Why is it back?

Posted: August 4, 2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

    I have sadly taken another step into depression. I find myself in this boat, it feels like the boat is sinking. With that being said, I would like to take tonight off. I was going to do some amazing post, but I just don’t feel like myself, right now. I want to bring you guys to my old post from July 2015, that also happens to be another battle I had with depression. I hope you aren’t mad.:(

Have you ever felt alone? Not the type of alone that you feel when you are in a house by yourself, no I am talking about the alone that hurts. The alone that I am speaking of is the kind that even in a crowded room you feel your the only living human. You can fight this as much as you possibly can, but at the end of the day the feeling is still as strong as the beginning. You can’t shake this feeling for the life of you, it’s a feeling that is impossible to get rid of, it is a part of depression, its been the death of really great people, and I am no different!
If i’m being fully honest, I have been struggling a lot lately with feeling alone and worthless, its like I take fifteen steps forward to the point of feeling good about myself, to end up taking thirty steps back to find myself hurting from something I thought I had under control. Well the same thing that I conquered in the past, happens to be the same thing that is holding my head under water. I have been losing the battle lately with all my depression, a battle that I thought I had in the bag.
See when you get comfortable with who you are, something has to happen to try to break your spirit. It will be something that you never thought that would make you hurt, but it is the problem, it always is. My problem happens to be my job, and my boss. They both make me want to jump off a bridge to escape how they make me feel. One stresses me to do everything in my power to get everything done as fast as possible to look good, even if the price is my well being. The other is the one that makes me feel like I’m not doing a good enough job, with his smart remarks about what I do, and the way that he treats other employees.
I have worked at my job for two years, and one year with the man that puts a lot of stress on me. He is my general manager and I can just say that he can be a prick. He will go behind me and try to correct everything that I do, even with me doing everything in my power to get it done. Then there are those times where he will yell at me for not getting one thing out of a hundred done. But then again when one of my coworkers do only one of the hundred things, he praises them with candy and love. Now I don’t want that , I just want him to stop favoring the laziest people and show his hardest workers the appreciation, they deserve it more.
I don’t even like going into work anymore, where I use to strive to get called in on my day off, and it’s all because of the amount of stress that is put on me. This stress that I can’t let go of, is literally killing me more and more each day. I have become a depressed little wreck, someone that use to love their life, has become someone that doesn’t care what happens next. With this becoming a problem, I started to think of the things that I could do to become happy.
one- talking to my wife- She is such a good listener and is very positive and supportive. She supports all of my decisions even if she questions my motives. I love her for that she is amazing.
two- Installing TalkLife again- Talklife is a free application that is available on everything except window phones. The point of this application is to help those who are depressed. I have been a part of the community for almost four years, but I deleted it to get a few games on my phone. But as I saw all of my hard work to keep myself happy disappear, I decided that it was time to cry out for help once again. I originally downloaded this application to help people, but I noticed quickly, that I needed the help I was giving out. Now I am back, and it is easier to conquer the heart-wrenching feelings that this amount of stress brings onto me.
If you feel like you are hopeless in your situation, know that you aren’t. If you feel alone in your life, know that you aren’t. There are people there in your life that are feeling the same, so don’t let your pride get in the way of getting help. Someone will help you if you ask, you just have to ask!!!! I am here to help you!




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