Letters to the Chapel: Challenging Hell!

Posted: April 4, 2016 in Uncategorized
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    There I sat in front of the computer, an hour before I needed to depart from my house. I had my church clothes on, I had the mindset for the night, my heart was soft for the message, I was ready. I was listening to battle music, I was ready to do this. I studied the bible an hour before; I was completely unstoppable. I heard the lyrics that I needed to hear, I looked up in the sky and shouted for the heavens to fall. I felt electricity shoot through my heart, I fell to the ground. The tears of joy wouldn’t stop flowing down my cheeks onto my shirt. I was in the heavenly place, a place most never get to see. I read that to be in this place, you had to be a man after Gods heart. I was happy to say that I reached that title. Pride never took over, though. I knew how small I was to the man upstairs, but even in my most vulnerable state, I still had a bit arrogance to settle.
    I thought I was ready for the real battle after my heart began to burn. I jumped up to my feet, and walked over to the mirror. This is where I felt I needed to go, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t see a man who has been crying, but I saw a man that needed more work done. I still felt like there was something attached to me, something evil. As a Christian; I thought I was able to cast it out if there was anything to cast out, that is. This is when I told the devil to attack me. I shouted the words over and over, and nothing happened. I figured that my heart was so strong, with God, that the devil couldn’t touch me. If only I knew what the devil could do in the future I would have kept humble that day. With my head high, in victory, I went to church that night. I told no one what I did; I knew they wouldn’t be impressed. I kept it to myself.
     The next week is when the attack began. The devil was about to use every weakness to his advantage; taking his shots in a sequence that would weaken me, eventually bringing me down to my knees, in fear. The week began like any other week, I  went to church on Sunday. But everything else was cancelled. This means that I wouldn’t have Monday prayer or Wednesday church. This was the best time for the devil to make his attack, something he took advantage of. It all started fine, I was positive, I was walking in Christ for about a day. But as the week went on, the trials began to become too much. He was using temptation of women to get me to fall, he was using negativity to get me mad, he even used bad situations to weaken my faith.
    At first, I thought I was having a rough week because lack of church, so I kept praying. The trials were too much for prayer though. I happened to fall to temptation, and did something I said I wasn’t going to do with a girl. I didn’t have sex, but we talked “nasty” together. I felt dirty afterwards, a dirtiness that kept me from praying that night. I tried to take a shower, but the dirt wasn’t being removed, I needed a cleanse. Before I could get the cleanse, though, the devil attacked me again. This time he used negative comments at school to get under my skin. The comments weren’t anything, though. I had no reason to get mad, but for some reason I did get mad. I remember it was Wednesday, I looked up at the sky and told God to fix this. I didn’t hear anything, I didn’t feel anything in my heart; I was cold. As a new Christian; I figured that I screwed up to severely to be forgiving. This is the step that took me over the edge.
    With knowing that God didn’t love me anymore, I chose to do what I wanted to do. This included more dirty talking, each time I felt worse and worse, but eventually I stopped caring. My heart began to get hard again. I began to become the same guy that I was before. At first I was scared of who that would make me, but then each time I thought of it, I remember that God had left my side, or I thought. Without Gods love, I wasn’t anyone, anyways. I remember praying on Thursday of that week, telling God that I was no longer trying to get his attention. That night, I didn’t wait for a response as I did before, but instead I went to bed. I woke up the next morning and went to school. The school day drug along, of course. Every Friday seemed to drag, the teachers didn’t want to be there, nor did the kids. Everyone had enough of that place, I was one of them.

    After school that day, I went home and began to write a new song. In the middle of the song, I got a text. The text was from the girl that I was talking to that whole week. She wanted to “talk” so I stopped what I was doing and began to text her. She wanted more than to talk, she wanted something more. She asked for a picture, I said no. We went a long with the conversation, and eventually we were going into deep detail. I found myself doing something that is seen as “unclean” in the Bible.
    I stopped the conversation, and went to take a shower. I remember crying in the shower. I screamed “Who have I become!!!!” This wasn’t who I was, this isnt why god gives new grace, everyday. It wasn’t so I could do whatever I wanted, then ask for forgiveness then do it again. I had to stop, but I didn’t know how. I simply began to pour out my heart. This is when a song came into my head. I turned off the shower, got dressed and ran to my room. I picked up my guitar and began to play a simple chord progression. The words fit perfectly as I began to sing. The song hit me right in the heart. The lyrics “If I walk away, somehow you will find me. I am in pain, love will you save me” Seem to fit into the week that I had.
     I stopped playing the song, but something kept my mouth singing the lyrics. I saw that God was there, and he wanted me to hear something. That is when I was reminded of the challenge I made. That day in the mirror, I told Satan to have his way with me. That day I invited him in to attack me. God shared a scripture with me, talking about inviting Satan into our lives. It all clicked, this whole week, my weakness was due to giving all power to Satan. That is why I was weak all week. I rebuked the power that was giving to him, and throughout my whole walk with Christ, I would never offer that power to him, again. I was crazy for doing so in the first place. 

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