My Mom!

Posted: February 7, 2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I posted a passage for my dad yesterday. Now there is something in my chest that says I need to ask someone special, a question. I have done a post like this in the past, but it wasn’t tagged with her name in it, so today I will tag her in this blog, and hopefully she will respond. Hopefully I will get answers to the questions that I will ask her, today. If she doesn’t respond then I will move on, but if by chance she answers, I will receive the answers finally. I will be content with what she says, no matter what, because a fake answer is better than nothing at all. This might be hard to write, so please read from my P.O.V.

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Dear Mom,

When did you leave? I was ten years old, it was the end of fourth grade. I was failing everything, but the thing I hated the most was failing you, or thinking that way. I never felt good enough when I was around you. I couldn’t stand seeing you struggle with the pains in life, being a single mom must have been hard. We were always moving, which always kept my heart broken, because I could never call a place “Home.” I use to blame you for this, but now I realize you were sick. You didn’t know how to be alone, your priorities were out of place.

     I remember having over three hundred dollars in a jar, which was for you to go see a man in prison. This was the same time that we had no food in our home. This was the same time that we didn’t have hot water. I would get made fun of in school for how I smelt. I didn’t want to go to school because of the looks that kids would give me. I thought being bullied was a part of life through all of this, because that is all I ever knew. But you only cared about getting money for your boyfriend. What I can’t get over is that you missed my biggest accomplishments. I graduated twice, got my first car, job, and got married. These were the biggest events that I wanted you to come to, it hurts that you didn’t!  I can get over this to say that I miss and love you.
I want to know the answer to these few questions. I need the answers to be sincere and not full of hate. The last time I asked you these questions, your only answer was “Your father.” That isn’t a proper answer, because you were the one to leave, he wasn’t. Please take this seriously, this is me at my most venerable. I searched 10 years for you, I paid a website to find you, but there was no results, well no updated answers anyways. You moved a lot, but one day you came back.

Why did it take you ten years to come back in my life?

Why did you wait a decade to find your kids?

What did you do in that ten years?

Were you scared that we would hate you?

Did you cry yourself to sleep, like I did every night in foster care?

My father was there for me, why did you make me hate my father so much? He isn’t the man that you made him out to be. Mom, why weren’t you a parent to me and my siblings? I don’t see how a woman that gave birth, could just leave like you did! I have some unhealed wounds, and hopefully this wont make more. But It hurts me to not know what happened. If you don’t answer, I will move on, but don’t make me do that please. My heart is open for a relationship. People say I shouldn’t give you a chance, but that is crazy. You were sick and now I know, that is the woman that you will be. But I would rather have a mother that is sick, then to not have someone there. You messed up, but there will be a time that you nor dad will be here, and I don’t want you to be absent from my life for much longer. You are my mother, and I love you. I miss you, please write back!

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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