I am frozen in fear.

Posted: April 8, 2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My fear
    This is about a fear that has slowly been growing, as the time goes on. This fear is one that I can not control, even if I wanted to. I cant control those who read this, I cant force people to be there for me. That is something that I have always had a problem with. I lose so many friends, my heart can’t take it anymore. Over the years, my friendliest has shrunk and shrunk, to the point I have a handful of friends, if even that. Everyone seems to want to leave, which prompts my fear of being alone one day.
    I have always had the fear of being alone, that no one will be there one day,  when I awake. I cant sleep at night, because I keep replaying the fact that I use to have so many friends, and now I sit at tables fully alone. I use to have a lot of people that use to care about me, yet now I am chopped liver to them. Maybe I was always chopped liver, but maybe they were hungry. I might only be good to people that need what I have, or maybe I have changed a lot and they cant accept it. Either way, I have seen that people have turned their back on me, sadly they are the same people that said they never would. They promised to be there for me, no matter the cost, yet when the prices went up they scrammed.
    I use to consider these people my family, I supped with them as they supped with me. I feel dishonored that I opened my house to them, yet they threw me out into the shed. I treated them with fine dinner ware full of the best roast, but they gave me noodles on a paper plate. I picked them out of the tub of water, yet when I was drowning, they poured their last bucket into the waves.
    I know this post isn’t like my other ones, but usually I am not hurt like this. I feel like I broke my back for those people, but they didn’t repay me. No! They left my side when I needed them the most. I haven’t heard from them, not even a post on my wall. I remember waking up, on other days, with over a hundred post on my Facebook wall. Lately, I haven’t heard from anyone, and when someone reached out, it was family friends as others were family members. I post on their walls, so why do I get disrespected like this. Why do I get to feel alone, a fear that is getting confirmed each day.
   I know that it shouldn’t matter, but to me it does. I hate to feel alone, but I still do. I feel that they wouldn’t mind if I were gone, or not. I pray that if you are reading this, we are friends. I wouldn’t want a stranger thinking this is who I am. I ensure you, I am a positive soul, just when you put time and energy into someone and they turn their back on you, you feel like you are worthless. I fear being alone, hopefully its only a fear……..


Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude


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