12 dddaaaayyyss of Christmas Returns! Meet Lennon, the sex slave elf. 

Posted: December 17, 2016 in Uncategorized
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Hi there, 

  How are you doing? I am glad to hear that. You must be excited for the holidays, I know I surely am! I can’t wait for the special day when we get to open presents! It’s going to be great this year. Would you like to know why? I really hope you said yes, or this might be awkward for you. 

  Oh crap! I always forget to tell people my name. Hello, my name is Lennon. I am currently one of the top Elves at the N. Pole. This is a great job because we get new jobs every year. This is what I have to talk to you about. Santa says that I need to “reach out” to promote what I do. This is where you’re needed. I am a sex slave and I need you to subscribe. 

  I need the numbers…it’s really freaking important. If I don’t the numbers, Santa says I can’t come inside. Do you know how cold it is here? Of course you don’t, it’s F…… Cold…. So please just take a second and give me a chance. I have a lot to offer! 

  You might want to know what I can do? Well I can bend all the way back, I can fetch, I’m a great singer, I have a sexy dancing body! I can do things with my tongue that even girls can’t do. Overall, I am a full package. Oh did I tell you I can clean, pay bills, and I’m great with children! I am what every single wants, so why not give me a flipping chance? 

   If you give me that one chance, I promise that you won’t want to give me back. It doesn’t even have to be about sex, I am warm blooded, so we can cuddle and you would love it! I think I’m selling it, let’s talk about the application and costs.
  For the applications; we only need your name, number, address, recent std test, and a valid credit card. All information is confidential and we shred it when you return me!!! No problem with saftey here:)
   Now, I know you are paying for Christmas, so I will give you a HUGE discount. Usually, I am $19.99 for 1month. But with it being so close to Christmas, I am going to pay for over 50%. You will only be paying $5.99 for the rest of this month and the entire month of January. That is a huge deal, one that you can’t pass up! What are you waiting for? Oh you need the number. That’s right!!!!  1-800-sex-elf1

Call, I will be waiting 😉

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