Why I never posted this blog…..

Posted: May 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

Estimated Reading time: 5:39

Being a blogger, there will be post that will be hidden inside my computer that most people will never see. It is in no way because I’m ashamed of the work that I did on the post. The reason why the post never goes on my blog, is because it would be to depressing to post, or its irrelevant to the mood that the blog is in. Why should I post a entry about my dead cat, if the mood of the blog is about my upcoming vacation. But today I will be rewriting one of those old blogs that I was going to post, but decided against the idea. This post might be a little more depressing than it should be. Here we go.
The truth in the lies:
It is the first day of my junior year of high school, and I have never felt BETTER worse in my life. I don’t want to go into that school. I don’t want to remember the memories of each failed year. I haven’t always done good in school, heck i have never been good at school. With college coming around the corner I have to decide where I can go, not only because of price, but because of the fact of my intelligence level.
When I look at the idea of college, its such a distorted vision of a drinking fest, followed by nights of sleeping around. That is why I might as well go to some Christian college. But even then I have heard that they aren’t as different as the church wants you to think. I am stuck in the middle of my morals and my future.
Well its time to go to school. My first day back in that place after a good summer. I have learned so much in the last three months. I have learned that it wasn’t always about being first, but to do the best you can do. My youth pastor told me that, and it stuck. I think I might use that this year in school to excel, but we will see. Ah quick note: ACTs are this year. If I do really good then I can get grants and scholarships. Come on Blake, lets go.
So guys this isn’t going good. I don’t feel right, i feel really alone. I need someone to notice me, but no one is. I keep walking down the hallways hoping for someone to see hi, but they are just walking by, nodding at each other, laughing at each other. My heart hurts, I want to run out to my car and leave. But come on Blake, you can do this.
I thought I could do this but I cant, I cant let them judge me as I sit here in this chair, okay I get it I’m not as smart as you. What did you just say to me? You know what, shut up! They are laughing at his joke, it wasn’t even that funny. He just asked why I was in here, and said that I wasn’t smart. It wasn’t that funny, but again why am I getting so upset about it?
Well that was a good first day back……NOT. Guys I hate to be like this but I want to leave this world. If no one cared that I was at school then they wouldn’t mind if I was gone forever. They wouldn’t care, I know they wouldn’t. No one would even blink twice or draw a tear. They would go along with there life like nothing ever happened. That’s what they did with Kevin. I am just another Kevin. I want to die!!!!!

This was in my archives on my old blog. The time that I wanted to die because of depression. Junior year was the worst year for me when talking about depression. I felt alone, but I wasn’t. Guys I know that sometimes you might feel like you are all alone but you are not. You will always have someone to help you through the harder times. If you are at that point right now, please message me. I can help. No one should try to face depression alone. It is very dangerous.

  1. MoMo says:

    well first off, I’m sorry about what happened in school with you and i hope you pass the ACTs and get good degree and i’m sorry about what happened to kevin , you need to stay strong don’t let them get you, people always talk even tho if you are the perfect guy/girl in the world they always have something to say about you, so ignore them they will stop in the end because you are not giving them any attention and they will stop, there is always someone see you but you don’t there is always someone care about you but maybe he/she waiting the right moment to say hi

    ( don’t give up )

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