Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Bottoms up, motherf……

Posted: July 12, 2017 in Uncategorized

Alcohol is my friend!

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The fun thing about being an adult is that you can have adult beverages and no one looks at you different. It is great to have an alcohol beverage after a long day, or maybe after the best damn day of your life! The point is that the beverage is a great coping tool or a great relaxer. Alcohol is my friend.
I have had great days. Those days are always so easy to get over, they are the best. Usually, they result in something good happening in my life. I won something on the lottery, that would be amazing. If I hit that new personal best on the driving range, that would be something to be happy about. Hell if I made the best special Effect, ever, that would even be something to make my day the best. This has all happened. I won about 60 dollars on a scratch off, I keep beating my personal best on  the driving range, I even find a way to keep amazing myself with special effects. My days are mostly good. I come home to a cool house, I slip into my flash pjs and I relax.
I have been watching the old school slasher movies. Halloween was the first franchise that we started with. Michael Myers has a way to keep me on the edge of my seat. He is so sneaky and always finds a way to his victim, he also is the most realistic, which means that anyone could become him…..We finished the franchise the other day, I have to say that my time was well spent. I will be ranking them, early next week, so stay tuned!!!! Anyway, I am saying this to show that my life is a happy life, I have a blast most of the time, but life is still hard.
For the bad days, I try to do a couple things. First, I will try to look at the positive. The next thing is to take a long shower, and the last thing is to drink. Looking at the positive is the hardest, because the problem doesn’t go away, you just find something good to replace it. This is the healthiest way to get over pain, but don’t expect this to be easy. Second, I always find that taking a hot shower is a great way to get over pain. The fact that a hot shower relaxes muscles could be the reason it works so well, either way, it works!!! Then there is the bottle its self! I am drinking right now. My day wasn’t that bad, but I did find out some heart wrenching news that killed me inside. I already had the alcohol, so I just started drinking. I mixed it in a 64-ounce cup and started drinking. I am almost done with it and feel a lot better. I think the pain will be back tomorrow morning, but for now, I am good!!!!!! I feel great!!!
Alcohol is great

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Before we start tonight, I want to spend a few minutes and say thank you. John, thank you for caring about me. You texted me last night and told me how awesome I was. Thank you for sharing about your day, sorry that your day wasn’t that great. You deserve the best. You deserve to be happy and have amazing days. I am glad to hear that you wait for my posts, you have helped me decide that I want to continue writing. Thank you! You rock, I love you!

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She is gone.
When my mother left, it hurt me more than I knew. She walked out the door and walked out into the night air. She was gone and I was without a mother. I was without someone that I trusted my life with, she was gone. She didn’t care that I was hurting, she had things to do and I wasn’t a part of her plans. It took many years for me to find a way to cope with her absence, but this type of coping may have led me through more walls than doors. The way that I have coped with her being gone is being a comical jerk, someone that has to make jokes to hide that he is actually hurt.
In high school, I use to make fun of my mother, and I would laugh along with all of my friends. They didn’t know that I was actually broken, but I never wanted them to know that. It was a sign of weakness to show that I was vulnerable, so I put up all of these walls to make sure no one saw that I was hurt. I hid behind my humor and everyone fell for it. This was great! I was able to convince myself that I was okay with not having my mother. This was great until it began to be a bigger part of me. I began to joke about everything, until nothing was serious to me. This did change when I started to go to church. Church was the only time that I would actually let my emotions flow. Talking to God was the best feeling. Even if he didn’t say anything to me, I knew (in my heart) that he was listening to me. I was able to finally cry without being afraid of someone laughing at me.
I use to cry a lot at church. I would lay on my face and just bawl. Sometimes, I didn’t even know why I was crying, but it felt so good, so I never questioned it. There was a service about mothers, and I remember sinking into my seat and bawling. I cried the whole sermon and more. I was called to the front to talk to the pastors after the sermon and they hugged me. I don’t know why, but it actually felt like my mother was hugging me. Great, things are good now, right? I was able to get back to feeling, I was able to cry again, I was no longer scared to let my emotions out, correct? Yeah, NO! It lasted for a while, but nothing stayed that good for long.
I did say that it lasted for a while, right? I was able to let my emotions out for a good amount of time, but then something happened. I was no longer able to feel. My emotions were shut off and I couldn’t feel inside my heart. I was becoming cold and angry, again. Church just wasn’t the same, anymore. I was drifting away from God and I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I thought going to church more would help. The more that I went, though, the more that I felt the pain grow. Even if the sermon was the most touching, I was unable to go to that place, the place where my emotions could be freed. I needed serious help, my walls were being built again, the same walls my mother forced me to build years before. This is when I began to push people away.
I was able to find my emotions, again. They were found in a girl. This girl was standing twenty feet from me, my heart felt alive again. The next couple months were the best in my life. She taught me what it felt like to care. She taught me why it’s okay to let my emotions out. I was told that emotions were never meant to stay within, because they are meant to be carried by two, not by one. This shook me as I opened up, something that I should have never done. She broke my heart a month later. She allowed her sister to dictate who she was allowed to talk to. Again, the wall went up. This time, it stayed.
I moved away the next summer. I was chasing something, a feeling that I once felt. There was a Church that I thought would help me, but it came to pass. When I got there, it wasn’t the same. This is when I realized that my walk with Christ was no longer the same. I tried to get back to the way that I use to feel, but nothing would work. I only stayed a semester, then moved back home.
Nothing was the same when I got back, though. People moved on and plans changed. It was like I was in a whole new place, with people that I didn’t know. I guess I was hurt that no one seemed to care that I was back. They were okay without me. I told myself that it was a lie, but I never could seem to convince myself. This is when I met my wife, Ariel. She gave me happiness, but something was still missing. The piece that will always be missing. When my mother left, she took something from me that I didn’t know. She took my emotions. I haven’t felt truly sad about something in over 5 years. I stopped caring when I got back from college, when I saw that everyone moved on, When I realized that everyone moved on like my mother. I try to find a way to break down this wall, but the tools are not strong enough. They are broke under the pressure of all my DAMN baggage, I feel like I will never be okay. I miss her! I wish that I could have a heart to heart conversation with my mother. I want to ask her what she was thinking, why she left us, why couldn’t she just be a GODDAMN GOOD PARENT!! But I will never know. She will always have an excuse, I just wish I meant more to her, meant enough for her to drop her act and tell me why she left me. She left too soon.

Dear Mom,
I sit here, waiting for you to walk in those doors. I waited for you to come back for years, but you never came back. You had better things to do, but we weren’t it, were we? Why did you leave me, why did you leave me with these questions? I deserve these answers, dammit! I have giving you the power for so many years, hoping that you would just tell me why I wasn’t good enough!!!!! I want the power back, but you forced these walls up and I cant break them down. I want to take the wall down, but I cant without knowing how you could leave me as a child. How could you leave me at Ten and never even check up on me. I spent years trying to find you, but when I found you, you were full of excuses. You hurt me more than anything. But my biggest question is; why is it that you hurt me so much, but I still want you to hug me and tell me that you love me. Mom, I wish you were better. I wish you weren’t gone. 
Sincerely yours,
A BROKEN CHILD.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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It is 2 a.m. as I sit at my desk. Ariel is sleeping behind me and she looks so peaceful. I like the fact that she is finally sleeping, after a week of fighting for a drop of sleep. I’m glad that she finally is getting the rest that she deserves. But this isn’t about Ariel, though I think it would be easier to talk about her. It would be much easier to tell you about the things going on in her life, that she is working insane hours, that she has family drama (yet she is doing okay), that she has hit her labor goal for like the 1000th week, in a row. She is a fantastic manager and deserves to make a lot more than she does now. It is much easier to tell you guys that she has been enjoying the Halloween franchise, yet hates Rob Zombies’ remake, but everyone hated that crap reboot. But I can’t spend this whole post talking about how she is doing, that’s not what this is about. This is my goodbye….well I think it is,
December was a cold month and it barely snowed. It wasn’t cold because of the weather, the coldness came from my heart. The coldness was for writing. I had everything on the inside froze, my flame for writing was blown out. I lost my passion to do anything with my writing career, so I closed my tablet and put it on the shelf. I lost something in December, something that I sstill haven’t gotten back.
I stopped writing in December and almost deactivated my blog. I didn’t want to post to Impromtdude, anymore. I said that it wasn’t worth the pain that it was bringing me. I was tired of always trying to get noticed just to get knocked down and kicked in the process. I figured I wasn’t good enough for the writing world. I read other writers work and I felt like I was far from their talent, like practice wouldn’t help. I figured I wasn’t good enough to get the gift of writing. I got jealous of my writing friends as they sold their books, where my book is still in the outlining process. The book is in the outline process, because I still didn’t think the book was good enough to start. I felt like I was taking someone’s idea and trying to make it my own. This got worse when I started losing ideas for this blog. I couldn’t come up with things to say to you guys. I lost all motivation and the weight of the world came down on my shoulders and I quit. I quit because I didn’t want to keep saying the same things, because writers don’t do that, we find something else to say, but I kept saying the same thing. I was about three years in, without missing a day of writing. Then I got busy one night and couldn’t write. It became it easier to not post and eventually I stopped writing. That was 6-months ago. Fast forward to Today, I still don’t want to write, but I want to get things off my chest.
Writing has always been a therapy for me. It is where I go when I don’t have anything to live for. It has been my best friend when I was in the roughest part in my life. It has held my hand as I saw my closest friends leave my side. It has listened to countless stories about Emilee, my mother and multiple other heartbreaks that I have endured. It has helped me get back to a good peace of mind. The thing that I love the most is that it has helped me write so many helpful articles. I got a message the other night from someone that found my blog on the internet. She read the blog where I compared real love to first loves. She said that she just got out of a relationship and that she doesn’t believe that true love is out there. I was grateful to talk to her about finding Ariel after Emilee and I told her about the pain that I was feeling while trying to find Ariel. I concluded with saying that True love is always out there, you just have to keep your mind open and ready your heart for something magical. Though, she didn’t reply, I know that it helped her. When she reached out to me about something I wrote, my heart truly melted. I didn’t know that my stuff was actually helping people. This is why I write. I want to help people that are going through things that I have already went through. I just don’t know if I can still do it.
There are so many writers out there that write the same thing as I do, so even I if didn’t post, that person could still get the same message. I could not exist, as a writer, and the earth would still rotate. I guess I just don’t feel special. I don’t feel like I bring anything good to the table. I just want to be proven wrong. I want someone to notice my work. I don’t want to say this is it, but I don’t know what else I can do.

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Don’t waste my time

Posted: May 21, 2017 in Uncategorized


​Stop wasting my time

You aren’t even worth this rhyme

You keep entering your 2 cents

When you ain’t worth a dime

I am tired of your mouth

So get the hell out

Stop talking the lies you say

Before I freak the hell out 

You don’t know about this

You are getting  me pissed

You keep standing in my way

Then cry when you get dissed

This is the warning you receive 

I will always be the same ol me

But if you keep stepping in my way

Then the angels will be the next thing you see
😨🔥🚱😄😁

What is happening and why is it happening again?

This always happens to me, I find some kind of happiness then it is sucked away. I over examine everything that I do in my life and usually over examine what other people say and do. People have done some things to me in my life, but it has never been as serious as I make it to be. Yeah, we could talk about my mother, but that isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that people leave me behind and move on. They take me into the woods and leave me like an unwanted dog. I then have to find my way back home, praying that someone will eventually keep me in their home. This is just a thought, though. I am not alone, of course, but sometimes it feels like it. I have a wife, she is the best thing in my life, but sometimes I just want to have someone check in on me. I want a friend to check to make sure that I am fine, but that is wishful thinking, I guess. They stay for a few months, but everyone gets tired of ol’ Blake. They find someone better and will leave.

This is when things get worse for me. This is when anxiety gets into my veins and begin to rot my inner peace. I try to hold on.  It is hard to hold on to a sharp knife. The knife begins to cut your hand and eventually you will let go, this is what anxiety feels like. Anxiety for me has been a horrible battle. I am usually a pretty awesome guy, I want to make everyone happy (well most of the time) until the knife begins to cut, again. When the knife is pressed against my hand, I don’t want anyone to talk to me. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to be better, I just want to do what I have always done, slowly sink to the back of the room. It becomes harder to get out of this state, the more that I get into this kind of mood.

Recently, I have found myself in this state. I had to hide behind my crew, because I didn’t want to take any orders, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to be at work, it was the last thing that I wanted to do. I push people away and make them feel like I hate them when I have this knife pressed against my hand. I tell people to leave and to never come back, but then I want to chase them down, but I have pride so I will sit back and watch them leave. The worst part is that I will blame them because they left. I pushed them into a battlefield, yet I will say that they shot the first bullet. I could understand why these people don’t want to be around me.

I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt me then blame me for them hurting me. I do get that, but I don’t understand why so many don’t want to be around me. I understand that I treat others like shit, but I am talking about those who I don’t even know. They walk out of my life, leaving me to wonder what I did wrong and how I can change myself. These people make me hate my life and then I get more depressed and push more people away.

My anxiety is horrible, I just want to be normal. I want to keep people near me and show others that I am not a creep or something in that nature. I think I am a good swing for those who want to be friends. I just want to know what is wrong with me. Anxiety is horrible. This is where I am right now, full of it. I might be trying to keep ahold of this knife, but I know that I am one nudge away from losing it. .

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

You know that feeling?

Posted: April 25, 2017 in Uncategorized

You know that feeling when you are so excited that you actually feel nervous? You get sweaty palms and a small headache. You feel your pulse get harder anx you’re just hoping that you don’t pee yourself? That is the best feeling in the world and I am experiencing it, right now. 

NF (Christian rapper) is my favorite musician and I was surprised with tickets (by my loveable wife) for tonight. I think I peed when she told me, but the best part is that I get to meet him. She spent some extra cash and got the background passes, which includes a meet and greet. So, not only do I get to see my favorite artist, I also get to talk to him…My heart is racing as we are only a few minutes from the venue. We are about to party! 

   I have never been this excited, but I love this feeling. I truly love this experience and thank my wife for the best gift, ever… There will be pictures soon. Peace 

If I were to wake up tomorrow with the powers to snap my fingers and change something about my face, you know I would take the chance and change this feature. The feature of my face that I would like to change would be my big, oversize, wrinkle-full, ugly, airplane landing zone of a forehead that I was giving. I swear I could park three oversize trucks on my forehead, and still have enough room to rent out a house (with a view) I swear my house size forehead has kept me in the friend zone more than once, and I am tired of it. I think I would be more than excited to get rid of this mess, so excited that I would end up slapping my hands together, so that the mystical powers could work even faster.
I remember this one time, I was sitting in one of my day classes. This is when I saw a plane making its way towards the school. I heard a lot of yelling from my classmates, as they knew that they were about to be killed from the crash. The teachers were trying to think of a way for everyone to be safe, but that wasn’t going to happen. We had a few seconds. There were flames coming from the wings, as this plane was moving at a high velocity of speed, but the teachers still wanted to try to stop the deaths of many. This is when they began to evacuate everyone out of the building, well everyone but me. They all left me inside of the empty classroom as they got out of the room and made their way down the hall and closer to the exits. I felt something happen in the last seconds of my life. My body started to get tingly, my heart was racing, my eyes began to water and my pants got extremely warm.
My body was complete frozen to the dark green carpet that always reminded me of puke. I knew that everything was about to end, I was just happy to know that I was going home to God. But as the plane hit the school, something happened. I remember a big crashing noise, but then everything stopped. The heat from the plane transferred onto my forehead. The gravitational pull, from my huge mass, was enough to pull the plane into my orbit. The flames were put out as the orbit sped up to even everything out. I saved the school and all of my friends. I became a hero that day, something that even a loser like myself could be happy of.
From the story above, you see that I have had a rough life. This is why I really want that power. I want to be able to change this feature. I know that I am good looking, but my forehead will always hold me down, and that isn’t a joke, I literally mean that I can’t stand the weight of my huge mass of a damn dome. Someone kill me!!!!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Welcome back, Impromtdude.

Posted: April 24, 2017 in Uncategorized

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Tonight, I sit here and I think that I had many plans for this year. I wanted to become something more in this world, especially with my writing, but it hasn’t been working. My life has been hectic for the majority of this year, which has stopped any progress on this blog. I haven’t even posted in months, but I hope that this will change. I miss writing, I have been wanting to write, but something stops me from writing every time. I think I know my problem, so let me explain.

I have an issue! I have an issue of not believing in myself. I built this blog from the ground up, but them when I saw that the stats weren’t where I wanted them, I decided to give up. The fear that I was just wasting my time was something that I couldn’t take. When you know that your hard work is almost for nothing, the best thing you can do is just hang up the coat. This is my biggest problem, I think like this. I have to stop thinking like this and get back into the game.

I have to stop putting down myself, and my ability, and I have to stand up to my fears. My fears of not making it have to become goals of making it bigger. I don’t want to waste anymore time, so I am making this to say that this is the new start. I will no longer be a giver upper. No towels will be thrown in by me, because that isn’t what I do, anymore. I can’t give up on my dreams anymore. I don’t want to give up anymore.

Anyway, I just wanted to say this and get this boat sailing. I have some projects coming out, mainly in special effects, and I will let you know when I get them closer to getting these projects done. Thank you for welcoming me back, I cant wait to mess some shit up!!!!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Today was my b-day

Posted: March 24, 2017 in Uncategorized


Today was my bday. Not only was it my special day, but it was even more special because it’s my golden bidthday. I am now 23. I feel so grown up, but I know that immature days are coming.

   Saturday, I will be spending the night getting completely wasted. I don’t like to get drunk, but I change my rules for big events. Last time I got tipsy, it was new year’s Eve. It was fun. We spent the night going around the table and doing shots. I had to work the next day, but I thought it was a good reason to blow steam. That is why we are about to get plastered 
Anyway, I spent some time doing special effects.  I thought the best way to spend a birthday, would be to make a birthday effect. The story is that I pissed Ariel off so she stabbed me in a face with a birthday candle. I used homemade scar wax to do this effect. It only took me 20 minutes and i enjoyed it a lot.

  Making the effect was fun, but what was funner were the faces of people that I walked by, while wearing the makeup. 

   I am getting ready for Saturday. I am ready to blow some steam, and I have the alcohol to do it. We have spent enough in alcohol, and there is still more coming. 
Anyway, here is that effect! 

One of my favorite sports is basketball. I love playing, I love pulling up from there and hearing the net smack against the rim. There is something about the sound that just makes my heart pound. I use to spend hours and hours playing basketball outside. It wouldn’t matter what the weather was, I would be outside. 

If it was windy, I would adjust my shot to the breeze or work on layups.

 If it was raining, I would be working on corner jumpers and layups

If it was snowing, I would work on fade aways and floaters.

Then on normal days, I would spend hours on three pointers and driving. While also working on all the other things. This would also include game situations!

“Blake has the ball. They haven’t played well, tonight but somehow they are still in the game. They have 3 seconds left, down by 2; Will they shoot a three or go for overtime?”

3.. Blake inbounds the ball and jukes a defender. He goes to his left. 2, He goes behind the back and steps back, forcing a defender to reposition. 1, Blake steps behind the line and pulls up. Could he get it off? Blake releases the ball as the time runs out. He watches the ball spin into the hoop; he won the game!!!!! They won!!!!

You can call me a loser for doing such a thing, but that’s what I would do. It brought me a passion, something that helped me stay in shape and kept my mind clear. There were days that I didn’t want to shoot, of course, but I was out there the next day. I must say that all of the training really helped. I became a good shooter. I could pull up from half-court and pretty much ice it. My three-point shot was sexy. Then we moved.

It all came down to us having to move. The landlord sold our house to someone else. He didn’t tell us that he was looking to sell, but it meant that we had to move. We moved into a smaller house, with less of a yard. The houses were closer together, so I couldn’t really shoot. I lost my passion for the game and my automatic shot. I soon stopped shooting all together. I would get spurts of passion, but it would never stay. 

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to play on a team. I just wanted to be better, but I never did. I quit my high school team, because I didn’t have good handles. This is something I could have learned, but I didn’t want to admit that I had a problem, this led to me failing at that dream. Sometimes I wonder what could have happened if I had someone coach me, but I don’t know. 

You should never give up on your dreams. I gave up because I moved, but I still had the tools at my disposal, but I quit. This is my fault. I gave up on myself. Now, years later, I regret ever pulling the trigger. I would have never went pro, but I could have had a lot more fun than I did. My whole life has been a “what if” and it pisses me off. I hate how I give up before it even starts. It sucks. So, stay on that team, keep playing the guitar, ask that girl out, go after that job. You’re the only one to say that you can’t do something! Stop giving up on yourself. Don’t be like me!!! 


🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀🏀