WTF!!!! Tell me why,

Posted: October 7, 2017 in Uncategorized

I WATCHED A MAN ASSUALT A HOMELESS MAN!!!! while I was practicing. I happened to be walking the parking lot, collecting the golf balls I just hit, when I heard this man yelling. I got a little closer and realized that this man was screaming in his face, instead of yelling with this guy. I got a little closer to hear what the hell he was so mad about. He kept saying “Salvation army is that way you son of a bitch.” and other things, then I saw the homeless guy wipe his lip off as the other guy pushed him. When I saw him push him, I let angry get to me and yelled at him. “Leave the guy alone!!!” He continued to push him so I began to walk faster to the guy. I yelled a few things at him. That’s when the guy turned around and told me to mind my own fucking business! I got madder and told him to come over to me and face me like a man. He stopped yelling and went on with his life. The disappeared out of my sight, so I decided to stop fighting. But then as I got back to the road, the guy came back into the parking lot (about 50 yards away from me) and told me that it was my turn. I chuckled and kept walking. He then threatened to hurt me. I laughed and told him to get on with his life. He came closer and said that he would kill me. I turned around and started walking to him. He got on his bike and told me to mind my own business, that the guy stole $20 from him. I told him to come back, but he started to peddle quickly. Being a brave one, I started running after him, but he was gone in seconds.

 

My first thoughts were “Are you kidding me, why didn’t you just call the cops?” But then I started to think more, why would you assault a homeless man over $20. I didn’t know the situation, but I don’t think hitting someone is ever the answer, especially over money. Also, are you seriously so angry over a dub, when this man had nothing. He could have stole $20, but that might have been his first meal of the week, it could have helped him find shelter for one night. Stealing is never okay, but violence is worse! Then when you get called out, you turn around and try to fight me? Serious!!! Was I in the wrong???

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NF is killing it!

Posted: October 7, 2017 in Uncategorized

, Today was the official release of “Perception,” which is NF’s (Nate Feuerstein) third studio album with Capitol. I have been geeking since I found out that he was releasing a new album! I think I have annoyed everyone that has been around me. I have literally been talking about this album everyday! I am a huge fan of NF and I cant wait to see what else he has up his sleeve. But for now, lets talk about the new album!

The album came out at 11:03 last night. I wanted to hear it so bad that I was going to stay up, but I had to work today, so I chose to listen to one song. This  was a song that I already heard (in concert) which was 100. After listening to the song, I put my phone back on the charger and went to bed. I barely could get to sleep, knowing that I had to catch up in the morning. My wife and I went to work listening to what we could. The hardest part was that we agreed to not listen to anything without the other. This made my day so long and hard to complete. But when the day was over, I rushed home with her and we plugged in our speakers.

I will be doing a reaction of each song, so I don’t want to talk about them in this post. I just want to give my opinion of the album in a whole, then give you my three favorite songs!

The album was really banging on the first quarter of the cd, then it turns into a slower album in the later part. The first part of the Cd was hype. He started the Cd off with the normal “Intro” This “Intro” seemed to be connected to the first album he ever released, “Mansion.” In “Mansion’s” title track, Nate talks about how he allowed fear to come into his mansion and find a room, now the fear wont leave. Now fast forward to this album, Nate seems to be dealing with this fear, again, but this time he is winning. He seemed to bury his fear for good, but lets see!

The later part of the album, Nate turns up the emotion as he talks about his present girlfriend (You’re special), saying that he could see him marrying her. He tells us about how supportive she is and how he loves that she sings his songs in concert. She is very supportive, which is all Nate wants. He also talks about his life in “My Life” where he talks about his father, it seems. “Let you down” is also a very touching song, where he talks about a parent figure that wasn’t there when he needed them, yet wants to be “cool” now.

 

Overall, I loved this album. The fact that he can be so passionate for the second straight album is amazing. I was caught off guard that he didn’t have a song for God, but he has always been Real, so maybe he just didn’t write a song that he felt was good enough for the album. The other things that caught me off guard was that he had so many slow songs about Ex-Girlfriends, that he didn’t have a title track, and that the album ended with an “Outro” which seemed to foreshadow the next album. WE will cover that in the review, though!! These simple changes show that he is a growing artist that will be exciting to watch in the next few years! I would give the album a solid 9/10!

The three songs that I absolutely loved were:

“Intro III”

“Outcast”

“My Life”

#REALMUSICTILTHEDAYWEDIE!

What do you expect?

Posted: September 14, 2017 in Uncategorized

Bro, there is nothing better than this time of the year. I find this time of the year to be the best. The weather is getting cooler, the leafs are beginning to change, Wal-mart is coming out with Halloween decorations, and my ideas come out of no where.

It isn’t even time for the effects to come out, it isn’t Halloween, but I have to say; I am ready! All I have been thinking about is doing a pull, making a degloved finger, doing things with barbed wire, and all the other crazy ideas that I have kept inside my brain. The biggest project that I will be taking a part of is this Halloween party at my house. I will be doing some peoples SFX for the party, so I know I will be keeping busy. But I want to talk more about some of the projects before that.

Let me clear something quickly, I don’t just do SXF make-up during the Halloween season. I like to do it all the time, but it seems that the ideas come more smoothly when Halloween season is among us. Last year something that I loved making were bruises, they are pretty easy to make and you can play with all different type of paints to create sicker bruises than seen before. The other thing I loved doing was barbed wire.. Let me say that both will be coming back, this time, I will be teaching you guys how to do each!!! YEAH! Teaching!!!

Not only will I be teaching you guys about barbed wire and bruises, but I will be giving you guys lessons on making scar wax and gelatin!! These two things will give you nearly everything you need in SFX make-up. Besides the making of material, I will be doing some effects that I didn’t get to last year. I remember doing a ripped open arm, so expect something more detailed with that. Then I did some slit wrist, burnt skin, and many other things that I will revisit this year.

I don’t claim to be a good SFX make-up artist, but I do have a lot of fun with it, so just expect a lot more effects to come your way, because I’m feeling it!!! Until then, I hope you stay safe and oh shit, behind you!!!!

I don’t know why I am writing this article. I thought I was done with this segment and thought it was fully buried, but I have something on my chest that has something to do with this topic, so I promise to bury this after this post. Tonight is the last post on “Letters to the Chapel” I hope you enjoy.

If you have followed this segment, you would know that I had a pretty bad fallout with the Church, one that ended with a decision that changed my life, forever. I was given an option to either stop dating Ariel or I could step down from the ministry, which was making it impossible for me to stay there. This was the last night that I was in that church, since then I have been to church a handful of times, if not less. I am/was a passionate Christian when I was huge into the religion, but what most don’t know is that I was dying inside.

I rejected to accept that I was running out of road as a Christian, mainly because I didn’t have all the answers. I didn’t know what I was needing to do, so I just allowed my fire to be dimmed, until eventually I didn’t have the fire at all. My wick was burnt, but no longer was on fire, I saw this as the end of my walk. What I know now is that God was wanting me to become a more mature and more quiet Christian, when I thought I was suppose to be the screaming, hardcore Christian. I held on to an old fire for so long that I forgot that there were other fires that could be felt, so when something new would come in my life I would reject it and try to find that old fire.

It only took a few months of my rejection before I started to feel calluses form on my heart. I don’t know how to explain it, other than a dark prison. I was locked into the same place, this is when I stopped feeling Christ. I think all of this is making sense, I surely hope it is!!!

I never wanted people to think I couldn’t feel God, so I started to fake the fire that I felt. I knew what to do so people couldn’t tell that I was struggling, because I didn’t want people to think I was a fake Christian, or know that I wasn’t perfect. That was the end of any passion that I had. I stopped caring about reading the bible, praying became a forced habit, and I wouldn’t talk to people about God. From a strangers eyes, I was just another guy.

If I am being honest, getting kicked out of Church was probably for the best. I don’t respect them for doing it, mainly because of the reasoning, but I needed it. Being released from that Church was the key to the cell that I was trapped in. It was the perfect fit and allowed me to leave my dark prison. But don’t think, because I was happy about being banned, that I don’t still hurt from the betrayal, because that is so far from the truth. I found that out recently when someone got a whole different type of treatment for doing something worse than what I did. He got someone pregnant, and they were okay with it. I had to see photos of my old mentor marry them, when he rejected me. I couldn’t help but fall apart inside when I saw it. I don’t understand how he could walk away from me so quickly, yet hold onto a man that did something worse than I did. It broke me.

I haven’t cried since the night I left that church. That was 5 years ago, 5 years since I have had a tear fall from my face, that is a long time. I haven’t wanted to read the bible since that night either. This one situation ruined my faith. Don’t think I haven’t tried to get it back, because I have, I just cant find the love that I use to have. If I am ever going to be like I use to, I need something big to happen to me, something I am very unsure of. I’m sorry to any that I make mad about this, but you have to understand the pain that I have been through, only then will you get why I am the way I am!!!

I do pray that one day I can find my way back to God. I might be on the road to Damascus, who knows. All I can do now is protect those who are close to me and keep walking the way that I am right now. This is my final entry in “Letters to the Chapel” until I find my way back to God. Thank you for taking the time to read this and have a good time!

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The world is in trouble.

Posted: September 11, 2017 in Uncategorized

With everything that is going on in the world,  you have to wonder if the world is getting ready to end. We have fires in the west and parts of the north, floods in the south, hurricanes approaching the edges of our country and we also have Korea at our doorstep.

I was just on Facebook and saw that this Hurricane looks like the three hurricanes in “Day after tomorrow.” If this is any indication of what is going to happen, we are in huge trouble. I might just need to go to a library and burn all of those books to stay warm, maybe even make-out with Emmy Rossum, while she almost dies from infection. But don’t worry, the homeless man and the dog will be okay.

The world seems like it is hurting from something. I think it is time for something to be done, so that is why I am making this application, it will be called “World mate” and will help the Earth meet someone that will love her more than the moon does. The Earth and the moon go back, they were high solar sweethearts and have never been with anyone else. Then, a couple weeks ago, they got into a fight because the moon forgot to pay the electric bill, causing a short power outage for most of the world, they called it a solar eclipse. After the Eclipse, the Earth told the moon to stay away from her.

Since their fight we have seen nothing but natural disasters. This started with Hurricane Harvey and now its Irma. There are fires all over the west and I guess we can blame the Eclipse on Koreas crazy-ass leader. Either way, the moon is too blame for the natural disasters *gives the moon a glare* “Real solid work, moon. Way to go.”

In all seriousness, though, I do feel for those whom are having to leave their homes and those who have lost everything. I pray for Florida and Texas, I pray that the support comes and can get the states back to 100%. I also pray that the tolls can stay down and everyone can stay safe. I don’t want to see any die, I pray that no one is harmed in this and that we can find solutions to help them as much as we can. We also pray for wisdom over President Trump, we pray that he plays this Korea situation right and doesn’t start something that we can’t handle. All together, we just pray for the safety of America and the world as we move forward.

 

Bottoms up, motherf……

Posted: July 12, 2017 in Uncategorized

Alcohol is my friend!

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The fun thing about being an adult is that you can have adult beverages and no one looks at you different. It is great to have an alcohol beverage after a long day, or maybe after the best damn day of your life! The point is that the beverage is a great coping tool or a great relaxer. Alcohol is my friend.
I have had great days. Those days are always so easy to get over, they are the best. Usually, they result in something good happening in my life. I won something on the lottery, that would be amazing. If I hit that new personal best on the driving range, that would be something to be happy about. Hell if I made the best special Effect, ever, that would even be something to make my day the best. This has all happened. I won about 60 dollars on a scratch off, I keep beating my personal best on  the driving range, I even find a way to keep amazing myself with special effects. My days are mostly good. I come home to a cool house, I slip into my flash pjs and I relax.
I have been watching the old school slasher movies. Halloween was the first franchise that we started with. Michael Myers has a way to keep me on the edge of my seat. He is so sneaky and always finds a way to his victim, he also is the most realistic, which means that anyone could become him…..We finished the franchise the other day, I have to say that my time was well spent. I will be ranking them, early next week, so stay tuned!!!! Anyway, I am saying this to show that my life is a happy life, I have a blast most of the time, but life is still hard.
For the bad days, I try to do a couple things. First, I will try to look at the positive. The next thing is to take a long shower, and the last thing is to drink. Looking at the positive is the hardest, because the problem doesn’t go away, you just find something good to replace it. This is the healthiest way to get over pain, but don’t expect this to be easy. Second, I always find that taking a hot shower is a great way to get over pain. The fact that a hot shower relaxes muscles could be the reason it works so well, either way, it works!!! Then there is the bottle its self! I am drinking right now. My day wasn’t that bad, but I did find out some heart wrenching news that killed me inside. I already had the alcohol, so I just started drinking. I mixed it in a 64-ounce cup and started drinking. I am almost done with it and feel a lot better. I think the pain will be back tomorrow morning, but for now, I am good!!!!!! I feel great!!!
Alcohol is great

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Before we start tonight, I want to spend a few minutes and say thank you. John, thank you for caring about me. You texted me last night and told me how awesome I was. Thank you for sharing about your day, sorry that your day wasn’t that great. You deserve the best. You deserve to be happy and have amazing days. I am glad to hear that you wait for my posts, you have helped me decide that I want to continue writing. Thank you! You rock, I love you!

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She is gone.
When my mother left, it hurt me more than I knew. She walked out the door and walked out into the night air. She was gone and I was without a mother. I was without someone that I trusted my life with, she was gone. She didn’t care that I was hurting, she had things to do and I wasn’t a part of her plans. It took many years for me to find a way to cope with her absence, but this type of coping may have led me through more walls than doors. The way that I have coped with her being gone is being a comical jerk, someone that has to make jokes to hide that he is actually hurt.
In high school, I use to make fun of my mother, and I would laugh along with all of my friends. They didn’t know that I was actually broken, but I never wanted them to know that. It was a sign of weakness to show that I was vulnerable, so I put up all of these walls to make sure no one saw that I was hurt. I hid behind my humor and everyone fell for it. This was great! I was able to convince myself that I was okay with not having my mother. This was great until it began to be a bigger part of me. I began to joke about everything, until nothing was serious to me. This did change when I started to go to church. Church was the only time that I would actually let my emotions flow. Talking to God was the best feeling. Even if he didn’t say anything to me, I knew (in my heart) that he was listening to me. I was able to finally cry without being afraid of someone laughing at me.
I use to cry a lot at church. I would lay on my face and just bawl. Sometimes, I didn’t even know why I was crying, but it felt so good, so I never questioned it. There was a service about mothers, and I remember sinking into my seat and bawling. I cried the whole sermon and more. I was called to the front to talk to the pastors after the sermon and they hugged me. I don’t know why, but it actually felt like my mother was hugging me. Great, things are good now, right? I was able to get back to feeling, I was able to cry again, I was no longer scared to let my emotions out, correct? Yeah, NO! It lasted for a while, but nothing stayed that good for long.
I did say that it lasted for a while, right? I was able to let my emotions out for a good amount of time, but then something happened. I was no longer able to feel. My emotions were shut off and I couldn’t feel inside my heart. I was becoming cold and angry, again. Church just wasn’t the same, anymore. I was drifting away from God and I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I thought going to church more would help. The more that I went, though, the more that I felt the pain grow. Even if the sermon was the most touching, I was unable to go to that place, the place where my emotions could be freed. I needed serious help, my walls were being built again, the same walls my mother forced me to build years before. This is when I began to push people away.
I was able to find my emotions, again. They were found in a girl. This girl was standing twenty feet from me, my heart felt alive again. The next couple months were the best in my life. She taught me what it felt like to care. She taught me why it’s okay to let my emotions out. I was told that emotions were never meant to stay within, because they are meant to be carried by two, not by one. This shook me as I opened up, something that I should have never done. She broke my heart a month later. She allowed her sister to dictate who she was allowed to talk to. Again, the wall went up. This time, it stayed.
I moved away the next summer. I was chasing something, a feeling that I once felt. There was a Church that I thought would help me, but it came to pass. When I got there, it wasn’t the same. This is when I realized that my walk with Christ was no longer the same. I tried to get back to the way that I use to feel, but nothing would work. I only stayed a semester, then moved back home.
Nothing was the same when I got back, though. People moved on and plans changed. It was like I was in a whole new place, with people that I didn’t know. I guess I was hurt that no one seemed to care that I was back. They were okay without me. I told myself that it was a lie, but I never could seem to convince myself. This is when I met my wife, Ariel. She gave me happiness, but something was still missing. The piece that will always be missing. When my mother left, she took something from me that I didn’t know. She took my emotions. I haven’t felt truly sad about something in over 5 years. I stopped caring when I got back from college, when I saw that everyone moved on, When I realized that everyone moved on like my mother. I try to find a way to break down this wall, but the tools are not strong enough. They are broke under the pressure of all my DAMN baggage, I feel like I will never be okay. I miss her! I wish that I could have a heart to heart conversation with my mother. I want to ask her what she was thinking, why she left us, why couldn’t she just be a GODDAMN GOOD PARENT!! But I will never know. She will always have an excuse, I just wish I meant more to her, meant enough for her to drop her act and tell me why she left me. She left too soon.

Dear Mom,
I sit here, waiting for you to walk in those doors. I waited for you to come back for years, but you never came back. You had better things to do, but we weren’t it, were we? Why did you leave me, why did you leave me with these questions? I deserve these answers, dammit! I have giving you the power for so many years, hoping that you would just tell me why I wasn’t good enough!!!!! I want the power back, but you forced these walls up and I cant break them down. I want to take the wall down, but I cant without knowing how you could leave me as a child. How could you leave me at Ten and never even check up on me. I spent years trying to find you, but when I found you, you were full of excuses. You hurt me more than anything. But my biggest question is; why is it that you hurt me so much, but I still want you to hug me and tell me that you love me. Mom, I wish you were better. I wish you weren’t gone. 
Sincerely yours,
A BROKEN CHILD.

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

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It is 2 a.m. as I sit at my desk. Ariel is sleeping behind me and she looks so peaceful. I like the fact that she is finally sleeping, after a week of fighting for a drop of sleep. I’m glad that she finally is getting the rest that she deserves. But this isn’t about Ariel, though I think it would be easier to talk about her. It would be much easier to tell you about the things going on in her life, that she is working insane hours, that she has family drama (yet she is doing okay), that she has hit her labor goal for like the 1000th week, in a row. She is a fantastic manager and deserves to make a lot more than she does now. It is much easier to tell you guys that she has been enjoying the Halloween franchise, yet hates Rob Zombies’ remake, but everyone hated that crap reboot. But I can’t spend this whole post talking about how she is doing, that’s not what this is about. This is my goodbye….well I think it is,
December was a cold month and it barely snowed. It wasn’t cold because of the weather, the coldness came from my heart. The coldness was for writing. I had everything on the inside froze, my flame for writing was blown out. I lost my passion to do anything with my writing career, so I closed my tablet and put it on the shelf. I lost something in December, something that I sstill haven’t gotten back.
I stopped writing in December and almost deactivated my blog. I didn’t want to post to Impromtdude, anymore. I said that it wasn’t worth the pain that it was bringing me. I was tired of always trying to get noticed just to get knocked down and kicked in the process. I figured I wasn’t good enough for the writing world. I read other writers work and I felt like I was far from their talent, like practice wouldn’t help. I figured I wasn’t good enough to get the gift of writing. I got jealous of my writing friends as they sold their books, where my book is still in the outlining process. The book is in the outline process, because I still didn’t think the book was good enough to start. I felt like I was taking someone’s idea and trying to make it my own. This got worse when I started losing ideas for this blog. I couldn’t come up with things to say to you guys. I lost all motivation and the weight of the world came down on my shoulders and I quit. I quit because I didn’t want to keep saying the same things, because writers don’t do that, we find something else to say, but I kept saying the same thing. I was about three years in, without missing a day of writing. Then I got busy one night and couldn’t write. It became it easier to not post and eventually I stopped writing. That was 6-months ago. Fast forward to Today, I still don’t want to write, but I want to get things off my chest.
Writing has always been a therapy for me. It is where I go when I don’t have anything to live for. It has been my best friend when I was in the roughest part in my life. It has held my hand as I saw my closest friends leave my side. It has listened to countless stories about Emilee, my mother and multiple other heartbreaks that I have endured. It has helped me get back to a good peace of mind. The thing that I love the most is that it has helped me write so many helpful articles. I got a message the other night from someone that found my blog on the internet. She read the blog where I compared real love to first loves. She said that she just got out of a relationship and that she doesn’t believe that true love is out there. I was grateful to talk to her about finding Ariel after Emilee and I told her about the pain that I was feeling while trying to find Ariel. I concluded with saying that True love is always out there, you just have to keep your mind open and ready your heart for something magical. Though, she didn’t reply, I know that it helped her. When she reached out to me about something I wrote, my heart truly melted. I didn’t know that my stuff was actually helping people. This is why I write. I want to help people that are going through things that I have already went through. I just don’t know if I can still do it.
There are so many writers out there that write the same thing as I do, so even I if didn’t post, that person could still get the same message. I could not exist, as a writer, and the earth would still rotate. I guess I just don’t feel special. I don’t feel like I bring anything good to the table. I just want to be proven wrong. I want someone to notice my work. I don’t want to say this is it, but I don’t know what else I can do.

Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude

Don’t waste my time

Posted: May 21, 2017 in Uncategorized


​Stop wasting my time

You aren’t even worth this rhyme

You keep entering your 2 cents

When you ain’t worth a dime

I am tired of your mouth

So get the hell out

Stop talking the lies you say

Before I freak the hell out 

You don’t know about this

You are getting  me pissed

You keep standing in my way

Then cry when you get dissed

This is the warning you receive 

I will always be the same ol me

But if you keep stepping in my way

Then the angels will be the next thing you see
😨🔥🚱😄😁

What is happening and why is it happening again?

This always happens to me, I find some kind of happiness then it is sucked away. I over examine everything that I do in my life and usually over examine what other people say and do. People have done some things to me in my life, but it has never been as serious as I make it to be. Yeah, we could talk about my mother, but that isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that people leave me behind and move on. They take me into the woods and leave me like an unwanted dog. I then have to find my way back home, praying that someone will eventually keep me in their home. This is just a thought, though. I am not alone, of course, but sometimes it feels like it. I have a wife, she is the best thing in my life, but sometimes I just want to have someone check in on me. I want a friend to check to make sure that I am fine, but that is wishful thinking, I guess. They stay for a few months, but everyone gets tired of ol’ Blake. They find someone better and will leave.

This is when things get worse for me. This is when anxiety gets into my veins and begin to rot my inner peace. I try to hold on.  It is hard to hold on to a sharp knife. The knife begins to cut your hand and eventually you will let go, this is what anxiety feels like. Anxiety for me has been a horrible battle. I am usually a pretty awesome guy, I want to make everyone happy (well most of the time) until the knife begins to cut, again. When the knife is pressed against my hand, I don’t want anyone to talk to me. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to be better, I just want to do what I have always done, slowly sink to the back of the room. It becomes harder to get out of this state, the more that I get into this kind of mood.

Recently, I have found myself in this state. I had to hide behind my crew, because I didn’t want to take any orders, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to be at work, it was the last thing that I wanted to do. I push people away and make them feel like I hate them when I have this knife pressed against my hand. I tell people to leave and to never come back, but then I want to chase them down, but I have pride so I will sit back and watch them leave. The worst part is that I will blame them because they left. I pushed them into a battlefield, yet I will say that they shot the first bullet. I could understand why these people don’t want to be around me.

I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt me then blame me for them hurting me. I do get that, but I don’t understand why so many don’t want to be around me. I understand that I treat others like shit, but I am talking about those who I don’t even know. They walk out of my life, leaving me to wonder what I did wrong and how I can change myself. These people make me hate my life and then I get more depressed and push more people away.

My anxiety is horrible, I just want to be normal. I want to keep people near me and show others that I am not a creep or something in that nature. I think I am a good swing for those who want to be friends. I just want to know what is wrong with me. Anxiety is horrible. This is where I am right now, full of it. I might be trying to keep ahold of this knife, but I know that I am one nudge away from losing it. .

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Impromtdude @ Facebook.com/impromtdude