Posts Tagged ‘12’


The warm weather made Christmas feel different. Then the rain brought down the spirit, more. But the worst part of yesterday was that a huge fight broke out. The fight left a few individuals very upset, but that didn’t last long. Our family can never stay mad. The fight was over within hours and there we stood, working things out. 

This brings me to the meaning of Christmas. This was something that I did last year. But I have wanted to do it again. This is because during these times, I feel like we get caught up in the gifts, stress and all the wrong reasons to celebrate. This generation gets caught up with the idea of gifts and their selves that they forget to appreciate the small things. 

I had a whole bunch of great gifts! I got my set of books, a car vacuum, new paints, Puma clothing, and a really awesome laptop! I couldn’t have been happier with the gifts, but that wasn’t the best part of the night. They best part came after the gifts were unwrapped. The best part was spending time with my family.

On Christmas Eve, I found myself hanging with people that I haven’t seen in about 4 years; this being my dad’s side of the family. We had a little get together. At first, I wasn’t able to find enjoyment, but after I laid down my pride I wss able to enjoy myself. This came when I actually started to connect with my family, again. 

This might have been a good time, but the best thing came during the night side of Christmas, after a day of fighting. Everyone came over and joked around. Then my cousins and I decided to try all of the hot sauce that I had previously received that week. We sat around a table and pulled numbers from a cup to decide which hot sauce to try. During this, we all joked around and had a blast. The hot sauce was fantastic and it all showed that you don’t have to receive anything to love the season. 

CHRISTMAS has became about getting the perfect gift. So much zone that we have forgotten that Christmas is about family. Love is suppose to be the center of Christmas. This being said, why do we stress out so much about buying gifts, that only brings anger and hatred. CHRISTMAS is suppose to bring families close, not tear them apart. That is the real meaning of Christmas. The meaning being; instead of worrying about buying a gift that honestly won’t matter in a year, why don’t we spend the time reconnecting and sharing memories as a family. Only then will we feel the magic of Christmas, again. 

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Today, I was giving one of the best presents, ever. This was a present from my retired grandma and she didn’t have to spend much money at all! She made the perfect example of putting her heart into the gift instead of a lot of money! The gift is a butterscotch pie!

   I have always loved her pies, especially the butterscotch pudding pie. She made it one year for a dessert and I will tell you that I almost ate all the pie, myself. I remember from that day, I told my grandma that I only wanted that pie for Christmas, nothing more. She was happy about this since she didn’t have a lot of money to spend, and every year she would make me the best pie in the world. 


This changed a few years back when I stopped going to family gatherings because of internal family issues. I know if I would have gone there would have been more fights, so I took myself out of the situation. After all, holidays are made for loving not drama!

 But this year was different. We wanted to see my grandma and she wanted to see Ariel and I. This is when I made the joke, to my dad, that I would if she makes me the famous pie. He sent a quick text back saying that she would. I was joking, but now I can hit two huge birds with one small amount of a day. I was excited, but we couldn’t decide which day to go! This is when we decided on tonight, but since I worked those plans were cancelled. But it’s my dad’s bday, so we told him to come over for dinner. This was the plan; we would have him over and eat then watch movies. That way we got to at least see him on his birthday. 

   When he got to the house, he brought in two pans. I was unsure what they were, but I had a hunch of what it was. He handed me the pies and told me to enjoy. I was so overjoyed that I began to eat them minutes before dinner. I must say; she makes some amazing pies! 
Now, after eating the pie, I can’t wait to see her! She showed that she cared enough to make the pies. So now I will hold my end of the bargain and go to her house on Christmas Eve! I really can’t wait to see her and thank her for the pies. Also, give her this amazing gift Ariel and I got her! But the main thing is; She makes amazing Fing pies!!!! 

Santa is real
    You see the big man every year at the mall. He is always smiling and fixing his beard. He is ready for the photo. Say cheese! Snap! Next please!. He asks your child what he wants for Christmas, and tells you parents that don’t know what your kid likes. So gentle to those babies, that’s how Santa. Yet when kids get to a certain age we, as parents, have to tell them a lie. The lie that is so famous around this time of the year is that “Santa Claus is fake.” You parents want the full credit on the gifts that are stuffed under the tree. Why would you still the joy from the big mans heart.

    He has been taking out of Christmas, like Jesus was removed from Schools. But no one bats an eye. We act as if it is okay that we banned him. He has to pay the rental on his sleigh, just like we do for our cars. What if you lost your job? Feel bad yet? No? Fine. You know he also has a wife and reindeers? (this isn’t including Rudolph, he is on drugs) He has to feed those Elves also! So do me a favor and stop lying to the future of this generation. You are sick!

p.s. Stop eating Santas’ cookies!

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Dear Children,
Please take the advice above. Your parents are liars, I am actually real. I use to bring amazing gifts. But over the years the treats have disappeared and I cant feed myself anymore. Back in the day, I was able to feed the reindeer and myself, now I come back to Mrs. Claus with an empty stomach! It became such an issue that I had to leave my Santa days behind for a while, only because I was getting too skinny! But now, I am back to my fluffy self! Mrs. Claus is so amazing that she made sure to get me back to full fatness. Now that I am back please do me a favor. Stop EATING MY DAMN COOKIES@!!!!!!!
-Santa, bitches!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Hi there, 

  How are you doing? I am glad to hear that. You must be excited for the holidays, I know I surely am! I can’t wait for the special day when we get to open presents! It’s going to be great this year. Would you like to know why? I really hope you said yes, or this might be awkward for you. 

  Oh crap! I always forget to tell people my name. Hello, my name is Lennon. I am currently one of the top Elves at the N. Pole. This is a great job because we get new jobs every year. This is what I have to talk to you about. Santa says that I need to “reach out” to promote what I do. This is where you’re needed. I am a sex slave and I need you to subscribe. 

  I need the numbers…it’s really freaking important. If I don’t the numbers, Santa says I can’t come inside. Do you know how cold it is here? Of course you don’t, it’s F…… Cold…. So please just take a second and give me a chance. I have a lot to offer! 

  You might want to know what I can do? Well I can bend all the way back, I can fetch, I’m a great singer, I have a sexy dancing body! I can do things with my tongue that even girls can’t do. Overall, I am a full package. Oh did I tell you I can clean, pay bills, and I’m great with children! I am what every single wants, so why not give me a flipping chance? 

   If you give me that one chance, I promise that you won’t want to give me back. It doesn’t even have to be about sex, I am warm blooded, so we can cuddle and you would love it! I think I’m selling it, let’s talk about the application and costs.
  For the applications; we only need your name, number, address, recent std test, and a valid credit card. All information is confidential and we shred it when you return me!!! No problem with saftey here:)
   Now, I know you are paying for Christmas, so I will give you a HUGE discount. Usually, I am $19.99 for 1month. But with it being so close to Christmas, I am going to pay for over 50%. You will only be paying $5.99 for the rest of this month and the entire month of January. That is a huge deal, one that you can’t pass up! What are you waiting for? Oh you need the number. That’s right!!!!  1-800-sex-elf1

Call, I will be waiting 😉


I love the Christmas season, or holiday season. The way that peoples eyes glitter in the presence of all their gifts and their loved ones warms my heart. The part that I love probably the most is the stockings. Who doesn’t want a sock full of wonderful small gifts?!? I love my stockings. This year I got one with the Letter “B” on it. That is because my name is Blake, well no crap right? Anyways I want to let everyone know what I expect in the stocking this year.

Hot sauce- Who couldn’t use hot sauce. I use hot sauce on everything! Even peanut butter and jelly. I use hot sauce in the shower. You name it and I use it there. But it has gotten expensive for the good stuff.

Any card games- I want you guys to know that I am actually a closet Yu-gi-oh player and recently I sold all of my cards, so I need you guys to buy me more. Pokémon is a option, but magic is not welcomed. I don’t get magic -.V

Surge- Only a few of you know about my crazy addiction to Surge. If you don’t know what Surge is, die! But anyways, I am talking kegs of Surge. If it wont fit, then wrap it! I am not that picky.

Money- I want all the money that you can give. I need it to play monopoly. I hide the good stuff up my sleeve during games in order to get the upper hand on my foes. So give me monopoly money!

Candy- If I don’t get kandy this Christmas this year, I will freaking cry. You really don’t want me to cry. Remember that giant flood back in New Orleans, that was because I didn’t get my candy.

Anything else that you can think of is welcomed, except fruit or veggies. I am not that healthy. So this Christmas I will be waiting!

I love really love two things, winter and football. The winter air is the best, as I am a hot blooded male that sweats a lot. So when it snows and the air chills, my body starts to cool down and I actually feel comfortable. Then there is also football! NFL season is coming around the corner, which means my Sundays will be full, again. I am excited about the NFL season, but there is something more amazing coming, that is football in the snow! NFL lasts through winter, which garuntees that we will be having at least one snowy game! I love snowy football games. The game is changed when it snows. The players have to take better percussion, as the snow will keep them sliding the whole game. This makes me wonder, which of the Maddens has the best “Heavy snow” football experiences?

Luckily I have most of the Maddens, as I am missing anything before 07, and 08, 11. Even though I am missing a few games, I still have enough information to bring you guys an amazing Top 5 “Frosty gridiron experiences.”

This will be graded by three things; Does the snow slow down players? (Effect of snow) Does the snow look real? How covered is the field? This will show us how the snow effects gameplay, if the graphics give us a merry experience, and if the experience is realistic, as “heavy snow” should cover the field by halftime! Lets see what game meets our standards!!!!!!

5.  Madden 09- I noticed that all the previous games were bad at keeping the snow the same, but this game at least started the game with a lot of snow on the ground. The sky is blue in the game, though, making it a little awkward to play in. The snow also doesn’t effect the game play, as I was able to run back a fumble with Brian Urlacher. I wasn’t super impressed, but compared to others, this is defiantly a 5 spot game.

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4. Madden 12- During the pre-game, you get to see the snow falling, and all I can say is “wow!). The pre-game is actually better than the actual gameplay! The plus was that the snow was amazing. I would have to say that the snow was realistic as the ground was covered with snow, after Halftime!

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      3. Madden 10- This was the funnest experience for me, and it wasn’t for the graphics, I would have this in the number 1 spot, but the snow stayed the same way the whole game! The big plus was that the snow affected the players! I was playing against the Colts, led by Peyton “The Sherriff” Manning, during the game play, Peyton actually slid on the field leading to a sack! This was after the snow slowed Hester down and caused him to trip and fall to the ground (No one was around.)

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2. Madden 15- Let me start this by saying “I wasn’t that impressed!” Madden added a few snow piles behind the end zone, which is to make you feel that the cleaned the field before the game, and that was the reason that there isnt much snow on the field. The gameplay isn’t affected, again, which kind of pisses me off. If Madden 10 was able to add this, then we should have a bigger effect in one of the newest games. Nonetheless, the snow continues to layer on the field, and by the end of the halftime, you get to play on a packed field, yet the lines are still showing.

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     2. Madden 25- The first letdown of this game was, there was no snow during the pre-game. I saw Culter talking to Marshall, on the sideline, but there wasn’t a snow flake in sight? The big plus was that, after halftime, you can see a huge change in the field. This was pretty impressive, minus the fact that all the lines are still showing. If it was snowing heavy, and with halftime only being 20 minutes (if that), how would the ground crew be able to shovel the lines? The gameplay wasn’t really affected, but I also had the amazing Forte in my backfield. Overall, Madden finally got the snow situation under control, but then fucked up in the very next game…..SMDH.

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This was horrible…..Madden has changed since ’15, and the next generation games are so much better, but it upsets me that they couldn’t make snow realistic, sooner…….there isn’t even a number 1 game……

Don’t agree? Tell me what you think should be changed! Also tell me what I should analyze next!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Rudolph is on drugs!
         Rudolph has freely went to rehab for his cocaine addiction. Rudolph was found on his living room floor next to a line of white snow. The cops investigated the powder, and revealed to the public that it was in fact Cocaine. When asked about it Rudolph told the public that he was rejected for so long that he turned to cocaine. When asked if he had any sales, he admitted that he sold some to the Easter bunny. But no one was able to find his hole, cops reported that they will wait until May 1st 2016 to investigate him.

         Rudolph was chosen from Santa when he saved Christmas, but Santa even admitted that his light-red nose looked drug related, but he came at a good price. Santa takes full responsibility and has been charged with flying under the influence. He is now trying to make a deal with UPS to deliver the rest of the presents this year, since his license have been suspended. Santa will also spend one-seventy days in jail for the possession of cookie crumbs. This drug was found in his lab. He apologizes for all inconveniences.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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Stocking stuffers
I love the Christmas season, or holiday season. The way that peoples eyes glitter in the presence of all their gifts and their loved ones warms my heart. The part that I love probably the most is the stockings. Who doesn’t want a sock full of wonderful small gifts?!? I love my stockings. This year I got one with the Letter “B” on it. That is because my name is Blake, well no crap right? Anyways I want to let everyone know what I expect in the stocking this year.

Hot sauce- Who couldn’t use hot sauce. I use hot sauce on everything! Even peanut butter and jelly. I use hot sauce in the shower. You name it and I use it there. But it has gotten expensive for the good stuff.

Any card games- I want you guys to know that I am actually a closet Yu-gi-oh player and recently I sold all of my cards, so I need you guys to buy me more. Pokémon is a option, but magic is not welcomed. I don’t get magic -.V

Surge- Only a few of you know about my crazy addiction to Surge. If you don’t know what Surge is, die! But anyways, I am talking kegs of Surge. If it wont fit, then wrap it! I am not that picky.

Money- I want all the money that you can give. I need it to play monopoly. I hide the good stuff up my sleeve during games in order to get the upper hand on my foes. So give me monopoly money!

Candy- If I don’t get kandy this Christmas this year, I will freaking cry. You really don’t want me to cry. Remember that giant flood back in New Orleans, that was because I didn’t get my candy.

Anything else that you can think of is welcomed, except fruit or veggies. I am not that healthy. So this Christmas I will be waiting!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude