Mothers day is hard.

Posted: May 9, 2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Why do I feel so wrong?

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Today is mothers day, the one day that mothers get fully recognized for everything they do. I have had amazing mothers, in my life, that have taken me under their winds to show me what love is. They taught me different lessons in life, like when to say yes and no, or what to look for in a woman, or why it is important to follow my dreams. It is nice to have that support from someone, and that is what is amazing about mothers; they know what to do to make you feel safe and happy. The appreciation, I have for them doesn’t stop on this day, though, I find new ways to show them the love (They show me) on everyday of the year.
      I recently lost a mother figure. She was taken from this world way to soon. It hurt to hear that she passed away, but all I can do is hold on to the memories of her, and the lessons that she taught me. She was the one that helped me through all of my high school pains, and helped me keep a straight path through my walk with Christ. She is a strong women, and she will never be gone, from my heart. I loved spending time with her, and I hope that one day I can spend another day with her, in heaven.
      I have written this post many times, looking for the right words to say. Mothers day is the hardest holiday for me, it has been for almost 12 years now. 12 years ago, my mother said her last goodbye, inside that old brick courthouse after giving us our Christmas presents. She then left, and never came back. She left the state, never to be found again. Though she was found years later, she wasn’t the same as before. She was fully lost. When I found her, she seemed to be on drugs, so I had to let her go. If I would have stayed, she would have pulled me down with her. I didn’t want to go down that road again, so I chose to do the hardest thing ever, and let her live her own life.
    I find that mothers day is hard. I see families walk by, at my work, and I get jealous because I want that relationship, but I cant have it. I want a relationship with my mother, but my mother wants to keep her old ways. I can accept that, but I don’t want to be around that. I had to make a choice and sadly the choice I had to choose, was one that, leaves me in pain on these days. I miss and love my mother, a lot, I just wish she loved me the same, enough to stop the drugs and the lies. I miss you, mom! 

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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Comments
  1. Ariel says:

    I love you a lot Blake Sorry things aren’t better for you .I hope you know you have my mom I know its not the same but I’m always here. Forever and ever

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