My self doubt story.

When I was little, I was made fun of everyday. I wasn’t poor or anything, but everyone around me seem to make fun of me as I was. I remember a few times that I was broken because of these comments, so today (in an attempt to share awareness) I want to talk about one event that led to me being full of self doubt.

When I was about 7, my house burnt down. That day, I wanted to stay home but my mom told me that I wasn’t allowed to. I didn’t feel good,  but it wasn’t a stomach ache, it was more of a heart ache. I didn’t know what was going on, but my mother pushed me out the door. I was in art class, later that day and my hands started to shake for no reason. My friends were worried for me, but I told them that I was fine then went back to painting my picture. I remember that day all to clearly. I was at recess when a crowd of kids ran to the slide. I was such a follower, so I followed them and asked what was going on. They all pointed to the sky, where a cloud of smoke hovered over the town. The excitement was quickly put out and we went back to playing four-square. Later that hour, I was called into the principals office. I knew I wasn’t in trouble, but they still wanted to see me. When I walked through the doors, my mother was sitting there fully covered in ashes. Her face was a dark grey and she smelt like smoke. They had me sit down and told me that our house had burnt down. I didn’t fully understand what that meant, but I could tell it wasn’t good. I didn’t know what to do, but my mom pulled me close and hugged me. I pulled away and told her that she smelt like smoke. The room irrupted in a giggle. During a bathroom break that day, we were all standing in line. The kids were all talking about the smoke cloud, that is when I told them that it was my house that burnt down. They all laughed and began to mock me “You don’t even have a house” “Stop lying, you don’t have a house like you don’t have any friends.” The teacher came up to me in line, after talking to the principal and gave me a hug, followed by saying that she was very sorry about my house. The kids were in shock, as I was telling the truth, and surrounded me. They acted like the words said previously were never said, but deep down it was still killing me, because it was clear that it was all true.

They were probably right, I didn’t have any friends. No one liked me because I was different, because I didn’t have the money like everyone else. My family was just broken apart, my mother was trying to figure everything out. Then our house burnt down, I was literally all alone in the hardest days of my life, the only thing I had was my messed up life and the words that were said that day. Those small words have haunted me through my life and have caused me to think low about myself. I usually find myself mot saying how I feel, because I am scared of what people will say. I don’t want to be hurt like that day, again. That day also took away all my self confidence, which I still lack to this day especially when it comes to sharing any of my own work.

Bullying will ruin a life, even if the bullying isn’t severe. That is why its important to stand for those who can’t stand for themselves. If you see someone getting bullied, don’t walk the other way. No! Save them. Even if it is just telling the person to leave them alone, you don’t know what will save that persons life. I am not only talking about his/her actual life, I am also talking about how they feel about themselves for the rest of their lives. Don’t be a part of the problem, instead be the light into the dark world. Be different, you could help make someone great.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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