I hate the old me!

Posted: May 17, 2016 in Uncategorized
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If I could, what would be different?
I have made a thousand mistakes, one after another, and it has hurt a lot of people. I wasn’t always a nice guy, I had my time when I would use people for what they could give me. I would make fun of poor people that didn’t fit in, when I didn’t fit in myself. I wasted peoples time with woo-is-me statuses, the same statuses that I would tell people I was okay. II found that getting attention was the best way to get what I wanted, but when the attention ran out; I was left alone. I sit back and think of my old me, and I want to go back and change him. I wouldn’t mind slapping the smirk off his face when he hurt a cute girl. He wanted vengeance for his mother, he was so dumb. This is the same guy that was talking to three girls at a time, until one found out. Then to save his image, he would leave all three, not realizing that doing so was damaging his image the same.
I am not proud of this Blake, but it is part of my life, and something I can’t change. I have to live up to who I have become, even though I’m not proud of myself, I have made a few huge changes. I will be telling you guys two things that revealed that I was too far gone, and what made me change.

It was eighth grade, I was in the “popular” group, mainly because I was easy to push around, but still I was seen as a badass. I had to keep my image clean, which meant that I had to do what it took to get the laugh. It was a week before one of the dances. My class was a small class, small enough to put us all in one little classroom. There was this girl, though, and her name was Rea. She wasn’t the skinniest, she was actually considered obese. She had a huge crush on me, but she wasn’t cool enough to be with me, anyways this girl had depression. She was always being made fun of, because she was awkward and well overweight. If this were a year later, I would have defended her. But as I said, it was a year to late. We were all talking about going to the dance, I wasn’t going due to not having a date, but Rea wanted to go. She was super excited about going, and already had her dress picked out, even though she didn’t have a date. This was my chance, it was time to make my quota and gain the respect from my “Group.” As she began to talk, I interrupted her. I started by saying her name then I muttered the phrase “You shouldn’t go.” She seemed heartbroken but also confused, so I explained why “You shouldn’t go, because you will fill up the whole gym with your body.” I saw a whole new girl come out, she wasn’t excited, anymore. She shook her head and turned around. I saw her back shake as she began to cry. Instead of the laughter, I expected, I got a few chuckles but mostly a lot of scorns.

No one found me funny that day. I said something way past the line, something that played a part in her cutting. Yes, I caused her to cut. She was admitted into the hospital, missing every dance we had, that year. She wanted to go to one dance, and because of me, she couldn’t. She left our school that year, and didn’t come back. When I saw the real pain that she was going through, I reached out, a year later. I felt horrible as I sent a six page apology to her. I explained that I didn’t want to hurt her, but I wanted the laughs. I was a foolish man, and it almost caused a girl to commit suicide. She accepted my apology, and we talk to this day. From that point on, I stood for those who couldn’t stand by themselves.

The second story is quite simple, me being a stupid teen, It happened also in eight grade. I was talking to this girl, but she wasn’t the prettiest, well I didn’t think so, at the time. She was into me as I was into her, but being popular I couldn’t date her. The guys would never let me live that down, but something more important came up. I ran out of money and minutes on my phone. I knew that this girl was into me, and she had some money. Being a jackass, I told her that if she got me minutes, I would date her.

The next day, she sent me the codes. I took the codes from her, and added them to my phone. I sent her the confirmation about our relationship, but then I broke up with her. She was hurt from my stupidity, but I told her that I said I would date her, not stay in a relationship with her. Even though I said this, she spread around the rumor that we were dating. She took advantage of this mess, and everyone found out. I was a laughing stock of the whole school. I actually liked the girl, but when I found out that she lied to everyone, I started a huge fight and said things I didn’t mean. It took forever to get her to talk to me. When we began to talk again, she was different, she was distant. I can understand why, too. I hurt her, I lied, I took advantage of her, and initially I ruined our friendship.

I didn’t write this post to make everyone think of that Blake. I wrote this post to tell you guys to be real. There is nothing, in life, that should cause you to be anything like I was. If you like someone, then go after that person, it shouldn’t matter if you are cool and they aren’t. That shouldn’t matter. Never judge a book by its cover, never tear someone down for being overweight or ugly. Don’t bully people to feel cool, that isnt the way to live your life. I hated that Blake, he was a complete idiot. As I said before, If I could go back in time I would slap the shit out of him. I almost caused someone to commit suicide, that would have ruined me. Remember that you don’t know what those people are going through, or what they do when you’re not around!

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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