Archive for the ‘Encouragement’ Category

How do I get over her?

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How do I get over her?

When I was seventeen, I met the girl that changed my world. She isn’t my wife, now, but she helped me prepare myself for Ariel. I don’t know if this is okay to talk about, but know that my feelings are no longer strong about this girl. She is married now, and I am happy with who I am with. But I think someone needs to hear this and the only way to tell you guys is to bring her back up, so sorry if you guys think its disrespectful to Ariel, but know that I never meant for it to be. Please read this with an open mind, and don’t forget to share it! Someone needs to hear this.

 

I met this girl when I was seventeen. We went to a conference with the same youth group. I didn’t know anything about her, as she didn’t know about me, either. I never went to her church, but my old youth pastor was her youth pastor, at the time. He invited me to go with them, which I was excited to go to find God, but little did I know, I was about to meet someone that would go on to change my life, forever. She said hi first, and I ignored her because I was shy.

 

After the service, I went up to say sorry and she said that she understood, so I introduced myself and we began to talk. This was the start of the best part of my life (up to this point in time, of course not now) we got to know each other better each day, and we never went a day without talking. With every day that went by, I was learning more about life, God, and how to love. I changed my career path and got accepted into the same college that she was going to. We planned to go to the same school so we could be close (in order to help each other get closer to God. As we knew it can be hard to adapt.) We agreed to begin to court once we turned 18, but the more we talked, the feeling began to get stronger. Long story short; she called it off shortly after we got close; saying that her family didn’t think it was a good idea. We went our separate ways. This is what I call the dark days.

 

Losing her took a huge blow to my faith, as I couldn’t focus on anything but the fact that she wasn’t close to me anymore. I could count on my youth pastor, but he was busy with his life, and took a job at the church she attended, so I thought I had to get through this alone. The more that I fought to get over her; the more I felt the waves crashing into me. I drowned in my faith and became depressed. This led me to staring at walls for hours, not praying as much, and questioning if God was real. It got so bad that my pastors pulled me into the side room and questioned if I was okay. Kids in school asked me if I was okay; literally one day I was shining, the next I was dark and emotional. I never thought I could get over her, but I did.

 

You probably have gone through this, or are going through this now, and you may be asking how I did it? How did I get over her? It took a long time, but by doing four things, I was able to get over her, finally; realizing it was for the best, knowing that someone was out there for me, giving space and being happy for her. Let’s see what I mean;

 

  1. Realizing it was for the best.

This meant that I had to agree that I wasn’t the best option for her, and she wasn’t the best option for me. This can be hard when you first break up or break a courtship off, because the feelings are still fresh, but over time you will see that it is for the best. She was what I wanted, but not what I needed. She had different dreams; ones that I didn’t want. She wanted to see the eastern part of the world, where I was more into spreading the word to locals. This being said, our lives were never going to match up, which is good to know that neither of us are held back now, because she married in the east and I married in the local part of Illinois. What I am saying is there was a reason that it didn’t work out, you may not know right now, but one day you will know and you will smile, knowing that you were able to set her/him free and were able to do your own thing, without anything holding you down or back.

 

  1. Knowing someone was out there for me.

I have always wanted to find the perfect girl, fall in love, get married and eventually have kids. When she left, I thought all of that was over, but shortly after her leaving, I talked to someone and they said to have faith someone is out there. I didn’t want to believe it, because I didn’t want to believe that anyone could be better than her. Now that I look back on that conversation, he was right. It was scary to think that I would never meet someone, but the truth is; she was out there! She was waiting patiently for me. Know that when you close one door, another door will be opened for you. IT may hurt to go through, but the pain will be healed once you walk through that door; because your first love never amounts to your true love.

 

  1. Giving her the space she needs, also the space I need!

I had respect for this girl, so I never wanted to step over boundaries. I wanted to give her the space that she needed, wanted.  I knew that I couldn’t get over her if I was seeing her weekly, so I didn’t involve myself in events that I knew she would be at, or at least events that I knew we would have to talk a lot. When I graduated, I gave her the space by going to another college, letting her go to CBC without me. I attended a different seminary, hoping that moving would take away the pain, and it worked. I attended World Revival School of Ministry in Kansas City, Missouri. This school was all about finding a new level to your relationship with God. I never had time to think of her, and I was maturing as a person.

 

When I came back home, I was able to talk to her with no pain, at all. We were able to talk as friends, sharing our passions without thinking about the future together. It was nice, because in the end, she was still a great friend.   It is important to get yourself the room to cope with the heart break. This was the hardest part. I know it’s hard to watch someone you love move on, but you have to know that trying to force yourself into their arms will never work. Give them space, take your space and one day you could be friends (or in a special case, it could have been the wrong time for the relationship, and you could eventually fall in love, again.) I would rather have that person in my life as a friend, than not having that person in my life at all. It worked for me; I bet it can work for you, too!

 

  1. Be happy for the person!

Okay, so now we know that we have to realize better things are out there, that you won’t be alone forever, and that you have to give them space, but what should be the last thing? What will help? BE happy! Be happy for the person, be happy for your own growth; be happy that you can be friends; be happy that you didn’t have to live with the regret, be happy that you were giving the chance in the first place.

 

BE HAPPY!  So it didn’t work out! That doesn’t mean that it has to be all bad. You were able to spend that time with them, you were able to learn from this situation, and you were giving a second chance to find that somebody that will probably be better than the other one, anyway.  I am personally happy that she was able to find someone, get married and was able to change his world. I am happy that I was able to find Ariel, fall in love, get married, and start a small family one day. I am also happy that I was able to learn everything from my first love. But somethings just don’t work out, I am happy that I could live it, though. I know it hurts, but don’t let it get you down, forever.

 

Move on, and find a way to be happy. Surround yourself with friends during the dark days, and never be afraid to ask for help. I was stupid to think I had to do it all alone. You are never alone, so don’t try to do it alone. In all of this, find something to make you happy, because you deserve to be happy, with or without that person. When you do this, I bet you will get over him/her.

 

I think I have talked enough, so I will end it here. I know that you are hurting, which I’m sorry for, but it won’t always be like this. IT will get better, I don’t know when, but it will! Find friends to keep you occupied; let them help you piece yourself back together and get ready for the love of your life to come and sweep you up! You will be so happy that you didn’t stay with the one that got away. So space yourself, realize you won’t be alone forever, know it happens for a reason, and finally, be freaking happy. You will make it! I have faith in you!

Also check out my blog on First love vs true love!

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Don’t jump into the water!

It is hard to stay positive when you know life is rough. It is hard to keep that smile on your face, when you are trying to hold back tears. It’s hard to laugh and hard to love when you are filled with fear and doubt. Others will tell you to keep your head up, to get over it and be happy again, but do they know what you go through? Do they live with you, pay your bills, write your budget for the month, or even know how much you have to pay for rent? The answer is no, most of the time, that is. But they might have a point.

If you are an average American, you might be struggling, right now. I know I am no longer living comfortably. It is rough, and I don’t know how long it may take to get out of the situation. The truth is, I made a huge mistake that I’m pay for, now. It sucks. I fight back anger, every day. I try to stay strong, because that is who I am supposed to be. I am Blake. I am the happy clown that puts a smile on everyone’s face. I can’t be upset, I can’t stress, I have to be strong. But when is it my time to be sad, depressed, angry and broken? If you’re an average American, I probably just hit you hard with that similarity, yes! We are alike. You aren’t the only one that is struggling with these feelings. You aren’t the only one that has trouble breathing when you think about all the things you can’t do. You aren’t alone. So what happens now? Where do we go after we realize that we are broken?

The answer is simple. We go back to the beginning. We get over the small things and make plans on how to fix the bigger issues. This sounds so simple, but it’s not. It will take everything you have, but, it will work out!

The first step is to GET UP! Life isn’t over just because you fell and feel like you can’t get back up. You have a boo-boo but it isn’t critical. Get up! That is the most important thing. Get up from the ground and fight back! Breathe and know that everything will be okay! It isn’t the end of the world, but it is the end of your fear! You will get through this with the love and support of your friends and family. If it wasn’t for the strong encouragement of my wife, Ariel, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am. Yes, you will still be hurting, stressed, and possibly will fall again! But with these people beside you, you will make it. I Promise. They will be your security blanket in the hard times. Never try to do this alone. EVER!

The second step is to make a plan. I would never go into a war without the best outline, ever, neither should you! Take a minute from your crazy life and write down goals, a budget, and solutions. What do you want in the next 5 years? Well, I want to be debt free. Okay! How? I’ll pay the minimums on my credit cards, I’ll sell what I don’t use (you know, that boat that you bought, even though you live in the city and don’t even know where the nearest river is?) , and I’ll stop going to McDonald’s  and I’ll use that dang cook book that my mom bought me! I will then put that money back so I can finally pay more on my credit card! Okay! What solutions will help you get your life back together? If I didn’t have debt, that would be a big relief. I’m not happy with my current job, so I’ll look for a new one, I am not happy with my weight, so I’ll workout 4 days a week. See, it isn’t that hard to make a plan. Most people don’t take time to make a plan, and that is why they usually never see results. They want everything to go back to normal, but they never change their way of living. How do you expect change, when you never put in the work? Getting your life together is 20% materials and 80% your will to be different.

The Third step is simple; Stop stressing the small stuff!

I learned a lesson a year ago, right around this time; this lesson was “Stop stressing the small things.” A guy told me that when I was in the line at a pretzel shop. Ariel and I were waiting in line for a bucket of yummy, Cinnamon pretzel nuggets. We were talking about the fact that Christmas was coming up and that we didn’t want to spend that much money. The guy interrupted and told us to not stress over the little things, because life is too short to lose sleep over things that won’t matter in a year. This hit me when I thought about it. How many times do we over stress about the smallest things. It might seem important, but when it’s over, you realize that the situation wasn’t that serious after all. You were able to solve the issue pretty quick, and shouldn’t have lost sleep over it. In this case, Ariel and I ended up having a great Christmas, even though we didn’t spend that much money. In other cases, we were able to find a hole in our budget and got back in the race, quickly. YES! There are certain cases that you won’t be able to fix it immediately, but with a solid plan, all things will be solved in due time. This is where your faith in your plan has to be strong. You won’t stick to the plan if you think it isn’t bulletproof, so you best believe it’s bulletproof. After you believe in yourself, then you might not be stress less, but you won’t feel like the whole world is on your shoulders, anymore.

The last thing is what I have always done, that is laugh, dangit! Why mope around when you can’t fix things? Why do we get depressed and let the darkness take over our rainbow? Being negative all the time is like jumping into a raging river. You know it will never end well, but yet you still jump, why? Stop jumping into the water, stop letting the pain get you down. When I get upset, I try to find a way to make a joke out of it, and it has worked. I know this isn’t the best advice, as some of you aren’t like me, I know, but just try it. Laughter is the best medicine to a broken heart. In my situation, I will make jokes because I know how stupid I was for doing what I did. Ariel and I make jokes all the time now when it comes to the situation. Laughter will change everything. When you laugh, it is like you are taking the sting and pain away from the antagonist, leaving them defenseless and weak. Learn how to keep a smile on your face, because no situation is big enough to take your smile away. Laugh, my peeps, laugh. It will help.

What I am saying is; stop letting depression win. Get up from the ground and live the best life that you can. Laugh when you are hurt, smile when you are broken, and learn to love. Find people that will pull you from the river and cover you with their safety. Learn to not stress over the small things and to make plans for anything that seems impossible, because God has your back. This isn’t a spiritual post, but these are the simple things I do to keep that beautiful smile on my face, at all times. I have been through the worse times, ever, but somehow, I have been able to find a way to stay positive. I want to give you four simple things you need to do anytime you’re down; Get up, Make a plan, Stop stressing the small things and for gosh sake, LAUGH! When you master those 4 things, you will be so much happier, and the small things will no longer have a hold on your heart! I LOVE YOU, GUYS! Thank you for the support and I hope to see you in the next post: How to get over him/her.

Welcome back! It has been so dang long and I do apologize for that. It has been the roughest year of my young life, and that has caused me to not want to write. But nonetheless, we are back in action. I won’t be posting nearly as much as I use to, but know that you will be getting a blog 4 out of 7 days. This is solely because posting 7 days a week is just too draining and I don’t want to find myself hating this again. Not that I could ever hate you, guys. Wink, wink! Also, with the change of the schedule, I will also be giving this blog some direction. This will help you guys know what is going on at all times and will finally give this blog a name. For most of this blogs existence, I have posted whatever comes to mind, which can be hard to pull in outsiders, since people only read what they think will affect them. In this “Revival” of “Impromtdude” We will be leaning more towards encouragement. Meaning 2 of the 4 post will be uplifting messages to help you guys get through the day, then the other 2 days will be reviews, promotions, writing prompts, thoughts, lessons, or anything else I can think of. I really feel that will bring life back into this keyboard, and will give you guys encouragement to face your demons. I have to say that I am glad to be back and I hope you enjoy the upcoming projects, as I am excited to share my thoughts and talents with you guys. Thank you for reading!

Don’t let toxic people ruin your shine.

When I was going up, I lived with my mom. At 7 years old, you are looking to your parents for the right and wrongs. You are over being that toddler that is running around the house, and you aren’t quite the man that is taking girls out. You are right in the middle. These are the times that you really need a strong backbone to know what is wrong and right and you need that person to push you in the right direction. She wasn’t this, though. She taught me, at such a young age, that hate is good and that you must judge everyone on their actions. Most of her lessons were, of course, about hating my dad, as she taught me that he wasn’t around because he was a bad father, not because she had a restraining order on him. She also taught me that it was okay to steal, lie and cheat. This led me to lying to people, cheating in class, and stealing (to the point of being banned from a gas station at 8 years old!) This went on for many years. When I grew up, I ended up being like her in many ways. I would blame others when I didn’t get my way, I lied to girls to get what I wanted, and I got in trouble for stealing; all things that she taught me because she was a toxic person.

This was all said to tell you that you don’t need or want toxic people in your life. They will tear you down and only will use you for their pleasure. They don’t care about you or how you feel; they only want what they can get. If you stop giving it to them, then they will leave you and treat you like they treat everyone else. You will become nobody in their eyes, because they won’t be able to use you as a puppet.

Toxic people come in many forms; boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bosses, coworkers, and most importantly family. Anyone in your life can be toxic. Toxic people just want everyone to be as miserable as they are. Boyfriends will use words to cut down their girlfriends (and vice versa,) usually telling the girl that she is ugly, fat or stupid. This is usually in attempt to make her feel so low about her own self that she would never think about leaving him. Your coworkers can be toxic by the way they talk to you or about others. Getting that promotion is their only goal, and they will do anything to get it, even putting you through the ringer. They also take time and gossip about your other workers, mainly to make themselves look better, which can make the workplace dangerous and full or drama, which was their goal all along. Drama is soul food for these people. But one type of toxic person, one that we didn’t think should be on this list, is your family. Family is supposed to be there in thick and thin. They are supposed to support your feelings, your dreams and also should see your side of the story. They should understand that you aren’t always going to like someone or agree with everyone. They should show you the love that you always gave them. This isn’t always the case, though. Some families are full of drama seeking  hateful judgers that want everyone to hear them, but never want to listen. Such as my mom, they want everyone to see their side and only their side. They will do everything in their power to convince others that you are wrong and that they are right. Most families will break apart because of the toxicity feelings.

What should we do about toxic people? CUT THEM OFF. Don’t let your boyfriend talk to you like he does, remove yourself from conversations will negative people, and if you need to, cut your family off. You have a life to live, so don’t let others bring you down. Life is too stressful to allow others to fill you will negative thoughts and feelings, so cut them off. You will never change their mind; you will never do them justice. Every word that you speak will go in one ear and out the other, so stop wasting your breath. Get a knife and cut the ties, because you will be happier that way! I saw a big change when I cut my mom off. She wanted to blame my dad for my bad childhood and wanted to tell me that it was his fault, but I knew the truth. The truth was that she was just hateful and wanted to avoid being the blame, so she pushed it on someone else. I thought that I could pull her up and show her that no one was to blame fully, but I saw quickly that she was pulling me into negativity, and if I didn’t release her hand then I would become the same type of person. It won’t work! You put yourself at risk anytime you try to pull these people out of their toxicity! But it is so easy to pull you down.

I have seen so many toxic people in my life, but that is also why I don’t talk to that many people. I don’t dance with snakes and I don’t drink with fools. Being around toxic people is as dangerous as dancing in the middle of a freeway, you will eventually be flattened! Don’t let that happen, though! Get up, cut those people off, and live your most positive life. It will be hard to cut these people off, especially at the family level, but you need to do it.  Stop letting them ruin your most happy days, take them back already!

Thank you for all your support. This is my first time writing a blog in almost a year and dang did it feel so good. I miss this feeling. I will have something up soon to tell you guys what will be posted and when. I have a few big projects coming in the next few weeks that I will need your help on, ill post more details soon. Thank you for the support and I love you.

purple liquid poison on brown wooden surface

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