Archive for May, 2015

My anger is horrible!

Posted: May 31, 2015 in Uncategorized

Est Reading time: 1:29
I have quite an anger problem. The worse part is that I get very angry about the dumbest stuff. This post will be a list of things that make me very angry. Some of the things will be childish, but if you have any of the same leave it in the comments.
1. My boss
2. Ghetto talk
3. Interruptions
4. Mexicans
5. Over exaggerated situations
6. Bullies
7. Hitting my head on anything.
8. being corrected
9. Over religious Christians
10. Writers block
11. My wife’s dad.
12. People that don’t care
13. Arrogant pricks
14. People that drive slow
15. People that cut me off
16. People that don’t say excuse me in the store.
17. Everyone
18. Trying to listen to a song but someone keeps talking.
These are just a few of the things that piss me off to the point of spitting. Yes there are others that I cant get out of my mind, and when I find them out. I will add them to this list. But for now this list will do. Have a freaking good night! 



My dog

Posted: May 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

Est reading time: 3:50

I am going to spend a few paragraphs of my time to talk about someone that has impacted my life fully. He is my buddy and someone that I cant live without. Though he is always running around my house and biting my wrist, tearing up my stuff, and pooping on the floor. I couldn’t imagine life without him. Meet Nimbaka, my half beagle and half Shepherd.
Seven months ago I was on Facebook looking through a resale site, when my wife saw a post about puppies. We have always talked about getting a puppy but never got around to buying one, she really wanted this puppy though. She thought that I was joking when I told her that I was calling the lady, she nearly cried when she heard the woman on the phone.
Picking the puppy out was probably the roughest part, since I wanted the runt and she wanted Nims. I finally gave up the fight and gave her the dog that she wanted. Little did we know that the little fur ball would turn into our baby-boy. I remember the first night that we got him, we got no sleep due to his whining. I would be up every hour to put him back on our bed, then to put him back down on the ground. That lasted for almost a month. But in that time he grew into the cutest little beagle ever.
Then six months later someone tried to steal little Nims. I trained Nims to go outside without any leash but to not leave the yard. One night he saw another dog in the other yard and went to smell his poophole. Well the woman that owned the dog picked up Nims and took him inside within five minutes of being outside. I walked outside and called for Nims, but he didn’t come. I had no idea what happened to him, so I started to walk around the block. I went into the house with tears in my eyes and told my wife what happened. We instantly put out a missing dog page on Facebook.
Well around midnight, I walked outside to call for Nims one more time, as I yelled the neighbor opened her door. With no restrain the dog flew out of the house and into the yard. I called for him, but he was too busy playing with the other dog. I went over to him and picked him up, but as I did she got mad saying that I needed to stay out of her yard. After that night we refused to let her see Nims or come near him. And other than a  giant hole that he has big digging, our little Nims has become such a ball of energy and love. The love of a child surely feels our heart. Nim’s Changed our lives. 


Estimated Reading time: 5:39

Being a blogger, there will be post that will be hidden inside my computer that most people will never see. It is in no way because I’m ashamed of the work that I did on the post. The reason why the post never goes on my blog, is because it would be to depressing to post, or its irrelevant to the mood that the blog is in. Why should I post a entry about my dead cat, if the mood of the blog is about my upcoming vacation. But today I will be rewriting one of those old blogs that I was going to post, but decided against the idea. This post might be a little more depressing than it should be. Here we go.
The truth in the lies:
It is the first day of my junior year of high school, and I have never felt BETTER worse in my life. I don’t want to go into that school. I don’t want to remember the memories of each failed year. I haven’t always done good in school, heck i have never been good at school. With college coming around the corner I have to decide where I can go, not only because of price, but because of the fact of my intelligence level.
When I look at the idea of college, its such a distorted vision of a drinking fest, followed by nights of sleeping around. That is why I might as well go to some Christian college. But even then I have heard that they aren’t as different as the church wants you to think. I am stuck in the middle of my morals and my future.
Well its time to go to school. My first day back in that place after a good summer. I have learned so much in the last three months. I have learned that it wasn’t always about being first, but to do the best you can do. My youth pastor told me that, and it stuck. I think I might use that this year in school to excel, but we will see. Ah quick note: ACTs are this year. If I do really good then I can get grants and scholarships. Come on Blake, lets go.
So guys this isn’t going good. I don’t feel right, i feel really alone. I need someone to notice me, but no one is. I keep walking down the hallways hoping for someone to see hi, but they are just walking by, nodding at each other, laughing at each other. My heart hurts, I want to run out to my car and leave. But come on Blake, you can do this.
I thought I could do this but I cant, I cant let them judge me as I sit here in this chair, okay I get it I’m not as smart as you. What did you just say to me? You know what, shut up! They are laughing at his joke, it wasn’t even that funny. He just asked why I was in here, and said that I wasn’t smart. It wasn’t that funny, but again why am I getting so upset about it?
Well that was a good first day back……NOT. Guys I hate to be like this but I want to leave this world. If no one cared that I was at school then they wouldn’t mind if I was gone forever. They wouldn’t care, I know they wouldn’t. No one would even blink twice or draw a tear. They would go along with there life like nothing ever happened. That’s what they did with Kevin. I am just another Kevin. I want to die!!!!!

This was in my archives on my old blog. The time that I wanted to die because of depression. Junior year was the worst year for me when talking about depression. I felt alone, but I wasn’t. Guys I know that sometimes you might feel like you are all alone but you are not. You will always have someone to help you through the harder times. If you are at that point right now, please message me. I can help. No one should try to face depression alone. It is very dangerous.

Dear self

Posted: May 28, 2015 in Uncategorized

Est reading time: 3:38
I would love to go back into time and talk to my former self. There are a few things that I would tell myself that would help myself in the future. I could change myself for the best. I would be so different so here we go.
Dear me,
Hey there Blake. I am your future self and I want to tell you that I am proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself. There will be some horrible things coming up in your life, but remember that you will get over it. You will become such a role model and people will look up to you.
I want you to know that there will be a time in your life where you don’t like where you are. But remember that you need this to happen to become the man that i am now. You will meet some amazing friends in greenfield, and Jerseyville.
Your mother will do some very bad things to you in your life. But I found ways to turn that into a positive. She was on drugs man, she doesn’t want to hurt you but she will that’s the imperfections of people. Love her like you have no choice, don’t let bitterness get in your blood stream. It destroys the best of people.
Hug your dad more. You will need him in your life to help you through certain things. He will get sick and you will fear but remember that everything will be okay. `
When you move back to Virginia, remember that school is very important. You wont be able to become anything without your education. Don’t give Mrs. Brew to much of a hard time, she will give you good advice that you can better yourself with. Also when you feel like something would be funny to do to a teacher, remember that you have to live with that the rest of your life.
You’re first love isn’t that important, hell she wasn’t worth the pain that you will endure. Just focus on you, and become the man of God that you want to. I know right now you probably are pushing him away, but don’t push to much, he will change your life forever.
Finally, When you meet this girl named Ariel, be sure that you treat her like a queen. She is going to rock your world. But don’t get discouraged if anything starts to shift in your life at the same time. These are the best days of your life. You are awesome man, and I hope that when I see you in the mirror in the future that I can look back and still laugh like I do now.

Est reading time: 4:10
Take a few seconds out of your day and tell yourself that you will make it. Even if life doesn’t seem like it, you will. You will become anything  that you want to become, you will climb up through the ranks and be on the top. you are awesome, you are amazing. So stop worrying about the small details of your life. If you want to do something in your life, do it! Stop waiting around for someone to say its okay. Make a freaking impact bigger than the sun in this world. If you want to become a professional athlete, give it your all. If you want to pursue a job in singing, do that. What I am trying to say is do what makes you happy. Most people will give up on their dreams due to money, or due to stress. But that’s unacceptable.
I have always wanted to be a writer (I bet your tired of hearing that) and nothing will ever stop that dream. It is like a second time job that I absolutely love to do. If someone told me that I wasn’t able to become one, i would have to laugh at them. Because the only person that can stop me from doing anything, is myself. That goes for you too, yes you, the one reading this post. Stop worrying about the balance of your checking account already. Don’t let fear rule your life. You are stronger than that.
So many people have let their life go to hell over their current money position, but the truth is, you need to stop looking at that number. Now I’m not saying that you should go out and spend all of your money. I am saying that you should never let the stress of money stop you from being happy.
I know right now someone is stressing over their balance because they are behind. Those are the people that I want to reach today, I want them to know that they are still in control. They are the dominant ones in their situation. Yes you might be behind, but you can do it. Most people suffer from debt, as I do. But all you need to remember is that the more you budget, the better it will get. If you budget every cent and get the right type of help, you will see the debt disapear.
I have started a few budgets for myself and even a few or two.  The results that I got were amazing. I went from being behind three months to being ahead, in only three months. My secret is “Pay less more often.” Meaning that you need to pay what you can when you can. As long as you don’t give up and stop paying. Your balance will get smaller. 
I am saying that stress and worrying will never get you anywhere in life, if anything it will cause you to cower under a blanket, causing you to be unproductive with the resources that are given to you. Stress doesn’t need to control you. Its your life, so control it!

The Pussy cat

Posted: May 26, 2015 in Uncategorized

Est. Reading time: 2:05

We are all going to become those people that love their animal way more than they should. One day you will trade in your spouse for that brand new animal that will sit there and listen to sad love songs as you eat gallons of ice cream. You will gain weight but that will be fine because your animal doesn’t care what you look like, not like your spouse use to, I mean the cat only has to sleep in the same room anyways. But one day that cat will snap. This is what that sassy cat will say.

“Why don’t you tighten up miss lonely. Why don’t you go out for once, and get you a piece of tail. Jeez you have literally sat on the cough for three years patting me in the most annoying places. You think that I like my ears rubbed, oh yes that’s why I shake my head. No moron it freaking hurts, but you only care about yourself, you disgust me. I wish some Chinese family would have stolen me and taken me to their home. I would be better off in an egg roll then watching you gain another roll. Like I said you disgust me, and now I know why you’re single. You ruin everything, but now I am done. I am leaving your sorry ass here to rot. If you gain a pair of balls please come find me. If you don’t grow up, please do yourself a favor, and go suck a pair. I am out of here!”

Congrats to Grads

Posted: May 24, 2015 in Uncategorized

Est. reading time: 5:35
This is going to be an every Sunday thing, Where I will go back to one of my three blogs, pull a post, and respond to what I said back then. Today’s post is about plans in the future.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” 
― Eleanor Roosevelt
The future can only be led by one thing; Your heart.

Response: Dang what a great quote. I use to be such a softy.

As a teenager that just graduated high school a year ago, I don’t have everything sorted out. My life at times can be a mess, a clutter, and plain ugly. 

Response: I still don’t have anything planned out. But my life isn’t as cluttered as it use to be, its actually starting to come together. 

I have been thinking a lot about my future career. Questions come to mind, such as ‘Where can I see myself in the future?’ ‘Would I succeed in that major?’ And the biggest one ‘Can I afford the price of education?’
With each question it seems my hopes begin to fade away. The hopes of becoming something more in this hard cruel world. 

Response: This last week I have been thinking about my future a lot. As of right now, I see myself becoming a writer, even if I didn’t see it back then. I still cant afford college, so my heart is still heavy when it comes to the doubt of making it.

I have never had the luxury of having tons of money. I have struggled through my whole life. Mainly due to the fact, that my dad has health issues. My dad isn’t able to work a normal job. He is a retired pastor, but even where he was in the market, no one wanted to hire him. 
He realized that he couldn’t support a family with that career, so he decided to also work construction. Again, not the most promising future. With all the odds stacked up against him, he tumbled over. His foot evaporated his career in construction. The pain he would tolerate became to much. 
Now days, he gets disability checks and he deserves them. He doesn’t smooch off the state for it, he actually has a problem.

Response: Money is a luxury, but not having it through my childhood defiantly taught me to love what I had, when I had it. My father is disabled, but when I say this is his fault, that is wrong. He busted his ass every day to get me through school. He was a great pastor, and I believe that part of the reason that he didn’t get a job was his choice. But the more that he worked in construction; I would watch my dad as he sat in agonizing pain in his room. It was heartbreaking. So if me not going to college helped relieve his pain, I would never go to college.  

With the checks being the only income, my schooling has had to take a backseat ride to other bills. 
Recently, I have come to the conclusion. If I don’t get back into school soon, the life I have always wanted. Won’t come true.
Response: This kind of goes back to the last sentence. I was happy to stay home if that meant he would be okay. I would take the long run around. He didn’t need the extra stress!
The thought of that happening, breaks my heart! I want to become someone in journalism. 
At times I feel down and out. As I have discovered this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, I have realized something. What I have realized is; where there is someone with a dream, there must be a way. In life, if you work at your dreams they will come might just take more time to achieve.

Response: Gosh dang I was very harsh through this old post, but this last part was my favorite. I realized that back then I would always end with an something uplifting in each post, I might go back to that. But I was right, If you don’t give up, the world will have nothing left to do but to give into your relentless. So if you’re trying to give up, don’t. You will have yourself more if you do!

Est. Reading time: 2:18

So my friend asked me if he could come over, so I said yes. Since I recently moved, he didn’t know how to get to my house. Well I suck at giving Direction’s so I sent him some ridiculous directions, and lets just say that he got to my house, two hours later. He was very angry at me for the directions but he wrote them down and told me to post them. Saying “You could make money, working for Google maps.” I agree.

“Okay man first since you live on the north side you need to go the opposite way of your house.
When you get the the third stop sign from your front porch (including the one next to your home), take a left.
When you take that left, reverse and go back to the second stop sign. This was your original turn.
Now that you are on the right street, keeping going straight until you see a black pit bull. If he isn’t outside, go to the white house three blocks down.
If you found the pit bull, take a left. If you are on walnut I believe that is to far. So go back one street.
If you chose to go back then call. If not continue straight then take another left on Reverting Dr.
Now you will realize that the street that you are on is the same one that you liveEs on. That’s fine continue straight.
You will see a big three story house next to a trailer. I am in the house behind the house and the trailer. Its a green egg house. If you need anything just call. I am sure my directions are clear as day.”  

my lover

Posted: May 22, 2015 in Uncategorized

Ah here is the post that deals the most with my wife, I have been waiting for a post. I was told in the past that I was trying to sell my relationship with my wife. But honestly I just wanted to let people know how happy I was finally. This relationship started about 2 years ago on March 9-10th depending on your view of time, but mainly 10th. This post talks about the first summer of our relationship.
So since we started dating in March, we probably were in love…haha….way before the summer, but during the summer we hit a new wall in our relationship. I believe that it was closer to the summer that her mother had went into the hospital. With every other guy that she had been with, she figured that I was going to be just like them. She thought that I wouldn’t care since me and her mother weren’t close.
She was very wrong. I remember those two weeks very clearly. I would drop Ariel off at work then I would go to the hospital and sit with her mother until she got off of work, then I would go pick her up and go back to the hospital, never once griping about it. The honest truth about it though is that I was having fun actually getting to know her mother. I never knew that someone that was older than me could have the same struggles that I had. It was comforting to talk to a mother figure and to connect like we did in that week.
With everything that happened that week, two major things happened. I let someone in my life that would turn into a great mentor through my life, and my wife realized that I was the one that she wanted to be with for the rest of her life. Its amazing to think of how doing one thing out of your comfort zone can make such an impact on your life. That summer I got engaged to my beautiful wife. That summer we moved into our own place, in that summer I fell deeper in love than I have ever been.

If I don’t start now

Posted: May 22, 2015 in Uncategorized

There was an increase of jobs in journalism of 3.2% according to “Job Salaries” an application from in the play store. This means that there is an increase chance for me to sneak into the job of my dreams by 3.2%. But with more jobs you know that there will be people trying to come and get them. 200 people have just graduated with their bachelor’s degree in the same topic.
That means they spent four-years perfecting their grammar, where I have spent the last four years trying to convince myself what I want to pursue in my life. I am now four years behind those folks that have just got out of college. And with no plan to go to college, should I just give up?

Now hear me out before you get all angry for me saying that I don’t want to go to college. I wanted to go to college when I was young, but now that I am working 46 hours plus writing and being married, going to college might be a little stressful. Now I know that people have done it in the past but I feel I would be too distracted. If I was going to go back to college, i would want it to be when I am ready.
I have worked over 1000 hours this year already, so to add college in with that, I would be working then going home to homework then going to bed. This would affect my marriage I know for sure, but also it would effect how I work. I would always be tired, and when someone gets tired they get cranky. I already have anger problems, so I don’t need more reasons to go Hulk on someone’s ass. plus Even if I did go to college it doesn’t guarantee my job.

If you look at the people that have went to college, most of them are still looking for jobs in their designated field of study. I know two people closely that went to college and ended up not getting their dream job, spending a lot of money so they could struggle to do anything with the degrees they earned.
My sister- She wanted to be a massage therapist. She studied at MTI for 9 months to get no where. She knew all of the stuff, she passed all of her classes, but by the end of degree she got burned out. Now you might say that she chose the wrong path, but that doesn’t matter, what matters is that she spent so much money to end up working in a bank in Springfield. I am in no way saying that’s a bad job. I am just saying that it was money that she could have used else where.
My friend- I had a friend spend 5-years at UIS getting his Masters in History. When he got out of college he had a giant loan that he couldn’t pay, but he thought that he would be able to get a job and pay it. But no jobs were or to this day are available. He still is paying on that loan to this day, being in his mid 30s.
With this being said, yes college could be a big impacter, but it doesn’t mean that you are safe. College is just a tool to help you get a job. But if you do go through college, and still cant get a job. Was it worth it?
I don’t want anyone to think that I am against college, or in any way saying that its not important. Because I know that going to college would help me, but I think most places fail to see the importance of portfolios. I think that if a writer has a strong enough portfolio but no degree, he should have the same chance of getting the job next to someone that has his masters, but a horrible portfolio.