have faith in you!

Also check out my blog on First love vs true love!

And it starts now!
I wanted to start this year off great, but that didn’t go as planned. I think I slept all day, yesterday. Yes. This is true; I did sleep all day yesterday. I went to work and came home to sleep until 5 a.m. today. I needed the sleep, but I forgot to write before I went to bed. This means that I forgot to post on New Years Day. This is great since I made a New Years Resolution to write more. Before you start to throw tomatoes, understand the situation.

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I am tired of not being able to say “I have had good times!” This is why I went all out on New Years Eve. We decided to have a party at our house and lets say; WE GOT TURNT UP! We had one of the best nights, ever. The party didn’t get too out of control, but every single person had a great time, including myself.

We started out by eating pizza. We went cheap and got frozen pizza. But the frozen pizza was even good. I think we had the pizza for only ten minutes. After the pizza, we all got the table set up for some fun. The fun was to start with a few games of Beer Pong. We bought the crappy, cheap beer so that people would suffer from the taste. I was on fire during the first few matches, but my team lost all the matches. This was a great start for what was about to happen.

Now, know that I am not a drinker. I have been drunk once before and it didn’t turn out good. This time it was different. We all gathered around the table and took shots of all different alcohols, while making silly jokes about everything in life. We got hungry in the middle of the alcohol so we started to eat pizza rolls. We also stopped so we could watch the ball drop and play some COD. But once the ball dropped, we were all back in the kitchen, tipping back some harder drinks than before.

It was 3am in no time. This is when the really funny stuff began to happen. I wont name any names, but Ross got a pitcher of Gatorade thrown on him, Frank threw up first then cried, I fell off a chair and hit my head, Harold was making gay passes towards me, and Henry fell through a door. All this lead up to Frank breaking our couch. He was sloppy drunk and tried to lie down on the couch. Well, he is overweight and landed directly on the arm of the couch. Luckily, this isn’t a couch that we care about and have wanted to throw away for a few years, so it was funny to see him fall. At this point, we were tipsy at least, so anything was funny, honestly. I don’t remember every detail, but I know that the party stopped at 3:15 a.m. and I had to be at work at 5 a.m.

I wasn’t drunk, but even working tipsy was going to be a challenge. Luckily, I was only there to help our GM with counts, but even that was a challenge. My GM was okay with me coming in with alcohol in my system, and she knew that I had been drink; she made the comment “Damn, I can smell the booze on you!” This was followed by a long laughter and a offer of some nausea medicine. I declined the medicine, of course, but we made jokes the whole time about what happened the night before.

I only worked until 12, but those were the longest hours, eveeeeeerrrrrr. I had to wait for my ride (because I don’t drink and drive!) which showed up at 12:30. When I got home, I was shocked on how fast I fell asleep. I slept all the way through the night, with only waking up to eat pizza. I finally woke up at 5 a.m.

Now, after the night of adventure, I am starting this 365 days in a row posting challenge. I know I can do it, but know it might be hard! Either way, I want to say one thing. If you are young, do what young people do. This doesn’t mean you have to drink. Do what you think will make you feel like your age. Life is too damn short to feel like you’re in prison! Live like your last day is tomorrow, or you will wake up in 40-years, wishing you could go back and live. Don’t be that girl/boy. Live now!  

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

“Wow!” That is all I can say about the new episode of The Walking Dead. Tonight was the season 7 premiere and I wasn’t expecting what happened, though I had a pretty good idea. I will not be spoiling anything, so lets give a short reaction to what we all saw tonight.

The episode starts out very slowly. I was literally screaming at the T.V. to hurry the hell up, because they didn’t show crap at the beginning, as I thought this was going to happen in the first moments of the show. Though the show wasn’t impactful in the beginning it surely picks up pretty quick. It was probably ten minutes into the show that we saw the glorious death of one or many of Ricks group, and it was amazing. I thought that AMC would have dulled it down a bit, but you can’t tell at all. The death was gory, gruesome, and heartbreaking. There was a lot of guts and a huge shot of blood.

I will say this, my favorite character was taken from me, but it wasn’t hard for me to take. Negan has a way to make everything easy to take. He is funny enough to make everyone hate to love him. He was talking to Rick and all I could do is laugh at how funny he was, even when he was being very Fu*#ing serious.

It was great to watch this episode, and it seemed to start a new fire for the show. Robert Kirkman introduced Negan in the comics when he saw that the comic was settling down. I feel that is why we are seeing him now. The show is great, but we needed a new flame. This is Negan. Negan brings something to the show that wasn’t there, but I don’t know what it is. I just see that Negan is going to make this show 100% better. Jeffery Dean Morgan plays him very well, he is that sweet ole dad but at the same time he is that jackass neighbor that you want to hit. He plays the good and bad cop, Jeffery is great. This will be important for this series and will bring new life back into the show. But we will see what happens. I didn’t want to give away any secrets, so sorry that this was very vague, there isnt much to talk about otherwise, everything shown gives away another secret, so just watch the damn episode.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

   I didn’t want to post a flashback, but this is a great one. Why stress over stuff that can’t be fixed right away? This is hope for you, so take my advice and stop worrying! All will be okay, soon!
Est reading time: 4:10

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    Take a few seconds out of your day, and tell yourself that you will make it. Even if life doesn’t seem like it, you will. You will become anything  that you want to become, you will climb up through the ranks and be on the top. you are awesome, you are amazing. So stop worrying about the smallest details of your life. If you want to do something in your life, do it! Stop waiting around for someone to say its okay.

    Make a freaking impact, bigger than the sun in this world. If you want to become a professional athlete, give it your all. If you want to pursue a job in singing, do that. What I am trying to say is do what makes you happy. Most people will give up on their dreams due to money, or due to stress. But that’s unacceptable.

    I have always wanted to be a writer, (I bet your tired of hearing that) and nothing will ever stop that dream. It is like a second time job that I absolutely love to do. If someone told me that I wasn’t able to become one, I would have to laugh at them, because the only person that can stop me from doing anything, is myself. That goes for you too, yes you, the one reading this post. Stop worrying about the balance of your checking account, already. Don’t let fear rule your life. You are stronger than that.

    So many people have let their life go to hell over their current money position, but the truth is, you need to stop looking at that number. Now I’m not saying that you should go out and spend all of your money. I am saying that you should never let the stress of money stop you from being happy.

    I know right now someone is stressing over their balance, because they are behind. Those are the people that I want to reach today; I want them to know that they are still in control. They are the dominant ones in their situation. Yes you might be behind, but you can do it. Most people suffer from debt, as do;I. But all you need to remember is that the more you budget, the better it will get. If you budget every cent and get the right type of help, you will see the debt disappear.

    I have started a few budgets for myself and even a few or two for others.  The results that I got were amazing. I went from being behind three months to being ahead, in only three months. My secret is “Pay less, more often,” meaning that you need to pay what you can, when you can. As long as you don’t give up and stop paying. Your balance will get smaller.
 
   I am saying that stress and worrying will never get you anywhere in life; if anything it will cause you to cower under a blanket, ultimately leaving you unproductive with the resources that are given to you. Stress doesn’t need to control you. It’s your life, so control it!

Impromtdude

For one, I am so freaking sore!
I just got out of the shower, but I don’t feel any better. Actually, I feel worse! I don’t know what to say, I am one old fart that cant stay healthy. Who knew that going outside could do something so horrible, but it can….Remember that! Remember that outside is dangerous… Nothing serious happened, just a busy day, yesterday. My family and I went to a waterpark. Since I am a beast at my job, they gave me free tickets (Not serious, I had to work) so we were able to get in free! No one passes up a free day at a waterpark, other than aliens…they might. While at this water park, I involved myself in some crazy activities that led me to hurt, really bad.
The thing that hurts the most is my back, arms and legs. Let us talk about my back first. I think my back hurts from punting the other night. Things happened, the other night, and I spent a hour punting a football. Being the first time (in quite awhile) I should have stopped after a few minutes, but I didn’t. From kicking the football to my foot placement I must have pulled something. This isnt so bad, I usually have backaches (From scoliosis) but adding this to the other pains really blows!
From my back we must go up to my arms! My arms are small chopsticks that don’t get much action. I use to work out a lot, but I have gotten really lazy and have failed to workout in months. My arms aren’t as they use to be, which isnt good when you want to get active again. While at the waterpark, I was able to go to a driving range, also a pretty awesome batting cage. The golfing could have caused my back pain, also, but I don’t know. The golfing caused blisters on my palms and my shoulders to hurt. Being stupid, I went into the batting cage right after. The bats sucked, so when I hit the balls, the bat refused to work, causing a long vibrating through my arms! While hitting the balls, I felt my bicep being pulled, also. This is why my arms are so sore, but why my feet? Thanks for asking, babe!
Of course, my right foot hurts because of the punting, but the right foot has another reason to hurt. The reason for the other pain is from the water! There is an amazing ride at the waterpark that I rode a few times. This ride is like a big toilet bowl, mainly you go down a slide into a big bowl that spins you around, after spinning you fall into the water below! I really enjoy this ride, so much that I rode it the most. It was really fun, but I had an accident the first time going. The woman told me what to do, cross your feet and slide. I did that, but at the end my foot came out and caught a piece of the slide. During the impact I felt my leg being pulled back. I watched as my foot bent all the way back. There was a sharp pain in my hip followed by a long agonizing pain in my ankle. It felt like I ripped a muscle, but I didn’t, thankfully! I was able to walk away from the ride and continue the day, but it started hurting worse today!
I woke up with a huge pain in my ankle, a pain that I thought would keep me out of work, but I was able to get over the hill and go to work. The pain got worse through work. I got to come home after 10 hours, only to be struck with everything. All of my limbs became stiff and I was unable to do anything. My back caused me to slump over or else I couldn’t breathe. The rest of my body was stiff enough where I couldn’t move quickly. This is when I decided to take a shower. The shower did everything, but make it better! The hot water only caused my back to hurt more. I don’t know what I should do, but I am going to pop a few pills and go to bed.
I had a great time yesterday and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I passed my exam and I deserved to have fun, I just didn’t know it was going to lead to this. Though I am in pain,  I would go back and do it again. Everyone deserves to relax. That is why I am telling you this, don’t allow stress to overbear you. Instead, find something that you guys love to do and do it!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

        This was one of my favorite blogs to write. I put my whole heart into this post, and now I am continuing it. I have a lot of thoughts that I need to get out so I will be making a follow-up post. That post will be asking the question “Did I wait long enough?” I can’t wait to share with you guys! But until then, enjoy the first part!

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First love vs. True love
        The moment you lay eyes on this person, you will feel something that no other boy/girl has ever made you feel. You will feel something inside not only your gut but also inside of your heart. It will feel warm yet cold. Being nervous is only one of the many things that being in love for the first time will bring you. As you dive deeper into this wonderful feeling. You will feel security, hopefulness, happiness, love, chills, and a clear mind.

       As you fall into love with the special person, you will begin to change for the better. You will realize that you are challenging yourself more, and hating yourself a lot less. You will begin to set goals that before you didn’t know you wanted to achieve. The awesome part is that this person will be by your side the whole time. They will push you to become the person that you want to become, and you will do the same thing for them. When you fall in love for the first time, everything in the world will slowly becomes about this special person. You will pick up new likes and dislikes as you begin to see his/hers. Their needs will become your needs. You will do anything to make sure that both of your needs/wants are met.

        Sadly, first loves don’t always pan out to the wedding day, but that is fine. You will take something from the time that you had with them. You will know what you want in a relationship, and you will set out to find someone just like that person, this person will be called “The True love.” This is the person that you will love for the rest of your life. They will make you feel like the first love, but a lot happier. As the first love, they will also push you to go farther in your dreams and passions. You will feel more open with them than you have ever been, especially after the heartbreak you experienced with the first love, they will repair your walls and teach you that its safe to love again. You will be happy again, yet deep inside you will still think about your first love.
        
         I was thinking the other night “What if my first love came back into my life?” I wasn’t the lucky one to be able to stay friends with my first love. Her family had a big part in that decision, and since I wanted the best for her, I let her go. It hurt more than anything that I have ever experienced in my life to let her go. But time healed my broken heart and I finally got married to the love of my life.

        I still think about my first love and that’s okay, I gave her a part of my heart. To think I won’t think of her is insane. I want to know she is safe, but then the other night I began to question myself. “what would I do if she wasn’t okay?” I have a wife to care for, I can’t leave and help her. But then again, she was my first love. I would do anything to help her, that is what I promised her. 

         This question is almost like asking “Would I let my wife or my child die, if there were complications in delivery.” But then as I began to type this post, I started to think. If True love is stronger than first love, then I would be able to confidently make the decision to help her. My love for my wife is stronger than the love I ever had with my first love, and it always will be, nothing in the world could separate us. My first love will always have a spot in my heart, but that’s all. Anything more than a thought is simply impossible.

         So if you are dealing with someone that came back into your life and you are wondering what you should do, remember the feeling that you had when you met your first love, and now think of the feeling you had with your true love. Which ever one is stronger indicates your true love.  

Impromtdude

I am the best.

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We are all going to go through rough times, that’s life. We are all going to battle things, some things that we might keep deep in our closet, also somethings that we can’t battle alone. You have to be the definer of that, though, no one else can decide for you. If you don’t feel that you can win the battle, then it is time to reach out for someone and try to get help. What battles do you classify as “Unwinnable?” some people may ask you this. For me this would be anything that you haven’t battled in the past, but like I said, you are the only one that can decide that. But at the same time, you should never go into any battle alone.
I have been dealing with a lot lately. This is the post that I will come out and open up. I have never been good at opening up to anyone. I have always been scared of losing people because of my problems, so I would usually keep it to myself, put on a smile and hope that I don’t lose the battle. I usually pushed the people away, distancing myself from everything, then I would go into the war alone. At first I would fire all my guns at the enemy, but what happens when I lost my weapon or I ran out of ammo? This was in the moments of me getting tired. I would lower my arms from holding the gun and would try to rest. But if you know anything about war then you would know, that is when the enemy will strike. They wont wait until you are rest, that would be crazy. If they would do that, then there wouldn’t be an advantage. I could go awhile on my one tank of gas “emotion,” but that would eventually run out. This was the time in my life that the enemy would hit me. The enemy would use my doubts as their ammo. They would hit me hard, breaking every wall had built up down. They knew what my weaknesses were and they would use it against me, all the time. After they beat me down and took my barrier, they would stand over me and kick my lungs in. These are the moments that suicide became my only option, yet something always was there to save me. This could be someone reaching out, a random act of kindness or God giving me hope, whatever the situation, I always found a way out.
These were the past battles. They would come in waves. It would always hit me in the worse times, usually when I was tired or emotionally weak, usually after losing something close to me. But they always ended. It would last for about two weeks, I would get all down, then it would end. But for some reason the pain doesn’t go away anymore. Back in the day the pain would come and go, there were times it would stay a lot longer, but it always went away. These days, not so much, the thoughts and doubts cloud my mind and makes it hard for me function at times. I have tried to reach out and get some help, but its like the pain will cease for a short-bit, but then will come back stronger. Sadly, I have to say that I am going through another wave, right now.
I was talking to my cousin, at work, today. We were talking about what is on our mind. I know that during work isnt the best time to talk about emotions, but I needed to vent. That is when I dug deep inside and told him how my mind works. I realized something about myself today, I stress about everything. The way my brain works is; I will get tired, I will see more bills, I will start to think of everything going bad (Car issues to eyesight), I will think of ways to get that fixed, I will stress about my job, I will hate myself for working at McDonald’s, I wont think I’m a good worker which makes me fear that I am a failure, I will doubt that I’m a good husband, I think of my dreams and doubt my future as a writer, I will get discouraged and lose my passion, then I will get down and will start to push everyone away.
This is a rough description of how I feel. I know that everyone is dealing with their own problems, and I know that I shouldn’t be bringing my hurt to page, but I want everyone to know that you aren’t alone. There has to be someone out there that feels your pain. I want to say all this, just to tell you to not give up. There is a world out there, at times it will be scary, but nothing in life will be clear as day. You will doubt everything in life. You just have to have faith in the things you want. If you feel like you are losing ground, it is best that you get someone that has beat the battle you’re facing. These people are your best chance at survival. My biggest problem is I feel everyone has better things to do, other than help me, but that isn’t always true. God sends us people to help us out, we just have to be smart to know who is who.  

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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I told you guys the other day about my mom and dad getting a divorce, and how it affected me. Today, I will  be answering a question, that I thought of as I was writing that post; Would I ever get a divorce?
Ariel and I have been married for almost two-years. That is crazy, since it felt like yesterday was the big day, but two-years have collapsed behind us. These last two years have been the easiest and hardest of my whole life. The beginning of our marriage was hard, since I got us kicked out of our house, which was to happen the day after our honeymoon. I thought at that moment, we were done. She didn’t want anything to do with me, she wouldn’t talk to me, and she was having her family pick her up from work. I knew this was the right reaction to the pain and stress, I put on her, but I was scared. I was scared that I just worked so hard to win her heart, and now with one night, that was all going to end.
Me and a few guys were blamed for shooting a whole bunch of things out around our home with a BB gun. I still think that we were framed, because in the area that the windows were broke, we had never been over there. But we got blamed for ever little bit of damage, which led to an two choice; We either confess to doing it all, or we pay and get evicted. I saw the lies behind it all, either way they were going to evict us. This is when I started to look for new homes, but nothing was available, not for the money that we had.
We just got paying for a wedding, we had $600 to our name, which is nothing to the price of most homes here. When the results came back empty, my cousin put all the blame on himself, blame that wasn’t ours to take at all, and tried to hatch out a plan. He went to the front office and told them to have someone come over. Later that day, the maintenance dude came over. This is the same guy that has never liked me. He spread a rumor, saying I pushed my wife down the stairs and that I blacked her eye. It was all coming together, now. He lied to get me out of the complex. My cousin confessed to false accusations, and we still got evicted.
Now at this point, my wife called off the wedding, she blamed me for everything. I took the blame, and accepted the punishment. Then we sat down and talked; I told her my side of the story, and told her who came over to tell us. She saw what I saw, and chose to put the wedding back on. She was still mad, but she knew that we would get over this together. The day before our honeymoon, we moved into our new home. The first year, we fought a lot due to where we moved into, but we grew out of the anger as we grew together.
The second year was the easiest so far. We haven’t been fighting as much. We learned the art of compromising, which is why we fought so much in the beginning. We both work great jobs, and we are never behind on bills. We have learned to communicate without fighting, which is a big plus. We still have our dumb fights, but we never let them get too crazy. I have been a year sober of punching holes into doors, which is also a big plus. We are at our happiest together, something that can only get better as the years go on.
To answer the question, No, I would never get a divorce. There are times that you are angry, and you wish that you never said those vows, but one good time together erases all the bad. Ariel is one of the only people that understand who I am, she understands my wants, needs, jokes, and can stand my hideous laugh. If she wasn’t in my life, I would be a living hell. She keeps me motivated to do my writing, and to love hard everyday. She accepts the fact that sometimes I am depressed and want to sleep, and there she is cuddling next to me….I would never want to divorce someone like Ariel. She is my rock!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

   It was time for me to stop fearing, because it wasn’t something to fear about, this was going to shake my life for the good, nothing bad was going to come from this. I felt something pull on my heart telling me everything was going to be fine. Even though at first, I didn’t believe that, as I stood in the middle of the empty highway, I began to feel safe again.

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   I am sleepy, but I know I need to get up from the mattress, get dressed, and head down to my ride. They will be leaving in 15-minutes, and today is one day that I can’t miss. My dad has yelled at me three times, to get up, but something doesn’t want me to go.
   My head is heavy, even though I went to bed early the night before. I think it might be a nervous feeling, I mean today is the day that my life changes. I have been waiting for this day, my whole life, well since I gave up on pleasing myself, to please someone else. It has been two weeks since that night at the loft, and I still feel the energy that I did that night. The night that changed, how I felt about religious beliefs and church. Today is the day that I go down a sinner and come up saved by grace. I got out of the sheets that tangled my legs and went to the bathroom. My hair was a mess, my eyes were puffy, and my armpits were on fire. I didn’t have the time to mess with that though, I should have woke up and took a shower, but that wasn’t the plan, the plan was that everything would have worked itself out, but it didn’t. I quickly wet my hair, brushed my teeth, and threw on a nice shirt, that was acceptable for church. I walked into my room and grabbed the bag, full of more clothes, for after the service.
   I walked out of the house with a little less than 5-minutes before departure, all to remember that I forgot deodorant. I sniffed my armpits, that were still ripe from late night basketball, and almost died. This is one thing that I needed to take care of, so I told my dad to go down and tell them I will be there, and not to leave. He told me to hurry up, which I did. I ran inside grabbed, what I could find, and left. I made great timing, everyone was boarding the two cars when I arrived. When I got there, the teens greeted me, like I was finally one of them, something I never felt like before. I got in the truck, after throwing my bag in the bed, and put my headphones in.
The whole ride there, I was thinking about the decision I was making today. This means that I could no longer do what everyone else does, I replayed in my head as I looked out of the window. I knew that It was the right decision, but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to do it. I didn’t want to be different from everyone else, but at the same time, I still wasn’t. I was never one of the guys, or a popular guy, so what did I have to lose? I was about to gain a new level of happiness that was promised to me. I knew it was worth the looks I would get, to live for something with purpose for once, to do something for me for once. I thought I believed that, but the closer we got, the more I wanted to jump out of the car. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to take the step, it was the questions on what would I do after? Do I go back to the old Blake, what was the new Blake even-like?
    I feared that I was jumping the gun, and I was about to fall flat on my face! But even if I wanted to back out, it was too late to. I was already at the church, well before time, which is great, now I have even more time to fear the worse. Everyone got out of the truck, and went into the building, except for me. I decided to stay outside for a while, and talk to God.
The morning due was still on the grass. The wet grass caused my shoes to get wet, and then my socks got soaked. Of course, I figured this was a sign from God, telling me not to go through with the plan. I was okay with not going through with the plan, but when I was about to pull the plug, something inside stopped me. It was time for me to stop fearing, because it wasn’t something to fear about, this was going to shake my life for the good, nothing bad was going to come from this. I felt something pull on my heart telling me everything was going to be fine. Even though at first, I didn’t believe that, as I stood in the middle of the empty highway, I began to feel safe again.
    I started to get the feeling that I had the first night, the night that I said “yes” to follow something bigger than me. So as I stood in the middle of that empty highway, with damp socks and a freeing body, I chose to stop worrying about what would be said at school. The people would either expect it, or they wouldn’t. Their opinions never meant much to me anyways. This choice is my choice, and I chose to do it, and that was final. I sat back down on the church steps, and prayed, one-last-time before the service began.
   The wind began to pick up, sending a unsettle chill through  my feet. I finished the prayer, and walked inside to find a pew in the middle of the sanctuary. I usually would sit with the rest of the teens, but today I wanted to focus on getting ready for the service, so I forced myself to sit away from them.
   The pastor finished his sermon, which rocked my mindset. I can’t remember what it was about, I just remember that I was bawling my eyes out, knowing that I needed the message. I got up from the pew, and got some prayer. But that wasn’t the end of that service, oh no, the best was about to happen. I got up off my knees, and went back to the front row pew, to hear the pastor introduce six young people to the stage, myself included.
    I wiped my tears from my eye socket, and walked to the front. I stared out into the crowd, their faces were shining as bright as the sun. The were happy with our commitment that we were about to make, some were even crying. I was guessing the ones that were crying, were family members of the other five, up here. I simply gave a half-grin and turned towards the pastor as he spoke; “We are gathered in unity to bless these young men, as they chose to give their old-self up to follow, our Lord. We now get to witness them being reborn, in the ceremony of baptisms. We are overjoyed that we get to share with you guys.”
   We were then instructed to go get dressed in the clothes we brought, which included my black shirt with gym shorts. I was last in line, I got to witness 5 go before me, and come up a new man. There was one man that raised through the water, like a cannon, he shot through the water, screaming “Hallelujah.” I began to get nervous, thinking about what I should say. I quickly rejected that thought, and gave it up to God.
   It was my turn. I walked up to the giant tub of water, looked into it. I had one last time to turn around, and walk away. But I said no, and got into the water. The pastor had me repeat the words that he said, which I did. Then he pushed my head back into the water. The water was warm, but that wasn’t what I felt. When I was submerged into the water, my heart dropped. The water was electric, it sent shocks through my body, ones that I only felt during the youth rally. I knew at this moment, there was something in the water, with me, it was God. The submerging only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like years to me. I went down, felt the shock, also I felt the chains of my past break, my abuse story was light on my mind, my past sins and lies seemed to be erased.
   I felt that I was sent through a master reset, like one of a computer. My hard drive was cleared, and new software was installed, software that led me to believe, it was time to change the world. I didn’t realize that the pastor brought me up out of the water, I stood there for a second, before my arms shot up in the air. I felt overjoyed, almost to where I leaped out of the water, but I contained myself enough to scream “Amen.” I don’t remember shouting though, someone told me months later, while I was talking to them about it. I was happy to hear that, since I didn’t want to think I copied anyone. That moment in the water, changed my life, forever.
   Even if I don’t follow the rules as close as I should, that day has always been an outline for me. I feel that day wasn’t about religion. Yes, of course, it was a church event, and I did it for God, but that day not only freed me for God, but it also gave me the power to free myself. If that day wouldn’t of happened, I would still be fighting the pain of my past, and probably would have lost, by now.  I thank God, that I didn’t lose my cool, and left that day. If I would have, I don’t know where I would be today!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude