12 days of Christmas Returns!! Talking Christmas gifts and the price of a tigers penis….

Posted: December 14, 2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What would be a great gift to get me? I want everyone to know that I am not a picky guy, but I do want you to buy me something nice. I can always spot a dollar tree gift over a nice expensive Wal-Mart gift. I have an eye for this kind of thing, so don’t screw around! But seriously I don’t want much for Christmas, I just want everyone to be happy and love their family. With this being said; I know some of you are dying to get me a gift, which means I cant leave you out of the circle on what I want. Here is a very short/long Christmas list of things you can buy me. Know you can buy me whatever you want, but I wont like it as much…so why not just buy what’s on the list? Don’t be cheap.

image

10. A Donald Trump hairpiece! They range from $3 to $29. Now, you could go cheap and get me the low end wig, but we all know what that brings. The stitches are cheap and probably will make my head itch. But I will let you decide. (Seriously, go with an expensive one….)

9. A tiger– You can go to Exoticanimalsforsale.net and find nothing, because they suck….But Havocscope.com will have what you’re looking for. Now, do know that Tigers usually go for $50,000. This is more than most of you will make in three lifetimes. Don’t fool yourself, you cant afford that….Hell you couldn’t even afford a dead one (they are $5,000,) so just continue down the line……
BTW a Tiger Penis cost $1,300.

8. Tim Tebow Jersey (signed)– Sportsmemorabilia.com has this listed for $926.99. I think everyone deserves to be treated like a king, so go ahead and treat yourself to buying me this piece of history, you deserve it!

7. Taylor Swift hoodie– a “Real men love Taylor Swift” shirt would go great with any other gift you get me. You can afford $20, I know you can! Please, I will love you forever!!!!

6. A Tiger Penis– The more I think about it, I think I want the penis of a Tiger; you know…for science of course. Just buy me a Tiger penis for the love of God.

5. God, himself! So I don’t think I can find this on the internet. You might need to get to a black market, but this would be an awesome gift for me. Could you imagine having God in your pocket?

4. All 7!!!! Dragon Balls– Daddy has a car payment, and I need the authentic dragon balls so I can wish for my car to be paid off. Or you can pay my car off…..which ever one works.

3. Friends– I think this item goes for $15 on Ebay but don’t feel pressured, you can buy the cheapo at the bottom of the list. Also, don’t express ship, I’m use to not having friends, I wont know what to do with them when I get them.

2. Bart’s wife– I think Bart is getting lonely. He is about the right age to get some Reindeer tail and I am tired of him humping his brothers leg, so please buy him a wife…It must be a girl reindeer. He likes them to have a white tail but black dots…booom, not racist!!!

1. A Browns/Bears win– You must buy both. I have faith that the Browns will win the Superbowl 51, but lately they have slipped back. I need this to change. They must win all the remaining games to be in the Superbowl, so can you buy me those wins? They might cost a lot, but you know how much that would mean to me? More than a Tiger penis! Okay, maybe not but it would come close!!!! Also a Bears win or a new Qb…..Mainly a new QB!

There you go, I gave you my list. I need all these items (especially #6!!!) by the end of the Christmas period. If you fail to do so, I will send Bart to hump your dirty leg!! He has a strong grip, so you better hurry!!! My address is 1010 E. Tiger Penis St. Bartville, Illinois. 69069. Thanks!.
Love you guys,
Impromtdude, Bart, Ginger, Francis, and Tiger (the tiger penis).

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s